Fated
by lastyearsthing
Summary: Sakura runs from her past as Kakashi wants to run from life. Naruto and Genma witness the painful trials their friends must go through. Kakasaku Sasusaku - Please be aware there are multiple character deaths. This story has angst/tragedy/romance.
1. Mercy Misses You

Disclaimer: I do not own Naruto. Naruto and all characters are property of Masashi Kishimoto.

Fated

Chapter 1: Mercy Misses You.

* * *

_What was that sound?_

As Kakashi's tired eyelids opened, the fluorescent white-green light seared into his blurred gaze. Lifting his hand to shield his eyes, he found something wrapped around his forearm, preventing his frail attempt to cover his face. The throb of injury enveloped him as sounds and feelings plucked painfully his memory.

He was cold in the bed; the air felt like ice and his skin tingled and hurt from it. The blankets felt too light, but too heavy at the same time.

Shivering slightly, again he tugged in vain at what felt like cool strings on his arm. It was difficult to move as the dull pain contracted along his muscles; he found he couldn't even tense as he tested his body, his fingers fumbling weakly to even clench or tighten into a fist.

"Lie still, Kakashi," Tsunade's calm voice floated in from somewhere beside him. A warm hand pressed lightly on his aching chest trying to calm him.

"It's bright," he whispered, his dry throat preventing the sounds from escaping any louder. He squinted painfully as the light seemed to bore right behind his mismatched eyes. The sharingan ached all the way through.

"Shizune, turn off the lights overhead," the Hokage's serious voice drifted over him again. "Kakashi, don't try to talk right now. Just lie still."

"Where…?" he strained.

The light overhead flicked off, eliminating the annoying hum and intrusive brightness. A small electronic beat was keeping time beside him on the opposite side of Tsunade, and Kakashi slowly realized where he was. The thick distinct odor of sterility stuck in his uncovered nose.

_Hospital_

Slowly the grim visions came rushing back with the dark knowledge of why he was there, and all horrific circumstances that led up to this moment. Lacking the control to stop, he gritted his teeth, his outward appearance finally catching up with his mind.

"We'll talk later...when you're stronger," Tsunade whispered to him as he moved his head slowly to look at her grave face. There was fear behind her eyes, and he knew why she looked at him like that, like she wanted to close them or look away. He didn't want to relive it; obviously she didn't want to make him.

"How long?" The breathy whisper passed over his dry, cracked, exposed lips, as his shocked expression turned painful. The weight of his weak body and the hunger spiking in his stomach told him he'd been there more than a day or two.

There was a pregnant pause as Kakashi squinted at the fidgeting woman who could not meet his eyes. Seeing her face and disposition lacking the tough exterior she was known for suddenly made him wary of the answer. He could see the movement in her throat as she quietly composed herself to respond.

"23 days..." Her voice was just above a breath.

The immediate crush in Kakashi's chest told him it was true as he turned his face away from the blonde Sannin and pressed his eyes closed tightly.

His heart wanted to ask if there was anyone else, but his awakening mind already knew that the answer was no.

* * *

_Sakura – Chan,_

_I'm sorry I didn't write sooner. I've been taking more missions since we lost all those elites a month ago. I have some news. Kakashi finally woke up 3 days ago. He's not really himself though. He's thinner and doesn't want to talk to anyone. I've never seen him like this. It's kind of hard to watch. Tsunade is worried about him too. She's not letting him out of the hospital yet. He's always bounced back fast, but considering what happened, I think it will be a hard road for him._

_How are things at the border? We miss you here. Your last letter was short so I worry about you as well. It's been almost three years. When are you coming home?_

_I went to Sasuke's grave today and thought of you. Tsunadewas there at Dan's grave and we talked. She misses you too. I know your work is important but there is always work here. Please don't hate me for mentioning this again but you need to put it in the past and continue your life here at home._

_I get asked about you a lot. You must not write to anyone else. _

_I go by your home sometimes. The complex just sits empty and it seems like a waste. _

_I'll keep you updated on our favorite copy ninja. Don't take too long to write back._

_I miss you._

_Love Naruto._

"Who are you writing to?" the soft soothing voice of Naruto's wife, Hinata, asked from his office doorway.

"What are you doing up?" Naruto smiled at her and stood up from his desk to look at the pale eyes and graceful smile he'd fallen in love with. He grasped her around her waist, and pulled her close for a small kiss. "Another letter for Sakura."

"Do you think she'll ever come back?" Hinata laid her head on Naruto's shoulder, pressing her forehead against his throat in the spot she felt belonged to only her.

"I don't know. It's been almost three years and her letters always say the same thing. _I don't know when I'll be back_." He brushed his lips over her face beside her closed eyes.

"Come back to bed," she said softly, her hands running lightly over his sides.

How could he refuse?

* * *

"I'm ready to leave." Kakashi said in a gravely monotone as his mismatched eyes glancedup at the Hokage fleetingly. He sat in a hard blue chair in the corner of his hospital room, and turned his head back to the dusty window where he seemed to keep vigil most days, his chin perpetually resting on his uncooperatively shaking hand.

"I don't think you are. Have you eaten anything today?" Tsunade raised her eyebrows accusingly. "The nurses tell me your tray is full when they pick it up."

"I'm not unwell." Kakashi glanced back at her sideways. "You really can't keep me here forever."

Tsunade caught the miserable worn-out look in his eyes, and knew that remaining in the hospital really wasn't helping him. If he didn't wish for help on his own, she couldn't force it on him. He was healed on the surface, and as a thirty-six year old man, she couldn't treat him as a child and hold his hand against his will.

"You're right, Kakashi, I can't. Go home then. But until you look better, I won't send you on any missions." Tsunade headed for the door in defeat hoping she wasn't making a terrible mistake letting him walk out so easily. "I'll be having someone check in on you periodically."

"Fine," he spoke to his transparent reflection, his listless gaze taking in nothing.

The Sannin stopped at the door, her fingers digging into her palms from trying to keep her emotions in check. She felt the compassion she had for his situation run through her, and resting her outstretched hand on the doorknob, she made a last effort to reach him. "Kakashi, if you ever need to talk, please come to me anytime. I've seen your look on other men. You have to find an outlet or it'll consume you."

"Hm," he made a soft acknowledgement, still watching the trees swaying with the warm Konoha breeze through the glass pane.

As the door closed lightly, Kakashi felt the relief of his body slackening because he was finally alone. The ache in his chest felt hollow and empty, but it was nothing he hadn't felt in the past. Perhaps it was always there and he just felt it more at worse times - like this one.

And unfortunately, only adding the the strain, he would be checked on like a child to see if he was eating, sleeping…living.

After packing up his few belongings, he made his way along the shiny, immaculate floors of the hospital, passing by the smiling nurses and pacing medics. The black shirt hung on his light frame, at least two sizes too big now. "Skin and bones," one nurse had called him as she took away the plastic tray from his room the day before - still full of food.

He knew he was too thin, but a month of being fed by IV would do that to a person. He didn't like being so thin; he felt weak and chilled all the time, even under the heated sunshine beating down on the village. He was always cold now - right down to the bones.

Pacing slowly along the dusty street, the Copy-nin kept his gaze to the ground, avoiding stares or those looks that he hated most - the compassionate piteous looks that he got from the nurses, from what was left of his friends, from the Hokage…

It made the emptiness worse.

_It'll fade in time_, he thought, _it always does_. But this time was different, wasn't it? There was no Gai to fight with, no Kurenai to talk with, and no Asuma to prowl the pub with. They were gone forever and he hadn't even been conscious to go to the memorial ceremony for them.

He would feel the guilt of that forever.

* * *

_Dearest Naruto,_

_I'm sorry my last letter was so short. Tension is rising here at the border, and I've been run ragged with my duties. We lost two young medics in the field so I've been asked to go on some missions. I've always offered but Ibiki says he'd prefer me at base camp to run the medics from there. I think he worries I'll be killed and they'll have no one to take over the infirmary. He's conceded to a couple of missions, but nothing dangerous._

_I'm relieved to hear Kakashi has woken up. I've been so worried for him. I almost returned to help, but as you said, he was under Tsunade's care, I knew there was nothing I could do for him that she couldn't._

_My work is very important here. I'm worried war is going to break out soon even though we are doing everything to prevent it. The field medics can do a lot, but I am needed for what they can't do. _

_I know it's been a long time, Naruto. I really miss you too. I've thought about returning many times, but there are still so many painful memories there for me. I've thought about selling the complex but I guess that's another thing I can't decide on yet. _

_Please keep me updated on Kakashi's condition and tell him I'm thinking of him. I'm thinking of you too. I'm sure I'll return one day when I'm ready. Give my love to everyone. I'll write more often if I can. _

_Love always, _

_Sakura._

With gentle fingers, Sakura folded the letter, sealed it in the envelope, and slipped it into her pocket. Every one of Naruto's letters were the same - _please come home, I miss you, it's been so long._ Every letter would be the same from then on as well. There was no reason for her to return. She loved her work at the border; the medics were wonderful and having her to encourage and teach them was rewarding in itself.

She did miss Naruto and Tsunade more than she could tell them. The thought of what Kakashi had to go through almost made her make the long trip home, but even that wasn't enough to drag her back there.

She was still helping Konoha, still an accomplished ninja and a necessary factor to preventing deaths among the ANBU. She belonged here. There was no reason to ever go back; there never would be.

Being in a place where death and war were around all the time, she didn't have to dwell on personal things. Work consumed Sakura, and she loved it that way. It was blissful, the way she could throw herself into it, and give up a life outside of that. No one knocked on her door unless there was an emergency, no one invited her for dinner or asked to borrow a cup of sugar. It was cut and dry, simple in its complexity. Death and life, life and death. Out there a person caused or prevented one, caused or prevented the other, and there didn't have to be an in-between if she one didn't wish it.

Societal pleasantries didn't apply. They didn't have to put up a nice façade for someone they didn't like. They didn't have to suck back anger to prevent a scene. They didn't have to feel anything for the person that they drowned your loneliness with in the dark. It was all just raw and simple.

"Hey Uchiha!" a voice called frantically from outside the large tent, pulling her from her inner thoughts. "We need you out here now!"

* * *

Kakashi stood for so long under the dull clouds in front of the gray marble memorial that his body ached with the immobility. The names of the people he cared about seemed to run into double digits now, and his fingertips ran across the carved names over and over until the skin was raw and bleeding.

How many days had he stood staring at his reflection in the dull marble and wished his name was there? Today was another, just like tomorrow would be. He began to liken himself to a loyal dog that gets kicked by his master to return again and again to the pain and torture of a heavy hand. Why did he continually let himself care for people? This is the life he chose; why didn't he prepare himself for the consequences of it?

_It would have been so much easier..._

He shivered slightly as a light rain washed over Konoha, the dark clouds turning everything the colour of slate and steel. As the cool spray fell in a curtain across the grassy clearing, he turned his face upwards to the sky and let the drizzle soak through him right down to his skin.

It felt good, that cool tingle that enveloped him as he closed his eyes. It was so hard to feel anything but the hollow ache in his chest now, but the feel of the rain helped. In that moment he began to love the rain. The soft patter on the tree leaves and grass made everything else silent.

His rain drenched shirt stuck to his skin and made him look even thinner. He felt cold, almost freezing, but he willed himself to continue to stand there just to feel the rain.

* * *

"Sakura, how is the lieutenant doing?" Morino Ibiki asked in his deep tones as he entered the large infirmary tent at the edge of the encampment which Sakura referred to as "Tent Village."

The young medic spun quickly from the man lying on the hospital bed, bandaged and broken. Her hair was tied neatly in a braid that hung down her back, and her headband dangled around her neck.

"He's alive for the moment," she began, "although, and I'm so sorry to say this but I think his missions are over now. Some of his organs are too badly injured. And if he does indeed live, he'll have a long and painful recovery ahead of him with the skeletal damage he's sustained. It's too severe for any medic to correct."

"Damn it." Ibiki flicked his lit cigarette out of the hanging canvas door and approached the man on the hospital bed. His large boots thudded on the makeshift wood floor, and left wet marks from the muck and rain he'd tracked in. "This war seems imminent now, doesn't it?"

Sakura bit back on what she wanted to say. Political discussions were not something she enjoyed, especially with the likes of Morino Ibiki. War was going to be hell on earth should it happen and to see him lose faith in peace pushed her hope downwards. The itch to tell him to go talk to his advisors and leave her out of it was clawing at her, but sense prevailed and she bit her tongue.

As of late, she had lost the part of that person who was hopeful by any means, but a small wish for peace lingered somewhere inside her. It was a darker period for negotiations and intervillage contact, but it was like an ocean with tides and swells. Every day was different. She had learned not to expect or be surprised by the daily shifts in the military climate.

"Ah, I shouldn't be so pessimistic. It's hard to see your comrade like that. He was a fine lieutenant, and I'm sorry to lose him. Do your best, Uchiha." He smiled somewhat at the young woman, earning a guarded half-smile in return.

It was so rare for Sakura to smile anymore; it didn't feel natural. She usually reserved only a consoling one for the injured men that lay scared on her table, praying just to live another day.

"I'm going to the planning area. Let me know if his condition changes." Ibiki bowed slightly before thudding back outside and jogging a little, splashing mud from the rain soaked ground onto the back of his long dark coat.

Following him to the doorway, Sakura took a deep breath and tried to absorb the smell of the rain as she pulled back the canvas flap and strapped it open. The misty drizzle was something she had always enjoyed. It was cleansing and refreshing, almost rejuvenating. The short bursts of thunder and the dull rolling clouds put her into a calm state. The patter of the drops was soothing to her ears. She loved the rain.

_Sasuke didn't though, did he, _she reminded herself. Her mind had already recalled the night a week before their wedding when she begged him to come out for a walk with her in the soft Konoha rain. He laughed at her when she stood out in front of the door to the Uchiha home and opened her mouth to catch the drops.

"I hate getting wet," he shouted out to her with a laugh, still standing in the door frame. Turning to face him, Sakura watched his dark eyes rove her wet front, the black long-sleeved shirt clung to her nineteen-year old body…his shirt. She loved the way his eyes drank the sight of her. She gave him that smile he loved, and waved him over with a finger. He couldn't resist that look, could he? His kisses tasted like rain that night, and his rain slick body slid so perfectly against hers as her fingers moved through his damp hair.

The roll of thunder broke her reverie as she watched the Jounin and ANBU moving around the area, pacing quickly and trying to escape the rain. Her finger rubbed her pink lips softly as a few tears blurred her vision. Stepping out from the tent, she raised her face to the sky and let the drops try to wash away the memory.

* * *

_Sakura-chan_

_It took three weeks for your letter to arrive after you dated it. I was beginning to think you were ignoring me. Hinata sends her love, and Tsunade asked me to send you this book on weaponry and poisons. _

_I've seen Kakashi a few times. He doesn't really talk to anyone much. He's still thin and looks tired. I went to his apartment, but he never answers his door. If I want to catch him for anything I can usually find him at the memorial. We are all pretty worried about him. He's gained weight and is doing some training, but he's not himself. I think he may never be after that mission. I know he lost a lot of friends that day._

_Tsunade's been busy with the impending war and we are all hoping the worry is premature. The tension has been going on for years but Tsunade has warned that the cold war between the villages is escalating._

_Ino had her baby. It's a boy and Shikamaru is beside himself with pride. Another lazy Nara in Konoha. _

_Should I ask if you are coming home? I'm probably just wasting my time aren't I. We were out at the pub the other night and a group of people were talking about you. Kiba was there and told us how you're doing. He was optimistic with Ibiki's abilities and the negotiations, and talked of how respected you are. He also said you were alone a lot. It makes me want to come there, Sakura. I understand alone and it's not good. It was hard to hear that._

_I'll at least beg you to take a vacation and come home. Kakashi could use another friend, I think. Please consider it._

_Love Naruto._

The sunshine blond rubbed his forehead and felt the sadness grip his stomach. Kiba had told them more than Naruto had let on in his letter. He talked of how Sakura never smiled, and on a rare occasion, would cry thinking no one saw her.

It was three years since the demise of his best friend. He'd been there for Sasuke's last moments on earth, and it was still painfully difficult to think about. Obviously his widow would find it even harder.

Naruto knew why she didn't want to come back; he didn't really blame her. All the memories and all the reminders of the future that would never be would bombard her. So many had gone on with life, marriage, and children, and found happiness in each other. Sakura's happiness had been torn from her only a few short months after her wedding.

She didn't really want to move on or to face it so she ran away two months after that day her young husband died in his best friend's arms. Sasuke was thinking of her in his last moments, and asked Naruto to look after her with his last breath. It was something that didn't really need to be spoken; Naruto always looked out for her.

When Naruto returned, he was the one to tell her. She never stopped crying - from the moment she heard until the day she left, he never saw her face without tears. He had hoped she would find some peace in her new surroundings, but what Kiba had said brushed that hope aside and now Naruto worried more than ever about her.

It was an indication that she would never come home. What would it take to get her to move on with her life?

* * *

The Jounin began to step into the small meeting room that felt overly warm with the bright Konoha sun blazing through the dusty windows. The bodies in green and black mulled about, taking seats for the usual meeting and mission disbursements.

Kakashi entered slowly and breathed in, trying to find the strength to put up with the long drawn out meeting. It was three weeks since he had left the hospital, and for outward appearances, he looked better. It was difficult to force down the ramen when he didn't feel like eating, but putting himself on a schedule to regain his weight was necessary for what he wanted.

He took a seat near the back and couldn't help but notice all the vacant chairs around the room. It took everything he had to keep focus on what Tsunade was saying as his eyes tended to drift to the windows and beyond.

As she raised up some papers, the Hokage looked around at the faces watching her.

"All right, some S-class missions have come in. Unfortunately there is one here that is unranked. I know you all understand what that means, and I will not ask anyone to do it. I'll take volunteers only, and if no one accepts then…"

"I'll take it," Kakashi said calmly from the back of the room, an absent lift of his hand.

"Kakashi! I didn't think you'd be here," she said, trying with difficulty to hide her shock at his presence. She hadn't seen him since he left the hospital. All the reports from the people she sent to check on him said he was eating and training. With the impending war and the lack of elites, she had been busy with political business and couldn't go see him herself. It was hard to tell from his appearance how he was faring. His body was still thin but his color was better, although he had gained _some_ weight. It seemed to be a good sign that he was improving, but the desire to take an unranked mission made her think he was still unready to jump back in.

It was the type of mission she would ask about, but if no one accepted it was turned down. She never wanted to lose a ninja for money; it would never even cross her mind to force someone to go. It was rare that ninja survived these types of missions and she became concerned that this is what he wanted.

"I'm feeling better, and I'm ready to take missions," he said calmly, and gave her a smile. She watched his exposed eye crease, but that damn mask hid his face. She could only guess that he was forcing it to get what he wanted; his tone was undetermined and false.

"There are other missions you can start with, Kakashi," she replied, forcing her smile also, then looked away nonchalantly in hopes to abate his interest in the unranked suicide mission. She didn't want to argue in front of the group.

"Unless anyone else volunteers, I think this one will be fine." Kakashi moved slowly to the front of the room and took the paper right from her hand. "I'll report in when I'm back."

He strolled out slowly, pushing his hands down into his pockets, decidedly ignoring the rest of the meeting. He got what he wanted; there was no reason to stay.

* * *

Sakura watched the moon rise over the trees surrounding "Tent Village." She was almost fixated on it. Such a perfect orb rising over the world; it made her feel insignificant like a she was just a brief moment in time, making no impact at all. It was red tonight, and hung in the sky like a Japanese lantern, spreading a red-orange glow over the multitude of light tents laid out under it like a blanket.

It was a warm night, and quiet for a change. No one was injured or hurt, and the medical tent was empty save the sleeping lieutenant. A slow flap of the wind against the tent sides made the canvas move slightly over its wooden frame, creaking gently. It was a large and well-built medical area. Her instruments stayed clean, and there was a closed off section in the back for her to live in. The wooden platform it stood on helped for stability, and she appreciated that it was the best tent in the clearing.

There was one wooden building nearby which was the central planning area. Meetings, mission planning, and strategies were done in there, as well as interrogations. It was a catch-all, she supposed, and avoided it as much as humanly possible.

Walking out into the soft green expanse, she moved away behind the medical tent to find seclusion. She laid down and let the sweet smell of the grass overcome he as the long blades tickled her cheek. Closing her green eyes as the warm breeze made the trees rustle peacefully nearby, she slipped into reverie. He was always on her mind at night. He seemed to creep in with the stars.

"What are you making?" Sasuke laughed, as he approached her from behind. She leaned over the dark kitchen counter and smiled as his strong hands slid around her waist and his lips tickled the back of her neck. One hand moved some pale strands of hair away from the skin under her ear, and she soon felt his breath there instead.

"It's sweets, but they aren't holding together properly." She shook her head, laughing at the sweet sticky mess on her fingertips, the vibrant sunlight glinting off the faucet beside her. "I think I'll just throw them out." She laughed again while trying to slide out from his grasp to move near the garbage.

She realized quickly that he was holding her fast, and reaching for her hand, he turned her to face him. Slowly he drew her fingertip into his mouth, sucked gently on it, and then smirked.

"Mm, they're good." His dark eyes smiled with his upturned lips around her finger. His strong grasp held her wrist as he moved on to draw in the next tip.

Her breath quickened as she watched him toy with her; he enjoyed arousing her this way. It didn't take long to forget the mess on the counter as clothes fell to the floor, and the caresses and touches led them to their bedroom.

Sakura smiled at the memory. If she tried hard, she could still feel his warm weight on her body, pressing her into the mattress as his lips brushed her shoulder. Even the sound of their lovemaking was such a vivid memory. His soft sighs and declarations of love still whispered in her ear so clearly.

Such painfully sweet memories she had. She could feel the heat in her eyes, and fought it. The lump in her throat pressed upward making the tears strain, but she railed against it. What use were tears now - to her, to anyone?

* * *

End of chapter.

* * *

Edited sept 08


	2. Ghosts of Night

Fated

Chapter 2: Ghosts of Night

* * *

The night spilled in the bedroom window of Kakashi's tiny minimalist apartment, and he flicked on the light as he finished his preparations for the coming mission. It had been ages since the famous Copy Ninja had donned his sleek, svelte ANBU uniform, but it was a requisite this time. Standing in front of his mirror, his dark fabric mask pulled low under his chin, he looked over his reflection.

_Still alive huh?_

Perhaps that's what everyone said whenever they saw him? He rubbed his cheek with his coarse fingertips and tried to recall the last time he accepted a mission like this. So many years ago he had taken them on, clad in the same tight contrasted uniform, but his outlook had been so different. The padded vest, sleeveless shirt, and long dark gloves he had kept tucked away in a white box now draped on his light frame, and the material felt smooth and cool on his skin. The tattoo on his upper arm stood out against his pale epidermis. It looked like spilled ink over stretched parchment, and he wasn't sure if he still appreciated the look of it anymore.

He laughed half-heartedly to see that the uniform that hugged his strong body in his wiry teen years was still comfortable. By the draw of his torso and face, he knew he still had some weight to gain, but really looked healthy enough to pass. Well, maybe it wouldn't matter after tonight...

He could feel the tension in his fingers as some small measure of expectation writhed inside his gut.

Was it anticipation of finally ending it? He was a Konoha Jounin; he would never intentionally fuck up a mission, but if death saw fit to take him, he wouldn't object. He'd never consider taking his own life either; he had a history with that sort of thing and knew first hand the impact it would have on others. It just seemed now that he had nothing left to live for; the darkness was winning.

Strapping on his white-sheathed katana, Kakashi looked at his sunken face again. He tried to remember what it looked like years ago when pain was easier to forget, or at least put aside, while a comfortable life was within his grasp. He felt like he could never be that person again now.

Pulling up the ubiquitous mask, Kakashi strode to his door and left with a light click of the lock.

* * *

Sunrise seemed to come early at the border. Sakura knew it didn't really, but today at least it felt like it had. She had found deep sleep amid the tall grass behind the medical tent, and as she sat up stretching her slender frame, her back shifted and cracked. It was so quiet out there, but warm. The bright orange glow of the morning sunshine could make her feel better, could banish the images that haunted her.

Sasuke usually came to her at night when it was silent, and she could give herself over to it completely. It was cruel the way fate had ripped him away only a few short months into their young marriage just as life was finally beginning for them. They lived together at the Uchiha complex for a long time, but on her twentieth birthday they had married.

He had wanted it most. Sasuke desired to start a family and begin his life again after he had put away all the darkness he fought with for so many years. A loving husband and a friend, they found they complimented each other so well. He was kind and gentle, and at night, he was hers completely. She had no doubt in her mind of his devotion when his words drifted over the pillow and touched her so deeply, or when he held her in the mornings, still wrapped in his strong arms.

Most nights now she fell into the dreams that kept his memory fresh in her mind, kept her forever his wife.

Dragging into the med tent, her clothes moist with the early dew, she checked on the lieutenant who was still dozing comfortably in his drug-induced sleep. His wounds were better, and he was finally leaving today to return to Konoha. It was a long walk out of the forest, so four men would take him the two day hike through the blanket of trees and underbrush. The train ride after that would be six hours, and then another two-hour walk to Konoha. Sakura was confident that he would survive, and she made final preparations for his trip as she fussed with his dressings and splints.

"Morning, Sakura. Is he ready to go? We're going to get a quick start today." Genma peered through the half open canvas flap of a doorway, his head peeking in as he leaned lazily over his upraised knee. His caramel hair dangled around his face, capped tightly over by his backwards headband. The long dark stir stick perched between his lips bounced in time with his speech, and the mood seemed to lighten in his presence. It always had. Genma had a way of calming people, and even Sakura could feel the effects when around him.

"He is. Come in. I'll just check his wounds one more time." Sakura paced lightly around the bed the man lay on and checked his bandages, splints and dressings. Her gentle fingers tested near his wounds, and he didn't wake with her experienced attentions.

"How's he doing?" Genma's calm, hushed voice asked from beside her as he leaned over her shoulder.

"He's better. The trip will be hard for him, but he needs to return. I know you'll take good care of him, Genma. If it were me, I'd want you to take me back," she said encouragingly, trying to give him a smile. It was not a comfortable expression for her anymore but Genma made it a little easier with his soothing presence. Every once in a while it slipped out.

"Are you coming with us?" he smiled.

"No, I'm not coming. One of the other medics can go." She shook her head, and tried to be nonchalant.

"When was the last time you were back in Konoha?" Genma's eyebrows creased as he slipped the stir stick from his mouth and held it between his long fingers. His hazel eyes looked into her green ones, and she had to look away before he saw what he was searching for.

He was like a big brother; always wanting to make sure everyone was all right. Of the few women that occupied the border, most seemed to gravitate towards him like moths to the flame. Being Genma, he was never one to turn them down when they looked for a way to banish their loneliness in the quiet of their tent or the shade of the dark trees. Sakura supposed it helped to quiet the inner turmoil he felt, just like everyone else there.

"Almost three years now," she said softly, keeping her eyes fixed on the staunch white of the bandages around the lieutenant's middle.

"Sakura," Ibiki's voice said from the doorway, making the jounin's heads turn his way. His heavy boots entered the tent as the warm golden light from the open flaps cascaded in his path. He walked slowly up to his lieutenant, and sighed. "How's he doing? Is he able to travel today?"

Genma and Sakura both turned to their scarred superior, and showed as much respect as they could. Ibiki was a fine commander, well liked around the border encampment, and always managed an uncharacteristicly friendly smile when the mood hit him. He and Genma exchanged short nods as Ibiki turned to the head medic, and his look softened, just as it tended to do when he spoke with her about patients.

"Yes, he should be fine," she said, finding the professional in her finally waking up. "I'll pack some supplies, and my medic should be fine to handle anything that might come up."

"Excellent." Ibiki turned to Genma. "Don't forget to go see the Hokage when you arrive and give her those papers I left with you earlier. I'll expect you back here in a week. Take a day or two back in Konoha before you return."

With a grin that Sakura recognized as anticipated happiness, Genma nodded in acknowledgment. He was pleased to go back - most were. Even Ibiki returned for short trips to shake off the pressure that built during talks. Of everyone there, only two people never ventured back, and the widowed Uchiha was one.

"Of course," Genma reiterated calmly. Slipping his stir stick back between his teeth, he watched the commander step out of the medical tent with a small wave. As he, himself, walked to the doorway, he gave Sakura a half smirked, soft last smile before following Ibiki.

"Oh Genma," Sakura called after him, stopping the elite at the door. "I have a letter here. Could you give it to Naruto for me when you get back?"

He smiled widely, his soft eyes curving, clinching the stick between his teeth. "Of course."

* * *

The stars were bright above and hung overhead like lights strewn across the dark blanket of night. The moon lit the leaves around the trees as they swayed in the chilly air and rustled noisily. Breathing steadily, the Copy-ninja stopped on a branch high up in one of the tallest trees to get his bearings. He had been running for what seemed an eternity. The burn in his chest forced him to rest as his air intake seemed to be harder to manage.

Blood flowed freely from a wound at his side, and his hand instinctively lay against it, although his present will prevented him from pressing hard enough to stop the crimson surge.

It wasn't far to Konoha, maybe another two or three hours of walking, which was all he could manage now with his injuries. The scroll he was sent to retrieve from an enemy encampment was gripped tightly in his other hand where blood was strewn up his dark glove…other's blood.

Slipping to the damp mossy ground under the canopy of branches, Kakashi sat down and let his mind slip into reverie while letting his body collapse in exhaustion. All the sad long past came back to haunt him in the quiet times, and sitting there feeling weak and pained just made it all the more worse. But for some reason he wanted to dwell on it and let it absorb him, almost as if he needed the pain.

He slowly raised his face to the east, and tugged down his mask.

The sun would be up soon.

* * *

Tsunade sighed as she watched the light streaming in the windows of her large office. It wasn't like Kakashi to be this incredibly late from missions and she was silently cursing herself for letting him go on it in the first place. Three long days he'd been gone and he was due to be back the night before. It was getting to the point where she was worried enough to send a squad out to find him.

"Shizune," she called out to her lieutenant.

A dark haired woman entered the office respectfully and moved in front of her desk, her tall heels clicking on the wooden floor in the same manner Tsunade's would.

"Is Kakashi back yet?" Tsunade's golden eyes scanned the windows, letting her ears concentrate on the answer.

"Sorry, Hokage-sama, he's not."

"I should have never let him go. I can't stop him if he wants to die, but I won't help him either." She stood up and pressed her palms on the table, while leaning forward. "Shizune, get a detachment of ANBU ready…" But with a swift intake of breath, the blonde Sannin stopped mid sentence, and stared at a spot behind Shizune. Finding the reaction peculiar, the raven-haired lieutenant spun to see what was capturing the fifth Hokage's attention.

Leaning against the doorframe, a battered and bloodied ANBU stood clutching a single scroll in one hand and the dark door frame in the other. Limping slightly, Kakashi made his way to the desk of the Hokage, and without regard, dropped the blood-covered scroll on top.

Tsunade's stunned wide eyes took in the blood spattered ANBU uniform, complete with gaping hole in the side. His mask was soaked through with blood, and his pant legs and gloves were torn in a number of places. Cuts and scrapes riddled the tears.

"Ka…Kakashi…you…" Tsunade was lost for words. Was she surprised that he had returned? It wasn't his abilities, or lack thereof that made her think that, it was that she understood his desire to be rid of all pain and the encompassing lonliness that were claiming him.

Without a word, Kakashi turned and headed back to the door.

"Kakashi wait!" Tsunade yelled, finally finding her voice. She darted around the mahogany desk in time to watch him crumple to the floor, bleeding and pale. "Shizune, help me."

The two women turned him over, and as Tsunade tried to wake him, Shizune ran for help.

* * *

_Dearest Naruto_

_I'm so pleased that Ino and baby are well. I've thought about her often. Your description of Kakashi has me very worried. I truly wish I could be there for him as he was always important to me. I haven't actually seen him in over three years, and it pains me that I can't be with him now. _

_When you see him again, please tell him I'm sorry that I'm not there for him, and that I'm always thinking of him. Please keep me updated on how he's doing. _

_The strain is calming a bit here. It seems that some negotiations are doing well. Ibiki was actually happy today so I'm optimistic. We are lacking one lieutenant due to severe injuries, and as this letter reaches you, he will be in the Konoha hospital. _

_I know Genma has come by with this letter and he will be returning here soon. I'm sure he can bring one back if you have time to write me. He's bringing information to Tsunade, and then will be returning in two days._

_Naruto please don't worry about me. I'm not alone. I work hard and can't really afford a lot of social time with everyone, but there are nights when I get a chance to enjoy myself. You are such a good friend to worry about me and I appreciate it. _

_Love to Hinata and your son._

_Sakura_

Naruto folded the short letter Genma had dropped off, and tucked it in his vest pocket. When reading her sad letters, his mind always seemed to revert to that day when Sasuke's red eyes drained away to black and his skin paled in Naruto's arms. Of all of the days he had lived, and been alone, and watched people die, that day had been the worst of his life.

"Daddy, watch the kaiten!" A young golden-blonde haired boy looked up at his father while his small fingers traced over the lines on the twenty-four year old's face. Naruto lifted his gaze, and felt immediately better as those white eyes looked into his.

"Well, Sasuke, are you going to try it today?"

"Yes!" The four year old smiled, as his white eyes creased with a large grin.

"All right Sasuke, you must draw chakra and let it slip from your body everywhere. Don't be discouraged if you can't do it. We're just practicing the spin today." Hinata instructed their young son, who sat close to his father on the back veranda of the Hyuuga Mansion.

"Can you show me again?" The young Uzumaki grinned in a way that always reminded Hinata of Naruto's younger days. That smile inspired her so much, and now it was the smile of her precious child and the future of the Hyuuga Family.

Activating her byakugan, she watched Sasuke do the same, his grin still plastered on his face. "Now you draw chakra to all the points in your body," she explained.

As if her chakra obeyed her voice, the light blue swirl began to envelope her. Within moments, she turned her body at a remarkable rate, creating a vortex of wind and speed that engulfed the air around her and dug into the ground, kicking up the dust and weeds.

Naruto smiled at the brilliant dance of the kaiten that his wife had perfected and made her own. It was poetic in it's power, and Naruto was so pleased that one day his own son would have the Hyuuga secrets and strength to protect him.

"Kage Bunshin, Daddy,"Sasuke pressed his father as Hinata smiled from the edge of the large crater she had just made. Naruto pulled Sasuke up into his arms tightly, encompassed by the love he felt every moment of every day. Silently, he wished that the last Uchiha had left Sakura with the same kind of joy.

* * *

"You're very lucky, you know." Tsunade looked at the copy ninja with disgust. "Had that wound been an inch to the left, you would have been dead." She waved her hand as if the idea of his behaviour was filling the room and she needed to get rid of it.

The tall, silver-haired Jounin looked down at the Hokage from the other side of her desk, his hands shoved in his pockets lazily. His slouched shoulders maintained a distant, unfazed look that hid the inner thoughts he dwelt on endlessly.

_How is that lucky?_ he scoffed inwardly.

"I'm ready for your report." The less than patient Hokage raised an eyebrow as her long red nails tapped on the wooden desktop. She fought the need to yell at him and draw him back to his senses; truly it would do no good.

Sliding over slowly to grab a seat next to Tsunade's desk, Kakashi slumped down in it a little, getting comfortable. His hands were still stuffed in his pockets.

"I passed the border with no problems, and was unseen on my way there and back. I arrived where the group was camped around 12:30 AM that morning, about fifteen kilometres inside the borders of Cloud. A bunch were around the campfires, aloft in some trees, or sleeping on the ground. It was easy to ascertain where the scroll was hidden as there was only one tent." He tilted his head a little to turn towards the windows as a stray leaf blew by. It had become increasingly difficult to maintain focus on things that were disinteresting - like reports…or life in general.

"After an hour of observation, I waited for a chance to go in but they seemed to sleep in shifts. All in all, there were about 25-30 men. Around 3:00 AM, I decided that there would be no opening, and that the mission would be unsuccessful should I wait for one."

"I suppose you didn't wait and that's why you returned in the state you did." Tsunade tried to hurry his calm speech so she could finally get to her rant.

"No, I didn't wait. Taking a plotted and direct course, I made it to the tent without hesitation, and luckily the scroll was in plain view. There were a number of men that stumbled onto me, but I was able to dissect a path through them with the chidori. In the end, I was able to get away clean." Slowly lowering his head, he occupied his gaze with the light reflecting on the shiny wooden floor while waiting for her answer to his report.

Chancing a look at her, he noticed her face soften. "How many, Kakashi?" she said quietly.

"Eighteen in total, and at least eight more injured."

She sighed. He had managed to walk into a camp of thirty men, and kill or injure most of them. With an almost fatal wound he had slunk back to Konoha, practically in pieces. Her heart went out to him. Even with his lack of desire for life; he was still reliable and determined to push on for Konoha. She was in awe of his will.

Kakashi turned away from her then. It was the piteous looks that he hated most, and she was giving him one. Had she seen him on the field amidst the enemy, she wouldn't look at him like that.

The melee and the chaos he caused as man after man lunged at him was almost disturbing. He cut through the bunch with his fingers full of lightning. In the end he had to use the sharingan to escape, and as he stood above the last man with his mask down, he lost his resolve.

"Why couldn't you have been better?" he said before turning and leaving, his face bloodied. A desperate headache made it hard to concentrate as his feet stumbled back towards home.

"Kakashi, I was worried that you took this mission with the intention of not returning. I'm relieved that you're back. I think that you should take some simpler missions for the time being, and I want you to get your strength back." She watched him for a reaction but just as she suspected, she got none.

He nodded slightly as his eyes turned to the window. "Anything else?" he spoke to the pane.

"No. I want you come by tomorrow morning. Perhaps I'll have something for you." She tried to give him a regular smile but inner feelings prevented it from seeming anything but forced. "Do you have any duties for the rest of the day?"

"No...yes, I have something to do." He stood and moved to the exit without another word. Pulling the large dark wooden door open, he was greeted by a familiar face.

"Holy shit, Kakashi. How the hell are you?" Genma's smiling face, complete with stir stick, looked at his old friend as he then clamped a hand on the Copy-ninja's shoulder.

"I thought you were at the border?" Kakashi tried, but could not meet his friend's enthusiasm as they shook hands.

"I'm just back for a day or two. We had a lieutenant that needed to come home. The trip was long but it's good to be back." Genma maintained his large smile. "How about a drink later. Will you be around?"

Kakashi looked back at the Hokage and seemed to choose his words carefully. "I've got a thing or two to do today, but I'll find you later. It's good to see you."

Genma could hear the exceptionally subdued tone, which was slightly unusual for his friend. He wasn't surprised at all considering what had happened a couple of months before when many of their friends were lost. Had he been there, he was sure he'd feel the same. He watched Kakashi push by him through the door, and head to the outer door. The tall brunette shook his head with understanding.

Turing his attention to the two women remaining in the room, Genma smiled again, getting two large smiles in return. "Lady Hokage, Shizune. Ibiki asked me to bring these papers to you. I don't have too much to report this time, but I'll be happy to answer any questions should you have any."

Tsunade took the papers Genma laid on her desk and began to look through them. As she spoke she would raise her golden eyes to him from time to time. "Genma, did the lieutenant make it back all right?"

"He did ma'am. He's at the hospital."

"Ibiki requests a new lieutenant." She seemed to speak to the paper. "Why doesn't he promote there?"

"There's no one that will accept it. It takes you away from the missions, and no one is willing to leave their teams." Genma smirked. "It's good and bad, I suppose. The lieutenants don't see much action. The last one was a special case. Ibiki prefers them to be in a defensive position at base."

"I see. I'll assign someone this duty then and have them leave with you when you return to the border camp."

"Very good. Our 4-man team is leaving around 3:15 tomorrow afternoon. We can meet the new lieutenant at the gate at 3:00." Genma chewed a little on the stir stick, drawing attention to his infectious smile. Had it been any other man Tsunade would have made him remove it.

"Thanks Genma. I'll make sure the appointee is there waiting." She nodded, and Genma took that as the time to leave. As he sauntered out, Shizune gave him a large smile from behind the Hokage, and he winked at her as he shut the door behind him.

Tsunade looked out the window with a dull, pensive expression. When Kakashi had left, she knew he must have been heading for the memorial. He seemed to always be there, and when she sent people to find him, it was the first place they would look.

Genma and Ibiki had given her an opportunity that she believed might be the best thing for him. Being a lieutenant at the border guard would keep him out of danger, but busy enough to feel a part of helping Konoha. Sakura was there; it was another factor that would help her make a determination of whether he should go or not. The medical treatment for his recent wounds would not be an issue, and she felt for his sanity it was time to get him away from the memorial. Being with Genma and Sakura was bound to help him.

"Shizune, I'm going to need to make up some orders," she said softly, finally making up her mind.

* * *

Kakashi leaned on his knees as he crouched in front of the memorial again. He continued to memorize the curves and lines of his friends names lovingly carved into the reflective marble.

"When will it come, Obito?" He bowed his head down, and closed his eyes. Perhaps on the next mission, perhaps around the next corner, it would finally end for him. Feeling the sunshine beat down on the back of his neck, he remained like that until a familiar voice reached his ears.

"Hey Hatake, I'm sure I can't get a drink here. Get your ass up and let's go." Genma stood with his hands shoved in his pockets, the ever-present thing hanging from his lips as he smiled a genuine smile.

Kakashi looked over slowly, and smirked a little. _Damn, it's good to see Genma_.

The two elites strolled along the dusty Konoha walkway, passing the shops and restaurants getting ready to close for the evening. The temperate air was comforting for a change. Kakashi mused that he could actually feel some warmth in his limbs today and it eased the pain a little, just as Genma's presence eased the pain a little.

"Kakashi, I've just got to stop in here for a minute." Genma was leaning back, looking at the chocolatier sign that hung over the quaint shop. The bell tinkled a light tone as he pushed through the painted glass door and his eyes scanned the shiny transparent counters for what he was looking for.

Kakashi had followed him in and was amazed to discover he'd never set foot in a chocolate store before. He didn't care much for sweets, and so found he never had a need.

"Um, I'll have a box of those chocolate cherries, and could you wrap them well? I've got to take them a long way tomorrow." Genma smiled at the young woman behind the counter whose cheeks seemed to turn pink when he focused on her and grinned.

"Which one of your fanclub is that for?" Kakashi smirked as he watched the attractive elite pay for his purchase, earning a small curtsey from the clerk.

"Not for them. It's for someone else. She just needs a little bit of home." Genma's smile dulled a little as he seemed to think of whom he was talking about. But his face immediately changed as he realized it was time to go get a drink and catch up with his old friend.

"All right Hatake, let's see who can pass out first."

* * *

Edited Oct 08


	3. Strange Days

Fated  
Chapter 3: Strange Days

* * *

Bright light again seared against his eyelids. This time though, it was a self induced pain he suffered and he had no excuse for it. Genma was a good friend, and together they drowned the night away in tall glasses of warm dark golden liquid and old memories.

Kakashi rubbed at his sore, throbbing temples. Managing to a half-drag himself to his tiny bathroom, he released the pain from his burning stomach into the shining white basin. The glint from the sun streaming in the bathroom window was even more painful to his already burning eyes, as it reflected on the gleaming surfaces.

His sharingan ached, and he pressed a palm over it to try and block out every ounce of light possible. After managing to stand, he stumbled clumsily out and around his bedroom, banging into things until he found his hitae-ate. Quickly, he slipped it vertically onto his head. _Some relief at least_, he thought wearily.

Finally managing to focus on the clock, he realized that he was due at the Hokage's office in an hour, hopefully to get another chance at a mission.

As Kakashi returned to his bathroom and turned the squeaky tub faucet on, he leaned again to the porcelain basin to vomit up the previous nights indulgence.

Silently he cursed Genma…and thanked him.

* * *

Softly the sheets rustled and moved tighter around her as Sakura shifted on the low futon at the back section of the empty medical tent. There was no one to take care of today, no one to fuss over, and no one to patch up. The loss of the reason to get out of bed was an unwelcome occurrence and thankfully rare for the border medic. She lay there, slowly running her fingers through strands of the long hair that lay across the pillow around her.

Keeping her eyes closed, she tried to recapture the feeling of when he would do that, run his fingers through her hair. Sasuke loved her hair. He told her it was the colour of the petals that would fall from his mother's roses at their home. He always kept up on tending those roses, and when she moved in with him, he gave them to her as a welcome present. When they would bloom, she'd lovingly clip the thorns from them and place them into a glass vase on the dinner table.

The soft smell would drift on the warm breeze flowing in from the open panelled, sliding doors as they shared a glass of warm dark wine on a quiet night. Sitting together on the balcony or near the fireplace, the deep rich glow of some candlelight would illuminate his onyx eyes. The color was so opulent and captivating, the golden light reflected in his dark gaze. It was the color of her deepest love and something she would never forget.

"Sasuke," she whispered to the empty tent as the warm tears slipped out of her closed eyes. "Sasuke," her voice trembled weakly.

The images flooded her mind, all the feelings and memories that would always hang onto her as if she could step back and be there again. It felt the same. The warmth of his body as his rough fingers gently traced her back, his eyes staring into hers. They would lie like that after intimate lovemaking had spent them to exhaustion. In the quiet moments, as the warm fire glow of the scented candle flickered on his bare skin, she was whole.

How could she have managed to go on so long without him?

Lifting her heavy head from the pillow, Sakura let the messy tangle of hair drape over her like a pink curtain, hiding her tear-streaked face. The bright morning rays slipped in between her locks and pushed at her eyelids.

She didn't want the sunshine this morning.

She wanted the rain.

* * *

"Good morning, Kakashi!" Tsunade's calm voice rang in his thumping cranium and he closed his exposed eye to try to help restrain the drumming in his head. "Had a good night last night?" The sarcasm was not lost on the Copy-ninja, but he didn't acknowledge it as he slumped into the same chair he had occupied the day before.

Eyeing the lazy black and green clad man draped against the plush fabric, Tsunade began to feel slightly put-out by Kakashi's lacking attempt to even appear to seem interested. She stared at him. His silver hair was flatter than usual, and it hung down partially over his covered eye. He seemed dishevelled and dispassionate, not the man she knew he was.

"How is your sharingan?" she asked, trying to get him to talk. Her golden eyes tryed to crack his façade.

Kakashi quickly glanced at her sideways, and she knew she'd struck a nerve.

"Fine," he muttered, regaining his cool demeanor.

"I have new orders for you." She scanned him for a reaction before she proceeded. It was a good thing she didn't wait for one. "I think this will be good for you. I think it's time you had a change of scenery."

Kakashi looked up slowly, and realized what she was getting at - the border camp and the new lieutenant position. The pieces of conversations he had with Genma the night before began to snap together in his slowly awakening mind. He probably should be upset. But actually he didn't really feel anything about it. To him, at this moment, it was neither here nor there and changed nothing for him except locations.

"Morino Ibiki requests a fresh lieutenant for the border camp patrolling in that area. It will be less action but more planning and strategic work. There is roughly 85 ninja there patrolling the border and ensuring that the lines are protected and respected by our neighboring countries while the treaty talks continue." She tilted her head a little as he slowly sat up and paid more attention to her.

"Why don't they get someone there to do it?" he asked with an air of disinterest, although his body language showed otherwise.

"They're in permanent teams there. No one wants to leave their units for the promotion."

He turned slowly, mulling the idea over in his mind as his one-eyed gaze lazily drifted to the windows of the Hokage's quaint, empty office. It was a habit he found hard to break these days.

"Genma's team is leaving today at 3:00. You're to meet them at the gate by that time. Don't be late." She said the last part with some emphasis. "Kakashi, if you have any objections, now is the time."

He turned back as she held out his orders and information in a tightly wrapped red scroll. Taking it easily as he leaned forward, he shook his head. It didn't really matter that he was leaving; there was nothing holding him here but the memorial. Maybe a change of scenery would help; maybe being involved in work constantly would make the days pass quicker. At least Genma would be there and maybe a few other faces he hadn't seen in a while. There was nothing but the reminder of death anymore in Konoha; perhaps an escape was just what he needed.

As he turned and headed for the door, the scroll clutched lightly in his gloved palm, he was halted by Tsunade's voice.

"Kakashi, I have a package here for the head medic at the border. Could I trust you to take it there for me?" Tsunade held out a manila envelope filled with papers and sealed tightly. Kakashi grasped it and tucked it under his arm, retreating to the door again after a quick nod of his head.

Finally making his way through the doorframe, he heard a last few parting words drift out behind him. "Take care of yourself, Hatake Kakashi."

* * *

"Uchiha, what's the problem?" Ibiki's strong deep voice preceded his gentle push through the hanging canvas door into the large med tent.

"I'm running out of that herb I use as an analgesic for the cuts. Could you have someone get some for me?" She continued checking and stacking her supplies. "Oh, I'll need some more bandages soon too."

"How about we send you to Konoha for a week or two to gather supplies and take a vacation?" Ibiki tossed out leisurely as he flipped the bottom of his long dark coat out behind him. He planted himself on a stool by one of the four hospital beds. Raising his boot to the bottom rung of the stool, he leaned comfortably on his arm, balanced on his knee.

Slowly turning to face her superior, Sakura's pink eyebrows rose with suspicion. "No thanks." Her tone was even, and she knew that he was baiting her for a reaction.

"I thought as much," he smirked. "Listen, I've requested a new lieutenant from Konoha and he or she'll be returning with Genma tomorrow. Let me know what time you want them here. I expect them to arrive at around 3:00. They'll move quicker without an injured man with them, and the trip from Konoha should take 15 to 20 hours, train ride included."

"Any idea who it might be?" she asked while continuing her assault on the stored items in the cupboards, her pink hair swaying over the red swirl at the back of her green vest.

"No, but I'm sure it will be an elite. Tsunade is taking care of it." Ibiki pulled a cigarette from his coat pocket, and slipped it into his mouth. His deep voice sounded gentle around the large tent. He always seemed to keep it down whether there were patients or not.

"3:00 you say? Let's have them here at 4:30 then. No later. That should give them time to settle in before my check-up and I'll have everything prepared by then. I can squeeze him or her in before dinner hour."

Ibiki watched her eyes fly over the stock, mentally check listing everything they had. Her precision and diligence was another factor that made him trust her and agree to have such a young head medic. Of course, being the Hokage's apprentice didn't hurt either.

"Sakura, will you come sit for a minute? I've got something else to talk to you about." Ibiki watched her turn around and join him on another stool close by, the drag in her step and movement told him she was hesitant about stopping what was currently occupying her interest. Getting comfortable, her green eyes focused on him, and he smiled at her.

"It's Neji. I wondered how he was doing? I know you two talk and I haven't had a chance to ask his lieutenant for a while."

Realization dawned on Sakura's beautiful features, and she creased her red lips in a sympathetic gesture. "He's coping. I know it was hard on him to lose her, but he's dealing with it well. He visits me once in a while…um… I haven't seen him in a few days though. I'll try to catch up to him tonight. I think he'll be all right, Sir. It's been six months and he seems better all the time."

"That's good to know." Ibiki gave her a warm smile, his scarred cheeks showing the uncommon softness his rough face usually hid.

"Neji is strong, probably one of the strongest people I know. He's getting past it." Sakura managed a small smile to indicate that she felt strongly about it, but again it felt unnatural and forced. "I'm sorry, I should get back to inventorying the supplies."

"Of course, I'll have someone gather those herbs you need." Ibiki stood tall and headed for the door, finally able to pull his brass lighter out for his long awaited smoke.

"Sir?" Sakura turned to him as he looked up from the doorway, "Make sure your lieutenant isn't late tomorrow."

He nodded briefly as he finally left the canvas tent and headed toward the large mess tent for lunch. Sakura was interesting to him; she was strong, but in a soft way. Such a woman - she had an ability to make you trust her and to want to let her take care of you. He supposed it was the medic in her. Her intelligence and abilities made her an asset; her calmness and perseverance made her valuable. It was too bad she always seemed to carry that sadness like an albatross, never letting her go on with her life the way a young woman should.

Perhaps one day she'd realize how much she had to live for. Then again, she'd never find it out there at the border.

Her devotion to the dead Uchiha was staggering. He thought somewhere in his mind that the relationship she and Neji developed would be one to push her forward, but it had seemed that nothing had changed. For her, or for Neji.

* * *

"Ah, ha, ha, Kakashi. I should have guessed you'd be coming," Genma laughed as he saw his friend lazily approach, carrying a large bag of belongings. "It'll be a change for you, but we'll keep you busy."

"Not so loud," Kakashi replied in a raspy voice. He had slung his black bag over his shoulder, full with minor things he'd usually take on his travels - some small personal tokens, and of course his ANBU uniform. "How long until we leave?"

"About 10 minutes," Genma retorted, leisurely leaning and stretching until his back cracked. Kakashi could see the stir stick was replaced with a long sharp senbon needle between Genma's teeth - something he usually did when in an unprotected environment or traveling.

Dropping his bag lightly at his feet, Kakashi took a lazy rest on the grass at the small clearing near the large gate doors and tugged his dark fabric mask away from his tired face. Genma watched with interest as the Copy-ninja took out a cigarette and perched it between his usually hidden lips. The long, straight scar glared among his clean and unmarred features, mostly hidden under the headband.

"So when did this start?" Genma asked with a chuckle. He'd never actually seen the sharingan user smoke before, and could recall times when Kakashi would rib Asuma about the amount that he would light up around everyone.

"Recently," Kakashi said quietly as he eyed the silver zippo lighter, clicking it open and lighting the cigarette. With a light snap he shut it and rubbed his thumb over it's smooth, gleaming casing.

Genma walked over and crouched beside him, taking the lighter from Kakashi's fingers. He then admired the delicate graceful initials engraved in the silver plating. S.A.

"You know, Kakashi. This self-deprecating way doesn't suit you. I might have to kick your ass all over the border," Genma smirked.

Wisps of silver-blue smoke danced in front of Kakashi's eye as he fixed it on Genma, his eyebrow arched low over it. The inhalation of the first drag on the cigarette gave Kakashi a warm lazy feeling throughout his chest and body, and he found he rather enjoyed the sensation. He'd never tell Genma that he had been helping Konohomaru sort Asuma's things when the young Sarutobi gave the lighter to him. It was Kakashi's duty as a friend to Asuma to help his family through his tragic death, but being personal didn't come easy to the Copy-ninja. Konohamaru thought Kakashi deserved a small token of Asuma as they had been good friends for so many years. The older Sarutobi was never apart from the lighter, and sadly when his body was found, it was still on him.

Kakashi hated thinking of Asuma more than anyone else they lost that day. It was Asuma's words he heard in his last moments before the pain and darkness overtook him. Those words - he would never forget them. Small breaths rasped and strained from beside Kakashi that day as he heard the name wheezed over and over, "Kurenai." Over and over it came until if faded more breathily with each utterance until all that was left was silence - blessedly devastating silence. Kakashi couldn't reach him or tell him that Kurenai was dead already; he could only listen to the pain in his voice, until it was no more.

_At least they're there together_, he thought darkly.

"Shit Genma, let's get going." Kakashi shoved the memory away and stood up quickly. Taking back the lighter from his friend , he unconsciously rubbed his rough thumb over the engraved letters.

* * *

"I haven't seen you in a while, Neji. You haven't come by," Sakura said softly as she spied the Hyuuga walking past the med tent, no obvious intention of stopping.

The ANBU halted begrudgingly and turned his face to the young Kunoichi. Her bright green eyes captured him, seizing him in their spell. His white eyes locked on hers, then took in her stance as she leaned lazily against one of the posts attached to the canvas abode behind her. She wore only the black shirt and pants of a jounin, no vest. Her hair was loose and looked striking against the neutral clothes. The blue moonlight played in her cherry locks, making them look violet and silver.

"I didn't want to…get in your way," he said in his usual calm manner, but with some measure of trepidation which seemed quite unusual for the young genius.

"I think we should talk. I don't want things to be like this between us," Sakura said softly as she stood upright, taking short steps toward him. Managing to keep him rooted on the spot with her intense gaze, she neared him to where they were almost touching. Her fingers grazed his long glove. "Don't push me away, I miss seeing you. Please, let's just talk about it."

"I don't know if I can…we can't be normal now …" He shook his head while looking at her, his lengthy coffee-colored hair loose and dangling over his shoulders, contrasting sharply with his pale skin.

"Can't we put it behind us?" Sakura almost pleaded as she attempted to hold his gaze.

"I want to…but…" Neji found he was unsure of what to say, and looking in her sad eyes made it so much more difficult. "I am putting things behind me, but I don't think you can," he whispered. He could tell immediately that it struck her deeply, and he regretted his words. But sadly, this confrontation was overdue. Her face showed her dismay that the conversation was not going to be in her control like she always wanted it to be.

"What happened between you and I has nothing to do with…Sasuke," she answered while fighting the emotions that threatened beneath the surface. "It's just not what I want, regardless of my past. We're friends, and losing the friendship so that you can satisfy your loneliness makes me think I am the only one who feels that way." Her eyebrows creased. "Maybe I'm just another warm body to you. I thought we meant more to each other than that."

"You think its loneliness that makes me want you? I suppose it might be that you can't fathom that it's possible to go on with life after someone you love dies. You know it _is _possible Sakura. I don't think Sasuke would want you throwing your happiness away on his memory, just as I know Tenten wouldn't want me to do that either."

"You don't know what you are talking about," she hissed, fighting the tears.

"I don't? It's been three years. You hide here, forgetting that there is life outside of this tent." He could feel the guilt of this confrontation ripping at his gut, but the need to shake her and wake her from her pain was so great in him.

"Why do you cry in the rain, Sakura? Why?" Neji grasped her shoulders and made her look at him. Her eyes glistening with tears. He shook his head again and realized that, as much as it was needed, he hated making her feel like this.

"You're so afraid to get close to anyone again. People can't live like that. I know you're lonely, and a memory can't keep you company forever. Maybe I'm not the right one for you, but you won't give anyone a chance."

Her mouth opened to denounce him, but she knew he was right. She never wanted to be close to anyone, never wanted to feel the burning pain of the loss she felt when Naruto stood on her doorstep that sunny Konoha day. It couldn't possibly have been three years ago. The loss and anguish was still too fresh. As the tears stung her eyes and slipped down her burning cheeks, she knew she couldn't stop them this time. Was it Sasuke or the memory of the pain that kept her alone, she couldn't say for sure and she didn't care to examine it. It was what it was.

"I'm so sorry..." Neji whispered gently as he pulled her into an embrace, feeling the dampness of her tears on his shoulder, "…for everything, and I feel guilty that I want to go on with my life, despite losing Tenten. Watching you wallow in your pain makes me feel guilty that I can't remain in mine. I want you to find a way to go on too. You need to."

"I want to Neji, I just can't. I loved him so much, and it's killing me. It hurts to think about." She sobbed into his light ANBU vest. "I need him. Sometimes I think I want to die just to be with him." Her hitched sobs grew louder as he tightened his arms, feeling her knees give out from under her.

"I want him back. It wasn't long enough…" she cried into his chest, her fingers clinging on for dear life. "It hurts…"

Together they sank to the dark grass, and he held her. Finally he understood her more than he did before. It wasn't that he didn't love Tenten enough to push happiness aside forever, and it wasn't that Sakura couldn't forget Sasuke. It was that she couldn't handle losing someone else in the same way. She pushed them all aside, every man, every friend, everyone, to save her heart the pain that almost destroyed it once.

* * *

The sun was starting to come up over the Fire Country and Kakashi took a deep breath to try to wake himself up. It seemed like they had been moving through the damn Konoha trees for days, even though it was just a few hours. The others in the group had decided to rest overnight and make their way to the border camp by the next day, but Genma and Kakashi wanted to push on.

Both men wanted to get to their destination and Kakashi was tired, physically and mentally; his sharingan ached. Darting through the trees and drawing chakra to their feet was taking its toll on the friends, and they finally conceded that they needed to stop for a rest. Drawing up under some low hanging branches, the Copy-ninja lay back on his bag and placed his hands behind his head in a relaxed stretch out. He could feel the flat envelope inside his bag that he was carrying for Tsunade, and shifted again to get more comfortable.

"What's it like there, at the border?" Kakashi asked, half interested.

"Hm, well, the food is okay. Ibiki is a good commander, and the units are really strong and work well together. There is a lot of camaraderie there. Saturday nights we have a pub night for all the off-duty ninja with music and sometimes drinks in the mess. Heh, and you can smoke till your heart's content," Genma laughed. "There are a few women there, and they come looking for comfort sometimes."

"What?" Kakashi shook his head. "Is that all you think about?"

"Hmph," Genma breathed out as he watched the sunrise. "They're like the men. They just want physical contact. It's hard sometimes, Kakashi. You take the comfort where you can."

"I suppose you don't disappoint?" Kakashi smirked as he removed his mask and drew a half crumpled cigarette between his lips. The click of the silver lighter preceded the sigh of relaxation that immediately followed the first inhalation. He had begun to love the way the smoke curled in the air from the lit end, and the soft scent of Konoha tobacco as it calmed him with each deep breath.

"Of course," Genma laughed as he stood up. "Put that shit out, and lets get going."

Kakashi grinned, drew in a last drag, and crushed it out on the metal hand guard on the back of his glove. Sighing, he picked up his bag. The old hollow feelings were still there, but heading away from the reminders made it a little easier.

* * *

The steaming cup of green tea sat between Sakura's interlaced fingers, her palms pressed to it tightly. The previous night had been hard. Neji had tried to force her to look at her life, and her feelings were mixed about it. He had to understand how deep her loss was, and that she couldn't understand why he was ready to go on. Did he want to forget Tenten?

He held her for a while before escorting her to her quarters through the med tent, and then kissed her forehead chastely as she lay down. He was a good friend, but she couldn't let it go further. It wasn't that he wasn't handsome. He was probably, by far, the most attractive man there. It just didn't seem right, and to let it get as far as it did made Sakura think she was playing with fire. He had kissed her longingly, his hands had touched her until the guilt or fright finally overtook her. Feeling warm fingers on her bare skin again scared her.

"Sakura?" Ibiki looked at her as she sat at an empty table in the mess tent, her surprise showing that she hadn't noticed him approach. He smiled again and got a half-smile in return as he sat down across from her. "Things are going well with the talks. There should be no casualties for a while, I hope. I've lessened the patrols but I'm still cautious. I want to ask you about how you think it would be best to handle the medics. I've been sending out four man teams but we are thinking of switching to six man teams and spreading them a little further."

"I think that one medic per six man group is fine. They're well trained. It's just two more people per squad. If they have trouble with it, let me know."

"Thanks Uchiha, I'll take it under advisement. It's about 3:00 kid. My lieutenant should be here soon. I'll go have a look around and see if they've arrived. I'm interested to see who we've got." Ibiki rose from the bench with a nod and moved towards the door amid the smiles and greetings of other ninja in the mess tent.

Sakura stood up too; it was time to get out the paperwork for her check-up on the new recruit.

She silently prayed it wasn't going to be like when Genma got his physical.

* * *

"Hatake Kakashi, it's been a long time!" Ibiki slapped the wiry Sharingan user on the back as he led him towards the tent he would now reside in over the next year or so. "I didn't expect you. How have you been?"

"Good," he lied calmly.

"It's been a long trip, I think we'll get some food," Genma threw in as they dropped their belongings in Kakashi's new tent. It wasn't a bad tent at all, and stood right next to Genma's. It was large enough to stand in and had a cot along with a small cook stove in it for heating a kettle. All in all, it was livable.

"You men are later than I thought. Hatake is expected to have his physical at 4:30. Kakashi, you are about 15 minutes late for it, and I warn you, she'll be ticked. The med tent is located at the north end of the clearing. You'd better get going."

Genma laughed as he watched Kakashi unzip his black bag and pull out the large envelope for the head medic.

"Come on, I've got some stuff to take there so I'll walk you."

"Meet us at the shed when you're finished." Ibiki threw in before leaving the tent.

"What's the shed?" Kakashi asked as they began to walk through the throng of canvas living quarters. "And what happens if I'm late for my physical?"

"Well the shed is where all the missions, interrogations and planning goes on." Genma grinned deviously. "If you are late for your physical, Sakura will kick your skinny ass."

Kakashi suddenly stopped his trek towards the med tent as enlightenment dawned on him. "Haruno Sakura?"

"Uchiha Sakura. The one and only pink-haired medic." Genma could see the perplexity in Kakashi's exposed eye, and understanding crept upon him. "You know her, don't you? I forgot."

Kakashi grunted an acknowledgement, but his mind was spinning with thoughts. How long had it been since he'd seen Sakura? More than three years at the very least. It was her wedding day, and he was amazed at what a beautiful bride she made. She was grown up, and he was proud of the person she had become. Sadly enough, it was the very last time he saw her before a long mission entrenching him beyond the Sand Country. The news of Sasuke's death had come late - about 3 months late. By the time Kakashi had returned to Konoha, the Uchiha's name was on the memorial and his widowed bride had left for the border. He never got to tell her how sorry he was and that he wanted to be there for her. What could he have done though? He wasn't a consoling presence; he wasn't even a comforting one.

As they neared the tent, Kakashi could see the plain wrapped package of chocolates and a letter tucked under Genma's arm. He was bringing them for her.

Genma opened the flap first and stepped in, followed just behind by the Copy-ninja. Both men stood together silently, and could see the young woman fussing with some linens in the back cupboards. Her back was turned to them.

"Sakura, I brought you a few interesting things back from Konoha," Genma chuckled.

He smiled as he moved beside her, and Kakashi watched their comfortable interaction. The senbon still bounced with his words, and Kakashi shook his head at his friend's oral fixation. He watched the young medic slowly tear open the wrapped box as his tall friend looked on.

"Konoha's Best Chocolate Cherries. Thanks, Genma. You should stop bringing me stuff back when you go there. All your girlfriends will get jealous," she said with just a hint of amusement for his benefit.

Her small half-smile was better than he usually got, and it was worth it to lug the box back.

"Here's a letter from Naruto, too." He handed her the envelope as she thanked him again. Kakashi was amazed at how much she had changed in the few years he hadn't seen her. Her hair was longer, and she looked older - just a little - but enought that he could see it in her face. Her smile was gone too, that bright smile he remembered so well. He supposed he understood the reasoning behind that.

"Um, I'll let you get started then." Genma backed up slightly as Sakura turned around and jumped a little. Up to now, she had not realized someone else was in the tent. Her gaze focused on the silver-haired man in front of her, and her expression changed instantly. Her eyes seemed to peruse his frame, then move back to his face, fixing on the one exposed eye.

"You know Hatake Kakashi, don't you? He's our new lieutenant." Genma moved to stand near the Copy-nin, and was a little surprised at the medic's reaction to him.

Her eyes widened, and she felt a surge of warm nervousness crawl over her skin. It was uncontrollable, and in a million years she never would have guessed that she would react to her old team-leader like that, but she did. She could feel some small tears pushing their way to the corners of her eyes as her cheeks warmed. The dip of her eyebrows showed the emotions that were trying to push past the wall she kept them behind.

"Kakashi..." she spoke, and it was barely above a whisper. "I should have known it was you." A large smile bloomed across her face, and had she been able to tear her eyes from the masked, silver- haired Jounin, she might have seen the shock on Genma's face.

He smiled back at her, his eye creasing happily. It was rare for him to feel anything besides the hollow emptiness, but her reaction hit him hard. He didn't imagine she'd be so taken with seeing him again. There was so much he wanted to say, but didn't know where to start.

Finally finding her voice, Sakura managed to speak clearly and find a bit of professionalism

"You're late!" Her tone regained its strength, but her uncommon smile remained. She locked her eyes onto his exposed one and found that she couldn't tear them away, just as he couldn't either.

"I got lost…" he approached her slowly and put his hand on her shoulder, squeezing with affection. "...on the road of life," he joked.

"Liar," she whispered as she placed her hand on his forearm and reciprocated gently. Her tears slipped over her cheeks but she didn't care. A piece of her life had returned, and strangely, she was glad for it, where she never thought she would be.

Genma slipped out quietly and jogged through the grass towards the Shed. He was shocked. Since Sakura arrived at he border, he hadn't seen her smile like that. All the times he returned from Konoha, bringing her small tokens from home and personal letters, nothing had ever pleased her like that. All that time he had tried to bring her some small happiness, who could have guessed it would come in the form of a depressed old Jounin?

Genma chuckled to himself thinking that perhaps this was a blessing for both of them.

* * *

Edited Oct 08


	4. Weapon

Fated  
Chapter 4: Weapon

Spoilers for the Kakashi Gaiden

* * *

"It seems like forever, doesn't it?" Sakura said softly as she continued to hold Kakashi's arm. Slowly but gently, his gloved hand moved to her streaked face to wipe away her tears with the pad of his thumb.

"And then some," he said smoothly as they stared at one another.

Suddenly coming back to herself, Sakura laughed lightly at how affected she was getting in front of her old team-leader. Quickly turning, she wiped at her face hurriedly to clear the remnants of emotion away. "I'm sorry, I just didn't expect you. I haven't thought about…you… and home in a long time."

Tyring unobviously to occupy her interest with the small table at the back of the tent, she motioned to a medical bed in the center of the room. With an absent wave of her tense fingers, she directed him to it. "Have a seat, Kakashi. I'll be with you in a moment."

"Ah, yes the physical. Can we skip it?" he asked calmly, dropping the envelope tucked under his arm to the bed next to him before sitting on the crisp white linens. His exposed eye perused the large medical tent, impressed with the size and efficiency of it. That smell of sterility mingled with the forest was mercifully and pleasantly abated when she stood near him. The soft jasmine scent rising from her skin reached his masked nose and was a welcome change from the reminders of his time in the hospital back in Konoha.

Sakura turned back, feeling slightly more able to control of the rush of memories and feelings he brought in with his lazy familiar slouch. "No. It's compulsory," she mumbled matter-of-factly as she pulled back her hair, tying it away from her face.

"All right. What should I do?" He tried to not sigh.

"Get comfortable, and…take off your shirt and headband," she directed, trying so hard to be an adult and a professional before the man who reminded her of being a child. Strangely, his presence shook her, more than even Ibiki's did at first. Never in a million years did she fathom Hatake Kakashi would amble through her doorway tonight. It was so damn comforting to see him. She never imagined she was so lonely for home or old reminiscences, everything that the sight of him brought back. She couldn't remember the last time a smile felt so good or less forced. Happiness had been such a foreign thing that it feel almost too good.

Getting herself ready physically and mentally, Sakura turned back to the back table to get the required papers ready while she listened to the sound of his clothes being pulled off. Shaking her head, she imagined how funny it would look to see a man sitting there in just pants and a mask , so steeling herself not to laugh as she turned around, the lips bitten cautiously between her teeth opened in surprise. Obviously unaware that it would shock her, Kakashi was sitting there, his back to her, head turned just enough to expose half his face.

A great number of things surprised her. It was not just the raw, tender looking condition of his torso, but also the bare sleek cut of his jaw line as his head turned into view. The soft black mask lay on the table next to the discarded Konoha shirt, gloves, and headband.

Kakashi sat still on the table waiting for his former student-turned-head-medic to come and appraise all the damage he'd done to himself. It was a not a welcome thing, being poked and prodded, but he supposed it was nicer to have someone he was close with handle it.

"Kakashi." Her voice was quieter again. "You can keep your mask on if you'd rather." Slowly she approached, giving him time to decide. The unexpected surprise of seeing his shoulders shrug with indifference hit her, and she made her way around in front of him.

"It doesn't matter," he replied with no obvious discomfort or regret. Seeing her wide pale eyes focus on the lower half of his face, and then back up to his open lazy eye and closed scarred one, made him remember she hadn't seen him before.

"I don't mean to stare," she excused herself, but continued to anyway. The way his silver hair fell without the headband, the long scar over his eye, and the straight handsome cut of his features had managed to completely stun her.

"I forgot, you've never seen my face," he said offhandedly. His bare hand waved with his indifference.

She creased her eyebrows. "Other people have?" Her eyes continued to focus on his lips as they turned up in a small smirk before he spoke again.

"Yeah. I'm sorry. I used to mess with you three when you were kids. I don't always hide it around Konoha or somewhere familiar, mostly just on missions or in large groups." He smirked again, although his eyes didn't show the joviality his lips did.

"Hm, I see." She shook her head. "Well, we'd better get started. You probably have to get over to the Shed for an orientation on how things work around here after this." Moving closer to him and dropping a clipboard of papers beside him, Sakura pressed a soft warm hand to his chest.

"You're skin is cold. Kakashi, these wounds look unhealed and fresh. When did this happen?"

Her words drifted over him as the sensation of her chakra slipping into his body made him tense. It wasn't painful, but rather soothing and tingled. Lifting his open eye to look at her closed ones, he could see the concentration on her face as she evaluated the damage inside his body. Although the medics never thought so, Kakashi found something intimate about having someone else's chakra inside of him.

"About a week ago. Tough mission," he answered and then looked away from her, his gaze tracing the floor as his brow creased slightly. He searched for a window or something else to divert his attention, but the plastic panels that doubled for panes were not enough. The darkening evening blocked out whatever he was trying to see anyway.

"They'll need to be tended daily. Come here each morning at 10:00 if you aren't preoccupied with Ibiki or mission planning, and we'll treat them. It shouldn't take more than a few sessions to heal." Sakura bent beside the Jounin and scribbled on the papers on the clipboard, making scratchy notes and checking off items. "You've sustained some internal damage but it looks like a lot of it has healed. There are just some things that need a little extra help."

Rising again, she stood directly in front of him, but had to look up slightly as he was still taller than she. "Why are you keeping your eye closed?" Her head tilted slightly. "Could you open that for me? I'd like to check it."

Knowing she would get to that eventually, Kakashi regretfully opened the lazy, scarred eyelid to reveal the sharingan. The overhead light fired into it, and he struggled to keep the lid up through the pain. He could see the kunoichi's eyes seeing everything while he fought to keep it open against the mechanical, bitter light. After some time and grand effort, he was finally able to look at her through that special left eye.

Sakura felt her gut wrench at the sight of a sharingan. Did she really ever think she would see one again? It reminded her so much of her lost husband; the colour was so deep and hypnotic, but Kakashi's eye was different from Sasuke's. Still it struck her deeply, that is, until she saw his eyelid slide down over it again. Her hand reactively went to his face, and her thumb rested on the lower half of the scar beneath his eye.

"Is it in pain? I suppose being in that constant state has taken some toll on it…and you."

"The light bothers it. It's more difficult to use now, but I manage." Kakashi couldn't look at her while he spoke, and his sharingan remained closed. When was the last time someone touched his face? The sensation was all too pleasant.

"I see," she replied softly. Now laying her hand over his sharingan, Sakura smiled gently as she pressed some tingling chakra throughout it. Kakashi's dark eye moved up to watch her, and their gazes locked as she spread soothing relief into the special eye. He could feel it flowing inside him as if someone had let cool water burst through it to wash away the constant ache.

Instantly, he was overcome with relief like a painkiller. He couldn't recall when he'd first felt some pain there, but today was the first day in a long time that he didn't.

"Thank you, Sakura..."

"Anytime at all…and I mean that," she urged.

Looking over him again, Sakura changed her focus to examine the rest of his body. She moved near his tattooed left arm and gazed for a while at the long scar that cut down his shoulder and ran through his pectoral. It was curved and rough, and it was obvious the tissue had closed over the jagged, deep cut without the aid of a proper medic. Without being able to stop herself, Sakura touched it, and traced her finger down it making him tighten his body and sit up little straighter.

"Won't you let me get rid of this?" she whispered.

"No," he answered softly as he looked up at her with his good eye. In her face, he could see the understanding of where he came to the scar, and assumed Naruto or Genma must have told her. Gently, Kakashi clasped her hand and moved it away from his chest, but his hold lingered.

"Kakashi...I wanted to tell you that what you did…" She felt the tightening ache in her throat as the professional medic disintegrated in his strong gaze as he opened both eyes to look at her. More thoughts and feelings she had put aside surfaced as her fingers moved back along the line of healed over skin where it was previously torn. This time, Kakashi didn't stop her.

"We don't have to talk about it now," his smooth calm voice iterated soothingly as he gripped her shoulder with his free hand.

"This is from him, isn't it? You don't have to keep it," she pleaded timidly, her brow stitched.

"Yes, I do." He smiled in a way that was consoling but not happy.

Understanding his meaning, she nodded as much as she could manage. Clearing her throat, she was able to keep it together as she busied her attention with the multi-coloured papers snapped on the clipboard, taking a louder deep breath than she'd meant to. "I think that you're going to live. No missions for a week, no undue strain, and up to 7 days of treatment starting in the morning." She pointed to his bruised and torn side with the end of the pen. "That one is slightly infected so it will take longer to heal. We'll have our work cut out for us. Go ahead and put your headband back on."

Lifting her head finally from the scribblings she was making on the papers, she could see one corner of his mouth lifting in a cocky smile. "Thanks, Doc," he smirked as he worked at putting his shirt back on. The headband was next and the cool leather was a relief as it covered all light over his eye. Yes, it felt better, but that wouldn't last. Finally, he slipped the mask over his head and let it dangle around his strong chin.

"Oh, this is for you. Tsunade sent it." He picked up the package he'd dropped beside him and held it out to Sakura. She took it and began to work at the seal, but her eyes darted back up when her old Sensei pulled a crumpled pack of cigarettes out of his pocket to slip one between his lips.

"Don't light that in here," she grumbled, and he could see the perturbation in her face. He nodded in response, and smiled slightly as he pulled the cigarette back out of his mouth. Then seeing that the examination was over, Kakashi slipped off the bed and stood in front of Sakura, not sure what made him do it, but placing a hand on her shoulder again, squeezing affectionately.

"I guess I'll be here for a while so we'll get together and talk. It's been a long time."

"Before you go, I have to…to thank-you…" Even trying not to cry, Sakura hold back the tears that blinked from her eyes. She didn't care though; she knew she had to do this for closure. Kakashi deserved it as well. "What you did…I can't tell you how much that meant to me…I…need…" She was struggling to get the words out.

"I know," Kakashi whispered, pulling her close to hold her tightly. Sakura's her fingers twisted into the back of his black shirt. "I know."

* * *

"So, Tsunade has given us the Copy Ninja,"Anko drawled as the silver haired man swept through the only wooden door in the entire camp. She smirked at the tall man as he closed it behind him with a light click.

"Anko," he greeted coolly as his eyes roved around the small room. It was a dingy place; the walls were plywood and there weren't any windows. It was an obvious place for interrogation and planning, since there was no escape and no source for spying. Kakashi finally sauntered over to Genma. Anko's eyes followed him as he made his way to half sit, half lean beside his old friend on one of the wooden tables near the back wall.

Kakashi could see a few Jounin, maybe a half-dozen or so, but no one he really knew with the exception of Anko, Ibiki and Genma.

"All right," the scarred leader began, "I wanted to introduce everyone to the new lieutenant of our outlying ANBU squads. This is Hatake Kakashi, but I presume that you all know him or at least know _of_ him anyway." Ibiki's gaze rested on the sharingan-user as Kakashi nodded at the faces turning to him.

"Kakashi, Genma will take you to the outlying areas tomorrow to see the set-up of our ANBU squads. He'll go over some of the preparations and precautions we take with our neighboring countries. You two will act as a team the majority of the time." Ibiki's rough voice commanded attention, and even though he was talking to Kakashi, everyone else listened intently.

"Yes, Sir." Kakashi nodded again as he pulled a cigarette back out, and perched it between his lips.

Ibiki turned towards the board at the front and began to go over missions and directives with the group. Kakashi tried to listen but his mind slipped back to Sakura. How different she appeared, but still seemed to hold thatsuch heavy emotion close to her heart. It was never a strong suit of hers, hiding her feelings. And in the beginning of her young career, he minutely doubted she would make it as far as she had. It was surprising to see her maturity, but somewhat pleasing to see that the old Sakura resided in there somewhere. As her teamleader, he had thought emotion would be a downfall of hers, even though it was part of being human, but now was relieved to see she could express it still. Bottling it up was hard on someone; Kakashi understood that only too well. Many people who went through loss would become cold to it. For their Sakura to have become like that would be tragic.

The lighter clicked as he ran a thumb over the rough wheel, and the silver casing he cradled in his right hand, gleamed in the humming fluorescent light.

"Bastard. I'm going to kick your ass all the way to the ANBU camps tomorrow," Genma's smooth voice growled from next to him.

"What the fuck, Genma?" Kakashi looked at his smirk in puzzlement, the cigarette bouncing between his lips.

"Do you know how long I've been trying to get that girl to smile? Shit, your sorry ass drags in here and she's lighting up like a Christmas tree."

"She's too young for you." Kakashi eyed him warily, before his jet black eye rolled in some unabated amusement.

Genma stretched a little as he shifted on the hard wooden table to take a lazy posture, placing his hands behind his head. "Plenty of others, friend, plenty of others."

"Hey, Shiranui, shut the fuck up back there," Ibiki growled as Genma jovially saluted, the wide smile twisted around the senbon.

* * *

The inky blackness seemed to close in tonight around the eerily quiet medical tent, and after filing the paperwork and stocking the shelves, Sakura wondered how she would pass the time.

The shock of seeing her old Sensei and good friend kept her mind spinning; obviously sleep would be impossible for a while. Instead of fighting the inevitable, she mulled around, neatening things and trying to fool herself into thinking she was busy, when the yellow envelope lying on the table suddenly caught her eye. Naruto's welcome letter lay on top, but the thick, paper-filled parcel under it looked more like work to her.

Grabbing both she retired to the back living area of the tent and took her seat at her small desk, clicking on the overhead lamp. The thick envelope was heavy, and when Sakura tipped it, a large folder marked Hatake Kakashi slid out. Her eyes widened at what she was looking at. Did he know he carried his medical file all the way there?

Just the first page made her gut wrench with empathy. So many painful injuries, so many things he'd done in the service of Konoha that would break normal men appeared on page after page of his record. Never in her wildest dreams could she imagine that he'd had such a rough life. Yes, she knew it was hard and difficult, but not like what she was seeing.

With each turn, each new page, the words glared at her: broken ribs, fractured leg, broken nose, concussion, blood loss, burns, organ damage. It continued on and on, running back years to when he was just a child. In all the time she knew Kakashi, the wonder of the sharingan was always something his three genin students would speculate about, and here it was, all the answers of how he received it, how he got the scar. It broke her heart to finally know. Never had their speculations attained the level of sacrifice the truth held.

Flipping back to the front, Sakura again read thoroughly through the pages that described his sharingan and what he mentioned about the degeneration of it. He was in pain frequently; the constant state of a lit sharingan was hard on the body, especially since it was not part of him originally. When he was alive, Itachi had always tried to keep his sharingan lit. He had most likely suffered some of the heavy complications, but of course _he_ could just shut it off.

"Kakashi…I never knew..." she whispered in sympathy.

With tight fingers, the young medic closed the file, her eyes already focusing on the letter beside it. Seeing Kakashi really reminded her of how much she missed her old teammate and best friend. Sliding the single page from the personalized envelope, Sakura leaned lazily on her elbow to get comfortable. Although she'd never admit it, she loved his letters and would read them over and over again.

_Dear Sakura-chan,_

_I got your letter from Genma yesterday. I appreciate your reassurance, but I know you better than that. You're probably holed up in that med tent, and barely see the light of day. Genma and I talked. He said he's going to take you out dancing one of these days. I'm not sure if I trust him. He winked at Hinata before he left._

_I'll give you the update on Kakashi, and as you probably know now, you'll have to do the updating in the future. Tsunade feels that getting him away from Konoha and the memorial is a good idea. He's been bad lately. We think he took an unranked mission recently, hoping it would be his last. He returned half dead and banged up almost beyond repair. Tsunade was two days straight fixing him. She passed out twice while working on his wounds._

_I'm happy to hear you are optimistic about the talks between the countries. We've been preparing here, just in case._

_Shikamaru and Ino stopped by with the baby yesterday. He's pretty cute. He's got dark hair and Ino's blue eyes. Hinata fussed over him for hours and I'm scared she wants another. Sasuke is a handful but is progressing well with several Hyuuga jutsu. He's grown, Sakura, I wish you could see him. Hinata is finally being placed as Head of Hyuuga house next week. Could you let Neji know? Hinata wondered if he would return for the ceremony. It's on the 21st._

_I guess I'll finish with the usual. I miss you, Sakura. We all do. Come home soon, just for a while. The cherry trees are in bloom and they make me think of you. You used to love this time of year in Konoha, and you could easily make it back in time for the summer festival. Although, as usual, I'm sure you aren't coming, I'm happy that you are there for Kakashi, and that he is there for you.  
_

_Love Naruto_

"Naruto,"she whispered affectionately.

She loved to get his letters, but this one scared her a little. By what he said, Kakashi seemed to be living with a death wish these days. It seemed a foreign idea from the hentai, off-colour copy ninja who taught her so many years ago about comrades and loyalty. She had noticed how subdued his behavior was, but chocked it up to lag from the trip. Now she understood, and between the medical file and the letter, she decided that she would keep a close eye on him for a while.

Looking at the small clock beside the futon on the floor, Sakura realized it was almost midnight. She sauntered over to the bed to lie down and get some sleep, the letter held loosely between her fingers. After finding a comfortable place to sit on the foot of the futon, she reached over to a small cupboard and retrieved a small cherry wood box tied with a piece of string to hold it closed.

With a tug, the binding loosened and fell away from its keep. The lid practically opened on it's own, and Sakura let her fingers tuck quickly through the contents of it.

Letter after letter sprang up under her fingers. Three years of endearing pleas to come home and a chronology of past events that occurred in Konoha were written on the well worn and well read pages. Naruto never failed to write. It was at least a letter a month, and she owed him so much for it as there were times it kept her going. And tonight, somewhere in her mind she felt it was too bad that she could never bring herself to return, because the way she reacted to Kakashi told her she was needed them more than she had ever let herself believe.

It didn't take long to find the letter she was searching for. The yellowing, ripped page was streaked from tears; ink had soaked through the paper where it had become wet giving it a transparent quality, so much so that she could read some of the words on the outside.

Her hands shook slightly; it had been forever since she'd last read it. Truly though, she knew it by heart.

_Dear Sakura,_

_This letter is not like my usual. I have to tell you what has happened so take a seat before you read this. All of our waiting is finally over. They found Kakashi two days ago. I don't know where he's been up to now, but this is the first he's been seen in three months. Tsunade is lifting his missing-nin status but he's in bad shape._

_Sakura, he killed Kabuto. He must have been tracking him and finally caught up with him. They found his body nearby when an ANBU squad stumbled onto Kakashi, just by dumb luck. Kakashi's upper body was torn through. Kabuto had actually ripped his chakra into Kakashi's chest and caused a large amount of damage from his shoulder to his upper abdomen. Tsunade and Shizune are with him day and night and they are optimistic he'll pull though, but he lost a lot of blood. I can't imagine how hard it was for Kakashi to fight like that, but he did, and managed to kill Kabuto in the end._

_I'll be talking to him soon, but I thought you should know. It's over now, Sakura. He's gone, and I think you should come home. Kakashi will need support and I know that before he went he was worried about you. He felt so guilty that he didn't make it back in time to see you before you left._

_I understand you needed to get away but it's time to come home now. Sasuke is getting ready for his second birthday, and we'd love for his Aunt Sakura to be here for it. Please think about it._

_Love Naruto_

As if it were all fresh, she felt herself crying again. Seeing Kakashi's scar brought it all back to her: Sasuke's death, his killer, and the disappearance of Hatake Kakashi. The first time she had read the letter she cried so hard, and now she could remember the uncontrollable shake of her shoulders as the page slipped from her weak fingers. It was a mixture of pain, relief, remembrance, and the idea that everything had ended that kept her from dealing with the fact that her life would continue without him. Kakashi being found alive and that the world was rid of Kabuto played heavily on her heart that day. What Kakashi had done for Sasuke, and for her, was beyond reciprocation; she would never be able to thank him enough.

Gliding her fingers over the worn paper softly, she folded it up and used her sleeve to dab away the tears around her eyes. The scar had actually been worse than she imagined, and it made her heart ache that he wanted to keep it. Her respect for Kakashi could go unsaid, but now she felt endeared to him, and protective. He wouldn't have to go through all this alone, and perhaps they could find a way to heal his inner scars as it seemed he needed to keep the outer ones.

* * *

Finding his feet moving slowly but managing to keep pace with Genma, Kakashi felt the long journey and the late meeting wearing on him. Their tents weren't far and he imagined even a rocky ground couldn't prevent sleep tonight. It was something he didn't have trouble with, sleep; he could almost sleep away the rest of his life.

"We didn't get any dinner," Genma grumbled as they passed by the rows of high tents that housed men playing cards, sleeping, writing letters or enjoying the company of one of the kunoichi. "Let's go to the mess tent. It'll be one less place to show you on our travels tomorrow."

"I'm not hungry," the Copy Ninja added lazily as his gaze drifted, unintentionally, into the tents they passed.

"You haven't eaten since this morning. Come on. We may see someone you know. Everyone is pretty young around here. We're the old men now so we need to stick togethe," Genma laughed a little, but Kakashi didn't answer or even acknowledge it.

"I'm pretty tired. I think I'll just head to bed."

"Suit yourself, but I'm sure we could have found some sweet _young_ kunoichi to welcome you here. You're a legend, you know." The hard slap hit Kakashi's back, and he winced silently from the unhealed injuries.

They stopped near Kakashi's tent, and Genma pulled his bag out as the silver haired jounin lay down on the cot. It was roomy enough and the light bedroll on top was comfortable; he would have no problem drifting off tonight.

"All right, Hatake, I'll wake you up in the morning after I kick her out." Genma's smirk was apparent as he slipped the backwards headband from his caramel hair, and ruffled his fingers through it slightly.

"Nice." Kakashi rolled to his side, an unlit cigarette perched between his lips.

"You know, that's a bad habit, Kakashi, and if my tent catches on fire tonight, I'll beat the shit out of you."

Kakashi could hear Genma's deep soft laugh as he strolled away, and knew the man wasn't going back to his tent. And the sudden silence was welcome. Being with Genma was comforting; Kakashi missed having a close friend around, and aside from Asuma and Kurenai, Genma had been one of his closest.

Enough time had passed since that day, so why did he still feel that twisting pain in his gut whenever he thought of _them_? He felt alone often, his main companions gone. Why would anyone choose this life? He'd asked himself that many times. But he knew it was his father's life, wasn't it? The famous…infamous Konoha White Fang, revered, and then shunned by the village that Kakashi loved before taking his own life.

Being just a small boy, Kakashi didn't understand his father was dead when he found him sprawled on the floor of their living area; not until the blood painted his fingers did he see his world crack to pieces. The house was large, expansive, and his father had been upheld as much so as the legendary Sannin. How things turned so fast, Kakashi knew, but couldn't understand at such a tender age. At that time, all he could fathom was that his father had died and he was alone.

Rubbing at his sharingan after removing the headband that covered it, he reminisced on his younger days.

_Obito, you preached emotions but sometimes it's too much_, he thought sadly. He missed the cold child he became, that Obito's sacrifices had managed to banish in only a day. He could have been blank to it all, learned not to care, but it was too late now. He would go through the pain of loss whether he wanted to or not.

The sounds of ninja talking in their tents, light music from somewhere, and the crackle of a nearby fire could not serve to keep Kakashi awake. His eyes closed and the blissful ease of his sharingan, thanks to Sakura, was allowing his mind finally to close off to the darkness.

* * *

Re-edited Jan 09


	5. It's Been a While

Fated  
Chapter 5: It's Been a While

* * *

The light hued the canvas tent to a golden brown above him as Kakashi's tired eyes opened. It was morning already? He'd slept so soundly that the night seemed like only minutes, and mercifully hadn't dreamed. There were voices and the sounds of awakening all around that were much louder than he ever expected to be able to sleep through.

"Hatake, are you decent?" Genma's mellow voice piped through the closed flap near the foot of the cot.

"_I_ am Genma. I'm not sure about you, though," Kakashi chided back as he pulled a cigarette from his bag on the floor next to bed. Slipping it between his lips, he lit it and let the light blue wisp of smoke curl around him from his mouth. It danced in front of his eyes and filled the tent with the sweet musky smell of Konoha leaf tobacco. The calmness spread through his body with the first deep inhalation.

Genma's head popped through the flap and he stared at the lazy jounin lying half beneath the light gray blanket, one hand tucked behind his head, the other leading the lit cigarette away from his lips. The bruised and worn upper body of his friend, who was clad only in his black pants, had not escaped his notice either.

"It's about 8:30. Get up and we'll head for the showers, then the mess, and then pick up the rest of our party to head for the outlying areas."

"Ah," Kakashi hummed quietly as Genma retreated back to his quarters. Kakashi was comfortable, and _almost_ warm. The sun was beating down on the tent, and he could nearly feel its heat. Getting warm was a struggle anymore, and it seemed to be so much worse when it was cold outside, or when he was tired. Goosebumps rippled over his skin as he pulled the blanket off and sat up, hunching over and rubbing his arms with his hands.

Slipping a black jounin shirt over his head, Kakashi sauntered outside of his tent and stretched liberally. The crack of his spine forced a grunt out while Kakashi shivered with the cool morning dew chilling his bare feet in the thick wet grass.

Genma came out of his own tent carrying a towel and a shaving kit. "Grab a towel and I'll show you where to go."

Doing as requested, Kakashi accompanied Genma to the shower tent. It was a large tent also, and had a slatted wood floor similar to the med tent, but with gaps for water drainage. It wasn't as well built as the medical area, but was fine for what it was used for. Rough plumbing stretched across the ceiling, and there were tarp-like curtains between makeshift stalls that came up to around chest height on the tall jounin.

Both men found a stall each, and flipping on the single metal latch attached to the shower pipe, Kakashi jumped slightly as the cold spray hit his skin.

Genma chuckled, "Sorry, forgot to mention the water can be fairly cool by this time. You have to get here early to get hot water." Then seemingly indifferent, Genma dipped his long hair under the cold stream.

"I'll remember that," Kakashi grumbled as he shivered uncontrollably, quickly running his fingers through his wet silver hair and letting the water run over his face. It trickled down his body and made his wounds ache as he stressed and tightened his body.

"Everyone showers in here, even the women. We don't say anything, and we don't stare. It's become an understanding because if we had to set times, it would be a pain in the ass for scheduling. First come, first served. There are about 15 to 20 women here, plus a few female medics. Everyone respects each other's privacy."

"I see." Kakashi finished his frigid shower, and slipped out feeling more of the chill soaking into his bones, and if possible, more tired than before.

"Hang on and we'll head to the mess tent for breakfast."

* * *

"The commander informed me that they are cutting down on some of the patrols as things are getting less dangerous around the outlying border. It seems talks are going well, and so we are being put into six man teams instead of four. The number of teams scouting and moving are getting cut down also." Sakura looked over the medics one by one as she continued with the morning meeting.

"Does anyone have any problems or questions?"

"Sakura, I had some problems with a couple of ANBU refusing treatment last time I went on routine check out along the border. I tried to speak to the squad leader, but he was busy," a young chuunin claimed as he looked at his supervisor timidly.

"Refused?" The head medic's brow stitched. "Has anyone else had this problem?"

Of the nine medics sitting there, two others nodded to her.

"All right, I'll take care of it," she assuaged. "Keep me informed if it happens again. Okay, now I want to review everyone's recent dealings with injuries, and to pinpoint the most prevalent occurrences we're dealing with. I was sent a new book a while ago from the Hokage, and I'd like to do some specialized training. We'll go around the room and discuss each." She pointed to the young man next to her, "You first."

As the quiet discussion commenced, Sakura watched the clock. 9:52. Kakashi would be arriving soon for his treatment. As if her thoughts had called him, the first glimpse from the corner of her eye to the entrance was a flash of silver and black. Without acknowledging him, she concentrated on the discussion at hand.

"Okay, so it's mostly kunai wounds, two to four inches deep. Makes sense. Now the poisons you mentioned will be something we'll do some training on. I've got some excellent antidotes that can be made in the field. I'll get you each a copy of them, and I want them memorized. All right, folks, that's it. Good meeting. Yumi could you stay behind to help me? Everyone else can go for breakfast or their assignments. Thanks and enjoy your morning."

Kakashi watched the meeting quietly from the doorway, a sense of awe creeping over him at how different Sakura seemed now. He smiled at the commanding, yet respectful way she dealt with her subordinates, all the while managing to keep it friendly and less structured than someone like Ibiki would. Finally the group stood up and began to move their chairs around or slip off the medical beds in a scuffle, heading for the door.

"Good morning. Did you sleep well?" Sakura asked Kakashi as she approached the ANBU clad man and lightly grasped his gloved arm; her voice was gentle and empathetic.

"Quite well." He smiled at her. "I'm here for my painkiller." A wry smile tugged the corners of his mouth as he slid down his mask.

"Take off your shirt and lie down on the bed near the back wall. My medic will take care of you." Sakura pointed to the white-sheeted cot at the back of the room, but stopped when his brow creased.

"Not you?"

"I need to get ready. This is Yumi. She'll take care of you. I'll come check on the progress when I'm done." Sakura turned with a quick nod to her medic, and then moved to the other side of the tent, pushing through the makeshift door hanging between the back area and medical area.

The dark haired woman name Yumi urged Kakashi to lie down after aiding him in removing his vest and shirt, which she tossed to the end of the cot. But the end of the disrobing, he was bare-chested, the mask pulled off, as well as his long gloves. At least he was able to keep the headband, he rued inwardly, feeling suddenly over-exposed. He'd spent years of his life concealed and covered up from everyone, so when Yumi winked as he looked up, he felt his unease acutely.

Sighing slightly, he turned his head to look at the canvas wall while her chakra tickled his closed his eyes, contemplating a nap, but he was just too damn cold.

After about ten minutes, Kakashi turned back to look at his current medic, and noticed Sakura standing directly behind her, watching everything she was doing. Yumi wasn't nervous, but her demeanor had become much more professional. Sakura was straightening a long ANBU glove over her shapely arm and kakashi couldn't stop his eye from admiring the tight ANBU gear she was now donning. The tattoo on her shoulder looked so stark against her lovely pale skin.

"ANBU?" he asked quietly.

Sakura moved next to him and nodded to Yumi, who moved away. "I have to go on some of the missions, and earned my status the first year I was here."

Carefully, she pressed two fingers into his side where the worst wound was. "How is that feeling?"

"It's a little tender, but better."

He could see the concern on her face, and wondered what was going through her mind.

"I thought she could take care of this, but it's a little more advanced. I'll be doing your treatments from now on until you're better." Her head tilted as she looked at the cocked headband covering his eye.

"How is it today?"

"Better than it's been in a long while," Kakashi responded quietly as he moved to sit up. Their gaze met as she slowly reached up and slipped off his headband, exposing the sharingan. In doing her duty to Kakashi in checking it, she felt a strange need just to see it. The sight of it was comforting, most likely because all the times she had seen one, she felt protected and safe. Kakashi's was no different.

Placing her hand on his cheek affectionately, as she had done the night before, Sakura touched the bottom of the scar on his face with her thumb. She felt his face turn into her palm, before his cool hand rose to cover hers.

"You have an ANBU mission today?" he asked as he smiled gently at her.

"No, well yes. I'm accompanying you to the outer camps with Genma. Ibiki insists on a medic being with squads traveling through those areas. I have a couple of people out there I want to see as well. It serves a dual purpose." Her professional demeanor returned, ending their tender moment as she slid her hand out from under his with an awkward smile.

"I see." His eyes rested on her tattoo. "I never thought I'd see one of those on you."

"I didn't either," she scoffed. "Come on, I'll walk you to find Genma. I think it's just the three of us today."

"I believe he's still at the mess tent finishing his breakfast." Kakashi hopped down from the cot, and began to pull his shirt and gloves on, finally donning his sleek fitted vest. He rubbed lightly on his tattoo, and smiled at her. "It looks better on you."

She smiled in return. It was getting easier for her to smile. Having a piece of her old team with her was so comforting. She couldn't express how much it meant to her to have him there. Sasuke was gone now, Naruto had begun his new life with his wife, and so Kakashi was all she had left. It struck her at that moment, when he finished straightening his gloves and checking the strap of his katana, that he was truly all she had left.

Her eyes moved over his frame, and she began to feel a small hitch in her stomach. He looked thin and tired, and as she watched him, he shivered slightly. Naruto's letter came back to her along with a pang of worry about his well-being. He obviously wasn't eating right, and she wondered if he was truly taking care of himself. Well, the wounds and the letter proved he probably wasn't.

"Are you cold?" she asked, thinking it strange because the weather was warm, almost too warm for an ANBU vest. Placing her hands on his arms at his shoulders, she rubbed up and down gently.

"Ah, just a shiver. It's nothing." He tried to brush her concern away, but having her warmth on his arms was nice. It had been a long time since someone had touched him for reasons other than to fight, or poke him medically. That comfort had been between them always, and the way they still interacted assured him that even after three years apart, their bond was still strong.

Sakura nodded, although she didn't really believe him.

* * *

The trip to the outlying areas only took about an hour, and Sakura was impressed with Kakashi's speed and agility, even with the infected wound at his side. Strangely, there was not much talk this morning between the trio, and Sakura noted that even Genma was quiet.

"We're approaching the first group, Kakashi. There are small ANBU camps around these areas that patrol and report back. The squad leaders are excellent. Our last lieutenant was hurt moving to this area alone instead of waiting for his escort, but I'm sure you won't make that mistake." Genma's advice was relayed to his friend quietly through the rustle of leaves around them.

"I see." Kakashi slowed to a stop in a tree above a clearing the squad was using as a base camp. He jumped down and walked over to them, and to Sakura's surprise, the squad leader at this very first camp was Hyuuga Neji.

"Neji, you know Hatake Kakashi, don't you?" Genma jumped in to introduce them.

"Yes, how are you, Kakashi? I understand you are the new lieutenant. Let me introduce everyone," the ANBU captain responded smoothly while leading the Copy-nin towards the group of ANBU nearby.

Sakura watched the men from beside the trees before Neji turned to look at her. The look he gave her was strange, and she presumed he didn't think she would be out there. Months had passed since her last outlying mission, but when Ibiki had asked for a medic, Sakura wanted to come for more than one reason. She saw Kakashi's gaze move from Neji to herself as his exceptional senses picked up on the mutual discomfort they were both feeling.

"Sakura, could you introduce me to your medic?" Kakashi piped in.

"Of...of course." She took the opportunity to look down and move towards him, then raise her gaze to the men around the clearing, looking for her medic.

Kakashi was polite and made friendly conversation with the squad including the medic, and Sakura could see the impression he made on everyone. The Copy ninja was famous, even into the other countries, so when the young ANBU looked at him, their excited smiles were telling and their confidence in the new leadership assured.

"Sakura," Neji mumbled softly as he moved near her. They stood together watching Genma talking with the only female of the bunch and Kakashi mulling around, talking shop with the rest. "I was wondering when I'd see you again."

"I'm just here for a short visit. I haven't checked in with my medics out here for a while. I wondered what was happening." For her own reasons, she tried not to turn toward him. Since their discussion two nights prior, she was still finding a measure of discomfort from just being in his presence. Was it because he was presumptuous, or because he was right? Really, she would not admit to either.

"Hatake looks thin. How's he doing? After that mission a couple of months ago that killed all those elites, I'm surprised that they sent him out here." Neji spoke close to her ear, and she could feel the warmth from his chest on her back.

"He's well, Neji. He's perfect. I'd appreciate it if you didn't question that again." Sakura bit off the end of the last words, and suddenly felt angry with Neji for his insinuation.

"Sakura." Neji moved around in front of her, gripping her arm lightly to make her look up at him, but she refused. "It's an innocent question, not an attack. I have as much faith as anyone in him. He's well respected." His dark hair was untied, and hung loose around his shoulders, and her eyes traced it before they moved to his tattoo.

"I'm...sorry." She stared at the sky over his shoulder. "Um, I got a letter from Naruto yesterday. Hinata is being made Head of Hyuuga on the 21st, and she wanted you to go. Naruto asked me to pass it on. I don't suppose you've written home in while?"

"_This_ is my home now," Neji sighed as his white eyes looked over the trees, absently, before returning to her, "but no, I haven't written them either. Damn, I knew it would be coming soon, I just kept it out of my mind I guess."

"Are you going to go back?" Finally, her green eyes met his.

"I don't know," he said plainly, "I really can't say."

Genma moved near Kakashi as the time seemed to fly by. They'd been with the group for almost an hour, and Genma thought it would be prudent to get going.

"Hey, Kakashi, we have a few more groups to catch up with today. We'll have to cut down visit time," Genma remarked, while looking up into the softly turning leaves.

"I know, I just wanted to give _them_ some time. They seemed to be deep in discussion." Kakashi dipped his head in the direction of where Neji and Sakura now sat on the grass.

"Ah, I've seen that before." Genma imparted. "They seem to be close, mostly since Tenten was killed half a year ago. I'm not sure if something is going on between them or not though."

"It's really none of my business," Kakashi said with an air of disinterest, though too quickly.

Genma chuckled lightly at the last comment. "I'm sure she'll make it your business. She seems to only be happy around you. Not even Neji could get her to smile the way you can. I ran into Ibiki, Sakura volunteered to come out today. She didn't have to."

"It's been a long time since we were together. We were in the same team and have a lot of history, I guess. She's changed quite a bit." Kakashi turned back to watch her interact with Neji, some curiosity tickling him about the couple. Being Kakashi though, he would never ask.

"She keeps to herself a lot. She and Neji seemed to get close, but it's been a little colder between them lately. Looks like they made up though. She doesn't interact with the men like the other women do. She seems sad a lot. Well, she did. The way she smiled at you yesterday shocked me." Genma slapped his hand on the Copy-nin's shoulder. "We'd better break up their tea party, huh."

"Give them a couple more minutes. We can get this group to radio ahead of our arrival, so no one is surprised." Kakashi turned back to the group of nins watching him with awe, and struck up another light conversation. He didn't like to think Sakura was unhappy all the time, but he understood how much she loved Sasuke and the reason that she would be committed to grief. It seemed to Kakashi, that ever since he knew her, she had loved the young Uchiha. If she was finally making room in her heart for another man, Neji was probably a good choice for her, so Kakashi really didn't want to rush her away from him.

As he had always been with Sakura, he felt that protectiveness and desire to see her happy.

After another few minutes, Genma cleared his throat and raised his eyebrows to the green-eyed medic, who seemed to understand. She stood quickly, and made some parting remarks to the ANBU clad Hyuuga. Walking to the clearing edge, she waited for Kakashi and Genma, before a small wave, and a swift departure.

Neji watched them slip quickly through the trees, and out of his sight. It was surprising that Sakura had come, but pleasantly surprising, none-the-less. After their talk the other night, and now the way she had avoided his eyes, it told him that she was still uncomfortable about what had happened between them. His mind had been replaying it over, and over. Dark night, bright moon, and a few drinks at the mess tent on the pub night had served to take away his inhibitions. She was beautiful; he had always thought so, and that night he was feeling particularly lonely, just as he imagined she must feel. Her eyes told him that.

Moving through the darkness, he made his way to the med tent to find her sitting and reading at the small desk in the back room she lived in. The dim light of the lamp hanging above her head illuminated her perfect features. She was like a portrait painted in lovely hues of gold and pink, her eyes almost luminescent.

"Neji?" She had seemed shocked as she watched his tall figure enter her living quarters. His hair untied, his ANBU vest gone, Neji just wore the dark pants and sleeveless shirt that showed his intricate tattoo, and sleek strong arms.

"I just needed some company. I'm sorry to barge in like this." Neji felt the alcohol-induced warmth through his limbs, giving him courage.

"Come in, it's all right. I'm always here for you," she said softly. Her half smile was usually what he would get, and he could tell that she wasn't forcing it. The timid lift of her lips was just all she could manage anymore.

Neji moved past her and sat on the futon that rested low to the floor, her eyes following him the whole time. Could she sense what he wanted? Her look seemed to say so, as well as the small steps that led her to the bed beside him.

"I can see you're lonely, Neji. I understand how difficult it is."

"I know you do," he whispered, as his hand moved to her arm and pulled her towards him. "I want you to be happy. I want to make you happy."

Her wide eyes telegraphed her sudden anxiety, but he continued anyway, and to his relief there was no objection. His lips met hers in a soft kiss; his hand slid up to her hair, twining his strong fingers into her long pink strands.

He could hear her whimper softly, understanding that she hadn't been kissed in so long. Laying her back, his hand still played among her tresses. He continued to kiss her, letting his tongue drift into her parted lips to encourage hers. Moving his body, he positioned himself over her, their collective warmth making his kisses more intense.

Unintentionally rushing, but finding the ability to go slow out of his command, Neji slid his hand under the black jounin shirt she wore and rubbed his cool fingertips gently over her breast. Her mouth broke from his as she sighed, her eyes gazing up at the canvas cieling above them.

"N…Neji, stop. Please, I'm not ready for this," she pleaded sensibly, but against her own desire.

He yielded immediately and dismay flooded his insides. He'd waited to do this. He'd hoped that in some way she would see that it was all right for her to move on from the memories that haunted her. Why did the Uchiha hold her so fast? He was dead and gone, dust and ash, but for some reason she seemed to want to wallow in her grief for him and never escape to find happiness again.

"I'm sorry," he whispered against her throat. "I thought that we might have a chance. I didn't mean to scare you." He rose from her body and sat up, pressing into his eyes with his fingers. It was a mistake, and there was no way to take it back. What in his mind told him it would be all right? What in his mind persuaded him that she could ever move on?

Neji silently cursed himself as he stood in the clearing, watching the spot where the three figures had previously been. He wasn't that man, the one who could help her. As much as he tried, and as much as he wanted to see her happy, he admitted defeat. They could resume their friendship, but it would never be like before.

* * *

Touring the outlying areas, the group of three slowed down to rest in the trees near the last camp. It was getting late and Sakura was beginning to wonder if the long trip was wearing on Kakashi with his unhealed injuries. Throughout the trek, he'd become quieter and a little slower as they jaunted between the last two stops. She watched him intently now, and she was sure he could tell.

The darkness was casting over them, and Sakura figured they would need to stay with the last group for the evening as the night would make travel too difficult. In fact, at this point she would insist upon it.

"Last stop. I think we'd better join their camp for tonight." Genma's voice relayed Sakura's thoughts as they spotted the dance of the campfire through the swaying leaves. He blew on a low whistle to hear a higher one in return from the camp, indicating they were expecting the trio.

"I agree. Is it all right that you don't return tonight, Sakura?" Kakashi had stopped on a high branch and looked down at her where she perched on a lower one.

"It's fine. I've arranged coverage while I'm here. With the exception of the last lieutenant, there have been no dire injuries for about two weeks." Sakura dropped to the grassy, moss covered ground under the dark canopy of trees. The red-orange fire glow led her towards male voices as she walked slowly, sensing Kakashi drop down behind her and follow her route.

After light conversation and a bite to eat, the three settled in as the ANBU from the squad talked about some of the missions they would see in the outlying areas. They were on one week duty, and then would return to base camp for a rest before redeployment. Luckily they didn't always end up at the outlying areas, and sometimes got to patrol the Konoha side between base camp and the hidden village. And to Kakashi, he could generally see that everyone was in good spirits.

But as the night wore on, he began to feel the ache in his head resume as his body displayed how tired it was. Little by little, the pain in the sharingan crept in, and now it was making him positive he couldn't remove his headband, even in the dim light. They hadn't worn the wooden masks so he was able to wear the headband instead, and was grateful for it now as tomorrow would be torture without it.

Finding a spot on a tree stump away from the group, Kakashi sat quietly, hoping that the decreased noise would help, but it didn't. He sighed as he closed his good eye, and shivered against the night air. Even on the strenuous journey and chasing through trees and running at quick speeds, he hadn't warmed up. It made it that much harder to look forward to sleep as he would have no blanket tonight. He forgot how light and lacking in coverage the ANBU uniform was and wished for even a jounin vest now.

"Kakashi?" Sakura's soft voice preceded her figure through the darkness. "Are you all right?"

"I'm fine," he lied comfortably. "I'll come sit by the fire in a minute."

Continuing to move near him despite his words, Sakura stopped right in front of his slumped and lazy form. He looked up at her as she stepped between his legs, making him sit up straight while she stripped off her long gloves.

"Let me see it," she commanded evenly. "I can tell that you're having pain again."

She reached up and pulled off his headband, and used two fingers on his jaw line to tilt his face up to hers. "Looks like yesterday's treatment only lasted about 27 hours. Good to know. I can gauge how long this one will last with the amount of chakra I use."

Lightly, she pressed her hand over his tightly closed eye and placed her other gingerly behind his neck, encouraging him to bend his head back. He looked up at her as she worked as her cool chakra spilled into his sharingan, blissfully easing the pain. Her body was close as her legs stood between his, and he coveted the warmth she gave off like an addict, his fingers moving absently to her waist.

"Your fingers are cold," she hissed softly.

"Sorry," he breathed out, quickly removing them only to feel her warm hand leave his neck and lead his hand back up to her waist. Only now, she tucked his gloved fingers up under her shirt so he could absorb the heat her body gave off.

Had it not felt so comfortable, he would have pulled away, but she didn't seem to mind. For the first time that day, his fingertips felt warm.

"Thanks."

"Anytime." She smiled as she continued to press her gifted chakra through his eye .

If was good to be near him, to be near a man and feel comfortable again. She's missed the familiarity only her former team could give her. He was all she had left. As his fabric covered fingers sat cool against her skin, trembling minutely, she reminded herself that he was all she had left and she was glad to not feel so alone anymore.

After her chakra saturated his eye, she watched him blink in astonishment and look up at her through the sharingan. She loved the look of it. After a moment and a comfortable smile, she removed her hand from his neck and grasped his fingers from under her shirt, tugging him forcibly towards the fire.

Througout the evening, they shared stories with the ANBU group while sitting around the glowing embers. Sakura's pale green eyes kept drifting to her old team leader and then back to the dancing flames. He brought out a lot of memories with just a glance at his lazy posture or the moonlight glow in his silver hair. His skin looked rich against the fire glow, and she like the way his smile came across so genuine, even though she knew he was in pain underneath.

She liked his smile; it was new to her. He brought back a lot of things when he appeared so suddenly, so many things she had forgotten, good things about home that she would usually fight when the memories came.

Turning her gaze to the full moon, Sakura felt the old reveries clawing in again. He always came to her at night, didn't he? He'd creep in with the breeze, taking her unawares, even his voice seeming so real in her mind.

"Sakura," Sasuke whispered in her ear as he slipped into their bed and pressed his cool skin against her warm body. "I missed you."

The same words every time he came back from a mission, waking her with his deep voice and cool searching fingertips. And so many times, he just wanted to talk or hold her.

"Do you want children one day?" he queried in whispered breaths on her throat before rising to look at her, "I thought about our future a little on this mission. I think when you're ready, I'll be ready." He smiled, and his dark eyes reflected the moonlight coming in the window. Her fingers ran through his dark hair, so soft amid her skilled fingers, their faces so close, mouths almost touching.

"Soon, Sasuke," she whispered back.

This cool clear night made her remember the night she visited the memorial after sitting alone with a bottle of sake a month after his death. Her light blue nightgown drifted like a ghost along the grassy clearings near the forest. The rough ground and pebbled walkways hurt her feet, but she made it there easily, just a little worse for wear.

Hunched low and hugging herself, she let the sobs come before her fists pounded on the stone tablet.

"Damn Konoha for taking you away! Damn Naruto for not saving you!" she cried to the marble slab that had no response, just a grim finality to display silently. "God damn you, Sasuke, for leaving me. I need you so much. Damn you!"

Naruto had come to her. Somehow he knew she needed him, just like Sakura could tell Kakashi needed her now. Forcing her mind from the dark thoughts, Sakura tried to focus on the fire. Genma had already gone to sleep, and Kakashi was looking tired as usual, continuing to rub his arms, seeming almost completely devoid of warmth now. She sighed at the sight of him. It was difficult to sleep when you were cold; she knew that. And as she continued to watch him, Kakashi got up and wandered over to the grassy area Genma had lay down at before getting to the ground and stuffing his small pack behind his head.

The other ninja were taking their places at sentry, or finding their spot for the night. Most slept without blankets, and rightfully so as it was warm out. But she wished there was one lying around somewhere for him. With no other viable options, Sakura moved stealthily through the grass to Kakashi and laid down right behind him. He was turned on his side, and so she slid over so that her back was against his. At least she could give him some warmt; in her opinion he needed it in more than one way, but physically, this was the least she could do.

Pressing gently against him, Kakashi allowed the contact. The idea that he might shy away crossed her mind, but he hadn't seem to up to then so she dismissed the fear. The curve of his back straightened to give them more contact and it was then that she was assured that he did need it, and somehow, she did too.

Lifting his head and turning a little, Kakashi felt the warmth from the young woman soak into his cool skin. She was taking care of him again, just as she always tried with everyone, but this time he would not even consider objecting. The heat from her body was the most welcome thing he'd felt for weeks, so he put his head back down and was immensely thankful for the contact. As his tired eyelids began to close, he felt the softness of her hair move against the back of his neck as her gentle fingers came to rest lightly on his thigh.

The soft scent of jasmine swept around him and he found it so much easier to let sleep come with her body pressed against his.

* * *

re-edited Jan 09


	6. Hello Time Bomb

Fated

Chapter 6: Hello Time-Bomb

* * *

The first drops of rain landed cool and light on Sakura's face, waking her from her deep sleep. She simpered a little as she realized the body that had lain comfortably against her most of the night was no longer there.

Before she sat up, she turned on her back to peer up at the murky, pearl-coloured sky. It was foreboding and appeared cold, even though the warmth hung in the air. The scattered drops continued to fall around her, landing softly on her cheeks and forehead making her smile. She loved the rain. It seemed like weeks since it had last rained and the sentiment of it reached her deeply as she wiped at the wetness on her shoulder.

Usually on a day like this she would find a quiet place and just feel the rain; even the thick smell of it permeating the air could settle her. The tears would come easily as part of the ritual, and she would allow herself to grieve in the rain, to be at peace in the rain. It was her shield and cloak outside of the shell she crawled into to get on with life; out there amid the drops, she could be herself and let the emotions come. It was refreshing and cleansing for her and although it concerned others. But how could they understand? She had no words to explain it to them.

But the reprieve was not for today, and now as the distant thunder rolled through the clouds warning of the heavy downpour yet to reach them, Sakura knew she was an hour or more away from that solace.

Sitting up finally, she noticed that most people were still asleep save for a lone figure sitting on the other side of the struggling fire. His back was turned to her, his ANBU vest slung half over one hunched shoulder and he was slouching. The sadness of his posture made her sad suddenly, like it was lower than it used to be, and that he was sitting in a shell just like her. For some reason now, she couldn't stop watching him, the limp look of the damp silver hair, the familiar knot at the back of his headband, the unusual ribbon of gray-blue smoke that emanated in streams from him.

The confusing urge to be beside him was almost overwhelming, but the rain tempted her with its soft voice to sit alone.

Kakashi sat calmly in thought and listened to the soft tempo of the rain on the tree leaves, a distant harmony of nature. It was comforting; he never seemed to feel right anymore except when it rained. It was cleansing and reminded gently that he was living life, not just waiting to die. The goose bumps rose on his pale flesh and he rubbed his cupped hand over his tattoo, wetting the filter end of the cigarette perched between two fingers.

A long, deep drag on his cigarette, his hand over his mouth, and the smoke that curled and drew through the drops, became transfixing. There was peace in the rain.

As as he contemplated everything, he believed he actually felt warm last night, not completely, but her heat had made it all so much more bearable. Sakura seemed to know what he needed without asking, and he admired that she had matured beyond what he imagined she would. Commanding and professional, yet still gentle and caring, the young girl he once taught was gone and replaced with this thriving product of the environment to which woman could be crushed. The only thing that had changed so much about her were her emotions. She used to wear them so proudly, but now she was subdued and aloof more often than not. Her young husband's death had banished that part of her that didn't hold back perhaps, and it saddened her former mentor greatly.

When Kakashi first arrived, he thought that the old Sakura was still there, but yesterday he saw her calmness and inner struggle to keep her emotions at bay with him and with Neji. _We all change eventually_, he thought to himself, _with time and pain_. That seemed to be a ninja's life, pain and time, until the two things ended at the same moment.

"That's a bad habit, Kakashi," her soft voice said from nearby, breaking the blissful serene pull of the rain.

"I keep hearing that," he answered in a smokey tone without turning to her.

"When did this start?" Sakura took a seat on a stump next to the one he was sitting on before beginning to slip her long gloves over her toned arms. From the corner of her eye, she could see his head bow a little, but he still had not looked at her.

"Right after," he half-whispered as he flicked the small stub of smoke away into the wet grass. His one-eyed gaze tracing from the lush green blades up to the dull gray sky, the light drops falling around him in light patters.

Sakura didn't need to have him clarify; after word of the mission that cost so many of the older elites and left one survivor, she knew it could be nothing else. Naruto's weekly letters keeping her apprised of his condition never failed to come and continually updated her on his recovery. The recriminating way of dealing with his depression was hard to watch, and Kakashi's self-destructive behavior as small as smoking or as large as a suicide mission awoke her concern for him again.

"Genma is still snoring away. Why don't I look at your wound and we can treat it before we head back? It'll save time." She turned to him and grasped his arm in a tugging motion.

Kakashi got the impression that it wasn't a request, and with no rational excuses, bowed to her urging. Following the young kunoichi to a tree next to the stump he sat on the night before, Kakashi sat down on the dry grass under the low hanging branches. It felt secluded and comfortable, and they felt shrouded them beneath the foliage.

Leaning against the tree, Kakashi tried to get comfortable while watching her strip the ANBU gloves back off her shapely arms. The sight of her in the ANBU uniform was still unusual, but in light of her new occupation since the last time he saw her, he believed it suited her, looked particularly good on her.

He had left his vest by the fire and now was stripped of his shirt, face mask and gloves. The cool air made his skin tense until her warm, bare hands pressed against his abdomen.

"How did you sleep last night?" she inquired in whispers, feeling like there was no way to raise her voice against the quiet peace of the light rain around them. She traced his body with her eyes noticing the thin wiry frame that was thinner than it used to be. His musculature was still toned and strong, but she took note of how pale he was. Still, he had one of those long, sleek physiques that many men would wish for.

"Quite well, Sakura. Thank-you for that."

The Copy-nin sat back against the tree and watched her close her eyes in concentration, her perfect skin unmarred and her cheeks flushed with the effort of delving her chakra into another human being. Kakashi could feel the intimacy of the moment and was glad to have her doing this. A stranger would have made things so uncomfortable but it was obvious there was not too much between them now that could possibly be taboo. They had both been through too much, together and apart.

"It seems better. You're healing fast." She opened her eyes briefly to see his eye watching her intently. "Am I hurting you?"

"No." He smiled as he pressed up on his headband with his thumb. "Do you mind if I…?"

"No, it's fine." She nodded before closing her eyes.

As the medic continued, Kakashi relaxed and watched the perfect flow of chakra through her body with his sharingan. He was never one to bother copying healing jutsu as they were difficult to mold chakra for, but he couldn't help himself; her flawless abilities were beautiful in their intricacies.

It was one of the most peaceful moments he'd been part of in a long time.

"Shit, it's raining. Fuck me!" Genma's boomed out from near the fire, making the pair laugh.

"I think we're done, and it sounds like it's time to go home." Sakura smiled at Kakashi as she handed his shirt to him.

Kakashi sat up straight and pulled the garment over his head, letting the damp fabric lay across skin just before he felt her arms close around his neck and her warm body press up tightly against his.

"I'm so glad you're here," she whispered into his ear as he closed his arms around her as well.

* * *

_Dearest Naruto,_

_Things have been moving along here slowly and despite the continuing talks, we seem to be making little headway to end the Cold War. At least the injuries have been minor and no major skirmishes have happened to accelerate the current atmosphere between the countries._

_As you said in your last letter, I guess it is my turn to give the update on Kakashi. He's been here for a week and is doing all right. I put him on light duty when he arrived but his wounds are doing well and he will be resuming full duty soon. The men have great respect for him and he's taken to the lieutenant role like he was born for it, which is obviously no surprise to us former underlings. He's quieter, and has an unusual subdued calmness that he didn't have before. It has been a long time since I saw him and it really shocked me when he arrived. He's still thin and seems almost too introspective._

_We see each other often and manage to eat together at the mess almost everyday. I'm less worried about him now, but still, he's not himself. I'll keep you updated._

_Obviously you know that Neji has returned to Konoha for Hinata's ceremony. I'm glad he decided to. I think it will give him some closure (but that's between you and me!). I think he feels out of place there and I know it would have been easier for him not to bother going. Make him feel at home, will you, Naruto? I'm counting on you._

_As for me, I'm doing well. Seeing Kakashi again made me realize how much I missed you and him, and I'm sorry that I've been away so long. I'm sure I'll return one day, but I know how much I'm needed here. Please understand. _

_Tell Hinata I'll be thinking of her and wish her my best for her big day. Hug your son for me too._

_Love Sakura_

Naruto folded the letter and looked up at its deliverer. The white eyes watched his reaction as he slipped the paper into his pocket.

"Thanks, Neji." He smiled honestly. "Now, how is she _really_ doing?"

"I think she's all right. She seems better having Kakashi there, and I'm not sure if it's because of your past or that she has someone to take care of. She seems very attached to him." Neji's soft toned voice was barely above a whisper as he stood next to his friend in the courtyard behind the Hyuuga mansion.

The stoic Hyuuga wanted to say that Sakura was lonely, and that she would never let anyone close to her again, but what he'd seen in the last two days while he was at camp before he left had changed his opinion on that. Her attachment to her old team-leader seemed something out of the ordinary for the young woman. Unfortunately, Kakashi was a lieutenant for the forward ANBU squad and during Neji's two years at the border, he'd seen the last three injured badly in that position. Kakashi was a superior ninja to the others, but Neji feared she was setting herself up for another heartbreak, and sincerely didn't think she could handle it.

"I wish she'd come home. I've been trying to get her to come since she left almost three years ago," Naruto seemed to say to no one, but rather to think out loud.

"I can't say if she will, Naruto. She keeps herself closed off from everyone and she's difficult to read. Sometimes you think she is ready to move on with her life and other times she seems lost in her past." Neji unconciously shook his head. He'd never confess to Naruto what happened between them that night. In the last three years he seemed to be the only person to get close to her with the exception of her old team-leader, and now he felt she would never let anyone in. She kept new relationships at bay and the only reason she was so attached to Kakashi was most likely that it was an old tie and too strong to break.

"Friday is that day, you know," Naruto mumbled, his eyes moving across the courtyard to watch his wife and son playing together.

"I know," Neji added. "It was a hard decision for me to come. I wondered if I should stay. It's a bad day for her…but at least _he's_ there."

"Hm." Naruto turned his gaze to the ground then rubbed his forehead before running his fingers through his golden hair. "Well, I'm really glad you made it, Neji. I know Hinata was hoping for you to come. It meant a lot to her to have you there for the ceremony."

Neji just nodded. It was difficult to come and face the Hyuuga past after he had thought he'd finally escaped it, but Naruto made it easier. For the next two weeks that he was home though, he knew he'd have trouble keeping his thoughts from his work at the border.

"So, Hyuuga. It's been a long time since that Chuunin exam, I think I'm ready for our rematch," Naruto chuckled as he began to unzip his jounin vest.

Neji smiled widely. "It's about time."

* * *

"Well, I think it's completely healed. I see no reason to continue with these sessions. It seems the wound and the infection are gone. although I am surprised it took longer than a week." Sakura spoke quietly in the enclosure of the med tent, her eyes still shut as her cool chakra delved through Kakashi's abdomen.

He lay on the crisp white sheets of the sterile medical bed and watched as her eyes seemed to move under her eyelids as if she could see what her hands were doing.

Finally opening them to reveal the depth of her gaze, she smiled at him.

"How is your eye?" Her fingers moved to lift the headband away from his face until his hand grasped hers, stopping her motion.

"It's fine."

"How about some lunch the. Do you have duties today?" Her eyes inadvertently scanned his wiry frame and noted the evidence of ribs under the pale skin.

Kakashi could hear the need in her voice. She seemed to seek him out more in the last two days or so and he wondered if something had happened. It wasn't like the mild mannered Copy-ninja to ask and so he would give it time to ascertain on his own what was wrong.

"Sure," Kakashi responded quietly as he finally sat up and pulled his shirt on again. He was dressed in his usual black jounin shirt and slid his vest over top. His body did feel better, thanks mostly to her experienced attentions and her unwillingness to accept anyone else to help him. It was her consummate protectiveness of him that assured his recovery as she would not leave him under anyone else's care, and all in all, he knew he had benefited for it.

"Lieutenant?" a panting voice came from the med tent door suddenly, making the pair turn towards it. "You're needed at the shed right away!"

The subdued copy ninja turned to the young medic and grasped her shoulder affectionately. "I'm sorry Sakura, I'll have to catch up with you later."

"Of course."

Kakashi could see the disappointment in her face, but he knew she understood.

He slipped from the bed and left quickly with the young ANBU who had poked his red face through the med tent door; the pair disappeared into the wooden building nearby.

Sakura moved to the doorway and leaned on the wooden frame watching the men coming and going in a flurry of jounin and ANBU uniforms from the makeshift headquarters. It seemed that something was happening and her curiosity was somewhat piqued. She was sad Kakashi was called away. Lately she seemed to need a friend more and could guess why, but didn't like to think about it until she had to.

It had been three years since the day that Naruto had stood on her doorstep, the bold sunshine glinting off his unruly golden hair, his wide infectious grin lost along with his ubiquitous companion. It was in his eyes; all the pain she was about to feel, he felt it too.

_Three years tomorrow_, she sighed inwardly, letting the memory of that day come again.

Her teammate was alone, and she could immediately guess what had happened by his face. She'd never seen Naruto like that in all the time she'd known him and all the things the four of them had gone through. His tear-filled eyes told her that her world had ended. His voice was so shaky when he spoke barely above a whisper.

"Sakura….it's...bad," was all he could get out. She could see that he was on the verge of breaking down and that was saying something for the man who would one day become Hokage. The tightness in her chest told her it was true as her whole being had begun to feel the effects of his words.

Sakura felt her legs shaking, her body weak suddenly as small flecks of light danced in her periphery. Lifting her hands protectively in front of her, she tried to keep Naruto away. She didn't want him to tell her, wasn't ready for him to tell her.

"Don't say it, Naruto. Please, don't say it," her voice barely audible, her eyes blurring.

He caught her as she became too weak to stand.

_Don't say it._

His warm cheek pressed against hers as his arms tightened to almost crushing, his body hitching with sobs. She begged him over and over not to say it with her weak, trembling voice. If he said it, then it would make it real and her love would be gone.

"Don't say it, Naruto…please….please…."

Never again to hear Sasuke's voice whisper her name.

Never again to see his deep dark eyes look at her in the way that made her heart skip a beat.

Never again to feel his strong arms pull her close.

In one moment it had happened - the world had ended.

Standing and watching the rush of men in and out of the Shed, Sakura felt the heat in her eyes and that God awful lump that tightened and burned in her throat. There was no way to escape this pain now; it belonged to her forever and she would carry its heaviness in her heart as long as she lived.

Hastily wiping the warm tears from her eyes with her sleeve pulled over the back of her hand, she remained there watching. The mixture of panicked organization and chaotic order made her aware that she might be busy soon. The movement and tone of the situation screamed battle and she was suddenly tense to be aware that Kakashi might be in the middle of it. Undoubtedly, with the current flux of traffic moving towards the trees, her heart selfishly sank knowing he would be leaving too.

As if her thoughts called him, she watched Kakashi move swiftly out the Shed doorway alongside Genma and turn to move towards his tent area. He hadn't even glanced up at her, and within seconds he was gone.

* * *

When the first casualty came in, Sakura was unsurprised. The earlier commotion around the Shed told her that something had escalated and there would be injuries. Quickly slipping into her medic skin, she flew around with a number of other medics helping the men with their wounds and injuries, healing what she had to, and bandaging what could wait.

"Sakura," Ibiki's rough voice called to her as she bent over an unconscious young man on a stretcher on the grass. "How are they doing?" His voice was rushed and concerned.

"The injuries aren't too severe but I don't know what to expect. No one has told us what is going on. Sir, how many can we estimate and what is the situation?" Sakura continued to work on the young man, taking only a second to meet her superior's eyes.

"There's been a skirmish near the outlying areas. Seems that a number of enemy ninja have crossed the border perhaps for a spy mission, but were caught. They were elites, assassins. We aren't sure what they were up to, but the lieutenants are all there and we've increased the ANBU ranks." Ibiki's face was unreadable as Sakura looked up at him.

"How long will they be gone?" she asked timidly, trying not to telegraph her personal need to know.

"I don't know. We haven't had communication with them for a couple of hours. I'll send someone to let you know if I hear anything." Ibiki bowed slightly, "Let me know if you need anything."

Sakura leaned back over the young man whose eyes had now opened. The flutter in her stomach screamed to her that she was nervous, even if she tried to ignore it. In her heart she knew she was afraid that Kakashi wouldn't return, and that once again she'd lose one of the three men she loved.

The dark night closed in around her and she began to feel sick.

* * *

The Copy Ninja stood firm among the trees, smoke from several jutsu filling the area, swirling and cascading around him as a foreign Ninja stood crouched and ready nearby. They eyed each other warily.

With a flash of speed and skill, the enemy ninja attacked Kakashi and in a flurry of blows and rough slashes, managing to bury a kunai deep into the ANBU lieutenant's chest. Kakashi gasped as blood sprayed his mask and dripped onto his vest.

Grinning and baring his teeth, the enemy nin let out a low chuckle at the shocked crease of Kakashi's exposed eye. But it was all in vain for the interloper as the soft crack of a dispelled jutsu sounded out and the bleeding form of the Leaf ANBU turned into a tree log, The thick object dropped to the ground, the kunai still among the bark.

"Substitution," the enemy whispered, gritting his teeth.

His smug look turned to anguished surprise as he tried desperately to dodge a series of kunai and senbon raining down upon him. In his haste to move, he was unaware of the trap he stepped into, triggering another barrage of kunai that he just managed to evade also. Realization hit him that this Leaf Nin was exceptional and with each passing second, his chances of surviving the battle slipped away.

Looking now from the Fire Country earth to the canopy overhead, he could see the wiry ANBU clad lieutenant on a thick tree branch above him. The ninja quickly joined Kakashi among the trees and watched the silver-haired Jounin stand straight from his crouched position, carefully assessing the next move.

In a timeless moment, the shouts and battle cries of ninjas could be heard near and far, seeming to echo off the smoke itself. Sweat rolled down both mens' bodies, and in tandem they pulled kunai out, mimicking the other's movement. But battling among the trees was an advantage for the Leaf Nin.

At the same time, just away from Kakashi, Genma was locked in battle with two enemy ninja. The skilled Jounin played hide and seek in the lingering smoke waiting for his opportunity. Emerging from the deep cover of a white cloud, he buried a throwing star in one foreign ninja's throat to see a silent gasp as he fell to the ground. Then as quickly as he emerged, Genma sunk back among the protection of the heavy blanket around him.

The second enemy foolishly rushed into the smoke after the senbon-weilding jounin and to a swift demise at the hands of one of Konoha's most elite ninjas. Wiping the sweat and blood from his face with the back of his hand, Genma looked down at the second body grimly before moving on to find Kakashi.

The silver haired ANBU now stood facing off against several more ninja as he moved to try to find Genma; to his dismay they had become separated in the previous encounter.

The group whispered amongst themselves, and Kakashi called out to his teammate ignoring the enemy's conversation.

_No answer_.

He grew nervous when he didn't hear Genma respond. The men standing around him looked like reinforcements for the elite enemy squad caught in the area and now they seemed to be ready to turn and head back, but not without a fight first. Lighting his Chidori, the standoff began.

There was no fear for the Copy-Nin with the exception of the absence of his traveling companion. The blue streaks sparked and shrieked from his fingers giving an eerie glow across his light ANBU vest and putting fear into the enemy's eyes.

"Genma!" he yelled again, crouching slightly and readying himself for the battle.

"Here." He finally heard the response come from behind the group and had there not been shouts from the enemy, they would have heard the sigh of relief from the tall ANBU lieutenant.

Kakashi could sense some movement where Genma stood, and he smirked at how in tune the two men were when fighting. Crouching lower now and calculating the sequence of their coordination, the Jounin leapt forward to finish what the invaders had started. Surprised cries of dismay were shouted from several of the ninja as they fought off the grass creeping up their legs and binding them in place while the Copy-nin swiftly approached.

It wouldn't be until later that Kakashi understood his fear in that situation. He began to question whether it was right for him to be there at the border when moments like that could strip away his composure so easily.

Genma was important to him, one of the few of his precious friends that were left, and the thought of him getting killed played heavily on Kakashi's mind.

The battle ran thick and bloody before Genma and Kakashi reached the first of the squads under attack. There were many reinforcements arriving every minute and eventually they were able to repel the onslaught of invading nin.

When the melee calmed, Kakashi looked at Genma with a shocked expression of what this all meant and what the battles that had ensued really spoke of.

"I think they want war, Genma. This could be nothing else." He shook his head as he dragged to the fire to try and warm his cold limbs against the licking flames, feeling the cool of the night air chilling his sweat soaked body.

"Ah, I fear it too." Genma was unnaturally tense and it didn't help Kakashi's sense of foreboding. "I haven't seen pressure like this since the first time we almost had war. We lost a lot of people in those battles."

"Let's tour the groups and help with the injuries. I want to make sure there are enough sentries for the night in case another attack comes."

The two men darted from camp to camp most of the night dispatching sentries and helping with the wounded, the long hours draining them. The full moon hung over the forest innocently, bathing everything in its light and casting long shadows among the trees.

Finally, at the last camp, Kakashi had a moment to think about how he left. He hadn't told Sakura what was happening or where he'd be going. He probably should have mentioned it, but the rush made him forget. His mind would wander to her once in a while as he was beginning to find her a kindred spirit in their losses and pain.

She was getting under his skin. Her protectiveness of him was staggering, like when she continuously pushed him to eat more when they had a meal together. He enjoyed her company and felt like he was getting to know a new person. She had changed so much, but then he understood what losing someone you love could do to you.

He would have loved to see her get on with her life with Neji or some other man, but he doubted that she would let anyone in. Old habits die hard and as far as he knew, her heart had been attached to the young Uchiha since she was only a small girl of twelve. She'd invested half her life into the brooding genius, and now she couldn't remember how to be without him even though she was. Kakashi could see he haunted her, just as Obito and Rin and Minato haunted him along with so many others.

Pity wasn't something appropriate for her as she was strong, and perhaps the pain had somehow made her stronger. He didn't find her cold, but she managed to push emotions down, quashing them before they revealed themselves too much. Maybe it would save her in the end, learning not to care or to love again. Maybe what was left of her heart had no room for another man and she was content to live that way.

So many times he let himself care and what did it get him but pain?

She was the same as him really. Just the same.

* * *

Supreme exhaustion, pure and simple. What else could make her body so achy and her muscles so tight and tense?

The morning sunlight beamed through the plastic makeshift windows near the end of the small living area she occupied, and she pulled the heavy white duvet over her head to get away from it. The night had been long, and although the morning was welcome to her, on this day, the sunshine was not.

_Why couldn't it have rained today_?

She loved the rain; today, she needed the rain. Perhaps she'd be busy; perhaps there would be more she had to do. The patients the day prior were mercifully not too badly injured, and most were sent back to their quarters to rest. Only one or two remained in the med tent for observation overnight, and at midnight the injured had stopped arriving.

Still no word.

This day was hard. Every year it got a little better, but even so, it was never going to be easy.

If she were lucky, she could stay in bed and be left alone. Her mind was so active; the date was like a trigger for all the memories, good and bad.

She could picture Naruto weeping for his friend, picture the name of Uchiha Sasuke etched into the marble by the local stone-cutter. She remembered turning her head to the sky and being thankful for the blessed raindrops on the day of the memorial ceremony.

Uchiha Sakura: the last Uchiha, and unworthy to carry the name.

All her young life she had been so deeply in love with him. She was in love with him now and so it hurt so much more. Why didn't she agree to have a child when he first suggested it? Why did she want to wait? She'd trade everything away now just to have him there for a day, for a moment, for a soft warm touch of his fingers on her skin and his lips on hers.

Where was the Devil when she was ready to deal away her soul?

Pressing her face into her pillow, she let the sobs come. Morning would be hard, afternoon would be difficult, and night would be utterly devastating.

_Why couldn't it have rained today?_

_

* * *

_

The second long night at the outlying areas closed in again after a long day of planning and reconnaissance with the ANBU squads after the prior night's skirmishes. Kakashi was relieved that his troops had held up so well, and had more confidence than before in the men and women under his command.

"It's getting late. Shit, I'm tired, Hatake. We should think of resting here for the night and heading back in the morning." Genma panted as he stood near the fire in the last camp.

"Ah, I agree but we'll have to go by all the camps again tomorrow to check on them. I won't go back until I make sure their ranks are replenished. I'm sorry. It'll will probably take all day. " Kakashi looked over his friend's uniform spattered with blood and his tousled brown hair as he pulled off his backwards headband and rifled his scarred and cut fingers through the long strands.

"What do you think that assassin squad was after?" Genma asked as he sat heavily down on one of the stumps around the fire.

"I'm guessing Ibiki. Damn, I thought the talks were going well." Kakashi joined his friend and slipped off his headband, pressing his palm into the sharingan and then wiping some blood from his cheek. He tugged down his mask and yawned as he looked around at the men laying by the fire or standing guard.

"Isn't this Hyuuga's squad? He'll be upset that he wasn't here for it," Kakashi said offhandedly.

"Yeah, he went back to Konoha for two or three weeks. They chose a new head of house for the Hyuuga family. Hinata, I believe." Genma slipped to the grass and lay back. "I think the ceremony took place on the twenty first."

"Twenty first?" Kakashi creased his eyebrows in dismay. "What day is it today?" he asked, realization dawning on him.

"Um, the twenty third. Friday." Genma closed his eyes and enjoyed the warmth of the fire spreading over his skin as the temperature dropped unusually for the night tonight.

"Shit," Kakashi murmured. He bowed his head and rubbed at his sharingan again. "Fuck, fuck," he spat.

"What?" Genma lifted his head to look at the hunched lieutenant shaking his head angrily. "Had an important date you missed?" he chuckled.

Kakashi bowed his head and rubbed his gloved hand through his hair in guilt.

"Yeah."

* * *

re-edited Jan 09


	7. Lullabye for the New World

Fated

Chapter 7: Lullaby for the New World

* * *

The early afternoon sun was beaming through the light panes of plastic around the sterile medical area, casting rippled sunshine on the wooden floor. Sakura turned to see who was approaching her, although it was easy to tell. His heavy walk was enough of a giveaway.

"You look bad. Why don't you go back to bed?" Ibiki's voice rang through the now empty med tent as he looked at the dark lines around the kunoichi's eyes. Her hair was messy and unkempt, yanked back into a half tight ponytail, her clothes looked like they were slept in. She yawned as she returned his look.

"I'm fine. I'm just cleaning up." Her tone was groggy and half-hearted.

Ibiki watched her moving slowly around the med tent, her eyelids heavy as she picked up things and cleaned the areas of the dried blood and bandages from the day before. He shook his head. "I can't have a sick medic, It really doesn't work. I don't need martyrs, Sakura, I need healthy ninja."

"I'm fine. Why are you here?" she grumbled. She heard his heavy footfalls and the sound of his long coat rustling as he walked around the tent. She turned to see his piercing eyes roving over the supplies and beds, almost surveying the area.

"I wanted to let you know that we don't think any more injuries will come in. It seems that they have everything under control at the outlying areas. The ANBU squads are replenished and we haven't lost anyone. Please make sure your medics know that and tell them how much I appreciate how they took care of everyone."

"Yes, of course." She tried to smile but in her present state even a half-smile was impossible.

"Get to bed, Uchiha. You look like shit," He said off-handedly as he turned and walked out, his long trench coat catching the wooden edge of the light canvas door behind him.

He was right. She knew he was. If she had to figure out how much sleep she had the night before she would have to say none. Heeding his unofficial orders, she dragged herself back to bed. It only took minutes before she managed to fall asleep for the afternoon, missing the waning of the sunshine and the slow crossover to another evening at the Fire Country border.

* * *

"Shit, Kakashi, I think I'm too tiredeveb to have sex," Genma laughed as he slipped into his tent, shrugging off his dirty clothes before straightening in realization. "What am I saying?" he chuckled, "Can't deprive the ladies. Oh and it's pub night too."

"I'm going to grab a shower," Kakashi half-smirked inside his own tent before walking out and standing in front of Genma's open door flap. "Try not to be too loud tonight."

"Are you saying I'm too loud or they are?" he retorted calmly as if Kakashi had posed a serious question.

"Take your pick."

"Gotcha." Genma winked as he pulled out a fresh shirt. "Yeah, a shower first, then the pub. Blood isn't much of an aphrodisiac unless you're after Anko."

The two men enjoyed light conversation as they made their way to the shower tent and into the empty area filled with dripping showerheads and the cloying, thick scent of wet wood. Kakashi lingered under the temperate spray feeling some warmth soaking into his skin from the hot water. It was a welcome change from the cold showers he usually got by the time he was able to drag himself up in the mornings. He would stay there all night if he didn't loathe the wrinkled texture of prune wrinkled fingers.

He kept his sharingan closed and could feel the sting beginning to come back into it. Three days and two nights without having it treated was beginning to take its toll on the tired ninja.

* * *

Sakura managed to sleep most of the afternoon but had woken up more than an hour before to just lie and watch the shadows of passers-by on the canvas walls. She was still tired, and from experience knew that it would be a day or two before she felt relatively normal again.

Finally forcing her uncooperative body out of her bed, she grabbed up a towel and pressed out through the camp towards the shower tent to try to liven up. Sleeping or not sleeping, lying in a bed for an entire night and day made even getting out into the fresh air necessary to gain any type of energy back at all. As she approached the dark shower area, she heard the water going, and before she stepped into the light at the doorway, she saw Genma slip out towards his tent in a jovial hurry, his feet and chest bare.

Her heart leapt slightly as she moved nearer to the open doorway that led into the expansive pipe-filled tent. Seeing the flirtatious Jounin slink out, she knew that Kakashi must be there too, or at least back in the camp. The continued running water made her sure she'd find him here. She moved silently closer to the tent and without realizing it, she held her breath.

He was there; he was home. Her quivering hand grabbed the canvas tent opening to brace herself as relief washed in to make her face hot. Without control, she began crying again, the hot tears tracing her cheeks. The lack of sleep last night and the rough day before had begun to take its toll on her and as much as she tried, the power over emotion had dissipated.

It was a long two days and finally it was over; her friend had returned. Her eyes squinted from the light but she couldn't turn away. It was wrong to stand there and take away his privacy as it was a standing rule for the shower area, but for some reason she couldn't stop herself. She slowly began to understand the connection she had with him and that no one else had made her feel better in a long time. It seemed that his presence was the only thing that consoled her in this world.

So she watched him.

The water trickled over him, through his silver hair and down over his tight skin. He was slim and pale, but still looked strong. She'd always admired that about him, his strength even when he was down and injured, he would always come through. He made her feel safe with just his presence.

He wrapped his fingers over the top of the stall and stood with his head hung down, letting the spray run over the back of his neck and down his sinewy physique. Allowing her gaze to follow the trails of water on him, she noted he wasn't injured and found her eyes now fixed on the intricate ANBU tattoo that struck out against his naked body. As he turned towards her, his eyes shut and head tipped back getting his hair wet, she could see the jagged scar down his chest. That scar was haunting, and she believed she loved it and all it represented. When she stood in front of him that first day she couldn't even stop herself from touching it.

As he reached to turn off the water, Sakura worried he would see her like that, shaking and crying, and it would be more difficult for them both. She slipped away quietly, wiping the tears from her face with the towel until she reached the Med Tent. With relief and some abilty to relax, Sakura decided it would be easier to clean up there so she used the small tap in the washing area to freshen up.

He was safe and she felt better. As if at the end of a long journey, Sakura slowly stripped her black jounin shirt, shoes and wrappings from her body leaving only a white tank top and her black pants. She dipped the towel under the tap and washed away the emotion from her cheeks. The clear water was cool and refreshing, and so she wiped at her arms and body, lifting her shirt up to run over her tight stomach. It was enough. He was back, she was cleaner and could perhaps sleep in peace tonight.

Finally lying back down on her rumbled white duvet, she watched the dance of the lights from the camp filter through the heavy layer of canvas hiding her inside. The shadows crept across her skin as the light played tricks around the med tent before cascading onto her blanket.

She reprimanded herself gently.

What made her think it would be possible to sleep now?

* * *

Making his way back to his tent, Kakashi revelled in the fresh feeling of clean clothes and a clean body. The cold was still in his bones deep down. It seemed impossible to rid himself of that ache, but if he tried he could dismiss it occasionally. The warm shower had helped greatly to bring some warmth to his tired thin body, but the dampness of his hair gave him a chill.

"Hey, Hatake, grab your stuff and let's get a drink. Trust me, it will be nothing but briefings and reports tomorrow." Genma rubbed a towel through his sable hair as he caught the wiry frame of his friend cross in front of his tent.

"All right Genma, just give me a minute."

The interest in going to a social gathering was not really in the Copy ninja tonight but a shot of something strong might be right up his alley. He craved anything to warm him and a little something to help make things numb.

As the two men strode along, Kakashi could see so many of the ninja who were off duty heading in the same direction. The social gathering usually took place in the mess tent, and as Genma had said, there was occasional drinking and music to help blow off steam from the intensity that built up at the border.

There were several groups already out around campfires, a number of which were situated near the mess tent as well as a few people inside.

"Hey, there's room where Anko is," Genma said half-heartedly.

"Anko?" Kakashi looked sideways at Genma.

"Ah, ha, ha, Kakashi, no way. There are three women I never mess with here. One is your little medic, the second is the kitchen woman with the chin mole, and the third is Anko." Genma cringed a little as he thought of the possibility.

Kakashi couldn't stifle the chuckle. He was really enjoying being with Genma. The man never failed to entertain him at a moments notice. He was a rare kind of ninja. Nothing bothered him and he seemed to take everything in stride. The women flocked to him like bees to honey, but he was always willing to turn one down if a friend needed him more. He was the best of men and Kakashi believed that had it not been for Genma, he might still be mired in the deep depression he felt when he had first arrived. Things were easier now... somewhat.

"What are you drinking?" Genma looked around for the table with the alcohol on it.

"Anything straight." Kakashi looked around also and tugged his mask down under his chin. As quickly as it was said, Genma turned on his heel and headed away to find their libations.

Kakashi moved closer to one of the groups around the fire, which included another face from the past.

"Anko," he said with no enthusiasm as he watched the busty mesh clad woman flip her purple toned hair and narrow her eyes at him.

"Well, well, Kakashi. It's nice to see you again. Come sit and tell me what you've been up to." She patted the stump next to her as he reluctantly moved to it.

"You've been here for two weeks, right?" She eyed him with a cocky smirk.

"About that," Kakashi turned gratefully to see Genma approach with a couple of mugs in his hands almost as quickly as he had left.

"Sorry buddy, looks like no alcohol tonight. Got you straight green tea instead. Be careful it doesn't go to your head," he said out of the side of his mouth, the senbon bouncing happily.

The Copy ninja took the cup and cradled it between his hands, enjoying the feel of the hot porcelain under his gloved fingers. He sat quietly, listening to the banter from the group of ten or so men and women as Genma sat on the other side of him and tried not to get Anko's attention.

"So Kakashi, I've been meaning to ask you what happened the night Gai was killed?" Anko's tactless question seared the air and everyone stopped talking and turned to look at the stare between the two.

"Anko, shut up." Genma hissed, pulling the senbon out of his mouth in disgust.

After a pause, and a shift in Anko's position from bitch to interrogator, Kakashi let his eyes rest on hers for a moment. "It's all right, Genma. I would want to know too if I wasn't there." He took a deep breath and his gaze fell awkwardly to the reflection of the moon in the warm liquid cupped in his hands.

"Undoubtedly you heard what type of mission it was as there were thirty elites sent out, Anko. When we first arrived in the area to recover the item, we were taken by an ambush. So many came at us so fast, it was difficult to fight our way out. I was in a squad with Gai, Asuma and Kurenai among others. The retreat was quickly called when we sensed we were outnumbered. We'd lost Raidou and Ebisu before the retreat so there was only four of us left in our squad. More enemies came upon us as we backtracked and…" He took a deep breath. It was the first time he'd had to talk about it. Even Tsunade had not pressed him on details, and he found it more difficult than he thought he would.

As the memories rushed back, Kakashi could hear the voices, smell the cloying scent of blood, feel the sweat on his skin. The dark memory was so vivid, tangible. All his pain and anguish was remembered in that moment and it took him a second to collect himself before he could continue.

He took a deep breath.

"Gai stayed behind to fight, giving us a chance to get away." He looked up at her to see the regretful look on Anko's face as the group stayed silent, her mouth in a perfect O. "We heard him…"

"It's okay, forget I asked." Anko cut in quietly, her eyes showed that suddenly her joy of making other people uncomfortable had waned and she was embarrassed to make him relive it. Had she really thought he'd tell? Her gaze dropped to her feet in an unusual display for the kunoichi.

Kakashi nodded silently. Relief gripped his insides; he didn't really want to talk about it or think about it for that matter. Anko was tactless. Everyone knew that, and her sense of social appropriateness stopped short of 'don't bare your breasts to everyone.' She loved others discomfort and didn't hide that little tidbit either. Sadly, she had been close with Gai and so Kakashi figured it was important on some level for her to know for her own closure.

Taking another deep breath, he sat up from his slumped position to watch people mulling around and forgiving the tense discussion seconds earlier. He was getting used to life here; he was grateful for life here. Social appropriateness or not, no one cared here.

"Genma," a smooth female voice cut through the crowd's renewed banter as its owner pushed through the moving bodies.

Kakashi recognized her as a competent field ANBU with some training in medical Jutsu. A nice woman, all in all, but for the life of him he couldn't recall her name. As much as he tried to mind his own business, he couldn't help but watch her slender hips as she slowly sidled over to where the orally fixated jounin sat on his stump near the blazing fire.

"Hello." Genma's intonation gave indication of his interest as his eyebrows rose quickly in a _pleasantly surprised_ sort of way. "How's things? Haven't seen you in a while."

"It seems like forever since I saw you last, Genma." Her voice was soft. Her long dark hair matched her eyes and contrasted with her pale skin. She pushed in between his legs as he sat up and tilted his head back to look up at her, resting his chin on her stomach. They were so close, and Kakashi noticed that neither they nor anyone else seemed to really care.

The woman wasn't really smiling. Her eyes were almost desperate as she made her desire obvious. Her fingers played lightly in the long caramel hair sticking out from under Genma's backwards headband before stroking lightly on his neck.

"Just get back?" he whispered as his chestnut eyes fixed on hers.

"Our squad leader took a bad hit last night and we were stuck in the forest until dawn."

"You've had a bad time then." Genma's voice was tender, his fingers stroked lightly over her tight thigh and squeezed her hip showing that he understood what she wanted. He was being subtle and gentle, just what she seemed to need.

"Yeah," she whispered back as she slowly dragged her leg over one of his. Straddling his thigh now, she moving her body close to him and slipped her hand into his open vest. Their faces were close, their lips almost touching, "I've missed you, Genma."

"Well, let's take care of that then," he whispered onto her mouth right before their lips met.

Kakashi turned just after he saw them lock in an embrace, their deep kisses making her emanate soft sounds of eagerness. Kakashi didn't like to be close to something so private and it seemed to be putting a cap on his shitty night.

"Why don't we head to my tent," Genma suggested quietly against her neck as his lips kissed light lines over her skin. Her head tipped back and her reply seemed to be directed at the blanket of stars overhead.

"Mine's closer."

With those two words, Genma stood up and grabbed the kunoichi off his lap. He hoisted her over his shoulder, prompting her excited squeal as he bid everyone a quick good night.

Kakashi had to chuckle a little. Typical Genma. He supposed there weren't many women who could resist his charms and it seemed to be demonstrated often. Like moths to the flame, Kakashi believed, each time a woman gave his friend one of those lingering come-hither looks. Lifting his gaze cautiously now to look around, Kakashi decided that without his friend's company he'd be better off somewhere else before Anko opened her mouth again.

Calmly waving, the Copy Nin stood up and vacated the ring of fires as quickly but as nonchalantly as possible. Even more quickly, he found himself standing at the edge of his row of tents when the idea struck him that he hadn't seen Sakura yet. Two days he'd been gone with Genma, and Neji was off back in Konoha. For all he knew, she'd been alone for the anniversary of her husband's death, and he felt more than a little guilty that he hadn't been there for her.

Before he realized it, his heavy feet were moving towards the Med Tent, and to his surprise the lights were on, but a little dimmer than normal. He stood and admired the shade of the gold against the canvas as the dewy grass cooled his exposed toes. It looked almost like candlelight soft against the flexible plastic windows of the back living area.

"Sakura?" he called quietly through the hanging canvas door as he stepped inside.

"Kakashi?" she answered back, "I'm in the back. You can come through."

As he pushed through the curtain, he could see he was mistaken about the light source. Her desk lamp was on and cast a warm light over the top of her workspace. She sat up from where she was lying on her double futon before she swung her bare feet out of her blankets. With a light rub of her pale eyes, she managed to focus through the half-light at her visitor.

"I'm sorry, you were sleeping. I'll come back tomorrow." Kakashi turned to leave.

"No, no. Please stay. I wasn't sleeping, I've slept all day, actually." She smiled a little, "Just get back?"

She knew he had, but she'd never let on that she stood and watched him showering earlier. Even now she had to contain her happiness that he was finally in the same room with her.

"Yeah, a couple of hours ago. It was messy at the border. Hope we didn't cause you too much work." He slid the chair out from the desk and sat on it backwards, leaning on the back of it and peering down at her.

"It was good to be busy. I'm happy no one was killed."

"I'm sorry I wasn't here," he mumbled with his chin on his hands over the back of the creaky wooden chair. Their eyes locked in familiarity.

Sakura waved her hand dismissively, but inside she wanted to cry. It might have been easier with him there to have someone to share her pain with and to hold her while she cried. It had been so long since she'd felt comforted. Even Neji didn't provide it as much as she'd hoped he could. Seeing Kakashi sitting there made her want to reach out and make him hold her. Her need was to the point where she could almost demand it from him.

"How's your eye?" she asked pushing her way up from her bed and trying to force down her desperation.

"I'm not here about that." Kakashi straightened up as she approached him, her delicate frame obvious under only the white tank top and form hugging black pants. Her bare feet moved deftly across the rough wooden floor.

"Is it bothering you?" Her fingers slipped under his headband, ignoring his deflection, only to be caught by his hands.

"I'm _not_ here about that. We've known each other too long to have a polite conversation tonight." His tone was foreceful and his face was serious; it was getting harder and harder for the young kunoichi to keep her composure under his knowing gaze.

"What, Kakashi?" she began quietly, "Did you want to know if it was difficult? Yes, it's always difficult. But I've been alone for 3 years now and I'm getting used to it. Do I miss him? Yes. Do I feel lonely?" Her face softened with his empathetic look. "Not so much now."

It only took a second for Kakashi to stand up and pull her into a tight embrace, placing his chin on her head and wrapping his arms tightly around her. He could hear the small sniffs against his vest as she fought the tears. As much as he wanted to tell her not to cry, she probably needed it and he was tired, too tired to try.

Sakura tried to push away the sobs that threatened to come back upon her again. It had been three years now, so why was it still so hard? Was it Sasuke or her loneliness that made it so? Why couldn't she let anyone in? Posing the questions to herself never seemed to help; she was lost for the answers but being in his arms made it better. It struck her again as it had before, he was all she had left and she was thankful that he was there.

"You should lie down and try to get some sleep. We can catch up in the morning." Kakashi led her over to her futon. "I'm tired myself and I'm looking forward to warming up a bit under my blankets."

Sakura looked into the handsome face that seemed to always manage a smile for her and then to her bed. He was going to leave, go back to his tent, and she immediately felt the heavy brick in her stomach. She didn't want to be alone, not when he was finally back. Maybe she was relying on him too much but it was beyond her control now.

"Stay here tonight. I'll keep you warm," she whispered as her fingers began to lift his shirt.

"Sakura…" he began, his brow creased.

"It's not like that, Kakashi," she whispered, as she continued to aid him in shrugging off the garment.

He wasn't sure how to handle this, but her eyes told him that she just didn't want to be alone. It was hard to say no when she looked like that, as if her world was crumbling and he was the only thing holding it up. Sadly, he wasn't sure if he could support his own world anymore, let alone hers.

Pulling him to the double futon on the floor, Sakura led him to lie down while moving in beside him. She could see the small measure of shock in his face as she tugged off his headband and placed it by the bed. Her slender arms pulled him close and she pressed her soft body against his. He felt cold and tense but she didn't care.

Kakashi was somewhat shocked when she urged him to her bed, but slowly changed his mind as her intoxicating heat drew him closer to her skin. Her warmth enveloped him and the heavy soft blanket cocooned them in it. He allowed the contact, wanted the contact.

Placing her hand over his sharingan, she held him tightly as she let her chakra flow through it, taking away his pain, as he was helping to take hers away.

After a few moments and a small sigh of relief from the Copy ninja, Sakura just moved into him, pressing her face against his throat and her cheek on his collarbone. In that moment, she felt his hand slide up her back, cradling her, the other above her stroking her hair lightly and making her sleepy, just as his eyes were already closing too.

They both needed it.

* * *

As morning finally broke, Sakura stretched out languidly and made a noise of satisfaction, thankful for the full night's sleep she had enjoyed. It only took a second after for her to register that her companion from the night prior was gone.

She wondered if it was all right to make him stay and worried vaguely if it had changed things or if he would avoid her now. Kakashi was the type of person to keep to himself; she never saw him as a nurturer or comforting, but yet his presence soothed her. She couldn't deny that. Sadly, she began to think she had come across as needy the night before, and was now questioning her decision to have him stay.

As she snuggled back down under the white duvet, wrapping herself in the still warm blankets, she told herself that if he didn't really want to stay, he wouldn't have. If it was one thing she knew about Kakashi, he never felt persuaded to do anything he didn't want to. The only thing that bothered her was whether he felt obligated to be there? So many questions arising from one innocent night. Time would tell though, she figured, time would tell.

One thing she couldn't say she was sorry about though, was that it had been so nice to be in a man's arms again.

* * *

_Dear Sakura-Chan,_

_Hope you are well. I'm glad to hear you are less worried about Kakashi now. That makes us all feel better. Tsunade sends her good regards and is happy also._

_Hinata thanks you for your well wishes and Sasuke sends his love to his Aunty Sakura whom he wishes would come to see him. Sorry, had to throw that in._

_I think Neji enjoyed his time here and took to little Sasuke like his own. They were quite funny together and to watch a grown ANBU argue with a four year old just made my day. They had a discussion on the benefits of the byakugan during test time at the academy. I wish you could have been here for it._

_Neji actually stayed with us the entire three weeks he was here, and he and Hinata drew up plans to merge the families. As of now the Head and Branch families are no more. It is only Hyuuga as it should have always been. I won't elaborate. I'll let Neji tell you about it. _

_We had heard that there was some tension and injuries at the border two weeks ago, and Neji was chomping at the bit to get back. I hope everyone is all right and you didn't wear yourself out._

_I thought about you on the twenty-third of last month and Neji came with us to Sasuke's grave. Three years is a long time, Sakura. Come home. We miss you and there is nothing for you there at the border. Come back and start over._

_I'm sorry, I know my letters all tend to be like this but it can't be helped. You should know me by now. I love you, Sakura. Send my good wishes to Kakashi and tell him we miss him too._

_Take Care,  
Love Naruto._

"Thanks Neji." She smiled as she folded the single-page letter and tucked it in her pocket.

Neji watched her for a moment, and felt a small shock that she had managed to smile an actual smile at him. It had been two weeks since the anniversary of Sasuke's death and to the best of his memory he remembered it usually took weeks for her to climb out of her stupor. She seemed better, even better than she had before he left.

"Is something wrong?" She creased her brow.

"No." He creased his brow suspiciously in return.

"Are you settled back in? Three weeks away can make it hard to come back," she smirked, "or so I've heard."

"Yes, I'm settled." He rubbed at the back of his neck in wonder. "How are you doing? You seem…good."

"What?" She raised her eyebrows in confusion. "I'm fine."

At that moment Neji watched the Copy Ninja enter the mess tent and then he turned back to see the young kunoichi's eyes on him from the moment he walked in.

His curiosity was getting the better of him suddenly as her interest in their conversation drifted. "Um, sorry Neji. I was planning on meeting Kakashi for lunch. I'll catch up with you soon," she spoke absently as she stood up from their table, and with a light wave, moved over near Kakashi who had taken a seat with Genma.

Neji's mind began to turn. Why was she better? Obviously having her old team-leader here had helped but he didn't imagine after the 23rd she would be even able to drag herself out of bed.

His white eyes watched them for a few moments observing Sakura sitting directly beside the silver haired man and the comfort they had with each other. He wanted that with her but obviously he wasn't the man to help her.

Strangely enough, he never thought an older Jounin like Kakashi would be the one either.

"We've got another two days back at the outlying areas, we're leaving right after lunch," Kakashi said as Sakura shuffled onto the bench beside the ANBU lieutenant.

"Again? Who's going?" she asked while watching Genma decide whether he wanted to chew on his stir stick or the senbon.

"There's a squad of six going this time. I'm taking one of your medics with me. Yumi, I think. She worked on me that first time in the Med Tent." Kakashi slipped his mask down and hitched at his ANBU vest, it was getting tighter on him. He looked up to see Genma's smirk.

"Looks like you're getting fat, Hatake. Better quit eating all that ramen. You aren't hanging around with that chin mole chick so she'll feed you, are you?" Genma chuckled as he turned to the medic, "Hey Sakura, Super ninja here has disappeared a few nights in the past two weeks. Think it's a woman or that he's sneaking off to eat?"

"Well, I think he does look healthier." She smiled knowingly. "And I think you're right, it's the cook." To Sakura he didn't look much bigger than he did when he arrived a month before, but his vest did fit him more snuggly as opposed to the loose fit before. He certainly appeared healthier, and she did indeed watch him closely.

"Busted, Hatake. Even the recluse medic knows. Well, listen, I'll catch up with you at 1300 hours near the Shed. Got someone to say goodbye to before we head off." Genma pushed himself up from the table.

"Genma? Saying goodbye to a woman? You must be in love," Sakura teased.

Genma spun back around, finally deciding on the senbon as he winked at Sakura, "No one falls in love out here, sweetheart."

For some reason Sakura didn't like that answer and Genma didn't get the laugh he'd hoped for. Calmly, he shrugged and headed offm waving a little as he went and dodging some oncoming kunoichi looking for a quick chat.

Kakashi turned back to Sakura and could see her still absorbing Genma's comment. "He's not the type," he said quietly before taking another sip of his tea.

"I suppose. So he doesn't know you've been at the Med Tent with me?"

"He doesn't need to know. It's between us." Kakashi grinned a bit as he pushed up from his bench. "I'll catch up with you when I get back, okay?"

"Sure." Again she sounded disappointed as Kakashi didn't get the smile he'd expected before leaving. He decided it might be better to leave her there and not pursue what was making her look like that; he really didn't have desire or time for it.

"Okay, see you in two days," he said before shuffling around the people sitting and enjoying their lunches, then making his way out into the sunshine. As he walked towards the Shed for pre-mission briefing, his mind couldn't stop turning.

He felt a little bad about everything that had been happening between them lately. It was innocent enough, but he didn't think people would believe that. At least three nights he had stayed with her again, for her or for himself, he couldn't say. Two of the instances he found himself wandering to the Med Tent looking for a quick fix for the sharingan to end up staying and bathing in her heat among her soft blankets most of the night. But in the early hours, the guilt of being seen there got him moving before the morning light hit the canvas.

He was as much to blame as she was. He really didn't have to wait until nighttime to go there but something in him wanted it also. They found a kinship in their pain and situations, both followed by loss, both reassured by the other's presence.

However innocent and comforting it was for them, he couldn't let others cheapen their closeness by assuming they were involved in something torrid. She was his warmth and comfort, the peace that let him sleep well at night. He was her strength, and finally she had something to lean on. Already she seemed much better for it, and he'd only been there a month.

* * *

"Sakura." Ibiki slid over to her table, a mug of coffee in his hands and a cigarette perched between his lips, "I've got a group heading to the third camp tomorrow morning to trade reinforcements and see to wounds. I've just heard the assigned medic is sick. You'll probably hear when you get back to the med area. I need someone assigned to that. Can you check and see who's available for me?"

Sakura took a deep breath. "ANBU squad?" She tapped her chin lightly, mentally going over her roster of medics and where each was. "I'll have to do it. I've only got two available and I won't send them with ANBU. They're only Chunnin."

"Right then, 10:00 at the shed. It's full ANBU uniform, six-man team. Report to Hyuuga Neji." Ibiki nodded briefly as she nodded back, sharing the understanding that she was now recruited for a mission.

_Neji?_ It had been a while since they were in a squad together. She supposed it could definitely be worse as they would now have a chance to catch up. Besides, it could have been Anko.

* * *

re-edited Jan 09


	8. Shades and Shadows

Fated  
Chapter 8: Shades and Shadows

* * *

"What about the red one?" The deep, smokey black eyes roved over the young woman's long legs as she spun in her light sundress by the bedroom mirror.

"Sasuke, you aren't even ready. Come on, my mother is expecting us by six." Sakura turned to smile at him while undoing the buttons on the blue dress she wore. "Hm, you're right, the red one," she mumbled as her attention returned to the large walk-in closet.

"It's warm tonight, do you think we'll eat outside?" Sasuke's deep smooth voice inquired from where he still lay on the bed. He turned his gaze to the sunlight glinting off the diamond cut crystal vase that belonged to his mother, resting permanently on the mahogany bedside table.

"My mother loves to have wine in the backyard on warm evenings. I'm sure we'll eat outside." Her feminine lilt drifted from the cave of clothes as she continued to search through the vast mountain of garments. Slipping back out of the closet, she was now clothed in a short silken ruby dress with delicate spaghetti straps.

"That's the one." He grinned as he watched her spin quick enough to raise the hem in a teasing manner.

The young woman laughed as she walked over to the neatly made bed that held her husband so comfortably, all the while shaking an accusing finger at him. "My mother will be mad if we're late, you know."

Taking a seat next to his stretched out body, she smiled gently and grasped his hand, squeezing with affection. Her eyes turned to the warm sunlight penetrating the terrace doors and bathing her body in heat, the golden lines casting trails along her skin. She could feel his other hand crawl up her back as he sat up and leaned a little on her shoulder.

His raven hair tickled the skin there as his fingers gently stroked up and down her bare arm. "Have I told you how much I love you today?" he whispered. A light kiss was left on her shoulder as his hand pulled her ever so gently towards him. So soft was that look he always gave her in thiose moments, the silver light of the vase glinting on his cheek.

"Yes, Sasuke, but I'll never get tired of hearing it," she spoke against his lips.

Pressing her hand to her eyes, Sakura sat up with a jolt and looked around the ANBU camp near the outlying border. Another dream; it was always so real to her. They were never fantasy. They were always real moments they shared. With a quivering hand she wiped the sweat from her upper lip and took a deep breath.

That day was so warm and the sun seemed so bright to her now. Why didn't the sun seem like that anymore? The crystal vase, the one she broke a couple of weeks later while cleaning, always seemed to be in that dream. The guilt she felt from ruining something of his mother's still crushed her, even though he said he didn't care and cleaned up the shards himself. It never seemed possible to call anything hers while she lived there. When she moved in, she became one of the Uchiha possessions, not an owner.

Now, all the Uchiha were gone and everything in that complex belonged to her. She didn't want any of it.

She never really liked the Uchiha mansion, except when they were there together. If Sasuke was gone on a mission she would sometimes stay with Ino or with her parents. When it was silent and her steps echoed in the marble entryway, it seemed more like a museum than a home. She would contemplate that point once in a while but never mentioned it to Sasuke. The intention had always been to convince him to move out later, but they didn't have time to get to later, did they?

The Uchiha museum filled with the lives of the clan that they would try to rebuild together was now the sole property of one Uchiha Sakura. Why did she take that name again?

_All for you, Sasuke._

In her mind she didn't really give a shit if the Uchiha clan resurrected or not. It was his dream, not hers. It wouldn't have been her reason for having children. Sadly it was another thing she would never have with him. Another blemish on the life that they were destined to have, but fated to lose.

Pushing the dream away as she so often did, a deep breath escaped her lips to cleanse the emotion out. Now was not the time or place.

The camp was quiet tonight. After the skirmishes two weeks ago there had only been one or two incidences, but of course Ibiki was worried something was coming. The ANBU squads had been turned back to 4 man teams and the total numbers increased. It was no wonder she had to take a mission.

The trip there had been fine, but when she arrived this morning at the shed for briefing, Neji seemed surprised that she was accompanying them but still never said anything. The rift was there between them now and there was no way around it. With one kiss, one touch, everything had changed.

The third anniversary that marked Sasuke's death had come and gone and she began to feel even lonelier lately than she had before it. Strange as it sounded, she felt it was probably more that she was craving Kakashi's presence, and with them both being bogged down in duties so much, they couldn't manage to get together very often.

In quiet times she had tried to examine her feelings on more than one occasion regarding the Copy Ninja. That night he first stayed in the med tent with her had been somewhat unexpected but just what she needed at the time. A man's arms, a man's body against hers. She couldn't deny how much she'd missed being close and intimate. Sometimes the nights were so long. Having Kakashi's bare skin against hers in the dark had made her remember desire, but of course she couldn't act on it. As far as she could tell, it was all very innocent to Kakashi. His lingering depression, though better, seemed to make other things irrelevant. Their relationship was an adult one and very close, but Kakashi still seemed to be distant every so often, and Sakura knew it really had nothing to do with her.

Still, she'd pushed Neji away when he proposed intimacy with her, so why was it all right to be so close with Kakashi? It might be possible to fool herself into thinking it was a just familiar friendship but she knew it was growing, at least in her view.

Shaking the thoughts from her head because in the recesses of her mind she knew the answers but denied the truth. Was she finding herself attracted to him or was it that she was needy and had looked to him for all her support? It was a daunting question; she worried that her fears would be confirmed and that she wanted him for more than he could give her.

Roving the campsite with her gaze, she could see Neji sitting on a stump, his byakugan activated and scanning the trees. She pushed up from where she sat on the cool grass and moved near to him. They'd been together since that morning and it was now the second night Kakashi had been gone. Guiltily, she wondered and hoped he would end up at this camp sometime throughout the day or night but as of yet, he had not.

Masking her disappointment wasn't difficult, but sadly necessary.

"Do you see something?" she whispered to Neji as she sat on the grass with her back to the fire beside him.

"No."

He turned his byakugan down to her now and creased his brows. Immediately her expression changed to almost anger.

"What are you doing?" she half growled.

"Your chakra is interesting. I've never seen such even flow in another person." Neji spoke as if examining a research specimen and Sakura wasn't sure what to make of it. Shortly after, he deactivated his special eyes and looked at her with his smooth, silver gaze.

"How was the trip home?" She tried to change the tone of the conversation.

"It was good. I don't know why I hesitated to go back."

"How was Naruto and family?" She picked at the blades of grass between her crossed legs, and hitched a little at the top edge of a long ANBU glove.

"His son is very interesting. He's so much like Naruto, but has a Hyuuga mind. He's analytical, but very noisy." Neji chuckled, his gaze now back on the trees around their small clearing.

"I'm not surprised," Sakura scoffed jovially.

"You should go back." Neji added, "You might be surprised at what you find."

She turned her gaze to the dark trees now and scanned for the bits of stars creeping through the canopy.

"What have I got to go back for? Live in the Uchiha museum alone? Be pitied by everyone who knows where I've been?" Sakura shook her head. "There's nothing of interest for me there."

"And is there something of interest here?" Neji still didn't look down at her but reached back to tie his hair up tightly, sweeping it away from his shoulders.

"Of course there is. My work, the other medics..." Sakura knew it wasn't what he was asking but tried not to let the conversation go in that direction.

"Hm." Neji wasn't one to pry, and she obviously wasn't going to say anything about Kakashi. He'd try to lead her a little but eventually would stop at the point he began to feel uncomfortable. He couldn't help being curious about their strange relationship, as it was not like many people formed them out there.

"Will you go back again?" she asked, trying to keep the awkward moments to a minimum.

But a pause ensued as she waited for his answer. He almost seemed to be contemplating the question as if it sparked an inner debate.

"I don't know. Just as you said, Sakura, there is nothing of interest for me there. But then again, there is nothing of interest for me here either." His gaze remained on the dark swaying trees moving with the breeze in the moonlight. He seemed like he was trying to keep his eyes away from her now and his lack of reaction was all too telling.

Sakura again creased her brows, she wasn't sure what he meant by his words and found that she felt suddenly more disconnected from him than she ever had before.

"I'm going to try to sleep a bit more. I'll see you in the morning," she said softly as she stood up and brushed the grass blades she had tugged from the ground off her ANBU uniform.

"Hm," Neji grunted again in disinterest, but as she walked away, he turned his gaze to watch her go. It seemed odd to him suddenly how awkward things felt between them and how the relationship, however short and caring it had been, was changed. She seemed like a stranger now.

* * *

"So she's hot for me, I mean really hot. I think if she had her way she would have torn my shirt off right in the bar." Genma was chuckling as he kept a group of young men entertained with a favorite story at the camp their squad had chosen to rest at for the night.

Kakashi had to shake his head. He certainly wouldn't forget the night Genma was talking about, and it was nice to relive some happier moments. The enrapt faces watched Genma intently as he continued, his hands gesticulating wildly to accentuate his story.

"Unfortunately on this mission, Kakashi and I ended up sharing a room, so when me and her stumble in half pissed, Kakashi is sleeping on one of the beds in just his pants. The door wakes him up and he bolts upright and stares at us. Well she takes a look at him, then at me and says…no word of a lie…'Can he join in?'" Genma belted out laughter. "Do you remember that, Hatake?"

"Yeah," Kakashi chuckle. He couldn't help laughing at the memory of that night. Genma never failed to find a woman who wanted him wherever they went. All in all, his friend had a way of telling stories and by his enthralled audience, Kakashi knew he'd be at it all night.

"So what happened?" one of the men asked in anticipation.

"Eh, heh, Hatake left. I think she scared him." Genma snorted again, "We don't share. Poor Kakashi always misses out."

"She was too much woman for me, Genma. She was more your type."

Kakashi was always quiet about his encounters. He didn't feel the need to spread the word and to this day he never told Genma of the young woman he'd met in the bar when he slipped out to give his friend some privacy.

She was young and golden blonde. He was 30 and she was probably 21, but they seemed to find a comfortable connection between them. When he found himself in her apartment in the small hours, lost among her sheets, it became part of his secrets and all the things he never talked about with others. It was just his way. Secrecy had become part of his life at a young age when his father had become something of shame and a thing that he hated to speak of. His life had become a secret until he realized that he was wrong, until Obito showed him he was wrong.

Sadly the habit remained

The group laughed loudly at Genma's stories as Kakashi moved to sit against a tree nearby but away from the group somewhat. The stars overhead were bright and the breeze warm, but still he felt cool. The click of his lighter cast a small illumination over his fingertips as he lit the cigarette perched between his lips.

Only one night away so far and already he felt the urge to be near her, to slip into her bed and lie against her warm body. How comfortable things were between them now. Looking back over his life, he had never had a woman that he felt comfortable just to lie with, to be next to. In hindsight, he'd never really wanted that before, but so much had changed in him in the last few months. Everything Kakashi felt and did was off track from his usual way of doing things, as if nothing felt natural anymore. The days were forced, the duties done, and in the end the only solace was the comfort of a conversation with Genma or a peaceful slumber with Sakura.

The deep inhalation on the smoke calmed him as the dulling effect of the nicotine worked through his system. The soft blue wisps curled in front of his eyes, caressing the vision of the men laughing around the campfire. The smell of Konoha Leaf tobacco filled his senses.

He found he didn't hate his new position of lieutenant; actually it was a welcome change from just slinking around Konoha and wallowing in all the memories of the people that he would never see again. Empty apartments. Empty pub. Piteous looks.

Tsunade had been right to send him there, out to the edge of Konoha and away from it all, out here to be with _them_.

He missed his apartment most, he supposed with his big soft bed, the book collection, and the way the pipes rattled when he showered. Funny what he could miss, but he did. With Genma and Sakura there it was easier and he believed himself fortunate to find two such close companions out where society disappeared. What were societal rules in this type of environment? Perhaps they were just a reminder of the rigors of real life as a shinobi and were better left in the calm streets of Konoha.

"Lieutenant?" a feminine voice reached him in the darkness, "Can I bother you for a cigarette?"

Kakashi looked up at the attractive face of one of Sakura's medics as she sauntered over, her bare feet stepping lightly in the long grass.

"Sure, Yumi." Kakashi dug in his pouch and pulled out the rumbled paper pack, shaking it slightly to produce a couple of cigarette ends. She took a seat in front of him as she crossed her legs and flipped her long dark hair over her shoulder before slowly sliding a cigarette out.

The slender cigarette was perched in her long fingers but when he pulled out the lighter to hand to her, she slipped it between her cherry coloured lips and leaned forward.

Kakashi could see right away that she wanted him to light it and as he flicked the lighter on, he felt her hand close over his to hold it steady. The soft blue light glowed against her features and she smiled as she blew out the first curls of lazy smoke. His eye trickled over her tight ANBU uniform and rested on her tattoo. It just occurred to him that he enjoyed the look of an ANBU tattoo on the toned arm of a woman. Only to Genma, would he ever admit it was quite such a turn on.

"Genma's quite the story teller," she mused with a grin as she jerked her head in his direction.

"He has many to share." Kakashi laughed as he sat back against the rough bark again.

"So you've been here about a month, is that right?" she continued, "I've been here for about a year."

"How long have you been a medic?"

"Um, about a year," she chuckled, "Got the designation when I got here. Uchiha trained me."

Kakashi nodded and tried to be polite, but he wasn't really interested in chatting.

"You look better than when you first came here. Actually you look really good." She grinned widely, and the tone of the last words caught Kakashi off guard. He took a moment to really look at her and could now see the amorous intentions in her gaze.

"So, what's with you and Sakura?" she asked, leaning closer and tugging a little on the vest strap at his shoulder, her other hand resting on his upraised knee.

He regarded her, but didn't immediately answer. Funny how he'd been oblivious to even her presence in the squad until she had come over just now. Usually women chased Genma when they were together, and being somewhat quieter and less of a womanizer, Kakashi never bothered with women that he found no instant attraction to.

"We've known each other for a long time," he responded quietly as he smiled a little, suddenly feeling the same urge he did before. The chill of the night air moved around his body as he took another drag of his cigarette, a shiver raced along his spine. Vaguely he wondered how warm Yumi's body was, but dismissed it as desperation. However attractive she might be, however blatantly she wore her desire for sex with him, he wasn't interested tonight.

Really, he figured she was just lonely and wanted a companion for a short time; many of the women were like that out there. Fortunately he hadn't been there long enough to feel that want of just a body underneath him as his disinterest in her invitations became clear.

"Why don't we head back to the fire," Kakashi added somewhat distantly as his thoughts turned back to the young kunoichi medic that held his attachment. Maybe he should have asked why she looked disappointed before he left?

* * *

The morning sun had risen high and hot, and now in the early evening of her second day out at the outlying areas, Sakura wiped the sweat from her brow. There were a few injuries to take care of at three of the camps and as it got later and later in the day, she found herself tired, almost weary.

Her chakra was depleted, she longed for her bed and the comfort of her heavy white duvet, and perhaps even for _his_ strong body to lie close to.

"How much longer?" Neji asked quietly, his face not even turning to her.

"Maybe an hour or two," she replied to his profile.

"I think you should start heading back now. It's getting dark."

"Another hour, then I'll head back." She continued pulsing chakra into a wound of an ANBU who had suffered an infection from a cut in his leg.

"I don't want your team traveling in the dark. It's an hour run back to base camp and you're going to have to go slow with the men who are wounded." Neji finally looked down at her, his silver eyes giving away no emotion.

"Alright, Neji, just give me a little longer."

"I'll give you one hour, then you come over to the supplies to get a radio on and get your pack restocked before leaving." The Hyuuga genius' voice was businesslike but Sakura took no notice as he tended to get like that when he was worried.

The trip there was one way for Neji as he was staying while she would accompany the returning men after their week long tour at the camps. She was looking forward to getting back, looking forward to going home.

* * *

"Lieutenant, the next camp has an injured man they need taken back to base camp. They've asked if you and your squad would pick him up and take him back with you. Their ranks are fully replenished but he couldn't leave with the others," a young ANBU iterated as he listened to the earpiece perched in his ear.

"No problem, tell them we'll be there in half an hour." Kakashi nodded as he turned to Genma who was affixing his radio to his ear and throat.

"Ok, we'll slip to the next camp, pick up the wounded man and we'll head back to base camp within the hour."

Genma smiled widely as he slipped a senbon between his teeth, obviously looking forward to getting back as much as Kakashi was.

The four-man squad nodded to him as they got ready to leave. Kakashi attached the radio that consisted of an earpiece and throat microphones that fit around his neck over his cloth facemask, which he now pulled up. Static and radio chatter crackled from the earpiece giving information to all who listened about the goings on around the Fire Country border. Patiently waiting for a silent moment, Kakashi pressed the chime to alert them of his incoming transmission.

"Squad eight moving from camp 7, returning to base from camp 6 after retrieving one wounded, ETA. 90 minutes."

_"Very good, squad eight. Confirmed ETA 90 minutes. Check in upon arrival."_

"Roger."

"All right Hatake, let's get this show on the road." Genma leapt into a tree in the direction of the camp they were to visit. Kakashi double-checked the strap of his katana over his ANBU uniform while continuing to listen to the radio messages and prepared to follow.

"_Squad one returning to base from camp 2. Two wounded, ETA 90 minutes."_

_"Very good, squad one. Confirmed ETA 90 minutes. Please advise any supplies needed for arrival with wounded."_

"_Will advise."_

Kakashi leapt into the trees after Genma, trying to ignore the constant noise on his radio. He didn't like to have the earpiece in. It kept him less in tune with his surroundings. Luckily the rest of his squad had pulled theirs out with the exception of Genma, so he felt they were at least alert.

Quickly, they darted through the dark giants to the next camp, eager to start the trek back.

* * *

"Alright squad one, let's move." Sakura's squad leader shouted as the group finally converged at the fire.

Sakura took her place among the five in her squad and nodded a little to the wounded man beside her. It was always harder to return from this type of mission because the wounded accompanied them back and slowed down the pace.

Depending on the camp, it usually only took 45 minutes to an hour to get back to base, but with wounded it took twice as long and the danger was increased with less ability and protection.

The group began to move, just walking through the paths that wound through the forest. Sadly, it was dark and difficult going. They had compasses and lights but were still cautious and alert.

They trudged on for half an hour and Sakura became a little worried about a young man whose foot was injured. The small noises he made with each step told her he was in pain although he wouldn't say it or ask to slow the group.

"Let me look at it," she whispered as they stopped for a moment underneath the dark swaying leaves above them, blocking out the bright stars.

Slowly bending down to touch it, she suddenly froze. As if panic came on the breeze, Sakura could sense them, a number of enemies in the trees and bushes just beyond and closing fast. Everyone sensed them; she could tell by their faces. Two wounded men, a squad leader, a medic and one regular healthy ANBU team member were not going to be enough to fight the numbers she could fell rushing towards them. They were going to have to fight, and with two wounded men, they were most likely going to lose.

"Shit," her squad leader hissed, "Move it, _everyone_."

In a quiet rush, Sakura could hear her squad leader conversing with the base camp as they darted away.

"Squad one retreating, encountered enemy hostiles six kilometers en route from camp 2."

The chaotic rush into the trees followed by the swish of branches around them indicated it was too late to get away.

The five Leaf-nin dropped from the trees to the mossy ground as they found themselves outnumbered, eleven enemy nin to their less than able group.

There was no mercy out at the border, fight or flight, it was all they had and Sakura believed their best chance was to open the path for escape. Drawing all her chakra to her hand, the same way Tsunade had taught her, she focused it in her fist. In a flash of speed and power, she punched the ground in front of her causing deep trenches of earth to break around the enemy group from the point where her hand connected with the earth. With a groan and some cracks, a number of trees began to uproot and fall.

In a flurry of movement, the flight ensued but they did not get far with the two wounded men. Enemy nin attacked everyone and the injured men fell first.

Sakura found herself fighting off a volley of blows from two ninja, taking hits across her arms as she protected her body. Fighting more than one made it difficult to return any sort of attack and for now she just wanted to stay afloat and keep up the defensive tactics.

A hard kick in the stomach finally landed on her when a third man joined her fight, and she dropped to the ground, gasping for a breath.

It didn't register until just a second later that she had been struck with a gen-jutsu also. Not an ordinary one either as she tried hard to release it. A growing tightening was creeping through her chest and muscles.

She'd heard of this one. It was difficult to release and would eventually slow her body functions down making it hard to breathe and move until she would die from lack of oxygen. It was a specialty of the enemy camp and impossible to break, especially on your own.

In desperation, she drew the chakra to her hand again.

"_Squad one, respond…"_

"_Squad one, respond…"_

_

* * *

_

"Shit." Genma looked at Kakashi, the unusual picture of distress on his handsome features.

"Eight to base camp, where is that squad?" Genma growled.

_"Approximately six kilometres east of you but a margin of error of three kilometres."_

The two men looked at each other as they listened to the sounds of the skirmish happening on the radio. Someone had clicked on their mic system and now gave everyone a front row seat to the fight and turmoil on the other end.

"Eight requests to assist."

"_Negative, get your wounded man back to camp a.s.a.p_" Ibiki's voice came over the radio. "_Base has dispatched reinforcements_."

"Eight is closer, sir. We can send two men."

_"Negative. Get back here now. Your wounded is priority."_

Kakashi and Genma continued to stand in the forest listening to the noise breaking through of a fight and what could possibly be their comrades dying.

"_One to base…enemies in pursuit…two men down…damn it..._ " a female voice panted out just before a loud second of static and a crack of what sounded like earth and rough bark being rent by something.

Kakashi's face dropped as his eye opened wide. He knew that voice, and his mind now pictured her in a desperate fight for her life against a ruthless enemy. Genma's eyes were wide also as he watched Kakashi pull down his mask, his teeth clenched in helplessness.

"Fuck, that's ..."

"Eight to base, Genma will return with the squad, I'm going on to find squad one" Kakashi held a finger to his earpiece so he could continue to hear the goings on with the other squad. The sound of the fight continuing to raise the panic in him, feeling it in his tense muscles.

"_Negative, Lieutenant_!" Ibiki's voice was stern. _"Return to base now. Reinforcements are dispatched."_

Kakashi turned to Genma. "Get this group back quickly, I'll find them and get back as soon as I can."

Genma nodded his agreement.

"_Respond, Lieutenant_…"

"_Lieutenant, respond_…"

_ "Hatake!"_

* * *

Sakura held her chest as she moved slower and slower along the forest floor. She'd managed to get away, her squad perished, but taking some enemies with them. The gen-jutsu was acting faster and faster and it became difficult to breathe and force her limbs to move. _Damn it_, she thought, _if only my chakra wasn't so drained_. The medical duties all day had all but worn her out.

Gritting her teeth from pain, she finally fell to her knees and hands on the dirty ground in a small clearing, the rustles and thumps of enemy ninja approaching making her shake. She never thought she'd die like this, alone and helpless. In all the years of training, she hadn't imagined a gen-jutsu would kill her, but this one wouldn't take long. If she couldn't release it she figured she had maybe an hour left, perhaps more if she used her last bit of chakra to prolong her body functions in the way only a medic could.

The enemies drew closer and closer. Between her wheezing gasps with the tight constriction in her lungs, she could hear them. Making a last decision and drawing what little chakra she had left, Sakura tried again one last time to release the gen-jutsu, but to no avail.

She grabbed up a kunai in her shaking fingers then sat back on her knees and lifted the metal blade to make a last effort to save herself. The thought of dying had occurred to her before many times to be with Sasuke, but on the cusp of the very real possibility of it, she knew she wanted to live. Driving it into her leg, she prayed it would release the continued constriction in her lungs, but sadly it only caused more pain. She had to admire such a dangerous and superior jutsu, even if it would end up taking her life.

The moonlight glinted off the bloodied blade as her blurred vision tried to make out the unreadable shapes of three enemy ninja appearing in front of her. The first man began to walk forward with a kunai in his raised hand too. She imagined he was grinning, smirking at the young woman with the pink hair getting ready to take her last breaths. Too easy a victim to kill quickly.

"F…fuck you," she hissed defiantly.

Laughter reached her ears as the thick metal kunai became too heavy to hold. She fell forward, still managing to keep her head up to see the man approaching her. Her hands shook with her understanding that it was her last moments on earth, and she gritted her teeth in frustration. But as she braced herself for the end, the man in front of her stopped suddenly.

"What's that?" one of the ninja asked the other while the third companion stood in front of Sakura.

So quickly, she couldn't tell what it was, a streak of white lit the area.

_White...chakra?_

_Kakashi…_

Her eyes closed reactively as her face smacked the hard ground, only her ears could make out the goings on above her.

The Copy ninja moved with unmatched speed, unleashing the blanched chakra of his clan upon the trio of enemy nin standing ready to attack in front of the now fallen medic. He never hesitated or let his emotions get the better of him as he sped through them, slicing skin with his katana and leaving a stream of hued chakra in his wake.

Within seconds, the enemy had dropped before they even knew what had hit them.

Kakashi darted to Sakura who was barely conscious, and he turned her over in his arms. Her chest seemed to be straining and laboring for breath. He wasn't planning to linger, in fact he wanted to move quickly as now the sounds of more enemies approaching put his guard up. But evaluating the situation, he knew he couldn't fight and keep her safe so standing her up, he hoisted her over his shoulder and darted to the top of the nearest tree.

He stood her back to the rough trunk and pressed his own body against hers to hold them in place, her head lobbing on his shoulder. On each side of her weary body, he put his hands on the rough bark, steadying them both silently and unmoving as the enemy passed below. His free hand slipped into her hair and held her to him gently.

The earpiece vibrated in his ear and he could hear the voices echoing through the radio, contending that many areas had been attacked. There was a force of some number making their way through the Fire Country edge, and as many enemy feet ran under the tree they were in, he took the opportunity to radio in numbers and location.

Turning his attention back to Sakura, Kakashi gently pulled her head back to look at her face. It was barely visible in the moonlight but her skin looked like porcelain. Her chest heaved slowly against his in desperation to get air in, her eyes barely open.

He touched her bruised and dirty cheek. "Sakura, what's wrong?"

"Ka…k." Slowly her eyes closed as consciousness slipped away as her body slackened against his.

_Damn it_

It finally struck him that she was trapped in a jutsu of some sortby the way her body was tense and rigid, her chest straining to keep drawing in air. Kakashi understood now; he didn't have much time.

Drawing chakra to his fingers, he attempted to release it, but to his dismay, it didn't work.

A second try brought nothing.

The realization that this was no ordinary jutsu came upon him in a wave of fear. It couldn't be release conventionally, so how could he stop it?

Waiting just one more second, he managed to slip Sakura over his shoulder and began to dart his way through the trees at a rate faster than he thought possible, but desperation was taking over. He couldn't lose her, not now. He couldn't lose another person he cared about.

Maybe it was selfish, maybe it he wanted to save her to spare himself, but it was enough to make his speed increase beyond the norm, the white chakra slipping from his body in waves as he drifted through the trees towards Base Camp.

"Please...hold on, Sakura."

* * *

Finally landing at the clearing edge of the Base Camp, Kakashi ran headlong to the Med Tent hoping to find a medic there to help her. Within seconds he had pushed through the canvas door and laid her gently on a bed.

"Yumi!" he shouted, quickly spotting the young woman who had accompanied his squad, now bending over some wounded ANBU.

"Lieutenant?" She looked at Kakashi's ANBU vest spattered with blood, then at Sakura's pale face, her almost non-existent chest movement, and her dilated pupils only evident under half lidded eyes.

"She's in a jutsu."

"Oh shit, _that _gen-jutsu. I've seen this one. It's an enemy specialty. She's stuck in it, like she's dreaming. I don't know how to wake her. It won't release. We have to shock her out of it somehow."

Yumi seemed to look around in some desperation before taking a deep breath and pulling a kunai from her holster. "This may work."

Kakashi looked down at Sakura's bleeding thigh. "No, it won't. How did the last person get out of it?" he asked, trying to stay calm but failing.

Yumi's voice quivered, "They...didn't."

"Fuck." Kakashi snatched her up again and ran back out of the Med Tent. Yumi shouted for him to return her, but he ignored it. Leaving her there on a cot to die wasn't an option.

Rushing into the shower tent, he felt it was his only hope as he stood her up, propping her against his body as the wet faces of the shower patrons turning to look at the two fully clothed ANBU. He pulled her into a stall, holding her tightly around the waist.

"Come on, Sakura. Fight it."

He snapped on the cold water and it was like ice when it drenched their bodies. Her skin was so pale, and he began to shake with the frigid temperature, but she didn't. Tighter and tighter, he clenched his jaw.

"Sakura!"

_Cold_

"_Sasuke?" her eyes followed the back of the raven-haired man as he walked away down the Konoha streets. "Wait for me, don't walk so fast." Her dark eyed lover turned around and opened his arms for her. _

"_I've been waiting for you, Sakura. Let's go home."_

"_I want that," she pressed her face into his chest as his arms closed around her, but something was strange; he felt cool against her. _

"_You feel cold, Sasuke." Her body quivered in his arms now. "Something's wrong."_

_So cold_.

Kakashi closed his eyes and drew as much chakra as he could to his fingers. The usual blue glow turned almost white as he laid his palm on her chest.

"Cold," her soft lips formed with no sound to accompany them.

"Sakura, open your eyes."

Kakashi shivered uncontrollably in the frigid spray that coated them both, making her body quiver along with the motion.

"Sakura!"

Pressing his chakra into her, he used everything he had to shock her body.

_Release, damn it!  
_

As if in response, her mouth opened as a wide gasping breath was drawn in, to be choked out after quite painfully. Her chest heaved as she strained to draw another back in, the deep wheeze, a desperate attempt to replenish her body. And after a moment, another went in, less strained than the last.

Kakashi pulled her out of the cold spray and moved the stall edge, cradling her in his wet arms.

"Try to breathe slowly."

Her eyes finally opened her eyes to look up at him. They were glazed, glassy, and her hand reached up to press on her own chest. Light tears slipped over her cheeks as their bodies shivered together there on the shower tent floor.

"I know it hurts. Just breathe slowly." Kakashi picked her up gently and with some measure of relief, walked slowly back to the Med Tent as shocked faces followed their path. Her arm managed to slide around his neck and she held him as tightly as her weak fingers found possible.

* * *

"How is she?" the now dry and redressed ANBU lieutenant asked Yumi, who was cleaning up after the bloody night of medical duties following attacks along the border. Kakashi had spent the better part of three hours at the Shed tending to his ranks through radio contact, and felt the frustration of not being back out there.

"She's okay, Lieutenant, she's resting in her bed. Her team was killed. They were brought in a while ago. Her chakra is completely depleted. Her leg is bandaged and her chest probably aches badly but she's fine."

"Thanks."

Kakashi moved to stand at the doorway that led to her living area. Strangely enough, his mind was moving but his feet could not.

He knew how she was going to feel after losing her whole team. The guilt, the anger, he'd been through it. It was all coming back to him with the fighting, the desperate attempt to live they all made. Watching his friends die at enemy hands one by one and being powerless in the end to do anything but wait to die, weighed on him again and again.

He understood it all too well and soon she would too.

Making up his mind, he pushed through the hanging canvas door to see her lying in her bed on her side, the desk lamp on as usual. It seemed that she was asleep until her eyes opened and caught him in their weary gaze.

No words were exchanged, but they understood each other better than most people could.

Kakashi slipped off his shoes and moved to the bed. Quietly and carefully, he slipped into the blankets behind her, reaching an arm over her waist and pulling her back to his chest. Tonight he didn't care what people would think. He doubted if she would either.

With a deep, trembling sigh, Sakura finally let the lids of her tired eyes drift down and relinquished herself to borrow his warmth this time. It was exactly what she needed, and he was the only person who could give it to her.

* * *

re-edited Jan 09


	9. Sullen Girl

Fated

Chapter 9: Sullen Girl

* * *

The smoke curled around the trees as the Copy-nin leapt through the branches, the distant shouts and clang of weapons ringing ominously in his ears. He halted momentarily to get bearings on what was left of his remaining squad.

"Keep moving, Hatake," Asuma growled as he swept by.

He didn't need to be told twice as he continued after his friend. He could sense Kurenai just below him and all were traveling as fast as possible, but somewhere in his mind he knew it wouldn't be enough as his annoying habit of calculating the odds of survival nagged him.

The rustle of the trees next to him indicated the enemy had finally come upon them. So many men gone, so few left in a desperate race to survive, a huge onslaught of enemies drifting around them, preventing their escape.

In the distance he could hear Gai fighting for them, fighting to slow the enemy down so they could escape and the guilt tore at his gut knowing they left him alone. Had he come with them, it would have done no good, but still, it was crushing. Almost immediately, after he dropped to the ground, Kakashi realized he could no longer hear the overtly loud battle shouts of his green-clad friend.

"Damn it," he cursed in frustration as the forms of enemy nin began to appear around the trio of elites who were all that was left of the large force sent out from Konoha that day.

Kurenai and Asuma stayed close as the nins began to attack. Streams of gray uniforms lunged at them, and the three Leaf nin worked in desperation to repel them. Asuma had moved off a bit and had become surrounded, but Kakashi was near enough to Kurenai to hear the first disturbing cry of pain from her.

He tried to turn to look at her but he couldn't; his attention had to stay on the group he was fighting but his keen hearing picked up her sobs and gasps. Futility tore at his insides, desperately wanting to help her, but he couldn't.

Asuma fell next, a cough of blood choked out of him as his knees hit the mossy forest ground. But the Sarutobi was not dead as Kakashi would hear later. His impassioned whispers would drift on his last breaths for the woman he loved for what seemed like an eternity, until death would claim him.

Suddenly everything became silent for the Copy nin; the enemy disappeared and he was strangely unwounded. The area was teaming with smoke and weapons but there was no sound. Looking around he could see the body of Asuma lying still at the edge of their battle zone. Turning to see Kurenai, the sight made him recoil. She was lying there, splayed on the ground with the crimson blanket of blood enveloping her lovely form.

But something was different; it wasn't Kurenai. Moving closer he could see the pink hair, the pale skin and as he stood above her he could see the dim green lifeless eyes looking up into nothing.

"Sakura!"

With a jolt, Kakashi's eyes flew open to realize his heart was pounding and beads of sweat riddled his body. He wiped his upper lip with the back of his shaking hand. Slow realization of where he was and what had occurred slipped into his slowly awakening mind.

Turning gently so not to wake her, kakashi looked over his companion sleeping comfortably beside him. Her face was turned his way but she lay on her back, her chest rising and falling gently with her deep sleep. His fingers swept her shoulder to see if she was real by simple reaction, the dream still fresh in his mind. Luckily, the small gesture did not stir her.

As all the pieces came together, he figured she wouldn't wake for quite some time after the night's ordeal. And usually he got up at this time when he stayed to leave without waking her.

The dream tore at him. He'd seen her dead, seen her cold lifeless eyes looking up at him and it was too much. Had he been a few moments later last night, she would be gone. They'd be packing her belongings to ship home today.

The fear was expanding in his chest on all sides from the dream. He'd had that one many times before, reliving his friends' terrifying last moments, but it was the first time Sakura was in it. Now he couldn't imagine what it would do to him if she were killed. He was attached to her more than he fathom now, so much more than he ever wanted to be.

His gaze ran over her porcelain skin and dark eyelashes. Her soft pink lips parted to let out gentle breaths with a small labor. Obviously, she'd be sore for a while from that jutsu.

Lifting a few strands of her pink locks from her face where they had fallen, Kakashi felt the ache in his chest from the occasional nighttime reminder of the death of his friends. It was hard and he always felt like shit for a day or two after that dream, but this one was different and it shook him to his core.

Sakura stretched a little, her hand resting on her chest lightly, a sound of comfort mumbled from her. The dark shirt she wore rode up on her, showing her tight stomach, unmarred and flexing with her movement as her fingers rubbed at her hot skin. Her other hand tugged gently at her collar exposing her collarbone, sleepily trying to give her body some comfort in the warmth of the Med Tent.

He couldn't stay like this anymore watching her. He had to get out. He felt hot, which was unusual for him; his chest ached with regret and frustration of what he had just dreamed and the new moment transposed in it.

The air was heavy, the silence deafening; he needed space. Pushing up from beside her gently to avoid waking her, Kakashi grabbed up his belongings and pushed out through the hanging canvas door in an abrupt manner.

The early morning was cool outside, and for once it was a relief.

He moved through the camp now, his pace quick as he jogged towards his tent when the site of his friend caught his eye and slowed him down. As he approached, he could see Genma sitting on a cut stump outside his tent. Wisps of blue smoke emanated from him making Kakashi's eyebrow rise.

"Up early? What's this? You don't smoke," Kakashi smirked as he dropped his vest beside his friend and laid down to recline in the grass.

"Neither do you," Genma chuckled.

There was barely any noise around the camp and the two comfortable men kept their voices low, trying not to disturb the easy peace in the half morning light.

"I know, I've got to quit that shit. It's making me feel like crap, but it's just the smell, you know…" Kakashi picked up the pack from beside Genma and slid one into his mouth while admiring the front of the paper box.

Genma understood what he meant. He was sure Kakashi missed Asuma greatly as the two had been the closest of friends for many years, and the musky sweet smell of Konoha Leaf tobacco was so reminiscent of the Sarutobi. Although Genma never thought the health conscious Hatake Kakashi would pick up a habit like smoking, he could comprehend the need for the familiarity when one felt alone.

Kakashi shook his head. "These are mine, you bastard."

"Yeah, thanks." Genma's gaze was unfocused as he watched the gray morning coming up. It wasn't like Genma to be so subdued and introspective, but Kakashi figured everyone had his or her moments. The tall jounin took a deep breath and looked down at his silver haired friend.

"So, do you know what you're doing?" Genma added softly.

Kakashi sighed a little as his gaze traveled the green blades in front of him and traced the light canvas tent right across, "Yeah, I think so." But the press in chest was there and even the nicotine couldn't alleviate it this morning. He needed to move, to do something, there was pent up energy he needed to burn off.

"You want to spar?" Kakashi asked feeling the desperate need to escape this feeling.

"I'd kill a lightweight like you," Genma laughed.

"Sounds like a challenge," Kakashi added.

"It's early, and I probably used up more energy than you through the night," he winked, "but I'm willing to kick some Hatake ass this morning."

* * *

A few days had passed slowly and with intention, Sakura slipped by the Shed on the off chance she'd run into Kakashi. Normally she avoided the area, but he seemed to have disappeared after the night he rescued her. Things had been so comfortable between them up until now and she craved a little bit of his time, but it seemed he didn't have any for her lately.

She'd thought at least he would have come to see her, check on how she was, but he hadn't. He'd never gone even two days without seeing her since he arrived, even when coming and going on missions. The whole situation began to puzzle her.

Walking from the Med Tent to the Shed, Sakura felt the jump in her chest as he emerged from the wooden building with Anko in tow, their pace a quick one.

"Hey Hatake, where have you been?" She grinned at seeing him turn to her.

He looked back at Anko for a moment and motioned to her before turning to walk towards Sakura. Anko nodded and darted away fully clad in ANBU uniform as Kakashi was now also.

"I haven't seen you for a while. How is your eye?" she asked, trying hard to calm her smile.

"It's fine. I've been really busy lately. How are you feeling?" He took a step closer but then hesitated.

"Better, still aches a little. Do you have time for lunch?" Sakura took a step closer, but he turned his body sideways and his gaze flicked to the trees surrounding the camp.

"Sorry, not today. I've got some mission planning to do with Anko, but I'll catch up with you when I've got time." He started to walk away from her as his hand rose in a good-bye gesture.

"Oh, all...right." She watched him turn and leave. Her mind started to churn a little and she went over their brief conversation in her head again and again, exploring the lack of interest he seemed to display in her. But trying to give him the benefit of the doubt, she shook the thoughts out of her head. Yes, he seemed indifferent. Yes, it could seem like he was avoiding her, but it wasn't like him to do that. Besides, they had been getting so close lately. He wouldn't just decide he wouldn't bother with her anymore, would he?.

Maybe he was truthful and he had no time right now. Sakura was patient. She could wait.

* * *

_Dearest Naruto,_

_I'm happy to hear that Hinata's ceremony went well. She's an amazing woman and we are all proud of her. Send her my best wishes for governing the clan. _

_I'm sorry it's taken so long for me to write as we've been busy here and I've had a bit of recovery time lately too. I'm sure you heard that I was injured a while ago, and yes, I was, but thanks to Kakashi I came through fine and am feeling normal. Don't worry!_

_Kakashi is well. He's not as thin as he was when he arrived and has a better outlook on things. He's improving. It's been almost three months now that he's been here and with each day he does seem better. He has been very busy with missions though so I don't see him as much as I'd like. _

_I went to the mess yesterday and I bumped into just got called up from Konoha and he looks great. I'd forgotten how tall he is. I felt so tiny compared to him. It's nice to see a familiar face, and we had lunch together and talked. I hear Kakashi may place Choji in one of the outlying squads but we are hoping that he can stay and cook a little for us._

_Neji has gotten more distant with me now though. I'm afraid we may have lost our friendship over a small incident that happened a while ago, just before Kakashi arrived. He kissed me once and I pushed him away. I don't know if I wasn't ready at the time or if it was just that I didn't feel that way for him. Things haven't been the same since between us. I don't know if time will fix it._

_I hope things are going well in Konoha. Please send my regards to Tsunade and tell her I miss her. Hug your son for me, Naruto. I miss you very much._

_Love Sakura_

Naruto smiled as he handed the letter to Hinata, and grabbed his child to tickle him. The silver eyed Head of Hyuuga read the letter then turned back to her husband.

"She certainly wrote about Kakashi a lot." Hinata smiled, listening to her young son giggle joyfully.

"They've always had a comfort between them. I think it's probably good for both of them to be together. Maybe they can help each other." Naruto ran his fingers through his golden hair as he sat down on the back porch of the Hyuuga mansion and relinquished his hold on his exuberant young look-a-like.

"Sasuke, go wash up for dinner." Hinata beamed at their energetic young son as he hopped up quickly onto the porch and darted inside.

"Okaaaayyy," Sasuke shouted behind him.

"I can't help but think of all the times the four of us were together. Kakashi was an amazing team leader, and Sakura's strength after she trained with Tsunade was incredible. Sasuke…he was what we had in common. We all cared for him so was our goal to get him back for so long, nothing else mattered in that time for any of us."

The dark haired beauty ran her hand gently up and down his back consolingly. "I remember."

"They'll have to find something new in common, I suppose. We all will." He smiled a little. "So Neji was hitting on her?"

"It seems. It's a pity it didn't work out for them. They'd be a handsome couple," she sighed and smiled back at her attractive husband as he gave her that look. Leaning close to her throat, he kissed her softly.

"You know, this letter seems more open to me, like she's more comfortable telling me things. Usually its just semantics but this time it's about her. Maybe she's feeling better and maybe she'll come home soon."

'I hope so." Hinata leaned on his shoulder. "I really hope so."

* * *

Sakura sat on the grass behind the Med Tent and watched the white gray swirl of clouds overhead. It was going to rain. She could almost smell it in the air and she enjoyed the soft rustle of the trees with the breeze. The turn of the leaves made the colours change from light to dark green in a sway of movement. It was calming and she enjoyed it with her whole being.

As the first drop fell on her skin, her arms wrapped around her legs which she hugged to her chest.

She loved the rain.

But today for some reason, she didn't feel like crying in it. She didn't really feel like allowing the desperate sadness to assault her emotions and force them out as they so often could. Steadily, it was all getting simpler, getting tolerable. She could think about him now without crying. She could almost say his name and smile.

_Sasuke_

Remembering his dark eyes and the softness of his hair, the strong muscular body with surprisingly little scars. Well, she supposed if he'd lived, those would have come in time. All the ninja that crossed her table had some measure of "trophy" in the form of cut skin and lines along their bodies.

_Look at Kakashi_, she told herself, _yes, look at Kakashi_.

It seemed all she wanted to do now was be where her eyes could see him. But he never came at night anymore to have his sharingan treated, even putting up with some of the pain until it became unbearable, compared to the pain-free existence she could offer him.

The sudden switch he made in his interest to be with her was puzzling and somewhat exasperating. He was a great support still and friendly, although he now seemed to keep a professional distance.

Thinking about it, she supposed it was unusual for a man to spend a night with a woman the way they had spent theirs. Their bodies held close, he coveting her warmth, and she craving his embrace. Did he know how she felt? Was this why he was holding back? She missed him so much. They would have the occasional chat at the mess tent or he would come for a quick fix on his eye and they would banter about inconsequential things. She seemed to be just like everyone else to him now, just like everyone else.

The drops fell faster around her creating a gentle rhythm in the hum of nature. It was so easy to get lost in it. She pulled the headband from her hair and let the long pink strands drop around her face like a curtain. The damp and cool spray on her skin felt marvelousm and for once, she smiled and enjoyed the rain for what it was instead of what it allowed.

* * *

"Fuck, I hate the rain" Genma growled as he stepped from the Shed and turned back to look at the Copy ninja standing half in the doorway, his gaze on the Med Tent. Seeming to break from his inner thoughts, Kakashi smirked at Genma.

"Quit your whining," he laughed.

Genma just stood and watched him for a minute, Kakashi's gaze moving around the area and continuously settling on the large canvas tent with the painted red cross on it. "Geez Hatake, why the hell don't you just go and see her?"

Kakashi bowed his head. "It's complicated."

"Where the hell do you think you are? Nothing is complicated here. Shit Hatake, all you have to know is eat, sleep, fight and fuck. That's life out here. Only pretty boys like you have to complicate things." Genma laughed at his analogies.

"Fuck you, Shiranui," Kakashi mumbled, trying not to laugh, "and keep it to yourself."

"I just call 'em as I see 'em." Genma shrugged and slipped a senbon into his mouth, then grinned exaggeratedly at his friend. "If you want my opinion, and I don't give shit if you don't because you're going to get it anyway, you should just get it over with. The way she looks at you, I don't know how you can resist."

Kakashi looked at him and for once he was lost for words. Genma was being Genma, but he couldn't understand the history and relationship that was between he and Sakura, and his mind always thought everything was about sex. Genma's idea of dealing with things was to eat it, screw it, or kill it. As his friend had noted, it was simple out there and he supposed in most cases that was true, so why did he allow things to get complicated? Wasn't it supposed to be easier when he came out here? Wasn't that the point of leaving Konoha behind?

Kakashi had been at the border for three months now, and had decided that it was as much her fault as it was his. It was obvious to him that she wanted to progress what they had innocently started when she offered to keep him warm, but he joined in the blame when he accepted. Even now he missed those nights.

She _was_ warm and he did want to lie beside her but something in him told him to keep things this way. Yes, it was better this way, he told himself, even though deep down he missed her companionship, he decided it was for the best to try to become cold to it. _Keep it professional; don't let anything else get in the way; don't open yourself up for it again._

Taking a deep breath, Kakashi turned away from the Med Tent and the enjoyed the light rain falling around the Base Camp.

He felt calm again; he loved the rain.

* * *

The clatter of dishes and metal utensils in the mess tent was almost deafening to the young kunoichi as she stood in line for her meal. There had been sporadic attacks again along the border over the last three weeks and she was tired much of the time with the constant drain on her chakra from tending to wounded.

She looked vacantly around the Hall, not completely focusing on anything until a shock of silver caught her gaze. Kakashi sat at the other end of the tent, and of course, Genma was across from him.

She sighed softly.

For some reason she was too tired to play the game with him today, pretending that his sporadic coldness didn't bother her, and that their minor conversation was enough. Why did he let the pain build up in his eye and not come and see her? She slowly began to think that he had grown tired of her and the companionship she craved from him. Perhaps she was too needy and she questioned all the nights she had invited him to her bed. Innocent or not, they were two grown adults sleeping together, half clothed. Perhaps she'd done something to put him off. But so many times he had come on his own.

She missed him deeply.

It would have been natural really, to take another step towards what her body had been wanting. Lying so close to Kakashi made her remember what it was like to be with a man. But could she be like the other women here? Could she sleep with him and the next day forget about it? No, she knew she couldn't. Already she felt strongly for him, his handsome face, his strength and of course the way he made her feel lying as they wrapped around each other. But to just give in to desire without consequences wouldn't work for her.

She'd never been like that, never would be like that. Sasuke was her first and only lover; they'd learned how to please each other together. They were both new at it, both nervous and tense, but it was worth it.

That first time with Sasuke, it wasn't what they had planned at all. They were going to sip red wine, listen to soft music, and light the room with candles. It would be special and meaningful and well planned. But the moment came early, as desire and curiosity drove them to it. She could easily recall the fear it instilled in her even though she wanted to give it to him.

He'd pulled his clothes off quickly, almost rushing as he then stopped to watch her slide hers from her own body. She'd wished he'd undressed her instead, but back then she didn't know how to ask, wasn't bold enough. Already she could see he was aroused as she stood across from him in the morning light of his bedroom, the dust glinting on the golden sun rays between them from the terrace door. Holding her red Haruno shirt half in front of her, she couldn't stop her body from shivering as his dark eyes traced her young curves, drinking in the sight of her bare skin.

She'd moved to the bed, and lay down. He'd moved above her and kissed her tenderly but it was dry and nervous. How could someone stay aroused under that type of tense pressure? Sakura couldn't guess as his dark eyes looked into hers.

It was experimental, mechanical, and inexperienced. She whimpered when he entered her, and there was pain and love and sweat and fear. It wasn't how she'd imagined it would be, wasn't how it seemed in the movies. She didn't want to groan in passion or rake her nails down his back; she just wanted to know he would love her after as he did before.

He held her for the rest of the morning as she cried, for what reason she wasn't sure. Perhaps it was the end of something or the beginning; she'd never understand it but she just needed to cry.

So many nights she'd swear there would never be another man, but she was wrong as she gazed unfocused on the Copy ninja and felt the cutting regret of losing his companionship.

She was a woman of 23 now, not a 17-year old who lost her virginity in the large Uchiha bed in the empty Uchiha complex. So why did she feel so scared about expressing what she wanted from Kakashi, even when so many nights he'd shared her bed? Maybe it was his indifference, or perhaps her fear of being wrong in what she truly wanted.

Genma's words echoed in her mind, _"No one falls in love out here."_

In the end she didn't want it to become like that, like what Genma had with women, and out here it was always that way, as if it were expected or commonplace.

Some of those nights, watching Kakashi slip his shirt slowly from his body, the dark fabric sliding up the contoured muscles of his firm torso and gliding off his strong toned arms, she felt that want again. Feeling his hand slide over her waist to pull her close, skin on skin, had stirred so much in her.

It was intimate no matter how she put it, but was it enough?

Her gaze still rested on him until his face turned to look at her. Strangely she didn't get nervous or jump or even smile, she just turned away as if it were nothing. Really, she was just too tired to figure it out today.

Kakashi caught her watching him, but when her face turned away with indifference he could tell he'd gone too far in pushing her away. What was the reason again? Her face just now made it impossible to remember. She looked tired, and the last few weeks had been hard on everyone.

"She looks like shit. You been keeping her up nights or is it that you should be?" Genma smirked, chewing on his stir stick and sliding it back in his coffee again to regain the taste.

"Mind your own business," Kakashi grunted as his interest returned to his half eaten plate of food. _Why can't it be simple_?

In a deafening sudden blast, an alarm shot out ringing through the camp and making every ninja jump from their seats and clatter towards the doorway.

"Holy shit! I almost choked on my stir stick!" Genma shouted in shock.

* * *

Standing in the shed, among all the other Lieutenants, Kakashi could feel the nervous energy charging through the room. Outwardly though, he remained the picture of strength and relaxation. The tall imposing form of Ibiki paced the front of the briefing area warning of skirmishes and a larger push into the Fire Country by the enemy.

Anko was chewing her fingernails while Genma had abandoned any sort of projectile or plastic thing from his mouth. This was something bigger than he'd encountered yet and he could tell by the nervousness of the senior Jounins that there would be a lot of fighting and perhaps death tonight.

* * *

Sakura checked all the supplies and set out extra cots for wounded. Four other medics scrambled around the area setting up triage outside and stocking their aprons and bags with things they might need as they roamed what would later be an abundance of wounded outside on the grass.

"I think it's going to be bad," Yumi's voice trembled as she moved towards the doorway and watched the large amount of ninjas moving swiftly around the area outside the shed. It was an unusual sight and Sakura became nervous as she watched the movement also.

"So many..." Yumi continued, as Sakura stepped down onto the lower step and watched the men and women moving in groups while ignoring the light rain wetting their uniforms.

The Head Medic took a shaky, deep breath; the frenzy didn't bode well with her and she tried to calm and prepare herself.

"I'm going to recheck supplies." Yumi fumbled back inside and Sakura could tell that her underling was frantic and afraid. But she couldn't force herself back inside to comfort her, or even to check supplies again. She needed to see him.

It took a few moments but she finally found Kakashi in her line of sight. The thing that surprised her was that he was looking back at her. Standing among a group of some twenty men he had turned to watch her, his dark eye focusing on her and not relinquishing when she looked back.

A swift paced squad ran between them, but as it passed, they continued to look at each other. The fear crept into her heart knowing that he was going out into it, going out to lead his men into the dangerous fray.

He was watching her with the same intensity and held her fast in his gaze. She could see his ANBU uniform getting wet from the drizzle around him, the tempo of it picking up with the passing seconds. It spattered off his white hilted katana and dampened down his hair so that it hung over his sharingan, which she could tell was revealed.

Kakashi couldn't help himself; he couldn't take his eyes off her. That fearful look she gave him now after the impassive look she gave him earlier dug into his chest painfully. He could see her fingers clenching and unclenching, her pink hair dripping at the ends with the increased patter of the rain. He wanted to tell her he was sorry for being so cold lately but he was held fast by duty and time would not permit. It would be awful to die with that regret.

"Be careful," she mouthed.

He pulled down his mask.

Slowly he nodded to her as the groups around him began to move towards the trees. As the next squad ran past between them, breaking off their contact, he was gone.

* * *

Smoke riddled the area the silver-haired lieutenant stood in as he wiped the enemy's blood from his cheek. Battles had been happening all along the boundaries and Kakashi and Genma's group had found themselves at Neji's camp fighting to stay afloat for almost two hours. They'd lost a few men in the skirmishes but things were slowing to a milder pace. He could see the young Hyuuga standing near the fire while his chakra-laden gaze roed around the trees.

The fights had been tough and it took almost three hours completely to repel the enemy forces trespassing in the Fire Country, but they had done it. Kakashi was angry; he could feel it in his stomach thinking of the men he'd lost today and how the enemy kept making these passes into their country looking for weak spots.

As the smoke began to dissipate, Kakashi decided it was time to regroup and see what kind of shape the squads were in. He could see the Hyuuga's head turning slowly as his shoulders dipped indicating there was no enemy in sight for at least 200 yards.

"Neji, why don't we take a fast census of who's left and we'll regroup at your base area?" Kakashi said while continuing to scan the area with his own gaze. "Genma and I need to head back to base to brief Ibiki and prep reinforcements."

"Yes, I'll get my second to do that." Neji walked over to the sharingan user calmly but did not deactivate his byakugan.

"It's all right, Genma and I can see to our group. I just need to find him." Kakashi's head turned looking for him, "Genma!" his voice rose slightly.

The pause became long as no response came.

"Shiranui!" Kakashi called again, his stomach beginning to contract and twist. "Where the f…"

His words were cut short as he saw his tall friend slowly emerge from the trees nearby.

"Sorry….got sidetracked," Genma said quietly as he moved with a sluggish stagger towards them. He coughed a little and Kakashi could see the deep crimson blood trickle from Genma's lips.

If his stomach twisted before, it was tied in a tight knot now as he watched Genma look down and lift the hand covering his side. The dark curtain of blood flowed freely from a wound and Genma's face paled as his breathing labored a little.

"Fuck me," Neji said with astonishment, "Damn it, Genma."

Within a second Kakashi was at his side and caught the injured ANBU as he fell. "You dumbass, Genma," he hissed as he slung the tall Jounin over his shoulder. "I'm sorry Hyuuga, can you handle the regroup without me?"

Kakashi didn't wait for an answer as he darted into the forest. It was probably wrong to leave but just like when he had found Sakura, he couldn't let Genma die, not when it was in his power to save him.

He leapt quickly from tree to tree with the tall Jounin in a fireman's carry. Genma's body was limp now and his blood was wetting Kakashi's back.

_Not again_, he thought frantically as he continued to move faster, _not again_.

* * *

The scene in the rain where Sakura and Kakashi are watching each other was inspired by a piece of fanart that Duneboo did for me. It's on the profile.

Re-edited Jan 09


	10. Harder to Breathe

Fated

Chapter 10: Harder to Breathe

* * *

"Just a little longer," Sakura mumbled encouragement to herself, "I can stop the bleeding…just a little more."

Yumi sat on the rough Med Tent floor propped up against some cupboards that backed against the divider wall. With difficulty she raised her weak arm to wipe the hard earned sweat from her brow. "Sakura stop before you drain your chakra," she whispered gravely.

Sakura's long fingers quivered as she pulsed chakra into the gashed side of a wounded man in her infirmary. Her energies were depleted but she wouldn't stop now if it could spare him. He was young and she was desperate to save him from death, desperate to spare another woman the devastation of becoming a widow.

It began to pain her and she groaned from the tearing sensations that signaled her skin was burning from overuse of her chakra. If she let it all deplete the result could be death, she knew that, but if she just came close, just used a little more…

Finally after the strain had taken away her will, her knees gave out and she sank to the floor beside the medical bed. The bleeding had ceased, the cells and organs were saved at the cost of everything she had left, she could do no more. With exhaustion settling in, she glanced slightly at Yumi whom she believed would be asleep in a matter of minutes, her own eyelids weighing down. Sadly, the will to move from the floor had escaped her.

The injured had stopped coming in an hour before but it had been an extremely long night. So many wounded were seen, but they had saved most; it was all they could hope for.

* * *

Kakashi swiftly approached the Med Tent to see the wounded on cots around the outside of it, covered in makeshift canopies to protect them from the drizzle blanketing the forest. There were two medics propped against the side of the tent with their backs to the canvas and Kakashi swore they must have been dead asleep as they seemed not to care that the light rain was beginning to soak their clothes.

But it was a warm rain, and by the looks of them, even a thunderstorm couldn't wake them now. It was the kind of night that people would take a walk to enjoy the rain, but not here, not at this place.

Pushing inside Kakashi found the last empty medical bed and gently put Genma down, relieved for the moment that he was still alive. The wounded Jounin's face was pale, his chest barely moving, and just looking at him twisted Kakashi's insides tightly, making it difficult to keep focus. He tugged down his mask roughly, heaving in tired breaths from the swift pace he made to get back.

"Sakura!" he hissed as he noticed her form slumped where she sat on the floor, her face covered by the curtain of hair dangling around her shoulders. She seemed like a statue, like a painted figure on a shelf stuck in an uncomfortable pose.

He rushed over to her and turned her flushed face to him, blood from his fingers spread across her pale cheek as he tried to bring her senses back to her.

"I need your help," he said, attempting to stay calm.

"Kakashi? I…I can't. I have nothing left," she whispered, trying desperately to keep her eyes open while her fingers wrapped around his wrist for no other reason but to touch him.

"Yes you can. I need you to do this."

He slipped his wet gloved arm around her waist from behind her and lifted, supporting her weight with his body. Her heavy head lolled forward then back to his shoulder and she found it difficult to keep up but couldn't manage to fight off the strong arm raising her from the comfort of the floor.

"Don't Kakashi, I can't," she tried to argue softly as she felt her abdomen bump against the cool steel side rail of a medical bed, her wrist held firmly out in front of her.

She managed to force open her tired eyes and peer down to see the blood covered pale body of Shiranui Genma lying almost dead in her medical tent. The hot tears stung at the corners of her eyes as she realized the futility of the situation, and that she could do nothing for him. She would gladly give up her life to save him, but it wouldn't be enough. Her chakra was depleted to the point were he would not be healed and she would die also.

"Oh…Genma…,"she sobbed weakly. "I'm so sorry."

"Do this, Sakura, help him," Kakashi demanded, his tone taking on an edge. If it was panic or fear, Sakura couldn't tell.

"Stop it Lieutenant, you'll kill her," Yumi's angry voice filled the room as she tried to push up from the floor to aid her superior but finding her legs too weak to do so.

He understood what was wrong and that Sakura had helped injured ninja to the point that she was completely drained of all her precious chakra. All the medics had, but he wouldn't give up. "Let me help you," he whispered in her ear as her head lay back on his shoulder.

Immediately she felt a surge of his chakra tingle on her skin at her wrist and her eyes opened wide to watch the glow cast light around their hands. His cool wet body was flush against hers, holding her steady and soaking the back of her vest, his fingers wrapped tightly around her wrist hovering over the wound.

She could feel his chakra pulsing into her, making her hand throb and sear but it began to seem somewhat possible and she was willing to try anything to help Genma.

Pooling her strength, what little was left, she worked hard to draw and mold his chakra which glowed with a white hue in front of them. It wasn't perfect by any means, but as the cascading light ghosted into the wound and began to stitch up the internal damage, Sakura felt relief in her tired body.

As it continued to go on for several minutes, she hissed and gasped as the strong chakra moved up her arm and traveled inside her forcefully. It wasn't as slow and light as a medic was able to produce and she felt it strain through her. Sucking in a large breath she felt it delve into her chakra highway invading her whole body. It was a sensation she had never encountered before, having someone else's chakra traveling in her own chakra highway. It was strange and draining at the same time and as it filled her, it became almost unbearably painful.

She looked down at Genma through her pain-fogged gaze and could see that his wound had stopped bleeding, and although it wasn't perfect, it was enough to keep him alive.

"It's enough!" she half-screamed, "stop, please, it hurts!"

Immediately Kakashi ceased pressing his white chakra into her body but didn't relinquish his hold on her. They both watched Genma stir a little and some color come back into his face. The exhausted copy ninja laid his forehead on Sakura's shoulder and could feel the heat at her wrist where his fingers still held onto it.

"Thank-you," he said softly, but felt her legs give way as he took on her full weight. She had passed out in his arms.

She was drained and now unconscious and the guilt poured into him of what he had forced her to do. However, he knew if it happened again he would relive it all exactly. Lifting her limp body up gently, he took her into her living quarters to lay her on the futon. Her pink hair splayed out around her and as he slipped the Konoha headband from her hair, she didn't wake.

With gentleness, he unzipped her green vest and slid her arms from it before slipping her shoes and wrappings from her feet. Then he just sat and watched her. The light sounds of the rain on the med tent were calming somewhat and after the previous moments excitement he was glad for the numbing distraction.

Remaining there for a long while, he admired the rise of her chest and her soft breathing as consciousness evaded her. His gaze went to the red mark beginning to blister at her wrist, the mark he had given her in his desperation.

"I'm sorry," he whispered. He stood back up from his crouch beside her and left the back area to find Yumi finally hovering near Genma, her legs shook unsteadily. Slowly, she turned to look at the copy ninja and Kakashi could see the look of confusion and concern at what she had witnessed shown in her face.

The guilt writhed in his gut of how she'd screamed for him to stop, how he'd hurt her enough to make her like that. Selfish, he felt selfish and cruel.

The two ninja stood side by side now over the tall unconscious jounin and Kakashi shook his head at the still form of his friend, "You stupid shit."

"I think he'll be okay." Yumi's look began to soften a little with the understanding of the inner turmoil Kakashi's face was relaying. He turned to look at the young medic's face, how changed it seemed to pity from the desire he had last seen her with. Wretched regret grasped his insides and squeezed painfully.

"Sakura's wrist is injured…I…burned her…will you take care of it?" he whispered now.

She could see the emotional distress in his face which was so unlike the usually composed Copy ninja, but somewhere inside she could understand. He hurt someone he cared about to save another person precious to him. A horrible situation, really, and she felt some empathy for him although she could never completely understand.

"I'll make sure it doesn't scar. She'll be fine. You should go get dried off." Yumi placed her hand on his wet shoulder.

"I'll wait a bit longer," he sighed looking at his friend who still lay unconscious, blood covered and pale. Pulling up a metal stool, Kakashi sat down heavily as he tugged his headband off and rubbed at his eyes with his fingers.

"I probably would have done the same thing if I were you," Yumi said softly as she grabbed some ointment and special dressings for burns. "I'll heal Sakura's hand in the morning when my chakra is less run down."

"Hm," Kakashi said quietly without turning to her, finally regaining his usual composure. As his mind replayed what had just transpired in this large med tent, he began to understand that he and Sakura had many issues between them and some could never be resolved, some could never be broached. He wanted to go back and lie down beside her, ask her to forgive him for the way he was now, but it would do no good. Sakura was the type of person to pursue and not stand down. He wasn't rejecting her but wasn't accepting either.

He pressed his eyes harder with his fingers.

_Complicated._

_

* * *

_

Sakura moved a little and she could feel the immediate pain in her wrist and through her chest where his chakra had forced in and invaded her. The night's events were coming back to her bit by bit, and she needed to sort them out slowly.

The soft patter of rain lulled her into relaxation as it drifted over the heavy Med Tent and ran in streams over the light reflecting plastic windows, making the early morning outside look gray. The sound made her want to stay silent and still. Lifting her right wrist, she admired the treatment it got despite the drain on the medics. A burn like this could easily be fixed but no one would have had any chakra left to treat it, and so it would have been left 'as is' until the morning. It was wrapped well and she was grateful as by the looks of it, she might have been in much worse pain.

"Yumi," she said softly.

Pulling the blanket over her shoulders as she stood up, Sakura shivered a bit with the coolness of the rainy morning, but truthfully she was happy that it was dismal outside. Perhaps the morning was emulating her somber mood; perhaps it was foretelling of things to come. No matter what, it made her feel comforted somehow. With a sigh, she dropped the blanket back down to the bed and stood up preparing herself for what came next.

Ambling lightly along the rough wooden floor, she pushed out into the main med area to see that some of the beds had been cleared and men had been sent back to their tents after treatment. The slumped shoulders of the Copy ninja didn't escape her attention nor did the flattened down, tousled hair devoid of the leather strap of a headband. She watched him for a moment and couldn't help the emotional flood that ran through her tired body.

He was facing Genma, away from the entrance to her quarters, and suddenly even the sight of his back made so many emotions bubble to the surface. Turning slightly to the movement on her left, she could see Yumi stacking supplies and cleaning slowly, the exhaustion obvious in her sluggish body.

"Sakura!" Yumi startled and looked up at her.

"Thank-you for this." Sakura raised her raw looking right wrist as she half-smiled at the young, tired medic. "How's Genma?"

"He's fine. He woke up about an hour ago, then drifted back off. He's in some pain but I've given him something for it. He'll probably sleep most of today."

Kakashi sat up straight and turned his head slightly when he heard her name, showing only the sleek cut of his exposed jaw line above the dangling mask. Waiting for a reaction, Sakura could see the exhaustion in his eyes as he stood up and approached her, albeit cautiously. Inadvertently his gaze drew down to her wrist and his steps halted before he reached her.

It was impossible to hide the confusion and anger she was beginning to fill with, and she made no attempt to hide her wrist; somewhere inside her she wanted him to feel guilty. Somehow she wanted to forcefully draw some sort emotion out of him, even if it was to hurt him or make him angry.

Both his eyes finally met hers but her look did not change; instead it was almost a defiance of his acknowledgement.

"Let's talk," she said coldly as she held open the door flap to her living quarters.

He nodded slowly and walked past her into the back area of the Med Tent, knowing that this had to transpire between them. As much as he would have liked to avoid it, it had to happen.

It wasn't really private or secluded there but at least they could talk without people watching them. Sakura moved in after him and knocking her desk lamp slightly she pushed the rolling chair out and half sat, half leaned on the edge of the desk covered in papers.

The chair rolled towards Kakashi who stopped it with his foot. He could see in her face what was going to happen, and already his teeth were clenching, his gaze averting to the wall.

"Is this how you want things to be?" she asked, the perturbation coming through clearly in her cold, trembling voice. The green of her eyes flashed wildly as she fought to hold back everything that desired to pour out.

Kakashi took a deep breath and closed his eyes, displaying his lack of patience for what was coming. "I'm not in the mood for a lecture, Uchiha," he grunted coldly.

Sakura's eyebrows rose in shock for two reasons, his intonation and the fact that he had never called her that before. It sounded so wrong from his lips. "Yes that's right, it's all about you isn't it? We best do what _you _want, isn't that right? Because heaven knows you are so fucking self absorbed right now and we should all placate that."

He crossed his arms and turned away slightly showing he was getting ready to walk out. She could see he was on the verge and it made her feel like she needed to explode.

"Walk out then! Walk away!" Her voice cut through the calm morning. "Is this getting too personal for you, Lieutenant!?"

"That's enough." Kakashi remained calm outwardly but he could feel his pulse quicken, his fingers uncontrollably clenching tightly. His nails bit into his palms. Tsunade flashbacks played in his mind and he believed he had forgotten how the young medic could be when she was irate, but she was reminding him now.

"You could have _killed_ me last night! Damn you and your personal agenda!" she continued to shout, not caring who heard, her hand banging on the desk beside her. "If you did that to one of my medics I'd have Ibiki put your ass in a sling!"she growled.

Some tears burned at the corners of her eyes and the idea of almost crying in front of him right now made her hate him.

He was watching her sideways with a belligerent stance, unresponsive in any comprehendible way, but his chest rose and fell quickly, heat ran up his back. The tension filled the air thickly, making the distance between them swell closed.

"I said that's enough," he reiterated, seemingly so calm in the face of her fury.

"Am I just a tool to you? That's all I am, right?" she pressed her fingers to her forehead as if trying to rub the thought from her mind.

"Last night isn't what this is about now, is it?" he said quietly. She hated the way he could stay calm, hated how he kept himself clean and made those comments like he knew everything before she could say it.

"Oh, very perceptive. Do you really want to go down that road!?" she shouted and took a moment to watch for a reaction, but felt the cutting disappointment of not getting one. "For the last three weeks I've tried to figure out what the hell I did wrong. Day after day, you avoid me or small talk me. I'm just like everyone else to you now, aren't I?"

"You know that isn't true." He turned away while rubbing his tense fingers through his hair.

"Stop doing that! Stop turning away from me!" she continued to grow more irate, her voice switching between shouting and pleading confusion, "I've waited... so patiently for you. I've waited so quietly…those nights in my bed…it wasn't anything to you, was it? I know how things work here. I'm not naïve, but I thought we were connecting somehow. I needed it so much and wanted things to continue on like that, but you pushed me away. I guess you probably just want what they all want and maybe I came with baggage, hm?" Her nails dug into the chipboard on the underside of the desk she was leaning on, her palms on the cool surface. "I'm just a tool to keep you warm, to fix your wounds, aren't I!?"

"That _is_ enough, Sakura," he growled out uncharacteristically, fighting that feeling he had in his chest reminding him of the morning after she was hurt. The pent up pressure, begging to be released, was threatening t unhinge him, but he fought hard to keep his composure.

"Yes that is enough! How many women hae been to your bed? I know how things work here! Damn you, Kakashi. You're an asshole for making me feel like this! You want to keep things professional?! Keep it impersonal, cold perhaps?! Well, we can damn well do that! Just walk away now! Leave and I promise you, there will be no more of this to disrupt your simple, uncomplicated life!" She wiped at the tears angrily, "You can damn well bet your life we can make this cold! But then again, you'd probably prefer to be mine!!"

"_God damn it, that's enough!_"

Sakura jumped as Kakashi appeared in front of her faster than she could fathom, and slammed his gloved hands down on the desk on either side of her. The shock of the sound made the room seem so silent after as it became filled with only the sounds of their heavy breathing.

It was just a blink, just a white flash, and he was in front of her, hands on either side of her, his face so close she could feel his breath on her cheek. She'd never seen Kakashi lose control, never seen him like this, but looking into his face, she could tell there was no hate there.

Her chest heaved with frustration and she trembled now, lost for words with the reaction she didn't expect. Her brow creased and she held her breath.

His chest heaved also, and something inside was driving him hard. He could no longer control it. His eyes moved to her parted lips. The warmth of her body was so perfect against his as he leaned against her, pinning her to the desk edge, her fingers now plying at his ANBU vest trying to keep her balance as her feet attempted to stay on the floor.

Finally, with the release of her breath from between clenched teeth she made a small sound, almost a whimper, a tiny aching sound of emotion.

That sound, it was like a trigger for him and in desperation, he snaked his fingers up her back, into her hair, and crushed his mouth to hers. It was eating him, the consummate pressure that begged to be released and now the tension between them had finally made his restraint break away.

He kissed her feverishly, his tongue sweeping between her parted lips, engaging hers hungrily as she responded. She moaned in need as he brushed the strewn papers to the dark floor and forced her down to the desk continuing to maraud her mouth.

Her fingers slid up into the back of his hair making him shiver and press his mouth harder to hers, wanting to taste her, invade her, claim her as his own. Fingers and hands gripped and pulled in a heated sway of movement as they both hummed out desperate sounds of desire.

"Sakura, I heard a bang, are you all r….oh!" Yumi's face appeared at the canvas door flap in Sakura's living quarters and shocked the couple from their entanglement.

Kakashi hovered above her and their eyes met, the amazement and dismay apparent in both their gazes.

"Yes, I'm fine," Sakura panted as she pressed the back of her hand to her lips, working at trying to regain composure. Kakashi moved off of her quickly and ran his fingers through his messy hair; the sudden realization of what had occurred came upon him as he looked from one woman to the other.

Yumi disappeared as quickly as she had come, and Sakura turned to look at Kakashi who had moved a few feet away from her, his head was tipped back as he rubbed at his forehead tensely.

"Did I hurt you?" he asked calmly, realizing he may have been a bit rough.

"No," she half laughed nervously, the truth of the situation began to open up to her_. But you're going to now, aren't you? _

Slowly he turned back to her, both eyes fixed on her wide green ones, locked in familiarity and mutual pain. "We can't do this."

Somewhere inside she knew he would say that. Somehow she knew the heat of the moment had driven him to let his guard down and give in, if only for a moment, but it was over now. His sobriety with anything passionate frustrated her to no end.

"I hate predictable cop outs like that. You could at least try to be a little more original. Give me some credit for my intelligence, if you don't mind," she said coldly, lashing out for the impending hurt she knew was coming. The whole situation was draining what little energy she had left as she watched the unraveling of their chances at happiness with his sudden turn in behavior.

"It's not possible," he reiterated, but the lack of surety in his mind made the words stick in his throat. His determination warred with emotion.

"So you've decided this for _us_? These are the rules you've set for _us_, are they?" She couldn't take any more; she didn't want him to see her cry. "Just go, Kakashi. Take your rules with you and keep them for the next person who tries to get close to you. I won't bother anymore."

Her words tore at him and in reaction he moved close to the flap opening it to see Genma's tired face turned in his direction. Kakashi looked back at Sakura briefly, but she had turned away. It was clear there was nothing left to say.

As he moved slowly now among the tents in the direction of his own living quarters, he felt desperately tired and sickened at what had transpired.

He felt a pain shoot through his chest at her words; he didn't want things this way but that old sense of self-preservation kept rearing its ugly head. He couldn't do it again, couldn't allow someone to get close to him just to die. In his experience, he'd decided not to open himself up for that kind of pain anymore. It almost destroyed him last time.

His frame stiffened momentarily as faces of precious people ran through his mind. No, it was better not to allow anyone in. But his body wanted to hold her, to touch her, to cherish her, and if he was completely truthful with himself, to pull the clothes from her body and ...

Running a tired hand through his hair, he had to stop this train of thought as it really wasn't helping.

The sinking hollow pit in his stomach returned again, the same one he felt when he arrived at the outlying border of the Fire Country. He knew he'd lost her now, that she was gone because of his need to spare himself from the things he couldn't stomach again, but for the first time he realized with sad certainty that it felt like almost the same pain. Loss was loss.

_Complicated._

_

* * *

_

The day passed slowly and Sakura drifted back and forth between rounds around the camp to the injured men's tents and her own bed for sleep as evening began to creep into the Fire Country. Her chakra still felt weakened, but stronger than she anticipated. As it flowed from her fingertips the rich blue it usually took on was now diluted and pale, and she realized that some of Kakashi's blanched chakra was still inside her, mingling with her own.

She couldn't say how she felt about that at the moment; their earlier argument and the kiss she had so desperately wanted but now wished had never happened had drained her interest in examining things too closely, for her own sanity. She decided to make a last check on Genma before slipping back into bed as he was the only one in the tent now aside from her. It wouldn't surprise her if she didn't see Yumi until the next day as her underling had been so completely drained as well.

Holding her fingers out over the sleeping man's wound, she let the sky blue chakra delve into his abdomen to sense his injuries and aid in pain relief for the time being. Her eyes closed in concentration and then opened slowly as she finished. A soft tired sigh escaped her lips.

"That's much better," Genma's deep voice whispered. Sakura looked up to see he had woken from the sedated slumber he lazed in all day. His arms were crossed behind his head, and he smiled genuinely at her, a senbon stuck in his mouth.

"Any pain?" she said groggily but did a double take to look at him clearly. "And where did you get that?" she half laughed pointing to his face.

"A good ninja is always prepared. And yes, actually, I've got some pain. You know, my shoulders ache. How about a rub down?" His grin turned devious and for some reason it struck Sakura as extremely funny. Losing control slightly, she couldn't halt the continuous soft laughter from escaping her lips and making her stomach hurt.

It had been such a long day, she thought to herself, she deserved a good laugh.

"Did I seem like I wasn't serious?" He tapped his chin in mock consideration. "Actually a sponge bath might suit us better What do you say, Uchiha?"

Stock wink.

"You want me to give you a sponge bath?" she laughed, holding her stomach now.

"Well, I suppose we could take turns. I'll warn you though, I hate when my fingers get pruny so you'll have to do most of the work."

Trying so hard to gain composure, she managed to force her face to show a more serious look. She leaned over close to him and swept his hair out of her way gently, making sure he could feel her breath on his ear. "Okay."

The clatter of the senbon against the metal rail of his bed made her laugh harder as she dropped to the stool beside it where Kakashi had sat just that morning. Genma fumbled the long piece of steel back between his teeth with a sigh.

"I'm sorry, Genma, I couldn't resist," she chuckled as she slipped the Leaf headband from her hair and scratched her fingers into her scalp, enjoying some relaxation for the first time today.

He was still smiling at her and was impressed that the transgression between Sakura and his good friend that morning hadn't set her back emotionally. She was stronger than he gave her credit for.

"So you don't want that? Tell you what. You can scream at me as loud as you want for as long as you want, and when we are all hot and bothered, I'll wrestle you to the floor and have my way with you."

Sakura's eyes widened as she took in what he just said. Obviously he'd heard it all, and it shocked her that he would joke about it. But again it seemed to be what she needed and she couldn't help but laugh at his attempts to mock seduce her, hitting his stomach lightly with the back of her hand.

He smiled widely; it was nice to hear her laugh and he was enjoying their private moment.

"Well, I do have something I'd like to put in your mouth, Genma," Sakura purred.

"All right!" he laughed and his deep calm tone warmed the empty tent, "You've got a few things I'd take you up on."

She moved back to her living quarters and reemerged with a white box, the wide smile still making her face glow. He recognized it immediately as the chocolate cherries he had brought her on the day he returned with Kakashi in tow.

"Share them with me?" she teased as she opened the box.

"I'd love to," he grinned. Slipping the senbon from his mouth, he skewered a chocolate and lifted it from the box. "Would you like me to feed you before our bath?"

"Ah, Genma, a bath sounds fantastic right now. I'm afraid a bath with you would take too much out of me though." She shook her head in jest.

"I promise I'll do all the hard work." He winked.

She laughed again, putting a chocolate on her tongue and humming with the satisfaction of having something so sweet, and something she hadn't had in a long time. But their interlude was quickly interrupted with the sound of heavy boots on the wooden floor near the door. Ibiki's tall respected form stood at the canvas flap as both Jounin's heads snapped up to look at him.

"Uchiha, I need a word." His gravelly voice closed the distance between them as Sakura lay the chocolates on the bed beside Genma and approached the somber, stern looking commander.

"Of course, what is it?" her voice was calm and her professionalism kicked in swiftly in the face of her superior.

"We've taken a chuunin that was caught last night. He's medicated but has some severe injuries. I need you to take care of him." Ibiki was hushed and his words were careful. The situation struck the young medic like a slap in the face; she could feel her cheeks get hot.

"No, oh no. I'm not doing that again Ibiki. Let him die. I won't heal him so that you can tear him apart." She shook her head getting angry, her arms crossed adamantly.

"Uchiha, don't make me order you to do this. He's going to die if he doesn't get your attention soon. We've had one of the other medics aiding him but it's not enough. He's sedated in the Shed and we'll have him moved here later tonight. I'll have a guard posted here at all times although it may be a while before he wakes." Ibiki's face was stern. He valued Sakura's abilities when handling matters, he spoke at length with her many times about different situations when he felt a fresh perspective would help, but when it came to these things they saw necessity a little differently.

"I don't want this, you know I don't!" Her voice grew louder. The long day had taken its toll on the young medic and she felt her last thread of composure stretching.

"Uchiha, you are under _my_ command. Don't forget that. He's going to be moved here tonight and you _will_ heal him." Ibiki stood firm, no real emotion apparent on his poker face, his voice deep and forceful.

"Yes, Sir," she spat out with what was left of her patience. She was resigned to the fact that she'd made a fair argument, but with Ibiki, when his mind was made up it was futile to expect anything else.

Without another word, the tall, scarred commander turned and slipped from the tent, his trench coat snapping on the wooden frame around the canvas door.

Sakura looked at Genma, who she was sure had the same shocked look she did.

_This couldn't be worse_, she thought as she clenched her fists. She hated to help them with healing enemy ninja before interrogation. They weren't just ninjas or numbers to her. When she pressed her chakra into them, they became human beings with families and loved ones and people that would miss them when Ibiki was done with them. The tears came again as she waved off her quiet visit with Genma, mumbling something about a rain-check. She felt like a child as she dragged back to her living quarters and crumpled on the bed.

The exhaustion took over and now the horrible thought of healing enemies just to send them to a cruel fate was too much for her. She wanted to scream, to pound her fists into something, to rage against all the things wrong in this world. but it would do no good. It was what she had signed up for, the good and the bad.

As the sky began to darken, Sakura lay still waiting for the sounds of the people who would bring in the man for her to heal. She cringed knowing she would have to spend the next couple of days looking into frightened eyes and sharing the understanding of what was in store for him.

* * *

re-edited Jan 09


	11. Tangled

**Fated**

(spoilers for Kakashi Gaiden)

**Chapter 11: Tangled**

* * *

"Sakura?" a voice called from outside her living quarters in the Med Tent, waking her from a short slumber she didn't know she had fallen into. "Are you in here?"

"Neji? I'm back here," she responded from the comfort of her bed, but didn't get up as the sound of a number of feet shuffled around on the wooden floor in the other area. Neji's head poked into the back area to see her lying in the dim light, her duvet wrapped around her and hugged tightly to her chest.

"They're here." Neji walked towards her futon and sat down on the corner. "Are you feeling all right?"

"Yeah, just drained, Neji, thanks," she mumbled as she sat up and rubbed at her forehead.

"I'm sorry you have to do this. I think Ibiki is wrong in expecting this from the medics." Neji smiled consolingly, and Sakura felt grateful that she wasn't the only one that felt that way. Still, the only smile she could return was simple and forced.

"I'm glad you're here," she added softly, and for the moment she truly was.

Standing and pulling her up with him by the hand, Neji led her out into the area where the ninja were setting up a makeshift hospital room from folding screens around the enemy nin. "I'm standing guard tonight," Neji remarked as the pair watched the bustle at the corner of the darkened med tent.

She squeezed his arm lightly in appreciation. "I'm sorry you got roped into it."

"I volunteered." He wouldn't tell her that half the camp was buzzing with news of the fight she and Kakashi had engaged in that morning. Everyone outside the shed had heard the commotion and it didn't take long for the news to spread that there was a lovers quarrel between the lieutenant and the head medic. He figured maybe she needed a friend tonight.

It took Neji some time to figure out exactly how he felt about it all as well. Strange, he never thought of Kakashi and Sakura as lovers. He didn't care for the idea, but was almost pleased to see that she was moving on with her life. Somewhere inside he was jealous that it hadn't been him but in truth he'd spent his nights wrapped in some other women's arms on the occasional whim. Still, the camp had been alight with rumors and speculation, and Neji felt protective of her as any close friend would. And normally people didn't care about things like that out at the border, but because of who they were, and Sakura's reputation for being alone, it was something of a hot topic. Of course the general populous at the border would react with shock and gossip to hear someone had finally cracked Sakura's cold exterior, especially being the introverted Hatake Kakashi.

Neji sighed.

He was sure it would die down as long as Anko kept it to a minimum. For some reason, the mesh clad kunoichi seemed to have a field day when she heard about the tiff, and decided it was her personal mission to inform the entire border patrol.

"Genma, how are you feeling?" Sakura approached the reclining Jounin and pressed her hand to his side gently. He seemed to be watching the commotion around the far corner with the enemy nin being brought in, and turned his head to look at her consolingly.

"Actually, not too ba." He finally gave her a subdued, unusual smile, and then turned his brown eyes to her companion, "Neji, I didn't know you were back."

"Just for a night or two."

"I see. So Sakura, am I free to go?" An eyebrow raised in question over his puppy-dog eyes.

"You do look better, but it's only been one day, Genma. I'm hesitant to let you go as I'm sure your extracurricular activities might open up that wound again." The she shot him with was serious as she lifted the dressings at his side.

"You're supposed to smile when you talk about that, Sakura. Hm, you might be right though. I guess if I engage in any _extracurricular activities_, then maybe they should be supervised by a skilled medic." He winked.

"Yes, you may go." An eyeroll accompanied her small grin. "Just take it easy, 'kay? No missions for a week, stop in each morning to have it checked, and no undue, um, _exercise_ for at least two more nights. Understand?"

"Yeah, but you might want to put that in writing in case I have to prove it."

"Genma, do you need help getting back to your tent? I could have someone aid you," Neji interrupted, clearly getting uncomfortable with the light banter.

"Nope." Gingerly holding his side, Genma pushed himself up to sit on the bed. "Sakura?" His head turned to the setup going on across the room and he asked sincerely, "Do you want me to stay?"

"That's all right. Neji is here tonight so I'll be fine. Ibiki thinks he won't wake up for a day or two anyway." An attempt to show her appreciation with a smile crossed her face, but Genma could see the darkness behind it.

The wounded Jounin pushed up to his feet and gathered up his belongings. He moved to the canvas door flap and waved a little to Sakura. "Thanks hot stuff, I owe you one."

Neji and Sakura watched him leave, and Neji growled to himself as Genma shouted out, "And keep your hands to yourself, Hyuuga!"

Sakura shook her head as they listened to him laughing outside happily, until the sound was gone.

"Damn Shiranui. The man doesn't know how to be serious," Neji scoffed.

"We all have our defense mechanisms," Sakura said distantly, remembering what happened with Kakashi earlier that morning. "Now, let's have a look," she sighed as she approached the enemy nin behind the screens.

Taking a deep breath, she let her eyes wander the sleeping stranger's thin frame. A young man, maybe about sixteen, lay silent and still, strapped hand and foot to the metal hospital bed and wearing only a pair of black pants. Sakura could see the cuts and bruises on his cheek and upper body from where he'd clearly had a fight. The wound in the direct center of his abdomen was large, almost a burn, and Sakura wondered vaguely if it had been the chidori that had left the nasty hole. It was indeed possible, but truthfully, she didn't really care to find out.

Some old scars riddled his body and she became dismayed at the amount. Obviously he'd had a rough life so far, even for so young a man, and the curiosity about him picqued. When he woke up, if he woke up, she would witness the shock and anger and fear that he would be overcome with. She hated when they woke up.

_Maybe he won't wake up. Maybe he'll die. Please, let him die_.

"Sakura, what would you like me to do?" Neji asked quietly.

"Just keep me company while I work on him, please, Neji. I'll need your strength if he wakes up."

Neji could see the inexplicable discomfort she had with the whole situation, and he could certainly understand. In fact, he felt it too.

* * *

Kakashi lay on his cot, his weary mind replaying the morning's events, over and over. It was so odd to have a fight like that with Sakura. He had to admit he hadn't really been thinking in terms of serious relationships or whatever you'd call an attachment to someone at the border. He'd been so wrapped up in thinking about the past that he didn't contemplate the idea that they would be nearing stages like that in their companionship.

He watched the lazy blue smoke drift up from his cigarette to the top of the tent, curling artistically among the wooden supports. His headband felt cool against the skin of his face as he moved it to cover his eye a little better. I only he could just follow that smoke up to the sky, dissipate, and forget everything from the moment he woke in the hospital so long ago.

But the thoughts about her and their fight wouldn't stop; they seemed to consume him now.

Sure, he'd spent the night a few times to sleep in her warmth. And he supposed she had given him looks that made him aware that she was feeling connected and perhaps closer to him than just friends. In truth, he'd watched her on occasion and felt an array of his own feelings: interest, comfort, companionship…arousal. But did he honestly think things would ever really reach this point? Admittedly, he'd been trying to keep a distance from her, keep things cold, as she had said. Well, he'd hurt her, and obviously he'd been wrong as he felt the nauseous feeling invade his stomach after how he'd made her behave. He'd claim the guilt as his own. She couldn't help what she'd been driven to.

Sadly, at this point in time, Sakura was probably feeling hate more than anything now. That kiss? What the fuck was that about? He shook his head and grew angry at his lack of control.

"Dumb shit," a smooth voice said outside his tent.

"Piss off," he replied in a smoke filled tone as he took another drag.

Genma's head popped in through the closed flap of Kakashi's tent, tapping his finger on his chin. "My assessment of the situation would be that, perhaps after kissing her, you may have wanted to say _thank you_ instead of _fuck you_. Then again, if you put the latter in the right context you may have gotten something better." Then he laughed at his own comment.

"I don't think I asked for your _assessment_." Kakashi looked away.

"Well, it doesn't really matter now. I offered to stay and give her some comfort, but Hyuuga is there. I'm sure they're rubbing sandals as we speak. She's probably so pent up from the sexual frustration you're giving her that she'll give in to byakugan boy if he just tosses his hair."

"Genma, shut the fuck up. Damn it, I'm not in the mood," Kakashi spat as he roughly turned on his side.

"All right then, sulk. Regressing to a repressed teenager is _always_ the best way to deal with these things," Genma observed sarcastically, rolling his eyes as he backed out of the tent, but pausing just outside the front flap. "She's ok. She didn't cry," he said, letting the canvas covering fall closed.

"Thanks," he heard mumbled before he went to his tent.

* * *

"He's going to be okay, Sakura." Naruto gripped her shoulder lightly as he leaned over the dark haired man lying quietly in a hospital bed.

"Sasuke," she whispered, sobbing softly, "I was so scared for him."

"I know." Naruto wrapped his arms around her shoulders as they both watched the Uchiha genius move just slightly, his eyes beginning to open. The hum of hospital machines kept time beside him, and the bandages covering his chest were blood soaked and ragged.

"Thank you for bringing him back," she sobbed again, "I love you for that, Naruto, I love you both so much." Everything she had anguished over in the last ten days poured out of her, Sasuke finding Itachi and fighting until the elder Uchiha's life was forfeit, and the waiting. The gut wrenching waiting to see if would return to her in one piece was painful in itself. But Naruto had followed him. Naruto would always bring him back. Naruto was always there for them all, and she loved him for it with everything she had.

"Sasuke..." She dropped down to her knees beside his bed and lay her head down by his side on the soft cotton blankets. "I hate you for scaring me so much. I hate you, Sasuke."

His hand moved slowly to run over her soft touseled hair, brushing his shaking fingers through the strands gently.

"I wanted to touch you again so badly," he began wearily, his voice trembling and barely above a whisper, "It was all I could think of."

She raised her head to let her blurred gaze fall on him, his look so sympathetic, so full of emotion.

"I'm glad to hear you say you hate me. It means I'm really here with you."

"Naruto," Sakura whispered to the canvas ceiling of the med tent coming out of her dream and wishing that she could slip back into it. He was always there for her and she began to realize how much she missed him. Deciding on the spot, Sakura promised herself to write him a long letter.

She stretched out her tight limbs, rolled up off her bed, and finally passed through her makeshift doorway out into the main medical area. Cautiously, she approached the young man on the cot. Neji still sat nearby and smiled sleepily when he saw her emerge.

"He hasn't moved." The genius rubbed at his tired eyes.

"Good," she added as she wandered nearer to begin her treatment on the young captive. He was so young, his skin pale, and his hair was dark and soft looking, almost black…almost. The curiosity got the better of her and she lifted his eyelid with a fingertip to look at what was underneath, because for some strange reason, she expected him to have dark eyes. As the right eyelid rose up, she discovered she was correct; they were the darkest brown she had ever seen, practically black.

_When consciousness was in those cold eyes, were they warmer?_ She wondered, but silently wished to never find out.

* * *

Evening fell again around the camp, and for all the ninja that had been involved in skirmishes within the last two day, the time was passed mostly with sleep and recuperation. Kakashi was no exception. He felt drained.

"Ah, I'm feeling better! What do you say we get some dinner?" Genma stood outside Kakashi's open tent flap and watched the ninja who lived around them mulling into each other's tents or heading towards the main areas like the mess.

"Yeah, I'm getting pretty hungry as well. " Kakashi pushed up from his cot and picked up the pack of cigarettes crumpled beside him, then moved out to watch the same goings on under the evening sky as Genma had been.

Glancing down and looking into the cigarette pack, Kakashi sighed, "One left."

"Want me to get some more? I've got a friend at the supply tent I could convince to let me have some." Genma rubbed his sore side cautiously.

"No." Kakashi looked to the golden orange setting sun. He could vaguely feel some heat from it but the breeze was too cool.

"Oh shit, it's pub night," Genma brimmed happily.

The two men sidled along in no real hurry while watching the passing by of other ninja, and Kakashi noted that he got quite a few looks, more than usual.

"Everyone knows?" he said quietly.

"Anko," Genma responded, "Oh damn it, Sakura said no sex tonight."

"She said that?" Kakashi chuckled.

"Well, something to that effect. You know her, she's not that blunt." Genma rubbed his wound again and grinned as he looked sideways at the copy ninja, "Well, not to me anyway."

"Genma!" The dark haired ANBU woman that Kakashi had seen maul him the last time they were at pub night approached them hastily, "I heard you were hurt."

"Yeah, it's nothing. How 'bout you? Back for a while?" He smiled widely at her, and Kakashi noticed for the first time that Genma had omitted the stock item he usually had hanging from his mouth.

"A couple of days." Then her looked changed a little. "Aw, Genma, why don't you tell me where it hurts and I'll kiss it better for you," she flirted.

"I think that would hurt more than turn me on, I'm afraid," he laughed.

"Well, tell me where it doesn't hurt and I'll kiss you there instead." And she winked.

Genma threw his hands up at his sides, "I can't. Doctor's orders."

"Well then, I guess I'll just have to take Lieutenant Hatake in your place." A devious look crawled over her face as she latched her arm in Kakashi's and pulled him towards the mess tent.

"Tough luck, Shiranui. Maybe it will be an incentive to keep your ass in one piece, eh?" Kakashi added as the woman dragged him inside the busy, ninja filled mess hall. There were people everywhere as music played and some even danced.

The absence of alcohol was a given as, even though they had a chance to blow off steam, tension was still high at the outlying areas. It was every ninja's responsibility to be ready when needed. The introduction of alcohol would spell trouble if push came to shove as it so often did.

"Let's get a seat." Genma tugged the ANBU girl away from Kakashi and grabbed her covetously, pressing his lips near her ear. "And what the medic doesn't know won't hurt her."

Finding a table, they were joined by other nin from time to time throughout the evening, and even though Kakashi was quiet, he enjoyed himself somewhat as he listened to wild stories and the women giggling around them. It was nice to have his mind off all the heavy things going on for him lately, and he wondered absently if anything could possibly ruin his night. But as the thought drifted in, so did the answer.

Kakashi spotted Anko sauntering nearby and moving from table to table. For everything that had happened today, he knew he wasn't in the mood for any of her outbursts tonight. Anko was a competent ninja, but total shit at socialization. The wrong things seemed to happily fall from her lips, making others uncomfortable or even angry. Kakashi reasoned that she did it on purpose and that she proabaly just had an antagonistic personality, but he could never feel comfortable with someone who enjoyed other's distress.

"Hey Genma, I'm going to head back," Kakashi mumbled quietly as he pushed up from the bench he sat on. His friend nodded, seeing the short kunoichi nearing their table, and understood his friend's need to hurry away.

Kakashi slipped out of the mess and down the row of tents leading to his own as covertly as possible. Entering it, he flicked on the teakettle, lay back on his cot and calmly watched the burner under the kettle get hot. The red glow shone under the metal and he groaned as he leaned forward and felt the warmth on his skin before flicking it off again. For some reason he felt exceedingly cold tonight and there was no solace from it. Hot tea and his blanket would have to be enough. But freezing or not, suddenly he felt exceedingly tired.

Shadows passed the lights outside the tent, and he began to drift off to sleep as he watched them. And even though it had been a hard couple of days, even though he felt regret for most of it, the calm night was lulling him into comfort and peace.

* * *

"Mmm, don't stop…" a soft voice said into the night.

_Shit,_ Kakashi mouthed as he woke to hear the beginnings of what he knew would keep him awake for at least an hour.

"Ouch…watch...watch my side, it's still sore," Genma whispered.

Kakashi snorted a little knowing that even though he was told not to, Genma couldn't resist a woman. And absently, he thought that the ANBU woman suited Genma, but of course Genma wasn't the settle-down kind. He never had been, and Kakashi figured he never would be.

Almost none of their generation had been the kind to settle and he chocked it up to living through his first war at a young age. Gai, Genma, Ibiki, Ebisu, Raidou, Anko…almost all the ninja of his age never bothered to marry or settle down. Being pulled into a war with the other countries before they were even teenagers had killed the family instinct for them. All had lost most of their loved ones during that period, and most felt the same anguish Kakashi had at times. It was not a life conducive to picket fences and babies. Most tended to prefer solitute more than not. Many would take lovers for short periods, but nothing ever stuck with the exception of Asuma and Kurenai.

Kakashi figured one day Asuma would marry Kurenai, but it never really came to that for them. In the end it was too late and the Copy-nin had often wondered if it was the last thing Asuma was thinking when he died. _What if_…or _I should have_….

"Yeee..ow, I think that was your knee," Genma hissed in whispers.

Kakashi stifled a chuckle again as he sat up and shook his head. Fumbling around in his vest pocket, he found the last cigarette in the pack and placed it between his lips. He was thankful at the moment that there were no creaky bed springs or headboards to bang, but as the sounds became all too clear, he found it difficult to listen to them for so many reasons.

"Genma, you know I was so worried about you. I know we promised that we would just keep this casual, but when I heard you were hurt, it scared me," she whispered nervously.

"I know. I could see it in your face earlier tonight," Genma responded consolingly between kisses.

Slowly the sounds changed, and Kakashi could hear her gentle moans, the sound of clothes being shrugged off and slow repetitive movement behind the canvas. Their breathing was heavy, coming from both in usual, tempered with the occasional sigh.

Normally, Kakashi could sleep through it, but tonight, for some reason he was wide awake. Perhaps it was the fight with Sakura, perhaps listening to the lovers next door, perhaps it was the memories of Asuma, but he needed to get out, just get some fresh air.

_What if…_

The thought began to burn in his mind. Just those two words reminded him of all the things that had made him say it to himself over his life.

What if he had known his father was going to kill himself in time? What if he had been there when Sasuke was killed? What if he had loved Rin the way she wanted him to? What if…he had died under that rock instead of Obito all those years ago? Would Obito be here now or would Itachi have murdered him? How would Obito have lived and died? And how would Rin's life have changed if Obito had remained in it?

So many questions plagued him that could never be answered. Now he could only ask himself, if he died tomorrow, how would he use those words with his last breath?

_What if …_

The peace of earlier was gone, replaced with something irritating that he couldn't put his finger on. Slowly pulling the old silver cased lighter adorned with the initials of one of his deceased friends, he flicked the blue flame on and lit the bent cigarette.

_Savor it,_ he thought, _and make it the last._

He never really wanted to start smoking but the scent had reminded him so much of Asuma that he couldn't quite let it go. Ambling along, the Copy ninja soon found his footfalls landing lightly around the Med Tent and he moved just beyond it around back to watch the moon over the trees. The night was bright now; the clouds had moved away and the moonlight bathed the grass and bushes around the Med Tent in an ethereal glow all the way to the forest edge nearby.

Kakashi stood quietly, savoring the relaxation that ran through him as the nicotine fix numbed his chest. The crickets chirped, and somewhere in the camp behid him, he could still hear the music from the mess tent. The heavy moon overhead seemed so vivid among the bright stars.

"It's full tonight," Sakura's soft voice reach him as her gaze turned up to the moon from the back step of the Med Tent where she sat. She'd watched him walk around slowly, his shoulders slouched, hands stuffed in pockets. His hair shone in the moonlight and she smiled slightly, figuring he would come to see her at some point.

Kakashi didn't turn around to look at her; she was on his left so he couldn't see her with his covered eye. But he'd sensed her there; somehow he knew he'd see her, somehow he understood he needed to see her.

"It's quiet." He took a long drag of the cigarette and watched the smoke curl up to play in front of the moon.

"All the injured are back in their tents, well, except one," she continued to speak quietly, almost as if to avoid disturbing the peace with her voice.

"How's your wrist?" he added before inhaling again on the cigarette.

"It's fine."

"I'm sorry."

"I know. I'm sorry too."

_What if…_

He finally turned to towards her. "You were right. I have been pushing you away."

"Then stop."

He turned his face to gaze at her, wishing it could only be that simple.

"I'll try. But when you got injured…if I'd been one minute later…"

"I know it scared you. You've lost a lot of people you care about. Honestly it would break normal people. I wonder what things would be like between us if I didn't get hurt. We were progressing, I'm sure of that. Maybe we can try to pick up from there."

"It's not that simple. I _am_ normal people, and it did break me. I've looked at how this can work but I'm not...that type. I never will be."

"What type is that?" His remark perplexed her.

"The kind of man that can be there for you, that stays, that obligates himself. I've never been like that," he sighed, "I have no model to draw from to become that person."

"I don't expect you to change." She shook her head. "Before you got here, I couldn't even smile. I think of how hard the last three years have been and I'm grateful to have you here. When you started avoiding me, I felt ashamed and scared that I was too needy. Just be near me, and be yourself."

"You weren't needy. It's not like that at all." Kakashi felt his chest tighten. Already he felt discomfort grow with how personal the discussion was getting, but oddly, he needed to unburden himself. Her forgiveness was the only thing that could right him, but for that he'd need her understanding. That could only come with opening up to her.

"Then help me understand."

He let out a long slow breath. "What are you asking for?" He turned back to the moon, daunted by what she might say.

"Anything you can give me, as long as you don't hold back."

"What if it's nothing, Sakura? I don't know if I have anything left for anyone else." It would be so much easier to stay out of this situation with her.

"Why can't you just, for once, not analyze it? Let's _not _look underneath the underneath for a change. It is what it is. I can't change the fact that I feel things for you, and you can't pretend you don't want me. I felt it when you kissed me." She stood up to move next to him and looked joined him in admiring the natural light in the sky.

But he was looking down, looking at the grass and not really seeing it; he was letting her words in, concentrating on their meaning.

"I said some cruel things yesterday. I said that I wouldn't bother trying to get close to you anymore and I think I regret that more than anything I've ever said to you," she whispered.

"I gave you reasons to feel that way."

He closed his eyes as she leaned on his arm, resting her head on his shoulder.

"Why are you here?"

He couldn't answer that. His feet carried him there, and although he didn't regret it, he couldn't find a purpose for it to voice.

"What do you want?" Sakura continued, not waiting for the answer to the last question.

"I don't know," he finally said.

With one step, she was in front of him, locking her pale eyes with his dark one. Gently raising her hand to his face, she ran her finger down the scar peeking out under his headband. "I can't tell you how to figure it out. I can't make you want me if you don't. As much as I want to, I can't force this. It's been three years since I let someone make me feel this way, and I'd be lying if I said it would be fine to just let things go back to the way they were."

"I know things can't go back, but I don't know if they can go forward either."

"Well..." She removed her hand gently and turned towards the Med Tent, "I can wait a little longer until you figure it out, but Kakashi, I won't wait forever."

He smiled a little. She seemed to know what was going on with him. Leaving just like that, just as she did. was so perceptive. But now he was left with his thoughts and as he began to examine them, he understood that the answers still weren't clear.

* * *

re-edited Jan 09


	12. Dirty Business

Fated

Chapter 12: Dirty Business

* * *

"Sakura, get out here!" A desperate growling voice woke her from her dream, and Sakura fought disorientation as her green eyes tried to focus on the harsh light streaming in around the flap of her doorway. Some strange sounds caught her unawares, and she vaguely wondered if she was still asleep.

"Uchiha!"

Suddenly realizing it didn't come from inside her own head, she bolted up and darted out into the med area to watch an ANBU heaving himself down on the chest of the injured enemy chuunin who was struggling against his bindings.

"He's going crazy. Give him something!" the ANBU yelled at her.

Hesitating for a millisecond, Sakura darted over to look down at the dark brown eyes peering up at her in panic. The clang of the metal restraints sounded loud in the small Med Tent as he tugged and tugged at them.

"Let me out of these. Fuck, let me go!" the young man shouted as he continued to thrash.

"Stop fighting!" Sakura took charge as her eyes met his. "No one is going to let you go, and if you keep struggling your wounds will tear!"

The ANBU shoved Sakura out of the way and pointed a finger into the Chuunin's face. "You little bitch, I'll knock you out if you don't shut up." And without thinking, his arm cocked, gloved fist clenched.

"You will not!" Sakura pushed the ANBU away with an added snap of chakra to send him sailing backwards, struggling to retain his footing. "Not here you won't!"

The young enemy chuunin immediately ceased fighting and stared on in shock at what Sakura had just said and done to her fellow nin.

Realizing his astonishment, Sakura slowed the furious pace of the situation by turning and putting her hands up suppliantly. "No one will hurt you while you're in this tent. I'm the head medic, and I've been healing your wounds for almost 2 days. I won't be impressed if you tear them open again so please stop struggling." Her voice was soft and as calming as she could make it.

He looked up at the young woman with unusual pink hair and vivid green eyes standing next to the bed he was a prisoner of. He gritted his teeth as his will built up again, and Sakura grew concerned that he may start to rail against his bindings once more.

"You must be thirsty. I can get you some water, if you like." She took some cautious steps towards the sink and grabbed a small, flower-covered paper cup from the ledge above it, still keeping her eyes trained on him. She returned as calmly as possible working to retain his interest and calmer state, and keep the situation under control. "I'm sorry. This is probably terrifying for you, but I won't let anyone hurt you while you're in here."

"That's bullshit. I know you're just healing me so they can tear me apart for information. I'm not fucking stupid," he spat out.

"I can't deny that," she replied, feeling that the impending interrogation was getting closer as he had now woken up. "I want to check your wounds. Will you allow me to do that?"

Perhaps it was her honesty about the situation or that she'd defended him against her own ally, but he seemed to contemplate it before he nodded slightly and turned his face to the canvas wall. Slowly Sakura pulled off the light blanket that had been almost thrown off in his struggling to see he had pulled open his wound a little, but luckily it was nothing serious. "You should stay still so this won't happen again."

"I wish I was dead," he whimpered, "Fuck, why didn't I die?"

_I had wished that for you too._

Sakura sank down on the metal stool nearby, or rather dropped to it heavily. His words cut through her, riddling her with guilt and depression because he had woken up and the end was inevitable. The countdown would have already begun, and she turned to the furious ANBU who was pacing near the doorway and giving her petulant, angry glances.

"You'd better report this and send someone else in for sentry duty. I don't want you here." She turned away from him as she heard his heavy retreating steps before the swish of canvas on canvas signaled his exit.

With a long, relieved breath, she turned back to the young Chuunin strapped tightly to the hospital bed and their eyes met. He was pale, and from the small event that had just occurred, he was pained and ready to pass out from overexertion.

"Would you like something for the pain and to sleep?" she asked professionally.

He nodded and she was sure there were tears at the corners of his eyes now. This was only the second time she'd had been required to perform such a dark task, but it was harder than the first. At least the first nin was older and cruel. He'd hurled insults at her from the moment he regained consciousness. This young man was not as strong. Sadly, he would probably break easier for Ibiki, which might be a blessing in the end. They all broke eventually. Men had their limits.

After giving him a drink and a needle full of an agent to relax him and make him sleep, Sakura pressed her chakra into his wound to give some pain relief and to close up what he had done in his struggle to get free.

"Will you be here when I wake up?" he asked groggily.

"I promise," she responded sadly as his eyes began to drift closed.

* * *

"Hey, Hatake, rise and shine," Genma hummed outside the open flap of Kakashi's canvas abode, the morning sunlight glinting off his senbon.

"I don't understand your need to be up so early every morning," Kakashi grumbled from the comfort of his cot. "Especially after such a late night."

"Shit, sorry buddy. Did we wake you?"

"It's okay. I just took a walk." The bright glow of dawn invaded his tent and Kakashi tugged his blanket up over his head.

"Well, I'm going to get some breakfast. Care to come?"

Kakashi pulled the blanket back down and looked at his fully dressed and grinning compatriot. "I've got a mission today so I need to get ready for it. I'll meet you there in a little while."

"Suit yourself," Genma chuckled as he turned and headed away.

Kakashi ruminated a little on how normal things had become and how the regular routines had kicked in. He'd been at the border for about three months and it was all commonplace now; it was home. He expected Genma to stand at his tent opening in the early hours, just as he expected to listen the grunting speeches and growled briefings from Ibiki each morning. And in all honesty, he expected to see Sakura smile in that way she only smiled for him whenever they encountered each other.

But it hadn't been that way for a while now, and he knew he'd been the cause. Examining his actions had always been a difficult ritual, but what she said last night had started the wheels turning. There were ways that ninja behaved and rules they would abide by, but this thing with Sakura was completely off the chart, so to speak. Only one other time had he let himself become involved with a woman, well, if you could call it involved.

Rin was particularly special to him, of that there was no doubt. She was a part of his team and he had promised Obito's memory that he would protect her with his life. She loved him for as long as he could remember, and he had tried to love her back but found Obito's last moments and words playing out in his mind over and over. It felt like a betrayal to his best friend to be with the woman the dead Uchiha had loved enough to risk his life for. Kakashi had realized that he couldn't love Rin back, that he didn't want to walk that path, no, couldn't walk that path with her even after she had asked him to. In the end, the day he walked away from her would mark the beginning of a chain of dark events he would always regret, eventually leading up to today.

To set Rin free, and himself, he had left the Fire Country, taking a lengthy ANBU mission for a year in the Snow Country. He hadn't planned on returning after only six months, but news reached him of her death. He shook uncontrollably when he read the letter as it was just another blatant reminder of his failures in life. He was only eighteen, still quite young, and she was the same. Before he left, he had made her promise not to take missions and she had agreed. In the end she'd taken an ANBU mission, unranked, and had gotten killed amid some of Konoha's top Jounins.

Why was she killed and he still lived? Was he was just a pawn of Fate and that they were all disposable pieces for some cruel game of life? Perhaps it was all a test to see how far a human could be pushed and bent before they finally broke. It was hard to think of them, and to relive the memories of his old sensei and his two teammates whom were claimed by death much too soon. At least they were together now, waiting for him to finally come. He was the last now, the very last.

Again, as duty warranted, he left on an extended mission beyond the Sand Country a few years later which was cut short with news of Sasuke's death. He rushed back to see another woman he had a special bond with, but by the time he arrived, she was gone.

Now three years later they met again, circumstances and feelings changed, to find himself in unfamiliar territory with his former underling. He couldn't push her away anymore; it was clear he didn't really want to. He felt their connection in the way that he and Rin had never experienced - well at least on his end.

He couldn't deny he wanted Sakura sexually, but it wasn't only that. It was her companionship and the comfort he felt when they were together. Somewhere deep inside he had hoped he could return her feelings properly, and that alone assured that what he felt was beyond simple familiar attachment. When he arrived at the border, he didn't care if he lived or not. Looking at it closely now, she had given him a reason to live and showed him that it was possible to go on without guilt.

They were all but gone, the friends and admired colleagues who helped shape his life, made him who he was. Remembering Asuma and Kurenai and the way they opened up to each other even though the real possibility of death any day was on the horizon, he couldn't help but think Asuma knew something he didn't.

No, Asuma didn't wonder _what if_ in his last moments. He gave his love a final message with her name on his last breath before he went to meet her.

Perhaps that was the way to live, to never say _what if._

_

* * *

_

"What are you doing?" the young stranger asked the fair-haired, sleepy-eyed kunoichi sitting on a stool at the end of his bed.

"I'm just writing a letter to a friend. It's really overdue." Sakura tried to smile but it wouldn't come. "Are you in any pain?"

"Why are you being kind to me?" he suddenly blurted out. "I'd prefer you just be honest about your hate."

She looked at his scared brown eyes and took a slow breath. "We're all ninja, but we're human too. If one of my close friends were caught on your side of the border, I would wish that they'd be treated the same way. I'm a medic. It's my job to take care of people, not to be cruel. And I promise on my life that I won't ever lie to you."

The answer seemed to satisfy him and he looked towards the light streaming in the open door flaps with the warm breeze blowing through the Fire Country.

Sakura simpered silently. Today was the kind of day that people would walk together in the cherry orchard before going to the ice cream store. It reminded her of so many happy times; it was hard not to just want to stand in the sunshine on these sorts of days when darker things demanded all her energies. The rain would have been more suitable today.

"Sakura, I'm here for sentry duty." Neji slipped through the door and nodded.

Sakura smiled stiffly as she stood and cracked her spine. "Morning. Do you mind if I run out and get breakfast? I'm hungry."

"Not at all." He unhooked the strap of his white-hilted katana and set it by the canvas door.

"Are you leaving?" the young chuunin asked quietly.

"I'm just going to get some breakfast. I'll bring you some back." She looked over at Neji who was shaking his head. Taking some quick steps to her side, he gripped her arm lightly and pulled her towards the door.

"Don't get attached to him, Sakura. Don't get friendly." Neji sounded almost perturbed. "He'll play you out to try to escape, and when they take him it'll be harder on you. Maybe you should let one of the other medics handle this. One of the men."

"I understand what you're thinking, but I'm not going to be cruel. We can be decent to him before…" She shook the thoughts from her head. "I'm going to get breakfast. I'll see you in a little while."

She shifted easily out of his grasp and headed outside towards the mess tent. He was right, she knew he was but in the end it wasn't in her to be cold to someone who was in for one of Ibiki's interrogations. If he lived past the first session, she would be shocked. The least she could do was show him some kindness in his last days. The thought made her want to cry as she ambled into the large tent filled with ninja and the noise of silverware and chatter. But even in such a ruckus of noise and people, it was all drowned out by her incessant thoughts of the near future as she stood in line.

Not really paying attention, she felt someone's warm front against her back as if they were leaning on her, so she took a step forward.

Lost in her thoughts, she felt the closeness of the person behind her again and inched away unconsciously.

The third assault alerted her to the fact that someone was actually pressing themselves against her purposely, and she spun to look up into Genma's brown eyes creased tightly with a wide smile.

"What the hell are you doing, Genma?" Sakura's eyes opened wide in confusion.

He bent forward and spoke quietly as if he were relaying a secret. "Um, I wondered if you would look at my wound. I think I might have pulled it open last night."

She crossed her arms tightly over her chest. "How?"

"Ah, you really want me to tell you?" he snickered.

"Uh-huh," she hummed suspiciously and nodded slowly.

Taking a moment to size up her reaction as he had clearly ignored her order of "_no funny business with the ladies_", Genma figured he'd ride out a little fun and avoid the delicious truth of it.

"Actually Sakura, it's Kakashi's fault. We had a fist fight over you." He grinned devilishly.

"Fighting…over me?" She played along but couldn't hide her amusement at how blatantly he was lying.

"Yeah, the winner gets to move in with you into the Med Tent, and I just want to let you know that we decided that whomever won would be obligated to provide daily back rubs and foot massages."

"Well, I can't deny that this appeals to me, Genma. My feet do hurt." Feeling a little better than when she first entered the Mess Tent, Sakura managed a smile. "Is there anything else that you two agreed on to help me relieve stress?"

"Well, now that you mention it, there was something about extra curricular activities," he chuckled, remembering her words from the day before.

"And who won the fight?" She decided to stop him there before her face turned red with the next thing he would suggest.

"I did," a smooth voice said beside her, and Sakura turned to see the familiar slouch of her old silver-haired team leader, his dark mask covering half his face. His white ANBU vest caught her off-guard as she was more used to seeing him in his black shirt in the mess tent, concluding dejectedly that he was heading on a mission.

Kakashi watched her lips part in surprise and figured that she must not have expected to see him so soon after their talk the night before.

"G...good morning," she managed.

"Can I borrow you?" he asked quietly, bending near her ear.

She nodded stiffly and felt him grasp her wrist to lead her outside. Looking back, she could see Genma salute to her while he laughed, and she was lost on what was happening.

Kakashi led her to some of the stumps around the fire pits outside the mess tent that were normally used on pub nights. The ashes from the previous night's enjoyment were still smoldering near their feet, kicking up struggling smoke from the white-gray carnage left from the blazing fire. He motioned for her to sit on one of the makeshift seats. He sat down, but she remained standing.

"I've got a mission this morning and won't be back for a couple of days. I was wondering if you could give me a chakra shot to get by with?" He pointed to his covered eye.

The clench in Sakura's stomach released a little, replaced with a heavy feeling. After the night before, she had been hoping for a different sort of meeting.

"Of course," she agreed calmly, standing up to move in front of where sat. Kakshi didn't make a motion to remove his headband so she pulled it off and let it slide down her arm down to dangle at her elbow. Maneuvering between Kakashi's knees, Sakura placed her hand on his eye and closed her own in concentration.

"Did Genma pull his wound open?" Kakashi chuckled.

"He says so, but he blamed you."

"I heard."

"So I hear you won me. When are you planning on moving in?" she laughed a little, trying to lighten the mood.

"You wouldn't like that. I snore," He kept his sharingan closed and enjoyed the warmth of her soft hand on his skin.

"No you don't," she chided distantly, "but you talk in your sleep sometimes."

"Hm. I guess you'd be the one to know."

Slowly the cool tingle filled his left eye and instant relief came upon him. His dark eye watched the soft curve of her face while she worked, the dark eyelashes resting on the top of her pink cheek. Moving slowly in an unplanned, uncalculated way, Kakashi slid his gloved right hand to her waist. It was something he'd done before but the intention at that moment was different. Warming his fingers was not what he wanted.

Her eyes opened in reaction. "I'm all...finished," she whispered softly, a jump of butterflies in her stomach triggered by the flex and tightening of his fingers at her hip.

His red eye was open, and both looked up at her. Unable to move for fear of him letting go, Sakura found that it seemed like a long time since he had wanted to touch her. The kiss two days ago was heated but uncontrolled and really, he seemed shocked that he had done it. But this time intention was in his touch, his consciousness and will had allowed it. And if it were possible to stretch out the moment to last an hour, she would have done so.

Cautiously, Kakashi's mind worked to make the right decisions. He had wanted to say some things to her this morning, to give her something for when he was gone, but he couldn't. It wasn't in Hatake Kakashi to be tender, to say words of an intimate nature. He played over in his head what he thought he might be able to say out loud, but nothing sounded right.

This was all he could do to show her - a small gesture and a light touch. Looking into her eyes though, he could see she understood.

"Lieutenant, we're ready!" an ANBU called from across the yard.

Neither acknowledged the voice trying to separate them, instead just continuing to let the moment hover between them. But of course, it couldn't last.

Kakashi finally stood up, but kept his hand on her waist.

"I'll be gone for a couple of days. I'll come see you when I get back."

"I'd like that." Sakura's her heart beat faster, anticipation already gripping her.

Her fingers went to his vest and ran down it gently, feeling to make sure he was real and that this was actually happening. All she could do was to nod at him as he finally released her and made his way over to the ANBU waiting for him to come and lead their group.

Sakura waved a little as they disappeared into the forest, and tried desperately to stop her head from spinning from the exhilaration. When she eventually turned back to the entrance of the Mess Tent, it took her a moment to remember what she was actually doing before he came to her.

Now, finally, she had something to look forward to.

"Uchiha," a deep voice called behind her, "I've been looking for you."

"Ibiki, Sir," she responded, turning to look at his stern face.

"How's the prisoner? The guard last night reported that he has some energy."

"He's improved, but is still pale and weak. He wouldn't withstand an interrogation." She could feel her throat tightening and becoming dry. In her fleeting moment of happiness she'd forgotten the darker business she was obligated to perform.

"Keep me updated." Curtly he nodded, before stepping around her. Ibiki wasn't one to be overly personal but she could see that he was keeping things extremely business-like between them since their argument.

This was life as a ninja. Getting caught behind enemy lines may put one into a situation where they're killed or interrogated, even brainwashed. She understood it. She knew the codes and regulations in the handbook, and she knew the procedures to follow in that situation, but it didn't make things any easier. Ibiki was well respected and he could do things most men couldn't. That evil business was necessary in war, and war had crept up on them with sharp teeth and claws out, digging into the border and their lives.

As much as she could rationalize it, still, it was difficult.

* * *

Darting through the trees, Kakashi felt the warm breeze blowing around them, calming, almost serene. He didn't mind heading to the outlying areas, especially on a perfect day like this.

After the skirmishes and fights a few days ago, he was pleased to hear that the turmoil had died down somewhat. He was satisfied with his teams and knew they respected him. Giving orders and directives wasn't foreign to the Copy ninja and he didn't hate this way of life, but somewhere inside something was still missing.

Sakura acknowledged his actions and he supposed she was looking or waiting for something from him. It wasn't too hard to read her interest, and he didn't have to venture into anything difficult like talking about feelings or futures to show he understood. Truthfully he couldn't possibly fathom a future as he didn't really think he had one.

Days would pass and that was all life was. Kakashi didn't look forward to anything, really, and didn't plan on what he'd be doing next week as so many people did. But today he was thinking ahead for a change. When he returned to camp in a couple days, he believed he would allow things to begin between them, that he'd finally give in to what he'd been fighting.

In truth, it wouldn't really be fair to start something with her, not when he couldn't give her all she deserved. Sakura should get married, have children and live a life surrounded by her friends in the calm of Konoha.

What could she get from a thirty-six year old jounin with mismatched eyes, a penchant for collecting jutsu and smut, as well as keeping most things to himself? But he could admit to himself that he felt a little selfish in the matter. He wanted her.

His mind was made up, despite reservations. He would allow them both to be selfish in what they wanted for a change, which seemed to be the same thing, if compared.

When he returned to camp in two days, he would make her his in all ways.

* * *

_Dearest Naruto,_

_How are things in Konoha? It's been tough here lately. We've had some trouble at the border but things have seemed to have calmed in the last two days. Genma was injured a couple of days ago as were many others, but he's recovering. _

_Kakashi has gone out to the outlying areas and I'm looking forward to when he will get back. We've been getting closer, Naruto. I don't know how to explain it but I need him and want to be with him all the time. I understand that must sound strange to you as we've known him since we were children._

_I find myself sitting here thinking about him. I don't know if I'll sleep until he gets back. I'm so anxious for his return. He makes me feel better, makes everything seem better._

_He touched me today and for the first time in forever I felt his desire_.

_Do you think Sasuke will forgive me? Do you think it's all right to move on?  
_

Sakura looked down at what she had written. She couldn't possibly send that letter to Naruto. She just needed to say it and feel it. To see it written validated her feelings, and as she questioned her actions, she thought of her past, thought of Sasuke.

_Please don't hate me, Sasuke, I tried to be alone but I don't want to be anymore._

The soft light of her desk lamp hovered over her and she reached for the page and tore up the letter. _It wasn't really a letter, was it? _Sighing softly, she clicked off the desk lamp overhead and sat quietly. The Med Tent was empty save for the injured enemy chuunin and a sleepy ANBU sentry, half-lying in an uncomfortable chair.

A small sound found her in the back area and she sat still to listen. The boy was crying. The desperate sound made her heart heavy.

Moving slowy out into the dimly lit main area, she approached the distraught young man.

"Are you all right?" she whispered, realizing that the sentry was asleep.

"Of course I'm not fucking all right! They're going to kill me! Damn, you stupid bitch. What a stupid fucking question," he hissed through his tight teeth and tears.

"You're right, it was stupid," she agreed gently as she sat at the stool next to him. With her words, his anger seemed to disappear quickly. He looked on her now, relieved for a moment for some company.

"Will you let me go? Please let me go." He shook with fear at the inevitable circumstances he would soon be facing, death perhaps, and definitely interrogation.

With the back of her sleeve, Sakura dabbed at her own tears. "I can't, but I'll keep you company."

He looked sideways at her. "'kay."

"Can I ask how old you are?"

"I turned fifteen...yesterday," he whispered to the canvas wall, as half-sobbed breath escaping him.

She rubbed at her forehead; only fifteen, so young. What would a fifteen-year old Chuunin know about enemy actions? The thought began to scrape at her morals. The brief fleeting thought of loosening his restraints and going to bed crossed her mind, but so did all the other things that could happen.

She'd be disciplined, probably jailed. The young man wouldn't escape through the Fire County, rather getting caught at the border. Of course, there was a very real chance that she would put her own comrades in danger. Entertaining the though until the decision was clear, Sakura knew the dangers outweighed the desire.

"I've been a Chuunin for three months now. I just got moved to our border patrol," he continued to talk, obviously relieved for the distraction for a moment. He liked Sakura. She was the only one he seemed to feel safe around.

Widening her eyes, Sakura breathed out, "That's not every long."

"My father wanted me to progress. I was happy being a Genin." He closed his dark brown eyes. "My father is a lieutenant and my brother is an exceptional jounin. People call my brother the Hawk. He can track anyone anywhere. My father wanted me to be like him."

"I've heard of him!"

"They'll hate me now. I'll betray my country with your interrogation. I won't be able to hold out, I know it." A small noise escaped him again as he fought breaking down.

"I'm so sorry. I want to give you something to help you sleep. Will you let me?"

The young nodded tensely and glanced at her sideways.

Finding herself relieved that he had agreed, Sakura went to the supply cupboard to get a syringe and returned just as quickly.

"I want to thank you for being kind to me. You didn't have to," he said softly as the needle pierced his arm.

Squeezing his hand as his eyes got lazy, the guilt and shame sat like a brick in her stomach.

Life as a ninja was cruel. As a young genin, she'd seen her share of horrible things, as a chuunin, there was even more, but as a jounin, the destruction and death she'd seen was sometimes too much. She couldn't imagine being captured by an enemy camp at fifteen and undergoing a brutal interrogation.

After the boy finally drifted to sleep, Sakura retired to her bed, stripped off her pants, and slipped under the heavy covers to cry. She'd had enough. In all the time she'd lived at the border, Sakura never thought anything would make her want to return to Konoha, but tonight she did. She wanted to run as far and as fast as she could.

And as he came to her mind again, she wished for Kakashi to come back right then, and swore that when he finally did, she'd never let him go.

* * *

Re-edited Jan 09


	13. Change of Season

Fated

Chapter 13: A Change of Season

* * *

"Good Morning, Lieutenant," Yumi sighed as she rubbed her eyes and stared up at the dull gray swirl of clouds above her.

"Morning," Kakashi mumbled half-heartedly as he stretched and cracked his shoulder with a resounding snap. Stripping off his tight ANBU vest and black shirt, he moved to the narrow clear stream near the ANBU camp to wake up a little. He knelt beside the flowing water and dipped his fingers in before splashing it onto his face and through his messy silver hair.

Yumi lounged on the soft grass a few feet away from him and watched his attempt to wake up. "Is it cold?"

"No, it's warm actually." Kakashi dropped his hands down into the reflective stream and dug his fingers into the silt-like sand underneath. Then sighing a little, he sat back and looked up at the forlorn sky. "It's going to rain," he muttered more to himself.

"Yeah," Yumi responded in kind, following his gaze up before watching him turn and walk towards her. Her eyes dropped to his chest. The long scar that blemished his physique was so blatant, she felt compelled to comment.

"I can make that look less obvious it you want?" Her voice was timid.

He smiled as he walked past her and back towards the small camp that seemed now to be just waking up for patrol duty. The darting forms of some ANBU were moving around the area, some leapt into trees, and some sat by the small fire preparing breakfast.

"No thanks."

"Lieutenant, can I ask how you got such a big scar?" Rather than live with a scar like that, Yumi imagined almost anyone would want to have it diminished at least a little. The ragged, ropey twists of the poorly healed skin marred his chest.

Kakashi's feet halted for a moment, keeping his back to the medic as he contemplated his answer. There were so many things he could tell her from just simply that it was a fight, to the long drawn out ordeal he had been through. However, that part of his life had never been something he never wanted to discuss. It wasn't her business. He didn't share personal things so easily with anyone, let alone an aquaintance.

Yumi noticed his head drop slightly as he ignored the question without turning around.

"I think we'll be heading back in the morning. Can you recheck the injuries before we move to the next camp and restock their medical kits?" Without another word Kakashi continued to move towards the fire to get dressed and eat. He was minutely surprised anyone besides Anko would ask about something so personal.

Yumi grumbled. He was so damn mysterious, so unwilling to let anyone get close. How could anyone get to know him? Sadly, that was part of his appeal for her, and most other women, as infuriating as it was.

The first droplet of rain fell on her cheek, and she grumbled knowing they were probably going to get soaked on their travels today. Finally standing up and heading over to where the men sat, she smiled coyly as their heads turned her way. There was something satisfying about being the only female in a group; it was almost intoxicating.

"Lieutenant? Ibiki is on the radio for you." A young ANBU waved the slouching, half-dressed Jounin over.

Reaching for the handset, Kakashi couldn't recall anytime Ibiki had radioed him at the camps before with the exception of the time he disobeyed orders to rescue Sakura. But that was something he had done without regard to the consequences, and would certainly do again. And luckily, no discipline had come out of it. Ibiki was a firm leader, but a man just the same.

"Go ahead, Sir," he began.

"Hatake, cut your mission short, I need you back here by 1900 hours. Your group can finish their rounds as scheduled."

"Understood," he responded, and clicked off the handset.

What now?

"Alright, I've been ordered back so we need to spread to as many camps as possible by 1700 hours. Let's pick up and get moving."

He could hear the muttering from his small group, the young woman included, and he shook his head at having to drag them away from their breakfasts. Pulling them out into a rainy day of leaping through the Fire Country trees so early was probably not their activity of choice on any given day. Although, he had to admit, he was happy about the soft drizzle beginning to cascade around them.

He couldn't explain it, but he loved the rain.

* * *

Standing under the tied back canvas doorway of the med tent, Sakura listened to the soft, distant rumble of the rolling thunder cascading over the busy camp. It was the sort of morning to stay in bed, bundled up in a soft blanket with tea and a good book. She'd spent many rainy mornings like that.

The hot porcelain mug of green tea cradled in her slender fingers felt welcome on her palms. She wasn't cold, but it was so comforting. It was quiet enough right now that there was peace in the moment. It could be such a fleeting thing.

She watched the business around the Shed earlier, so many ninja coming and going. Even Genma, who was on restricted duty by her orders, had managed to slip in.

_Not that anything stops him_, she smirked to herself

Inwardly though, Sakura felt a twinge of fear. That small feeling that something was wrong crept up on her, and as hard as she tried, it was impossible to ignore. Perhaps it was experience, but she didn't really like the looks of what was happening there.

Turning back, she watched the young Chunnin beginning to come out of his drug-induced sleep from the night before. He did the same thing every time he woke up: a sharp pull on the restraints. It was very possibly a quick reminder to him that they were still there and he was still caught. He must have thought he was in a bad dream sometimes, and woke to find it was actually a nightmare.

"Sakura?" he asked hurriedly.

"I'm here," she answered quietly.

He seemed to sigh with some relief but his eyes became wide, like a scared animal.

"Calm down," she said softly from the doorway. The thunder still rumbled gently behind her voice as the rain drummed down a little harder on the canvas building. "What's wrong?"

"I... feel better," he choked out.

* * *

Kakashi was soaked now, wet all the way through to every inch of his shivering skin. The mossy branches were wet and slippery, making it require more chakra to stay aloft. The chatter on his radio crackled in his ear and he cursed having such a distraction while traveling alone.

It was an hour-long journey back from the last camp that he had the opportunity to visit. The blanket of night began to shade the world as he neared the yellow lights from the generator area at the south end of the main camp.

He felt chilled through every inch of his body as the air had grown cooler, especially since he was in wet clothes. But he was almost there. Perhaps the call to come back was for a briefing or some planning, and they would give him some time for a hot shower. This time of night would be perfect as he would almost have the shower tent all to himself.

The thought of getting some heat into his bones was such a compulsion, that he moved quicker just thinking about it. The rain continued to fall in curtains around him, and he admired the glistening of it against the backdrop of the mechanical lights as his mind wandered.

Just maybe, he thought briefly, he would have time tonight to go visit Sakura and pick up where they left off. Perhaps they could find that place to meet in the middle that they had been searching for. The road to this point had been rough, but now they had finally arrived. He could think of nothing that would get in their way.

He couldn't decide on what he'd say when he saw her, but she'd know what to say. It wouldn't be difficult between them, it never really had been.

And if he was a truly lucky man, tonight his cold skin might be warmed by hers for a little while. Perhaps he'd get to taste her mouth and know her body, like he'd imagined here and there.

Finally arriving at the camp, Kakashi regretted that he was right on time. Unfortunately, there wouldn't even be a moment to change clothes as the rain gently switched to a light drizzle from the blanketing drops earlier. He brushed the damp hair away from his face, and wiped at his eye with his gloved hands. The fabric glove sleeves were stuck to him and uncomfortable. He really wanted to stop and get a shower; the thought consumed him as his skin crawled with goose bumps. But as much as he enjoyed trailing in last and making a good excuse, he couldn't be late when Ibiki called.

Trudging through the camp, he finally reached the Shed. The lights were on in the nearby Med Tent, and he smiled to finally be back.

_Hair's getting long_, he thought as the long silver strands fell casually over his eye again. He shook his head quickly, almost like a dog would, and ran his hand through it to hold it back. Then feeling a little regret for the lack of time to indulge his impulses, he pushed through the Shed door to see something different than the norm of tables and chairs. What greeted him was a metal chair with restraints attached to the arms and legs under a bright light which flooded the room. The sheen of it glinted harshly off the metal bindings.

Genma looked up at him from the other side of building where he stood with two other Lieutenants. Neji lifted his head also from the other corner, Anko beside him, and everything dawned on the copy ninja.

_Interrogation._

Ibiki could be ruthless. The tall commander was very efficient at getting information from enemies. Kakashi had to admit that Ibiki had a talent for creating pain, mental or otherwise.

"You made it back in time, Hatake. Everything all right at the outlying areas with your men?" Ibiki seemed calm, and for lack of a better term, normal. Whether and effort to seem so or not, Kakashi couldn't tell.

"Very good, Sir. I'm sorry, I didn't have time to change," he directed to his superior, but his eye still roamed the new set up and the dispassionate faces of his co-lieutenants.

"I won't require you very long and then you can get cleaned up. The hostile is in the Med Tent, and we are just about to secure him for interrogation. I prefer all the lieutenants to be present for it."

Ibiki moved closer and turned Kakashi towards the doorway with a light grasp on his shoulder.

"Everyone knows what they are doing. I think it's time." Ibiki opened the door to lead everyone out, but stepped out with Kakashi first, tightening his hand and leaning close to speak confidentially.

"Hatake, I'm sorry to ask you do this but I want you to make sure that she doesn't interfere. She's been emotional lately, we all know that, and I don't want things to get messy." Ibiki spoke in a low whisper, and Kakashi nodded as the tall imposing man finally withdrew his grip on the back of the copy-nin's shoulder.

Kakashi peered up at the lights shining from the med tent, and the feminine silhouette that passed the plastic windows as it's owner moved past. He'd thought about her often on his mission away. He hadn't seen her since yesterday morning, and could imagine by the look on her face when he left that she was looking forward to his return.

He rubbed his temple brusquely with his wet fingers, and thought how she'd detest him for what he had to do now. In truth, he began to believe that Fate would never give them a break, or Ibiki, whichever one was stronger.

"Right, Hatake, we'll give you a few moments to get her away from the hostile so we can proceed efficiently," Ibiki added in his gravelly tone while slipping heavy, thick gloves over his rough hands.

_Fuck._

_

* * *

_

Sakura stretched up to stock the high shelves, making a mental note to get more spray adhesive for taping sprains. After closing the creaking cupboard, she held her hands above her head and leaned back to crack the joints in her tired back. She'd made herself busy today, made the time fly almost, and managed not to think about the bad things approaching. Rather, she focused on the possibility that had presented itself yesterday with Kakashi's gentle touch. The ideas had consumed her thoughts and only now did she realize she was hungry.

When she turned, she jumped slightly, noticing someone in the doorway. And to her delight, she found Kakashi stood there, dripping wet from head to toe in his contrasted ANBU uniform, his one exposed ink-black eye looking directly at her. It sent chills through her body; admittedly a rather pleasurable sensation.

"Hi!" She smiled uncontrollably, as he took a couple of steps towards her. "You're soaked, let me get you a towel." She was laughing now as his wet hair trickled droplets onto the floor but as she turned to move to her personal area, she felt his damp fingers grasp her wrist.

"What are you…?"

She looked at his face as he pulled the mask down with his other hand. His countenance was dark as his brow stitched a little. It began in her stomach, the sensation that something horrible was happening. As she peered over his shivering shoulder to see other lieutenants enter the tent, her suspicion was confirmed when she saw Ibiki last.

"I'm sorry," Kakashi said quietly.

"No, oh no. Please don't…" she pleaded softly, seeing Ibiki approach the young nin whose eyes widened in shock.

"I don't know anything," he choked out as they began to unhook his restraints, the terror evident in his shaky pitch.

Sakura tried to move towards them, but felt Kakashi's hand tighten on her wrist, effectively demonstrating that he wouldn't let her interfere.

"Let go," she growled as she tried to move again, but felt his other arm wrap around her waist, pulling her flush against him. "Let me go, Kakashi. God damn it, this is insane! He's just a kid, he doesn't know anything," she shouted.

Fighting against Kakashi's hold, Sakura listened to the young man's sad pleading as he tugged against the hands pulling him up from the bed. The experienced Lieutenants secured his restraints to lead him roughly away.

"Damn you Ibiki, damn you," she hissed, "I wish I was your conscience, you bastard."

The tall commander stopped. The three men held the enemy nin up whose knees had given out on him, and waited for the commander to continue. The young boy drooped, held bodily by the lieutenants. His scared eyes peered up at Sakura; his body shook almost violently.

"You _are_ my conscience, Uchiha. I just can't listen today." Ibiki motioned for them to leave, but the young nin began to speak, stopping their steps once again.

Sakura struggled against Kakashi, who still held her against his cool, soaked body, her own shirt damp now from the contact. Her fingernails dug into his arms, and she began to draw chakra. He could feel it in her touch, feel the power drawing to her fingers. She was going to pound him through the wall at this rate.

"Sakura," the young man began, his voice so quiet and shaky. Immediately everything stopped; the med tent was hushed for a moment as his small speech began. "Thank you for not degrading me. I want you to know my name. It's Komadori. Please don't get in trouble for me."

She looked back at him, her anger dissipating to sadness as her body lost it's strength. Kakashi's fingers were still wrapped tightly on her wrist, his strong arm still held her against him in a dance of restraint.

"I'm so sorry…Komadori," she managed to whimper.

Kakashi's head lowered as Sakura's struggling ceased, her hands dropped to her sides. She turned her head away as they finally dragged the young man out of the door and into the rain drenched night. His will to fight had left him, and he seemed now to accept his fate. But still, she could hear his sobs drifting away with him.

Stepping back and relinquishing his hold on her, Kakashi waited. He shivered as he watched the hair fall in a broken curtain over her face.

She stared at her feet.

They were the only two people left in the tent now, and it seemed more than silent as the turmoil had died away, vanished from sight and sound.

Finally Kakashi moved forward and put his tense, wet hands on her arms. He wanted to comfort her, wanted desperately to make things better. Such a bitter reunion; it wasn't how he had wanted it to happen.

"Don't touch me," she spat as she put her hands on his chest and pushed him hard enough to make him take a step back. Placing her shaking fingers on her forehead, she took a deep breath, and he could see the teardrops falling to the wooden floor at her feet. "Just...get out."

Kakashi closed his eyes and took a deep breath, feeling fed up with the entire situation. The border, Ibiki, the cold war and the back and forth with Sakura had come to the point where he couldn't muster the strength to fight it. The exhaustion gripped him, and without a word he turned and walked out.

Immediately the cool rain hit his already drenched body, and he shivered anew in the cold chill of the night.

Trudging with no determination, he slipped into the Shed and looked around at the sober faces. The daunting set-up for interrogation sent a charge through him of something he couldn't name. like prickles of electric along his wet skin. Perhaps it was all just contempt for a ninja's way of life.

The young man was set in the chair where he shook and whimpered to the unseen audience. To Kakashi's thirty-six year old eye, the boy looked too young. The image of his dark hair and dark eyes fleetingly reminded the Jounin of one of the three young pupils he once had. He was just a boy, Kakashi thought helplessly, just a child caught up in war.

The copy-nin's own life flashed before him. The faces of Obito and Rin burned behind his pained eye. They too were too young to die in service of their village. He didn't want to see death and pain anymore, especially for someone whose life had barely started. For interrogation, they were trained to believe everything was a lie, but maybe this one was innocent. Maybe this one didn't deserve what was coming anymore than Obito or Rin had.

Komadori's gaze shifted quickly, trying vainly to see who was in the room. But the bright light in his eyes prevented him from grasping anything except his own eventual death. Kakashi turned to watch Ibiki pull out a leather bundle and unroll it with metallic thuds on the wood table. The instruments, silver blades, and sharp pointed tools, gleamed in the bright hot lamp lighting the interrogation area. Kakashi bit his tongue lightly, thinking of how Ibiki was generally quick and cruel in his methods. And gradually, the Copy-nin began to feel sick.

Typically interrogations were not his forte. Kakashi had never been unusually cruel or found watching it be doled out, particularly tolerable. Interrogations were a necessary part of war, but the methods were sometimes hard to stomach. It would begin slow, with words and double meanings. Brief moments of terror, then comfort, then terror again. Ibiki would make the boy feel abandoned, make him hate his country and need to betray them. If that didn't work, then of course, the instruments were used.

The pit of Kakashi's stomach turned, and the bad taste in his mouth made it hard to swallow.

* * *

Sakura finally pieced her will together and found a box of tissues to clean up with. It was horrible, every moment of it, and now she just wanted to crawl away. The disgust and anger even made her want to grab the train back to Konoha and forget about this dark place. But sadly, she didn't want to go back there either. She was caught, snared in a life that she never wished for. It was enough to break her.

Everything was silent save for the soft rain on the canvas roof, and she felt compelled to go over to the Shed to plead Komadori's case. But the terror of walking in on an interrogation was too much, and it stopped her on the wooden steps of the med tent. With harsh certainty, she understood there was nothing she could possibly do. They would stop her before she got a foot over the threshold.

At the bottom edge of the wooden door, the bright light shone it's eerie indication that it had started. The depression fully clenching her insides, she sank down to the stair and dropped her forehead to her knees. It was just too much.

* * *

It was finally time to begin. Kakashi saw Ibiki's stern face twitch slightly before he turned around. Was that regret? They could all see that this Chunnin was fresh and weak as he sobbed to be let go, calling softly for Sakura. What could he possibly know? Ibiki couldn't like doing this, only a sadistic bastard would. Contemplating all the alternatives, Kakashi understood that the only way out was in front of him.

He desired to stop it; he could see by everyone's faces that he was not alone in this wish. Even Ibiki seemed hesitant, but was compelled to do his duty. If it saved even one Leaf nin, then it was worth it.

But Sakura... Kakashi wanted to stop it for her as well. He figured her happy moments were becoming less and less frequent. Experience assured him of how it would eventually beat her down, how dark things would take over her whole being. He wanted to spare her, wanted to spare all of them. He cared for her too much to let her become like him.

"Sir," the Copy nin began, just as Ibiki took a step towards the Chunnin. Komadori's head was lolling, and by the looks of him, would pass out from the terror any second.

Ibiki peered over at his lieutenant who slid his mask back up over the lower half of his face.

"I'll do it," he said quietly, the smooth deep voice slightly muffled behind the dark fabric.

Ibiki took in a deep breath, and Kakashi swore he saw a brief look of relief in the man's dark eyes.

The Commander nodded and watched the respected lieutenant slowly drag the headband off his forehead, revealing a scarred closed eye.

"Tell me what you need to know," he said quietly as he took a step towards the young man. Komadori looked at the wiry form with fear as it broke in front of the bright light. Crouching down in front of the trembling half-clothed boy, Kakashi opened his special eye as he waited for instructions.

He could see Komadori's gaze was drawn to the sharingan, and as he molded his strong white chakra, he felt the first stinging pressure and pain there. As hard as it would be, it was worth it.

Beyond a doubt, he believed, it would most definitely be worth it.

* * *

Her shoulders were shaking; the night had become so cold, and Sakura imagined the worst as she periodically watched the door to the wooden building for any sign it was over. Would they bring him back to be healed?

She'd refuse. Never again would she do it. Damned Ibiki, he could do his worst to her, but she promised she'd never help with this dirty business, even if it cost her everything. How long had it been now? Half an hour? More like an hour, she thought to herself as her stomach tightened.

The rain continued to pour around her, the sound of it was usually so calming, but tonight nothing would help. Her fingers wrung each other in her lap as she bent her face down to her knees. The light drizzle coated her neck where her hair had fallen away, thick and heavy from the dampness.

Finally the creak of the door cast the bright light over the grass, and she saw some of the lieutenants emerge to head away from the shed slowly. Anko and Neji were among them. Within a few moments, Genma also exited. He trudged slowly; the usual lift to his step was gone as his fingers slipped through his long hair. Strangely, even the rain couldn't inspire them to rush.

She began to tremble now, wondering what had happened to Komadori. He'd wanted to tell her his name and it broke her heart to hear it. Why hadn't she asked him the first day? Neji had warned her, hadn't he? Don't get personal, don't be nice. Now in spite of everything, she was proud that she'd shown him decency in these last days.

Finally Kakashi emerged and seemed to move too slow, almost lethargic. His headband was off and his trembling fingers reached out for the outside wall to steady himself.

Something seemed wrong.

As he fumbled down the steps, he turned to the darkness of the side of the building. Stopping near the wall, one hand up keeping him steady, he shied away from the bright lights around the area. His head bent lower than normal, and for a brief moment she thought he might fall. From the short distance where she sat, she could see his hand shaking as it ran through his silver locks, digging in to his hair and clenching.

It was almost a minute before Kakashi moved again, but this time he stumbled away from the wall, his back turned to where she sat. With his body continuing to shiver, he lifted his face to the dark sky and let the blanket of rain drench him, his headband dangling slackly from his fingers.

The rain was cleansing for the exhausted man, but the pain in his eye radiated to his cheek, forehead and neck. It became hard to stand. Kakashi felt almost to the point where he was prepared to pass out. The dizziness came in waves and even the cool misty dampness on his skin was not enough to keep his head clear.

He needed to stop the pain, lie down in the dark and push through it. There was no other way. Try as he might, he couldn't think of a time when it had ever been worse.

Almost losing his direction, he turned to squint at the lights of the Med Tent to get his bearings. It was frustrating him to be unable to barely open his good eye, so when he finally noticed the the form in front of him, he felt shocked.

It took only a moment to see the soft paink hair touched in light from the Med Tent; she was standing directly between him and it. Her eyes skimmed his front and locked on to the bloodstains down his white ANBU vest. The telltale pattern showed how it had dripped from somewhere higher.

"You used it too much!" she said accusingly, but still in just a whisper.

He didn't respond; he just closed his dark eye.

Taking another step forward, Sakura pinched the fabric over his cheek where his face was covered. Trying to pull it down, she felt his fingers feebly wrap over her wrist. Tugging easily out of his grip, she managed to reach up and pull the black cloth down, gasping at the site.

Blood covered his features as it ran from his nose, coating his lip and cheek. The bright crimson had soaked into the mask, and she could see more droplets falling on the vest from where the cool rain was pooling in it.

"Why?" she pleaded, her voice soft now. "Why, Kakashi?"

He still didn't respond. Honestly, he didn't think he'd be standing much longer.

Holding him around the waist, Sakura pulled his arm over her and directed him towards the medical tent. His feet stumbled on the step, but he managed to get inside with her help.

When Kakashi felt the wooden floor under him, he tried to turn to the medical beds, but was thwarted as he felt her steer him the other way to her private area. The rolling chair clacked on the floorboards as she pulled it over, and led him to sit down.

"Lights," he ground out softly while clamping his trembling hand over his eyes. Hastily, she ran around to turn them all off with the exception of the desk lamp. Even that was too bright and he grew frustrated, wanted to go back to his tent and lie down. Without much thought, he pushed lightly at the metal lamp which threw out the pain piercing his eyelids. It twisted to the makeshift wall behind it and clanged on the wooden frame of the med tent.

"Too bright?" she said quietly, and turned it off as well. They were drowned in darkness now, and she fumbled in her desk drawer for a candle. Placing the vanilla scented cylinder on the other side of the room near her bed, she then began to search for something to light it with. "Matches…matches…" she questioned herself.

"Shit," she grumbled as her fingers hurriedly went through her drawers.

"Here," he whispered as his fingers fumbled the silver zippo from his pack.

Taking it from his quivering hand, Sakura lit the tall candle and found it was enough to see by. With his back turned it would be less intrusive for him.

She grabbed a towel from her personal cupboard near her bed, and hurried back over to him, pressing it gently on his face. His shaking hand closed over hers, aiding in wiping the blood off, but his eyes remained closed.

Moving closer still, Sakura brushed his wet hair out of his eye and pressed her palm onto his cold skin. She could feel the scar underneath her hand, and closed her eyes in concentration. The desperation to take his pain away as quickly as possible made her grit her teeth and make a small noise of urgency.

Immediately the cool chakra flowed in, breaking up the annihilating pain for Kakashi. With a drop of his tight shoulders, he could slowly feel the stressed nerves and aches diminishing under her attention.

"Damn it, this is so much worse than before," she admonished softly, continuing to pool the energy into it. After a few hurried moments of directing her chakra into him, she opened her eyes to see his dark eye watching her. It was barely visible in the dim light of the single candle, but she could tell he was observing her efforts.

"Why did you use it?" she questioned, a measure of fear in her voice.

"It doesn't matter."

"Yes it does." Tears formed at the corners of her eyes. "Did you kill him, Kakashi?"

"No, he's alive. They got a radio call about twenty minutes ago from the enemy camp. Seems they want to negotiate for his release."

"Did he tell you anything?" Her anticipation of knowing what happened came through in her quick words.

"No."

"Why didn't you come here? You were in so much pain. I'll always take care of you. Don't ever think you can't come to me." He could hear the tremble in her voice. It was nothing but a whisper now. "Let me... take care of you."

He felt the warmth from her legs radiate to his knees now that the pain had subsided. He felt how close they were now, close enough for his eager hands to touch every part of her.

"Sakura," he said gently as she finished wiping his face. He was still shivering, and they looked in each other's eyes for a brief instant. So gentle was her face, yet so full of intensity at that moment that the feelings began to overtake him the way they did the day he kissed her.

"I should get back to my tent," he tested.

"Don't..." Sakura moved nearer, straddling his thigh, gripping the front of his vest. "Please don't leave." She could feel the heavy electric between them, and didn't want it to end.

"If I stay this time, it won't be to sleep," he said as almost a warning, but he was pushing her. He didn't intend to leave. Did he love this game after all?

Sakura felt her knees weaken slightly at his words. The wait for them had been so long.

"Stay and make love to me. I really don't care what happens tomorrow," she said, and her voice sounded somewhere between desperation and desire.

He watched her for a minute, the pressure filling all around, between them and inside him. He was going to take her, going to break this thing that was between them to build something else from the pieces.

His eyes moved down her body, still standing like a grand temptation in front of him. He could see the pause was killing her, but he loved the build up, loved the intensity.

The flash of his movement was just a blur as he grabbed the back of one of her thighs with one hand, and gripped the front of her pants with the other. He roughly pulled her onto his lap, her legs dangling over his.

It took a second for Sakura to grasp what he had done, but as the moment struck her, so did her desire. His cool fingers lay against her abdomen so low behind her waistband where he clutched the material and exposed her tight stomach to the candlelight. Being so close and connected with him excited her.

"Tell me you're sure," he whispered after he twisted a hand into the front of her shirt and pulled her toward him, speaking the words onto her throat.

Her green eyes slid closed as his warm breath tickled the soft skin where his lips grazed. Cool wet fingers rubbed on the supple skin usually hidden behind the cotton fabric of her pants, teasing at the top of her lace panties.

"I…I'm…Oh God.." Her breath quickened, pulse raced. It was to difficult to speak as his face moved level with hers, their lips almost touching, opening in anticipation. Her tongue moved over her lower lip unconsciously.

"I want this so badly, Sakura, but you have to say it." His fist still clenched tightly in her shirt, the hem lifting to expose more of her quivering stomach. She could feel and hear the want in his voice. It turned her on more to see he was so undone by her.

Her fingers trembled while still tensing against the front of his vest, her body aching for him. "Yes...God, yes...I've never been so sure," she finally breathed out and broke all the bindings that kept this moment from happening.

As if her whispered words released an invisible restraint, he finally crushed his mouth to hers. His tongue swept between her soft lips and she responded desperately, causing the kiss to become unrelenting, feverish.

His wet body was cold on her front as she pressed herself against him, wrapping her arms around his neck tightly. But she didn't care, she was lost in his kiss and never wanted to come back.

He began to tug at her shirt without breaking their kiss and could feel her fingers fumbling for the clasps of his ANBU vest. It felt to Sakura, that if they slowed down, if they even paused, it would all disappear, that stark reality would rush upon them again to stop this thing she so desperately wanted.

Finally they broke apart to manage the removal of each other's clothes, and she looked into his eyes. The dim yellow glow of the candlelight lit his features gently, and she basked in the intensity for one more second as her fingers stopped moving. She didn't mean to pause or shift the momentum, but she couldn't help it.

_I think I love you_

Reality.

Sakura was stopping, she was watching him and he was beginning to doubt. What if it was not as she said it was? Perhaps the memory of her past love was catching up and overtaking her passion at the moment. Maybe she felt guilty?

"Sakura…" he began.

Running her fingers back to his vest straps, she finished unclasping it and pulled it roughly from his body, effectively reheating the burning desire between them. Her vivid eyes glowed in the light of the candle, and smoldered with want.

"I'm sure."

* * *

A/N: I have written a short chapter entailing what goes on for them that night and it would be regarded as, perhaps, a little bit too graphic for this site. In turn, I've put the extra chapter up on my livejournal and there is a link in my tags to get to it. It's not the most graphic lemon i've ever written, actually it could be said it's my tamest so don't expect an adultfanfiction type lemon. I probably would have been alright to post here, but I like to give you the option of whether you want it or not. I don't want reviews based on lemons rather than story content.

It is not obilgatory to read it. You know what they are going to do so if it is not for you, don't worry about opting out of it. You will not miss anything. I was really happy with this chapter and the extra part.

Revised Jan 09


	14. True Nature

Fated

Chapter 14: True Nature

* * *

A lopsided grin, almost playful, lit Kakashi's fac while he waited patiently, fully dressed. Sakura slowly followed his lead and got up from the soft cocoon of her duvet to pull on some clothes. His eyes enjoyed her supple skin, painted bronze by the morning sunlight.

A quick trip to the shower was in desperate need for both after such a night worthy of the pent up desire they had both had up to then.

"What time do you leave today?" Her fingers tickled at his palm lightly as they both stood near the doorway into main area of the Med Tent.

"Not sure." The grin remained.

The hanging door moved with a slight sweep of Kakashi's gloved arm, and he held it open for the head medic to walk through.

Light crept into every window and lit the rough floors and walls, making the stark white hospital beds gleam brightly. The heat radiated from the light, making the tent feel smaller and somewhat suffocating. Upon some brief observation, they noted that one such hospital bed was covered, only not with what, but with whom.

"Oh! Genma…" Sakura's eyes widened, not realizing someone else was in the tent. Her fingers wrung each other, a light uncomfortable laugh emitted from her pink lips as she looked nervously up to her lover.

"Well, good morning you two," the fanciful Jounin chuckled. The cocky grin on Genma's face was unmistakable, and Kakashi shook his head in response.

"Oh, your wounds have to be checked this morning! Sorry, Genma, I forgot."

"Clearly."

The cheeky bounce of the senbon minutely irritated the Copy-nin.

The nervous medic spun and looked up into the face of her companion, who smiled calmly back at her nervousness. Unfazed, and rather composed, Kakashi lightly brushed her long pale strands over her shoulder in a relaxed, yet obviously intimate gesture. Her shoulders lost their strain as his comfort with the situation began to sooth her concerns.

"I'm sorry, I have to see to Genma." Her eyes moved over his face and rested on his complacent smile.

"It's all right, I should check in at the Shed anyway. I'll see you before I leave."

"Okay." Disappointed was evident in her tone, even though there was some attempt to mask it.

With a smooth deliberate slowness, Kakashi unexpectedly placed his fingers on her chin to lead her face to his and kissed her softly. His other hand ran among the pink strands hanging freely down her back. She felt his lips curve against hers in a smile as she softly hummed with the pleasure of his kiss, working hard not to progress it.

Sakura's green eyes looked into his mismatched ones as he broke away from her. Genma stared astonished at them both as Kakashi smirked in his direction just before departing.

"Bye." Her soft tones followed Kakashi out the door as he enjoyed the hot sunshine that touched his shoulders.

Sakura turned back to look at the grinning jounin who was watching her with devious interest.

"Um, Genma, sorry to keep you waiting. Go ahead and lie down, and I'll be right there."

"It's quite all right Sakura," he lit with amusement, "I'm actually rather enjoying myself."

The man lay back and tucked his strong hands behind his head, the senbon clenched between his exposed teeth, and he flicked it up and down as the medic approached. Her attempt to be nonchalant was failing miserably, and Genma was enjoying the discomfort she was steeped in. The only thing that would make the morning more perfect for him would be running into the copy-nin for a little tête-à-tête after his check-up with the blushing kunoichi.

"So, Uchiha, how was it?" he chuckled as he lifted his shirt to reveal a bruised, but mostly healed side. She didn't answer, but her narrowed eyes began to make him a little nervous as he took stock of their position. "I've heard Kakashi is a real tiger in the sack. That true?"

Sakura's hands paused as she wanted to shout, "yes!" but that wouldn't be appropriate really.

"Ah, shit, ouch!"

"Oh, sorry Genma, did I hurt you?" Sakura's tone relayed false innocence. As his hiss died away and her eyes regained their normal size, the blue light of chakra danced over his skin, delving into the wound.

"How's it look? Hatake has a mission to the outlying areas for three days and I'm slated to go if you give me the okay." Genma's tone iterated some respect finally, and Sakura smiled a little more congenially at him.

"It's up to me, is it?" she smirked.

"You know, Sakura, you're looking radiant this morning. Maybe it's your hair, or your skin. I think sex really agrees with you," Genma imparted calmly, as if it were a clinical observation.

"If you are trying to flatter me, I'd have to rate that as rather pathetic," she chuckled at his attempt to get his way, "I know you can do better than that."

"It's all right though, isn't it?"

"Getting bored?"

"Yeah, it's shitty just hanging around here. The women were gone, Kakashi was gone, Ibiki has no sense of humor," he laughed, "and now it appears that I'll have to beat up Hatake for taking you away from me. You know he's got that freaky eye. I'll probably lose."

Sakura smiled; she couldn't get mad at him, not really. She was enjoying how satiated and calm she felt this morning, even throughout his jokes and attempts to get her flustered.

"Well…it does seem better. You've healed quite quickly, _despite_ ignoring my orders. I suppose as long as there is a low probability of any action, you should be able to go." Her eyes closed as she began to press the healing properties into the mostly recovered wound.

"Since the negotiation call for the enemy-nin, all hostilities have ceased between the countries. I'm assuming that there will be no action at least until they get their hands back on him. I wonder what the hell makes that kid so important?" Genma sighed.

"His brother is _the Hawk_, you know. He said his father is a lieutenant," Sakura responded as she opened her eyes, and ceased her chakra tie with his body.

"Yeah, I read that in his file. They must have some high connections." Genma sat up and stretched, rubbing his side with his fingers, "Damn, that feels good."

"All right, if you don't mind, I'd like to go get a shower," Sakura said off-handedly, as she turned towards her personal area. "You can take the mission. Just come back to have it checked sometime after you return."

"Shower, eh? Need some help?" he smirked to her back as she moved to leave; he loved to make her blush.

Sakura shook her head."Actually Genma," She opened the flap to her personal area, and walked through, "Do you know the best way to get honey and chocolate off skin?"

The metallic clatter of a senbon hitting the floor made her laugh as she grabbed her things.

* * *

"We don't anticipate anything happening around the border until their Nin is returned. Hopefully we can begin some sort of lasting peace between us, and I'm optimistic in reporting that they have agreed to resume treaty negotiations," Ibiki's deep voice growled to the lieutenants.

"Do you want the patrols increased or decreased? Frankly I can't think of a reason to trust the bastards," Anko lit angrily.

"Let's keep things status-quo for now. I want all lieutenants to reformat patrol patterns though. I don't anticipate it will take long. Report back in here when your teams are up to speed. Hatake, take Genma with you, if he is able. If he isn't, take Anko."

Kakashi nodded briefly before looking to the door to see the form of his tall friend enter. Ibiki's briefing continued as the two men half-sat at the table in the back of the room.

"They're returning the nin to his country. What's happening with you?" Kakashi urged under his breath.

"Hm, actually I was going to ask you that," Genma smirked.

"Stick to business, Shiranui. _Please_, tell me you are cleared to come with me."

"Yes, yes, she's okay'd me to go. When do you want to head out?" Genma pulled off his cap, and ran his fingers through his hair, as he watched his friends head tilt in consideration.

"I'm going to grab a shower, get a fresh uniform, see Sakura, and then we'll go. How about an hour?" Kakashi continued to watch Ibiki motioning to maps, keeping everyone's attention save for the two whispering men.

"Yep, sounds good." Genma smirked at how casually Kakashi threw in that he'd go see her. Things were changing, and he was sure for the better.

* * *

Ibiki stood outside the medical tent letting the hot sun heat the black headband leather cupped over his scarred head. He didn't feel like listening to her shit this morning, truly he didn't. She was smart and capable, but when it came to the darker side of war, she slipped into her self-righteous mode and Ibiki hated it. It wasn't the first time he'd thought she might be too soft for her position, but more often than not, she proved she was worthy.

Having such a lack of patience today, he probably shouldn't be talking to anyone, especially Sakura. Well, if it came to it, he'd just tell her to shut-up. Wouldn't be the first time.

With a few heavy steps, he managed to slip inside the tent to see the young medic braiding her freshly washed hair. She was dressed only in her black pants and a light tank top. He couldn't blame her for being out of uniform, it was getting so damn hot that he could feel the sweat beading down his back. He, himself, had omitted his long jacket and vest.

"Uchiha, I've got a mission for you. It's of a delicate nature and I don't want to hear any of your bullshit today," he growled quietly.

"Yes, Sir." Her eyes widened. He seemed like he meant business, and she couldn't remember him ever approaching her in this manner. She got the impression that it was shut-up and listen time. Carefully, her eyes took in the unusual sight of her commander in just a black jounin shirt. For a moment, she thought he looked thinner than she had ever seen him.

"Good." He seemed to relax a bit with her easy acknowledgment. "The enemy camp has negotiated for the release of the nin we captured. He's sedated right now in a tent outside the shed, and we plan on making the exchange tonight. There has been a cease of all hostilities for the moment."

"Really?" Sakura smiled slightly, wondering if the war was avoidable now.

"I want you to accompany the squads meeting their contacts. It will happen at the border at 1900 hours. There are two visible ANBU squads going with 4 back-ups within a one-minute distance. We aren't going to take any chances. I get the impression that they want him back, more than they want things to get messy."

"Yes, Sir. To whom should I report?"

"Hyuuga and Anko will be leading the forward squads. Choose one other medic for the teams as well and meet at the shed at 1730 hours." Ibiki turned to leave, apparently finished with his quick business.

"Of course, Sir," she sighed to his vanishing back.

She watched him exit the door, and it was obvious that he was still perturbed with her, but frankly, she didn't really care. Somehow all her cares had eased today. Wiping beads of sweat from her upper lip, the heat seemed to soak into her body. The Konoha sun scorched hot above, and she decided to take a break, maybe sit outside. Nothing seemed very urgent anymore, and she enjoyed the lightness.

Sitting on the back step of the med tent, her skin felt hot to the touch, perhaps getting a little sunburned. Time slipped by as she enjoyed the smell of the grass and the hot breeze over her bare shoulders. Her eyes closed for a moment.

It was then that she sensed him just before she saw him.

It was almost a sunlit replay of the night he came to talk to her, but this time he walked straight over and sat beside her.

"Genma and I are leaving in five minutes. I'm gone for about three days. We're planning and reformatting patrol patterns. Boring tedious shit," he said behind his dark mask. His fresh ANBU uniform looked form fitted and sleek on him, and she let her eyes rove over his frame. He had omitted the long gloves today, and she figured with the heat it was understandable. How shaped and toned his strong arms looked.

"Three days, huh?" she sighed, "Be careful."

"We'll try not to cause you any work," he laughed.

"That's not funny. Besides, I'm going with the forward squads returning Komadori. I won't be here if you get hurt," she warned.

"I didn't realize you were among the squads going..." He paused, and Sakura saw the light mood leave his face. "The forward squads?"

"Anko and Neji are the squad leaders. The exchange is tonight," she added trying not to make him any more concerned. "There are six squads going all together."

Kakashi's silver hair fell over his headband as he nodded slowly. "Stick by Neji if you can, and don't take chances," he added.

"Are you worried about me?" She grinned cheekily.

"While you're out there, see if there is any medical way to stop Anko's mouth." He changed the subject.

"I think that's impossible," she laughed as he began to move towards the edge of the med tent, and with a small wave, vanished from site.

It was probably as it was supposed to be. No flowery words, or affectionate hugs. Kakashi wasn't really like that. But he came, and that was all that mattered. Truly, she wasn't sure what was between them now, passion or love? Maybe it was the same thing to him.

He was definitely passionate, she thought, as she touched her lips. But his affections were deep and private; he was such a private person. He'd opened up to her somewhat, more than most others she believed. It was enough for now.

In three days they would pick up where they left off, and she wondered how it would continue.

* * *

As the sun began to wane a little into the late afternoon, Kakashi was long gone to the outlying camps. Sakura admitted to herself that she hated to have to be away from him for three days already, just when things were finally working out.

She observed the large group of ANBU assembled outside the Shed as she and Yumi sauntered over to join them fully clad as ANBU. Sakura understood clearly why Kakashi had omitted his long gloves, as hers made her arms feel stuck to the fabric. Gently, she began to peel them away.

Neji stood with Anko running over the map, and he nodded to her as she approached.

"Great," Anko drawled, "A couple of medics to slow us down."

"Shut the hell up, Anko," Yumi flared and turned away, flipping her long dark hair in perturbation.

Sakura was a little taken aback at the unexpected exchange, and figured there was something that happened between them that she was not privy to. She watched Yumi saunter away as another woman approached.

"Sakura, you're coming too?" the ANBU squad leader asked warmly. The woman glanced at the medic, whose large vivid eyes stared widely at Anko before turning to her.

"Hi, Shan." Sakura smiled at the dark haired ANBU, somewhat surprised to see the competent jounin in the camp. Shan was usually part of the away squads or special tactical units. In Sakura's opinion, Shan was one of the better kunoichi that she knew.

She quite liked the tall woman with dark eyes, and knew her mostly through Genma. As far as Genma's small fan club was concerned, Shan seemed to be the one he wanted to be with mainly. If she was around, there was usually no one else in the room. Sakura thought they suited each other, but of course, Genma wasn't the type to settle down, even with a woman like Shan.

"Wonderful, my day is just getting better," Anko scoffed.

"Shit, mine just got worse," Shan muttered, looking at the short mesh-clad kunoichi. "At least we'll get that rematch, Ank. I've been looking forward to kicking your ass…again."

Sakura's head was spinning. She really hadn't had a lot of contact with Anko in the three years at the border. Seems they tended to run in different circles, but as it looked now, Sakura was beginning to think that she was a fairly antagonistic woman just by other's reactions.

"Anytime, lightweight," Anko retorted.

Neji sighed as he looked at Sakura. Obviously he agreed silently that this mission would be a long one. Sakura smiled back, finding the whole situation a little amusing now. She saluted jovially at Neji, and turned back to go sit with Yumi, awaiting their departure.

* * *

Darting quietly through the trees, Kakashi and Genma approached the second ANBU camp on their trip. Kakashi was exceedingly quiet, and Genma's curiosity was getting the better of him, and he continued to eye his silver haired companion.

"Hatake, I was wonderi…"

"No."

Dropping down from the trees, Kakashi moved over to the squad of six, lying around, and trying desperately not to aggravate the heat of their bodies. The sun was pushing everyone to move slowly, only doing just what was necessary. It had been a while since the temperature had soared like this. Generally, the Fire Country was tolerable with its lazy, tolerable Konoha breezes.

"Lieutenant." A tall, heavy-set ANBU stood up, and moved over to shake Kakashi's hand.

"How are things working out here, Choji?" Kakashi said quietly, motioning him to sit down again. He could see the beads of sweat on the young man's forehead and upper lip, and could feel it down his back also.

"Actually, Sir, it's been quiet for the last 2 days. We've had no radio chatter or enemy movement. Everyone is a little bored," Choji smirked, and sat down on the grass.

"That's a good thing," Kakashi replied. "Genma and I are reformatting the patrol schedules and patterns just to keep things fresh."

"Already done, Sir. Like I said, it's been slow." Choji looked pleased with himself, and Genma nodded happily.

"This is fucking excellent. At this rate, we'll be back at camp tomorrow," he smirked happily around his senbon. "Shit, it'll be pub night too."

Kakashi shook his head. It was surprising to find that the work was done, and he was pleased to imagine that they might be back at the base camp tomorrow instead of the day after. He'd never admit that he missed Sakura, but the concern grew in his stomach with her current mission she had been assigned to. It wasn't like a chance encounter with the enemy; she was going face to face with them. For some reason, Kakashi felt the stir of nerves in his stomach, that same feeling he would get on the occasions that he was thinking too much. It was the same one he had when remembering his fallen comrades, like something in the world was wrong, and he couldn't place his finger on it.

It was a reminder of how he felt when he left Konoha to come there, that perhaps he'd lived too long and escaped Fate. He imagined that all their fates were hanging on delicate strings at such a time. But he was grateful to be alive, especially this morning, although the thought of losing her was playing heavy on him. Things were going too well.

Beads of sweat formed on his upper lip, and he pulled the fabric mask away from his face. Why were his fingers shaking? He hated that feeling.

"You ok?" Genma asked quietly.

"The squads are returning that Nin tonight," he said, unsure of what he was getting at.

"Ah, that's right. I think Shan is leading one of the rear squads. Neji and Anko are leading the contact squads." Genma's cheery visage changed to something calmer.

"Shan? She's the girl you were with the other night?" Kakashi asked off-handedly.

"Yeah, she's a good girl." Genma rubbed his lips gently with his finger.

"Well, let's get moving to the next one, and see if we can't make it back by tomorrow evening," Kakashi added, regaining his calm façade, but feeling a little more determined to push on.

"Fine," Genma sighed, as he rolled his long gloves off his arms, "Damn it's hot."

* * *

Night was falling around the Fire Country, and Sakura watched Komadori struggling to move through the trees, his arms bound with metal cuffs. There was a chain around his waist, and the cuffs were attached to his sides, effectively keeping his hands away from each other. Neji had remarked on them earlier before they had left, saying, "no seals; no problem."

She'd catch Komadori glimpsing up at her, and he seemed grateful to have a familiar face on this journey. But his countenance was grim, and Sakura wondered if it was they or what he was being taken to that scared him more.

"Contact in 2," Anko called in hushed tones to Neji, who nodded back and held a hand signal up to slow everyone down. As if exhausted, Komadori dropped to the mossy grass under the trees. Sakura kneeled down beside him to help him up, asking softly if he was managing.

The evening began to sink into the Fire Country, and as the group of eleven watched the other side of a clearing, a small light was illuminated three times.

Activating his byakugan, Neji scanned the forest on the other side of the grassy expanse which fell along the border of the two countries. He could make out 10 figures there, as well as another twenty or so behind them, farther back.

"Looks like we are pretty evenly matched," he said to Anko, who crouched next to him. Sakura was directly behind, Yumi farther back, and the rest of the Nin spread out along their side of the clearing. They sunk low into the brush and foliage expertly, and Sakura watched Neji signal back to the enemy group.

Almost as soon as he did, they watched a tall Nin step out of the trees on the other side.

"Let's make this simple," the Nin called out in a strong deep voice. Komadori jerked in Sakura's hold momentarily, and she could see the resemblance almost immediately.

"Your brother?" she whispered, and he nodded to her slowly.

" Anko and Sakura will take the nin out. Shan is on the radio and is between the rear and forward squads. She'll be backing us up if anything happens." Neji said quietly to the small group around him.

"Don't fuck up, Sakura, just a fast exchange, no words. They have a scroll for us to take, that's it. We'll drop him with them, and release his hands, then we come right back," Anko sneered at the medic.

Sakura nodded, understanding exactly what Kakashi had meant earlier about stopping her mouth. "Ready?" she said quietly to her captive. His body was shaking as she looped her arm in his, Anko grabbing the other side.

They slowly walked out into the clearing, and Sakura felt Komadori's footing stumble a little. Be it fear or relief, she couldn't say. They moved cautiously up to the tall dark- haired, dark- eyed Nin, who resembled Komadori greatly, and stood within five feet of him.

"Are you hurt?" he asked the young man, almost hanging now between the kunoichi.

"No, Sir," he whispered.

Sakura let her eyes look over _the Hawk_ in a quick, yet purposeful way. He was a legend in the ninja villages, almost the same as Kakashi was. He was a brilliant tracker by any standards, and it was said he could track a grain of sand through a desert on a windy day. His eyes were sharp and glaring. He stood with his hands out, trying to make it comfortable for the women, and to not provoke anything during the exchange.

Anko eyed the black scroll in his hand instead of looking at his face.

"Put the scroll on the ground, and take the boy," Anko hissed, "Let's get this over with."

Komadori dropped to his knees when the kunoichi released his arms, and he trembled weakly. Using chakra, Anko released his restraints, which fell away from him as the two women took a few steps back. The tall enemy across from them dropped the dark scroll.

"S…Sakura," Komadori said softly, his voice trembling.

Immediately, Komadori's brother looked at the medic in shock, then his eyes narrowed slightly. Obviously, he was suspecting brainwashing or something worse as Komadori knelt in front of family, but turned his head and called for an enemy.

"You're safe now, Komadori," she said softly, just loud enough for the small group in the clearing to hear.

"Damn it, just get moving," Anko spat. Taking a risk with her impatience, she sauntered over to where the tall brother stood, and picked up the scroll. "I have no time for this shit," she growled.

Looking down at the mesh clad kunoichi near his right side, the Hawk laughed a little bit. "Idiot kunoichi. I could have killed you just now," he drawled.

Anko stood up in front of him, and Sakura could almost feel Neji losing his mind behind the shade of the branches that hid the rest of his squad.

"You could have tried," she sniffed, and turned around, fully exposing her back to him. "Move it, Uchiha," she snapped, effectively pulling Sakura out of the daze she was in.

"Yes, best get going _Uchiha_, before your dog bites," he laughed.

Sakura backed away from the exchange, keeping her eyes on the tall brother, and the trembling child kneeling before him. She felt so sorry for everything he'd been through now, and perhaps what would happen to him when he got home.

As they entered the brush and Neji sighed loudly with relief, Sakura watched the older brother pick up the younger brother, slinging him over his shoulder to carry him towards the other side of the clearing.

It had grown so dark now, that she could just make out a flash of his headband under the moonlight as they disappeared into the dense forest leaves.

"God damn it, Anko. You are such a fucking waste of a kunoichi. What were you trying to do out there? Get Sakura killed?" Neji growled impatiently at his co-leader as Sakura backed away to where Yumi stood.

"Don't worry, your precious little pink hair isn't hurt. Why did you let her come along if you thought she'd be in danger, eh, Neji? Couldn't stand to be away from her?" Anko enjoyed the moment, but Neji seemed lost for words.

Suddenly, as if a ray of hope in Sakura's gloomy, and still to be exhausting night, Shan appeared.

"Hey lovebirds, let's get this carnival to a camp so we can rest and eat. I want to get back early," she half laughed, enjoying the angry look on Anko's face now.

Sakura tried hard not to laugh at the shocked look that came over Anko, but it was such a welcome thing to see her lost for words. It hadn't been long since they left base, but Sakura now understood everything everyone had ever said about Anko.

As Anko huffed angrily passed Sakura, she bumped her shoulder into the young medic. "Don't worry, Neji. If Sakura is in danger, Hatake will come to save her. We all know how much he loves Uchiha leftovers."

It happened so fast that Sakura didn't see the strike, but in an instant, Shan's fist met Anko's face, and both women landed hard on the ground.

Immediately, the remaining group was upon them, pulling them apart as more blows rained against each other.

Sakura could feel the heat in her face from embarrassment and anger. She could feel the chakra pulsing into her fist, making it glow softly in a blue hue. The urge to pick up the short elite, and smash her through the line of trees behind her was overwhelming. But strong hands grabbed her shoulders, and she looked up at Shan who had managed to calm down quickly and back away from the flailing Anko caught in everyone's grasp. "Let's go," she growled low to Sakura, turning her away from the scene.

"Yes, run away, Shan. Take the little girl with you before I kick both your asses!" Anko wiped the blood from her face where her nose bled.

Shan turned quietly as Sakura continued to move. "Didn't you see her chakra, Anko? She would have killed you, you dumb idiot."

* * *

A/N: Thanks again for reading, and the encouraging reviews. Sorry that this chapter took a little longer but I had to decide where I was going with it. Shan is not a new character, she's the kunoichi Genma broke his orders with when he was hurt. I like her and wanted to use her more. Anko is nastier than I had planned her to be but the Uchiha leftover line just had to come from her mouth.

The next one will be out soon. Thank you so much to everyone who commented on the extra chapter at the LJ too.

Love Leafy


	15. Song for the Girl

Fated

Chapter 15: Song for the Girl

* * *

Anko sighed heavily while watching the socialization of the group of nins around the campfire. Everyone seemed to need to decompress after the tense exchange, but she found she'd rather keep out of the crowd for now. 

As long as the lonely nights were at the base camp, the nights in the dark around a campfire were longer. The recent events recounted in her mind.

It was hard to say what possessed her to make a remark like she had; it was probably one of her worst. She replayed it over again, considering the impact it made. Be it Neji's protectiveness of the kunoichi, or Kakashi's obvious caring of her, she knew she was somewhat put out by it. Cursing herself, she had no one else to blame for the shitty way she was feeling.

Patience, the lack of patience; no, it was the absence of patience. Truly, it was never a strong suit of hers. Strength and ability, discipline in combat. Those were the things Orochimaru saw in her from the beginning. He never really fostered patience.

She could almost still feel the pain of the heavy hand striking her to the ground whenever she lost emotional control around him. He was intolerant. She became like him. Weakness was never an option.

As much as she tried to keep the things down that he had forced into her, they always managed to surface. She didn't hate Sakura, it really wasn't about Sakura to begin with. Listening to Neji's admonishment for risking the medic, she wanted to remind him that Sakura was someone else's. It was an attempt to sting him, to make him upset. Anko always felt the need to push people's emotions out. Good or bad, sadness or anger, it didn't matter. Maybe she felt more real around people when they seemed more real.

She'd had enough of acting like nothing could bother her, around people who would never show emotion. All of her generation was like that. She hated it, wanted to see some raw humanity sometimes, even if she had to provoke it.

Leaning on the dark rough epidermis of a thick tree, Anko flipped the heavy plum locks blocking her vision. Her fingers trembled slightly. Anyway she looked at it, she hated being that person. So why keep becoming to her? It was ingrained, she believed, there was no way around it.

"How's your nose?" Shan's voice asked from the other side of the bark-strewn giant, pulling Anko from her inner thoughts.

"Fine," she whispered. "How about you?"

"You've got a hell of a right hook. My jaw feels like it's screaming at me."

"I held back, you know," the mesh clad kunoichi said matter-of-factly.

"I know," Shan agreed with a smirk.

They stood silently for a moment, the hot breeze blowing Anko's bangs back into her russet eyes. She swept them out again, and wiped the trickling sweat from her neck just below her ear.

"You should apologize."

"She'll get over it."

"Would you say that if Kakashi heard that remark?"

The conversation paused; silence lingered momentarily. That thought had suggested itself to the kunoichi; she didn't want to hurt Kakashi. The remark had sparked emotion, but hindsight revealed the error of letting something like that pass her lips.

"I feel like a fucking idiot for saying that. I didn't mean to disrespect Obito or Kakashi for that matter."

"You should apologize," Shan reiterated gently.

"I will. You know I will." Anko slid down to sit on the grass under the canopy of branches.

"I know you will." Shan smiled.

"She's setting herself up for more hurt, you know. He'll just leave her. He doesn't know how to be in a real relationship, none of them do." Anko slipped off her jacket, as the heat was making her a little dizzy.

"I don't like to agree with that, but it's Kakashi we're talking about. I hope he manages to make it work, at least for a while. She seems a little fragile still. It's hard to be with one of those men."

"They're all like that. They're ruined since that war, and we all lost because of it," Anko scoffed a little, remembering their long past when they were still virtually children. "It doesn't matter, not many of us are left now anyway."

"Hm," Shan understood.

* * *

Genma sat as motionless as a statue. The elongated senbon suspended precariously between his lips, his arms bent over his knees. The sweat riddled his upper body, and for the life of him, he couldn't think of anything that could possibly make him put his shirt back on. 

The morning sun had risen high and hot above the camp. It was hazy and sticky, and the only noise in the small outlying post was the sound of the cicadas resonating in the trees. Genma abhorred that sound. It was a source of irritation.

His head bent lower as a bead of sweat rolled down his cheek to his chin, then wound a path down his chest to his firm abdomen.

Kakashi and three other ANBU were sprawled out, lounging nearby. Everyone was watching Genma. Kakashi was grinning widely; he knew what was coming.

With split second timing and incredible speed, the senbon slipped from Genma's mouth to fly at the tree across from him. It stuck in straight, and Kakashi could see the cicada squirm momentarily under the sharp spike, then stop.

He had to hold in the laugh as the young men watching Genma collectively made grunts and sounds of approval.

It was stifling hot, and they were bored. Kakashi wanted desperately to go back to base, and if today worked out as he hoped, they would make it back by late evening. He'd heard that the exchange had gone well with the chatter on his radio, but still, he wanted to go back and confirm it with his own eyes.

It would be another hour at least though, before they got moving again.

Sliding another senbon into his mouth, Genma bowed his head again, watching carefully. The young men's attention focused back on him, and it seemed as if they almost held their breath.

Another flash of a steely senbon, and a small cheer erupted with the vision of two squirming cicadas trapped together under the senbon.

"Beat that, red-eye," Genma smirked.

Before Genma could sense it, a kunai whipped through the heavy air and rang a light sound through the area. The senbon had been sheared in half, and the kunai stuck in the next tree, a cicada under it.

Genma scoffed.

Wiping the sweat from the back of his neck, Kakashi smiled a little, trying not to react to Genma's look. Thinking about it, he knew he'd started something with that kunai throw, but he couldn't help himself. He loved to get Genma going.

"Through the curled leaf, catching a piece of bark, and dislodging the kunai," Genma said calmly as he watched the leaves sway.

"You're on," Kakashi hummed, the feel of testosterone and a little competition swelling inside him.

After a few moments, Genma finally released the long thin weapon from his mouth, effectively doing as he claimed. The ring of the steel hitting the kunai sent a shiver over the copy nin. He didn't like that sound.

"Alright," Kakashi began, "I'll teach your ass a lesson and then we'll get moving. I want to get back to base tonight." His arm rose with a kunai between his fingers.

"What's the hurry, sensei?" Genma chuckled; he figured he already knew the answer.

* * *

Sakura walked alongside Yumi as the group began to make their way back to the base camp. It had been a hot night, and Sakura had to do sentry duty throughout it. Sleep had evaded her, and truly she thought it might be possible to drop to sleep on her feet now. Each step dragged a little more on the soft floor of the forest. 

"You going to make it?" Neji sighed as he stood in a tree above her. His strong hands sat on his hips, and Sakura got the distinct air that he was perturbed with something. It wouldn't be a surprise if he were upset with her. The whole camp obviously knew something was happening with her and Kakashi. She didn't think Neji still wanted her in that way, but his male pride may have been stubbed on the fact that she was able to open up to another man.

There was nothing she could do about it. He would have to deal with it on his own. Really, she was too tired to care today.

"Aw, fuck. Here comes that bitch." Yumi growled as Sakura looked back at Anko, who was approaching them calmly.

"Go on ahead, Yumi. I want to talk to her."

"You're a glutton for punishment, Sakura. She'll just get you mad again." Yumi shook her head as she jogged ahead, and tried to catch up to Shan.

Sakura stood and waited for the short mesh clad woman to catch up to her. She couldn't really say how she felt about her at this moment. Those cruel words had stung her on more than one level yesterday by insulting her, insulting Kakashi, and of course, diminishing Sasuke's memory. It was getting her mad just thinking about it.

The plum haired kunoichi finally stood before her, and Sakura realized she was taller than her by at least an inch. Her jade eyes fixed on Anko's. Sakura wasn't spiteful; she'd at least give Anko the chance to apologize.

Seemingly uncaring though, Anko began to speak

"I thought about what I said yesterday. I won't say that I'm sorry that I got you mad, or Neji for that matter. But what I chose…" Anko seemed to be having difficulty finding her words as if trying to make amends was something so foreign. "I've known Kakashi a long time. When he came back from that mission, years ago with that eye, he was given a hard time. Some Uchihas even accused him of killing Obito and stealing it. Rin told me that Obito gave it to him as a gift, just before he died. Yesterday, I feel like I trampled on Obito's memory. It was wrong."

"Obito…" Sakura let it fall from her lips. She'd heard the name before. In Kakashi's medical file, his name was written as the man who the sharingan previously belonged to. They had discovered when they were still in their early teens, that this was the man whose memory brought Kakashi to the memorial every morning.

"That remark was uncalled for, and I'm ashamed I said it." Anko was thoroughly uncomfortable with the interaction, but it had to be done. She had a conscience, not a large one, or a nagging one, but she supposed one existed.

"I can't say I understand your reasoning, Anko. I think you just like to get a rise out of people. I've never done anything to you to call something like that upon myself, but I think in the end, you were the one who was most hurt by it. Everyone here thinks of you in a less than admirable way, and it will take quite a bit to redeem yourself," Sakura said uncaringly. "Had you made an apology, I would have accepted it. As it stands now, we can just go our separate ways."

Anko smirked, "I guess you think you know me pretty well, Uchiha. I don't really give a shit how these people see me." There was a short pause in her words, as if she had to think something out. "Had I made an apology though, I appreciate that you would have accepted it."

Turning now as if that was the complete end of everything Anko had to say, she strode away as easily as she had come.

Sakura blew out a small laugh. Anko was strange; there was no doubt about it. She'd have to analyze their short conversation later, when she was more awake.

Her mind ran back to Obito as the mesh covered woman disappeared into the trees. She wondered what he looked like. His eye would look at her from Kakashi's face, and she was somewhat curious if he had been striking and dark, like the rest of the Uchihas. Did he somehow resemble her late husband?

It had been a while, but for some reason, she could hear Sasuke's smooth voice in her mind.

"Uchiha was strength, and discipline. There was no room for second best or failure. It was my father's way, and it was his father's way, and his father before him."

Even though the words were strong, his tone was soft beside her ear. The slide of his fingers gently caressed her hand, running along her knuckles, and slipping in between her fingers in a stroking motion. He leaned against a cherry tree, and she leaned against his chest, her head on his shoulder. His warm cheek lay flush against hers so he could whisper to her.

"I want to change Uchiha. It's mine now. We'll change it together," he said softly. "Why don't you move in with me, Sakura? We'll make a life together, and I promise nothing will ever take me away from you again."

It was one of the most splendid and serene moments she could ever remember.

The cherry blossom petals descended around them like roseate raindrops, and she brushed them from her bare thighs. The soft medic skirt she wore over her black shorts would catch the petals as they pooled in her lap.

Twisting in his arms, she sat up and stroked his dark hair. The contrast of the supple pink petals against his deep raven strands was breathtaking. "I won't let you go again. It took a lot to get you back, you're mine now!" she laughed, before her tone turned soft. "I'll never let you go again."

His lips moved close to hers, his hand gently held against her cheek as if it could shatter with a harsh touch.

"You won't have to."

He laid down, and put his head in her lap. Stroking along his forehead with her fingertips, she found happiness at last with him.

Sakura didn't realize it, but she was gripping the front of her ANBU vest tightly. The memory was so vivid that she forgot about her tired feet stumbling along the Konoha forest. If only she could go back to that moment and live in it. How do you stretch out a moment in time? Why is it that you don't understand how much you'll love that moment until it's gone?

_Sasuke…_

Small ripples of guilt had made their way through her stomach. She understood that she had allowed someone else to take a place in her heart, not his place, but a place none-the-less. As much as she wanted to go back and relive her life with Sasuke, she knew it wasn't possible. And as much as she tried to keep her heart cold to a future with another man, Kakashi had crept in and stolen her will.

In the end, she was grateful for it.

Perhaps somewhere, Sasuke was too. She'd have to believe that.

As they finally neared the base, they heard the generators humming with the sounds of powering the camp. The sun was hot, the air almost stifling. And now as her mind cleared, the only thing left was the thought of a cool shower, lunch, and sleep.

* * *

Night crept into the Fire Country, but the heat had not abated in the least. Something needed to break, the weather or the tension, Kakashi wasn't sure. 

He reached over and turned off the squeaky shower valve in front of him. It had been so sweltering hot over the last two days that he felt grungy and filthy. The cool trickle of the water over his tired body had made the heat a little easier to tolerate, even though it clamped onto him the moment the shower stopped.

They had just arrived back, and the first thing the copy nin did was head for the shower tent. Genma had actually beaten him there, and as he turned to leave, he could see the sable haired jounin drying off as well.

Even the darkened sky could not relieve the heat, and the whole camp was feeling it.

"Hey, Hatake. Pub night. Let's get a drink," Genma tempted.

"I'm going to go see if Sakura is around. I'll catch up with you later." Kakashi pulled his pants up.

"Whipped," Genma grunted under his breath.

"What?"

"You heard me. That little medic has you whipped. Its not often there's alcohol here, and I hate to drink alone. Come for one." Genma grinned widely. "Just twenty minutes for a good friend.

"I doubt you ever have to drink alone."

"Just one. Come on, man-up!" Genma baited.

"You are a fucking conniver. One drink, and that's it." Kakashi smirked. Genma was always a bad influence on him. The desire to see Sakura had sat in his chest since he left, but a drink with a good friend was something he couldn't pass up either. He'd just go see her after. It's not like she was waiting for him, he wasn't even expected back until tomorrow night.

Licking his dry lips, he could almost taste the rough whiskey on them and it helped to make up his mind. It had been months since he'd had a drink. Really, he deserved one.

As they emerged from the dimly lit shower tent, Genma began to sing, and it reminded Kakashi of being home, and all the times he'd crawl around the pubs with Genma and Asuma.

"_We're here for a good time, not a long time, so have a good time, the sun can't shine everyday."_ Genma continued his rendition as they made their way to the mess tent.

So many things recollected in a familiar song.

Maybe one drink wouldn't be enough.

* * *

"Hey, Sakura?" Shan called into the med tent from the open doorway. "You around?" 

"Yeah, I'm here." Sakura emerged from her personal area in just a pair of pants and a tank top. The heavy heat had made the day almost unbearable, and sadly, the late evening had not given any relief.

"I need a favor. My jaw is killing me. Could you have a look at it?" the dark haired ANBU asked. "Anko is a crack hit. I think she popped it out or something. Are you on duty?"

"No, but it's alright. Have a seat, and I'll take a look." Sakura motioned to one of the beds, and moved closer as the woman sat in front of her. Lifting her fingers and moving Shan's lower jaw, she concluded that it had been strained at the joint. "Hold still, I can give you some relief, but it will be a day or two before its perfect."

"That's fine. I just need to be able to chew," Shan smirked.

Shan watched the sky blue hue of the exhausted kunoichi's chakra focusing into her cheek, and sighed a little, "You look worn out."

"I didn't sleep last night. I can't seem to sleep now," Sakura yawned, removing her fingers from the woman's jaw. Letting out a long breath, she reached back and tightened her ponytail.

"I'm just heading over to the mess. Why don't you come? I hear they've got some whiskey, and sake. I think we deserve it." Shan's eyebrows rose in query.

"I don't know. I should try to get some sleep," Sakura sounded unconvinced but teetering on the idea.

"It's pretty early, and a drink might help you sleep later. Come on, Uchiha. It'll be fun." Shan gave her an anticipatory look as she slid off the medical bed.

"Alright. Just one…or two," Sakura chuckled as she moved to her personal area. "I'll just get my shoes."

* * *

"Alright now, ok, just watch, and I'll only do it once," Genma teased as he put a whole cherry into his mouth, stem and all. "Are you watching?" 

The two kunoichi who had found a place on either side of him laughed at his facial expression. He seemed locked in concentration. His eyebrows rose as he looked to make sure he had their full attention, "Don't look away, now."

Kakashi sat on the other side of the table, his back to the door; another kunoichi had slithered up beside him as well as two other ninja standing nearby. They all watched Genma with interest as his little performance concluded.

Opening his mouth, he drew his tongue out a little, and produced onto his finger, a cherry stem tied neatly into a knot.

The women squealed with delight as Kakashi rubbed his forehead, laughing amid the applause. It was just too entertaining to watch Genma with women. The ability and smoothness with which he drew the attention was almost a gift, Kakashi mused inwardly.

"Can you do that, lieutenant?" a blonde kunoichi asked him, as she looped her arm around his. The warm shot glass full of whiskey in front of him rocked with the table, and Kakashi lifted it, downing the contents. "Not even remotely," he smiled at her, and stacked it on top of the four empty ones beside it.

"Hatake has other gifts," Genma laughed.

"I'm sure he does," she purred at the copy nin, who tried to ignore it.

"Hear that?" Genma pointed upwards to nothing at all, and began to sing along with the music playing.

"What is this? I've never heard it before," the kunoichi on his right asked.

"Oh shit, it's Zepplin. Led Zepplin? Ramble On?" Genma shook his head. "These kids don't know Zepplin, Kakashi. Damn." He lowered his head closer to her ear, "You're making me feel old, sweetheart." His tone was low and seductive.

Kakashi laughed as Genma sat back up and sang his louder rendition of the old song. The kunoichi just giggled femininely, while the men around them seemed perturbed at the jounin stealing all the attention.

* * *

Approaching with a slow step, Sakura stifled a yawn at the mess tent door. Truthfully, she'd rather have gone to bed, but socializing was long overdue. Shan was good company, and she wondered vaguely if she'd find other friends around as well. 

They entered the dimly lit tent, and Shan smiled at the music playing. "Led Zepplin," she chuckled. "Come on, let's get a drink."

The two women sidled up to the table that held the warm bottles of golden liquid. Sakura poured herself a whiskey and one for her companion as well.

"Alright Sakura," Shan held up her drink. "Here's to Anko finding some manners."

Laughing at the remark, Sakura tapped her plastic cup against Shan's, and then downed the contents. The harsh liquid coated the back of her tongue and throat as it slid down. The burn followed, and almost immediately she felt the warmth in her stomach. Another was definitely in order.

"One more," Shan urged as she refilled Sakura's cup and her own a little too high. The medic did not object.

The sound of the crowd in the corner caught their attention as they finished downing the second drink. There were a number of people laughing happily, and Shan could see Genma, of course, at the center of the clique.

"When did they get back?" she said softly.

Sakura could see the silver hair and the familiar knot of Kakashi's headband as he faced away from her. The kunoichi leaning half on him was also something that caught her eye. She was laughing exaggeratedly, and her fingers would touch him on his bare shoulder, or his arm.

Shan could see Sakura tensing, she completely understood.

"You get used to it," Shan sighed.

"What?"

"You know how it is here," she continued softly, "It gets easier to ignore."

"I don't mean any disrespect, Shan, but I won't get used to this. I refuse to get used to it." Her face showed a measure of shock, she had not expected to see him back, or like this.

"Those men, the men of their generation; the war ruined them. They don't form relationships; they don't commit themselves. I don't think they know how. Out here…you have to know how it's going to be before letting yourself get caught up with one of them."

Shan knew her words would hurt Sakura. Genma had talked about the strange relationship that seemed to be brewing between the medic and the lieutenant. As far as Shan knew, Sakura and Kakashi had something between them for a while. The shock apparent on the young woman's face surprised the ANBU elite.

Sakura turned to see the acceptance in Shan of what Genma was doing. It was obvious that Shan cared for him, but did not feel any place to disrupt his bachelor-like ways. It was reaching Sakura deeply. A confident and strong woman like Shan would settle for 'whenever' with Genma. In her mind, she knew she couldn't be like that, not with Kakashi, not ever.

"Don't look at me like that. I know I'm weak. I settle for what I can take, just a moment, or a night. I take as much as he'll give me whenever it's offered. It's all I can do."

"I can't be like that," Sakura growled. "I'm so angry. I won't allow myself to go through this."

They both stood silently for a moment, Sakura reeling from the sight, and Shan uncomfortable with the lack of consoling words. Genma looked up to notice them finally; it was probably Sakura's hair that caught his attention. He bowed forward and spoke to Kakashi, who turned around to see them. Sakura could see him begin to rise from his seat.

"I can't choose this," she said calmly to Shan, before turning and walking towards the door.

The air outside the tent seemed cooler than the air in it, but not by much. The warmth of the alcohol churned in Sakura's stomach with the sudden tightened nerves. She walked calmly, trying to keep her fingers from trembling, clenched tightly in her palms.

"Sakura," he said from the tent door. "What's the rush?"

"I'm tired," she said, only it was so soft he couldn't hear it. Refusing to turn around, she kept moving away at an easy pace even though she was angry. Her gaze watched the grass pass under her feet as she continued to stride away.

She would have continued right on to the med tent now, had he not appeared directly in front of her so quickly that she banged into him. He grasped her upper arms in his strong fingers, holding her in place. As her eyes rose to his exposed one, she could smell the whiskey on his breath.

"Again, what's the rush?" he smiled; his cheeks flush with alcohol. He didn't appear drunk or even affected by it, just relaxed, more than normal these days.

"I said I'm tired," she replied again, very softly. "Let me go, please."

"Something bothering you?" He released her arms.

"Yes, my own misconceptions."

"Care to elaborate?" Clearly it was about him. As much as he hated spectacles, or scenes for that matter, she was stewing about something and he wanted to get it over with.

"Not really." She paused as he crossed his arms over his chest, waiting. Her nails dug into her palms again and for a moment, she thought she might have broken the skin.

"Alright." Her tone was calm. "I'm not ok with the way things work here. I'm not going to mimic the uncomplicated, unrestrained sexual self-indulgence of the kunoichi here. I have no desire to subject myself to the occasional nighttime rendezvous, and then to dismiss it five minutes later. I'm not like that and I never will be."

Kakashi could have guessed as much by the way the kunoichi had been hanging on him, and that Sakura had seen her. "Calm down and come have a drink. I haven't seen you in two days."

"No thanks." She remained calm, almost resigned as she shook her head at him. Her tone softened. "I though things were different than what they were. I'm foolish that way, I always have been. It doesn't matter anymore. You can have whoever you want, that blonde, some other kunoichi, Genma for all I care. It just won't be me."

"Sakura, this is a little ridiculous, don't you think?"

"Yeah, it is." With those words, she turned and walked away.

Kakashi watched her leave, feeling the perturbation flow through him, blocking out the soothing effects of the whiskey.

"Go after her, asshole," Genma growled from beside him now.

"She's exhausted, probably a little over emotional," Shan added on the other side of Kakashi. "I'd give her a little time to calm down."

"When did this become a public forum?" Kakashi growled.

"Didn't you know?" Genma chuckled, "You two are my main source of entertainment."

* * *

Another drink and then another, had washed down the copy-nins throat. He wasn't angry, just sick of the complication. He hadn't seen her in two days and then he had to come back to this. All the frustration was building again, and he began to think how easy it would be to just leave it as it was now, end it with her. 

But laughing to himself as he walked through the rows of tents, he knew he really couldn't do that. Already his feet were leading him to her. She was like air sometimes; he needed to breathe her in. How ridiculous that someone could have such an effect on him. She was more than a lover, more than a friend, he could almost completely admit that now.

The whiskey had warmed him, his movements were slower, his limbs heavy with intoxicated comfort even though his mind felt so clear. He needed to see her, needed to clean out the mess that reared its jealous head tonight. The desire pushed him, and the intensity and thrill of a confrontation began to swell inside his mind.

Slinking stealthily into the empty med tent, all the lights in the main area were on. He pushed back through the canvas door to her quarters to find her lying on her bed…fast asleep. The dim half-light of her desk lamp partially lit the area, just enough to see.

It was sticky and hot still, and Kakashi tugged a little on the sleeveless shirt he wore. He'd discarded the rest of his gear, save for the dark pants, headband, and ANBU shirt earlier before his shower.

Sakura lay sleeping, only a light tank top pulled up high, revealing the bottom curve of her breasts, and her tight, perspiration-beaded abdomen. Her arms were laid out beside her; one had a paper fan dripping languidly from her fingertips, ready to drop on the rough floor as it dangled over the side of the futon. Her cotton panties were tugged down on one side revealing her hipbone, and as he watched her one of her hands reached sleepily across her chest to pull down a thin strap of her tank top. It rose after, to wipe the beads of sweat from her upper lip.

Kakashi could feel his heart beating faster, the desire inching into him. How could she question this, and whom he wanted? He was standing here…he'd always be standing here.

Slipping off his shoes, and with true elite ability, he moved to the futon and dropped to his hands and knees, hovering above but not waking her. Even with the alcohol dulling his keen senses, he could drink in her scent. Jasmine, and cherry blossoms stirred him to move closer. The fragrance of her hair had even entranced him as he bent lower. Even then she didn't wake.

He was almost excited, just from the anticipation.

Moving closer still, he let his mouth move so near to hers that she shifted slightly with the soft whispers of his breath. A smile crossed his lips as they moved near her ear now.

"Sakura," he breathed out, and rose to see her sleepy eyes snap open in surprise.

"Kakashi…what?" Her head turned while she tried to get her bearings, and the skin of her neck exposed to him.

Dropping down, he pressed his lips to her throat, and slid his fingers to her arms. He laved on the supple skin, nipping and kissing it. She moved slightly, her breath coming out faster, and heavier, realizing what was happening.

Her sleepy eyes closed as she just lay there and felt relief and some understanding of why some women craved this, even just for a little while. His touch, his mere presence was so intoxicating that she couldn't push him away.

She moaned softly as his mouth moved down, sucking gently on the soft plane of skin just above her breast. His fingers tugged her tank top out of his way almost impatiently as he began to ravish her, lustfully.

"I don't want anyone else," he spoke onto her skin.

He continued his attentions as he slid lower, engaging her body in complete arousal. In her half-awakened mind, she just gave in.

"There'll never be anyone else."

Kakashi's words, softly spoken on her hot skin, touched her deeply.

_No one else_, she thought inwardly, _please be true_.

Rough fingertips traveled gently over her tight skin, running trails of excitement where they pressed in. Sakura brought her hands to his face but watched him kneel up and grab her wrists.

"I heard you were worn out today. Just lie still, Sakura. Let me do it." He pressed her arms above her head then slid his hands back down them, tickling her deliciously when he finally met the tender skin at her sides. In her half-awake state, her eyes closed again.

His mouth pressed to hers, and she tasted the whiskey on his tongue. It was strong and sweet, and she licked her lips when he broke it momentarily. Forcing her sleepy eyes open again, she could see his gaze looked sleepier than usual; perhaps the alcohol was spurring his desire right now. Whatever it was, she found that she couldn't deny him, or herself.

"Do you want me to stop?" he hummed in her ear, his tone was deep, full of lust.

"No," she breathed out, as his fingers stroked her cheek. Eagerly, she arched her back a bit, showing her anticipation. Her body writhed slowly as she ran her foot along his calf. His mouth slid back to the soft curve of the top of her breast, and his movements seemed fervent. His desire was almost feral.

Raising himself up, his chest just grazed her breasts as his mouth pressed to hers again. The fervor with which their tongues engaged was erotic. Her desire was evident in the soft moans she hummed against his lips.

As he broke it, and moved his face to the side of hers, she could hear his heavy breaths as his tongue traveled along the curve of her ear. His teeth nipped against her earlobe and she couldn't help but bring her hands up to dig her nails lightly in his biceps. Her own breathing was heavy now, with each touch of his mouth to her body.

Finally, she felt his tongue enter her ear, and she gasped at how good such a taboo touch could feel. He seemed to want to devour her, inch by inch as he now engaged her jaw line. Her body twisted in eagerness, her head tipped back to give him complete exposure to her.

He was all hers, and she was all his.

She would never question it again.

* * *

A/N: This was a long chapter. I apologize if it dragged on. I should have maybe cut it into 2 chapters. The little love scene at the end was much shorter, and I ended up lengthening it. 

Special thank-you to my beta - dragonflyelj. Ah, she is so important to this story, she has no idea.

Well, the reaction to Anko in my last chapter was to be expected. I like her for a character; she has some depth. Her first bit in the manga showed her to be a bit of a showy ass, and then later she throws a kunai at young unsuspecting 12-year-old Naruto and cuts his face. She comes over to him and using her finger, tastes his blood. Also when she was sitting outside the death forest, she seemed to enjoy the fact that she could hear screams inside. I understand some people are attached to her and weren't thrilled with how I've portrayed her. In my interpretation, I feel she has quite a dark side so I'm exploiting that somewhat. I also feel she is a strong ninja, and would protect her comrades with her life. I hope this chapter sort of explained her a little.

Sorry for the delay on this chapter. Next one won't take so long.


	16. In Love with a Bad Idea

Fated

Chapter 16: In Love with a Bad Idea

* * *

Light crept into the small back living quarters of the medical tent, and Sakura cracked a jade eye to look out on the morning. It was light, yes, but dim light, pale light. Her other eye opened with the lack of intrusively blinding sunshine, and she picked up the first sounds of light pattering rain on the outside of the tent.

Misty rain. She liked that rain.

Turning over slightly, and letting her eyes drift closed again, her slender hand felt around on the cool sheets beside her.

No one was there.

She pressed her head into her pillow a little harder and rubbed her cheek on the soft fabric of it. Perusing the rough wooden floor, Kakashi's shirt, pooled in a heap, glared at her. Taking a deep breath, she sighed it back out slowly.

Light rain, gray morning, and his shirt on the floor. She knew where he'd gone. The tightness in her stomach told her she knew it all too well.

The last few months had been glorious. She couldn't remember being so content, and happy, even though she knew in her past she had been. Kakashi had become everything, a constant companion, lover, friend, confidant, even though that did often not go both ways. But this one thing still scared her, this one hitch in happiness. It wasn't her problem, it was his, but in caring about him so much it became hers.

Quietly, she listened to the soothing drum of the rain tapping softly on canvas. This would have called him to it like a desperate lover. It had been dry lately and this rain was a long time coming, but it made him change a little. It always did. Sometimes it was a day or two before he was himself again. Why couldn't she fix that for him? A broken finger or kunai slash was no problem, but inner turmoil? He liked to spare people his drama; he was not like other people.

It had been ever since that night months ago when they'd argued, well, as much as Kakashi argued. Ever since that heat spell, and the whiskey and the lovemaking, she never questioned his intentions again. He had allowed her to become more to him than he had ever allowed anyone to. How could you question that?

Still, on rainy days…

She thought on their short relationship, short in the way of time, but long on familiarity and purpose. Six months since he'd first kissed her heatedly, six months since he came to her bed. Three months before that he had stepped back into her life, and three months from now he was no longer required to stay. His year was coming, anyone who was ordered here only had to stay a year. Hell, a lot of them were free to go home, but there was purpose to being at the border, it was sometimes more than a job. For Sakura it was a way of life now, she didn't know how to be in Konoha village anymore.

Sitting up and stretching out her tired muscles from a long amazing night of being wrapped around him, Sakura picked up his black jounin shirt and slipped it over her head.

Her body was warm and satiated with the tenderness and fire they shared at night but the cool morning gave her a shiver. Pulling the large blanket around her, she stood and walked out into the main area. The back flap of the tent was a little off-kilter; the gray morning loomed just beyond it.

Peering out and making the smallest amount of noise possible, Sakura watched him sitting there, just like she had expected to find him.

Grasping her blanket tighter against her shoulders, she moved out into the misty morning instantly feeling the light wet curtain sink into her skin and chill it. Her feet were wet and frigid in the grass. She hated that feeling.

Slowly, she continued to step towards him, but he didn't turn around. He just sat there looking out onto the gray canopy of clouds and the softly rustling trees below it.

He was hunched over on the wet ground, his legs bent, his arms over his knees. His silver hair had matted down with the rain, and his bare chest glistened with it. His black pants were damp also, and Sakura knew he'd been here more than a minute or two.

She moved in front of him and met the mismatched eyes that rose to look at her. They were sad, reminiscent, and dull. The rain seemed to do it to him, bring back all those things he tried to put away. He'd confessed quietly among the sheets that it had been easier years ago, that he could find a way to push away the darkness after a while and go on with life. But most of his friends, his crutches, were gone, swept away in one harrowing and bloody night. So many times she thought how alone he must feel even though he had her and Genma. She couldn't imagine if everyone she grew up with was gone, Naruto, Neji, Kiba, Choji, Ino, everyone.

Inching to him, she watched him lean back on his hands, his muscular chest, and scar stood out in the dim atmosphere. She straddled him and sat down, the warmth of his body was still there. He almost felt feverishly hot against her cool skin.

With a swift pull, she managed to swing the blanket around him as well, her arms tugging him closer.

"It's cold out here, Sakura. Go back inside." His smile and voice were gentle, but not very happy.

"Come to bed," she said softly, her fingers running down his face. His eyes closed momentarily. His inner turmoil was soothed by her touch.

"I'll come soon, just a little longer." He leaned forward and crushed his chest to hers, pulling her against him for a moment.

He released her a little, but she held on. Her eyes met his, and he could see some pity there, some strain or desperate desire to help him. No one could help him, not now. Days like this made him relive it, made him need to cleanse himself in the rain. But it never happened. Truthfully, it just seemed to make him feel more aware of the deep darkness lingering inside, and waiting to rear its twisted head in the dim rain drenched morning.

She kissed him, an attempt at consolation, at changing his pain to something else. He returned it, and let it linger between them.

Wrapped inside the blanket, they held together, and he laid his head on her shoulder. Her soft scented hair touched his forehead; her slender fingers lay on his neck.

If only it could always be this peaceful. He knew that what was lingering inside would never go away, but she made it so much better. He was so thankful at that moment for her.

"Come to bed," she repeated softly, her breath on his ear.

"Alright."

* * *

_Dear Sakura,_

_Thanks for your last letter. Tsunade was thrilled to get hers as well. I think she remembered how much she missed mothering you. Everyone is doing well. Hinata is showing and she's finally stopped getting sick. She's been pretty bitchy though. I try to stay out of her way. She's four months in now, so we have started telling people. Everyone is excited. Tsunade said it's a girl. _

_Maybe after this one we can stop!_

_Sasuke has grown too. He performed the Kaiten spin for the first time yesterday. It wasn't very powerful but hell, the kid is going to be amazing. I put a picture in for you; he looks a lot like his old man. He's a good-looking boy._

_It's good to hear that Kakashi is getting back to normal these days. Tsunade is happy she sent him there. I guess his year will be up soon so he'll be coming back. _

_Any plans for you to return? We keep hoping, anyway. I'm sure you know this before you read it here, but Kiba has returned to the camp. He's not the same. He and his sister were really close. It's been almost a year since the elites were killed, but it seems hard for him to put it behind. He got her affairs in order, and said he wanted to go back. Let us know how he's doing in your next letter, ok?_

_Well, take care Sakura. Say hello to our favorite copy-nin for me and tell him we'll see him soon. _

_Love Naruto_

Sakura sighed. She loved getting Naruto's letters. Holding out the picture of his young son, she couldn't help but laugh. With the exception of the eyes and the lines on his cheeks, he looked identical to Naruto. He was cute, beyond cute.

The table she sat at in the mess tent was rocking slightly, and she turned her head up to see Kiba looking down at her, his foot on the bench. His smile was happy, but she could see the stillness and sadness behind his eyes. She saw Kakashi with that same look sometimes.

"Kiba! You're back," she grinned, and stood up to hug him tightly.

"Yeah, needed a break from Konoha so I'm back for another year." He sat down beside her and glanced at the picture. "Oh, it's Sasuke. That kid is a genius. He'll be Hokage one day if Naruto isn't."

Sakura was so happy to have another friend at the border again. Kiba was fun to be around, she missed him. When the elites were killed, his sister had been among them. When they broke the news to him, she actually had to sedate him. It was hard to watch, and something familiar ached inside the medic knowing how it felt to go through it.

"Anything changed since I left?" Kiba asked calmly. He seemed calmer than he used to be, but death would do that to you.

"Um." She thought for a moment, "Choji is on the outlying border ANBU, he's squad leader now. Neji is still squad leader, but he is leading the elite tactical squads. Genma is still Genma."

"Genma? Is he still hitting on my woman?" Kiba smirked.

"Actually, Kiba. Shan has been pretty distant with him for about a month. Maybe you've got a shot?" She grinned. Kiba loved to flirt with Shan, but she was older. Truthfully, Sakura didn't think it would be proper to dissuade his interest because she, herself, was involved with someone older. No one really cared anyway. Sex was sex. And like Genma loved to coin 'no one falls in love out here.'

Sakura knew it was a lie, and probably the reason Shan had backed off from him. It was obvious in her eyes that she still wanted him. Actually, Sakura wondered if Shan would give in from time to time. It was hard for the junkie to give up the drug when it was constantly whispering sweet seduction in their ear.

Kiba smiled. "I'll play it cool," he joked, and leaned back a little, threading his fingers together behind his head. His demeanor was relaxed, and Sakura grinned at him, but it suddenly turned, changed in a blink.

His canine eyes seemed to focus; he was watching someone approach. Turning her head from intense wonder, Sakura watched Kakashi and Genma sauntering in the tent. She was guessing it was Genma who was peaking his interest, until Genma sat down. Kiba's eyes still followed the other man.

"What's wrong?" Sakura asked, feeling something inside her stomach.

Kiba didn't answer, but Kakashi approached them and stopped just in front of him. Sakura could see some strange looks exchanged. Finally Kiba stood up.

"Kakashi, good to see you looking well," he said respectfully.

Kakashi nodded and extended a hand to the young man, who took it immediately. Still she could not tell what was going on. It was an awkward pause until Kiba nodded slowly. "Well, it was good to see you, Sakura. We'll catch up really soon, alright?" He turned to the copy-nin. "Kakashi." He nodded a farewell.

"Ok," she said softly, watching the young man walk away.

"What was that about?" Sakura asked Kakashi quietly.

Kakashi smiled, still faded somewhat. "Nothing."

"Lunch?" she asked cheerfully, trying to alter his countenance with her happiness.

"Sure." He smiled a little more genuinely.

They both headed for the buffet line, and Kakashi could see Kiba chatting with Choji at the tent door. They were smiling and shaking hands. How strange. Kiba looked so much like his sister. Kakashi remembered when Kiba was a small boy, always wanting to tag along with her. She usually let him.

"I've forgotten Kiba's sister's name," Sakura said almost ashamedly.

"It was Hana," he sighed. Her name brought a lot of things back to him. The morning they left for that doomed mission, she had joked with him, flirted with him. She was a free spirit and they bonded well. He was sure that it was because they were so similar, both from families that used dogs, both strong Jounins. She was cut down in the prime of her life, and Kakashi felt the guilt of outliving her.

Just hearing her name took him back to his early twenties. She always seemed to be smiling. She was quite a few years younger than he was. When he was twenty-one, she had been around fifteen. Her young crush fell on him, and he was all right with that. He'd asked her for advice on the dogs a couple of times. He'd given Hana her first kiss.

Now she was gone, and her brother would mourn her forever. Their clan was tight and loyal. It was just their way.

"You ok?" Sakura asked.

"Yeah," he sighed and picked up a tray.

"Put it down, Hatake," Genma grunted beside him.

"What is it?" Kakashi spun to see Genma's face, unusually calm and solemn.

"Ibiki's called a meeting for all seniors. We need to get over there now."

Sakura and Kakashi both felt the heaviness radiating from Genma's statement. Something was happening, and it required the senior officer's attention."

"Let me know if you have to leave, ok?" Sakura mentioned quietly as she gripped Kakashi's arm at his elbow.

"All seniors, Sakura. That's you too."

* * *

The dusty and artificially lit main building, or "shed" as everyone referred to, was not a place Sakura liked to visit. It was full of plans, maps, and generally dark ideas. Strategies came to light in this area. But it was the main place for interrogations also. Young Komadori had been brought here. In her mind, the shed was a place of dark things that she preferred not to know about.

But here she was, standing among the elite officers of the border. Something was happening, she could see it in the way Ibiki paced unnaturally at the front of the building. Without realizing it, Sakura had moved close enough to Kakashi to feel the warmth of his arm on hers.

"I see everyone is here," Ibiki's rough voice carried through the dark and smoke filled room. "An unranked mission has just come up. We are taking volunteers from among the elites here. This is something the average shinobi will not be able to handle. We are looking at a four man team, with a second team at the edge of the border."

He looked at the faces staring up at him. It was rare for unranked missions to happen in their neck of the woods, but still, they happened. It was the first one that had come up since Kakashi had arrived.

"Before I take volunteers, I want to tell you what you are up against. We have decided that information gathering on troop sizes and locations of enemy camps is necessary. We've had skirmishes at different places, and it is making us aware that their numbers may be increasing. This could mean they are setting up for a wider scale attack."

People were taking deep breaths, shifting in their chairs. The room was thick with foreboding.

"A four man team will cross the border and spend up to 6 hours scanning the areas along it. There is a main camp about one hour into their side of the border. We will need numbers, location and anything else that may crop up. This team will set out tonight and cross at dark. The second team will wait to escort team one back. I want two medics in the escort team."

The crowd continued to wait; the intensity was almost electric in the air.

"Alright, I need four volunteers."

A quiet drawn out pause filtered through the ninja crowd. It was not something that people jumped at. Most likely one or all of the nins would be killed. Sakura felt her heart in her throat when Kakashi shifted a little from beside her, breaking their contact.

"I'll go." He didn't look at her.

Ibiki looked at him and nodded. Kakashi thought maybe Ibiki was grateful someone had offered so quickly.

"I'm in," Neji offered next.

After another minute, the group was rounded out with Anko and Shan.

Sakura bit on her lip trying to push away the fear.

* * *

It was embarrassing to fidget; she was a grown woman and a capable medic for goodness sake. But yet, she wrung her fingers in her shirt hem as she watched him slide the black shirt over his firm chest.

Sitting on the cot in his tent, the small living quarters felt closed in and intimate for them. She'd been in it many times, mostly at night. Their sounds of passion had kept Genma awake on occasion.

The uniform he donned was an ANBU uniform of sorts, but it was made especially for these types of missions.

It was black, all black. He had put the shirt on and it had very short, arm hugging sleeves. The black vest slid over top but it wasn't the typical vest. There were pockets throughout it to put weapons everywhere, mostly shuriken and smaller flat sharp kunai.

The gloves he wore ran up to his elbows and black leather arm straps went over them, also littered with pockets for weapons. Stripping his headband off, he donned a black eye patch with two straps, one that ran over his other eye, one under. In different circumstances, she would have admitted he looked damn sexy. Right now she just felt fear watching him dress to cross the border.

The last piece of clothing was a black cap like bandana that tied around his head to cover his silver hair. Only small tufts of it stuck out from the bottom. He looked almost like a different person.

"You're going to tear your shirt," he said without looking down at her. His long fingers continued to load the arm holsters with shiny silver knives and shuriken.

She couldn't speak.

Kneeling down in front of her when he finished, he pulled her close and kissed her deeply.

"Are you going to come back?" she asked on his lips.

"Yes," he answered with a sweep of his own mouth across her cheek.

"Do you want to come back?" she asked, earning a quick pull away as he looked into her eyes and tried to read her tone.

"What does that mean?"

"I'm always scared that you don't care if you get killed.."

"What?" his tone was mild surprise, but not shock. In his mind he didn't think he'd ever consciously tried to get killed, well maybe just that once in Konoha. Right now, feeling her warm arms around him, it was the furthest thing from his mind.

"I'm coming back, don't worry."

She looked pale. He couldn't remember ever seeing her so worried when he left on missions. But of course, this one wasn't typical. His face softened, his hand touched her cheek gently.

"I guess I understand why you would think something like that. I can't honestly say that I haven't thought about death. The truth is I feel like I should have died a long time ago. I lost of a lot of comrades, but people tell me how lucky I am to have survived. At times, I thought it was more a curse."

He could see her face changing; the honest cruelty of that statement hit her hard. Her slender fingers pressed into his arms holding on for dear life. "Don't go."

"Sakura. Even thought I've felt like that, even though the rain makes me remember them and how lonely I am without them, I don't want to die." He leaned in closer and hovered just at her lips. "I've got something to come back for."

The heavy burning began to tighten her throat as he kissed her. She knew somewhere inside him he was still living like death was an option for him. When people talked about the future, he never joined in. Sakura noticed, and found it peculiar that he never planned a future. Maybe he didn't think he had one?

She kissed him then as if she would never see him again.

"I'll be waiting."

"I won't disappoint you."

"You never could."

* * *

Standing in the group of eight men and women set to go to the border, four to cross, four to wait, Kakashi watched the sky. It didn't seem like it would rain, but he could smell it in the air. He could sense the wetness drifting on the breezes that ran through the Fire country. Perhaps it was the way it should be for a mission such as this. Perhaps the sky was going to help them. 

It had rained all morning and put him in this solitary mood. Now he couldn't get a moment alone. The sun had peeked out for an hour or so in the afternoon, but it didn't last. He couldn't say if he was pleased that it was still raining or not.

At least with rain falling it would be harder for people to track them. He gently patted his vest to check once again that he had the scroll to perform the tracking jutsu with the dogs. He didn't often have to use it, but it was nice to have.

Turning a little, he looked at Sakura dressed in her own ANBU uniform. He admired the deep ink black swirl of the elite on her arm and let his gaze slide down her toned slender shape. He loved the look of her in it. If he died tonight, he was glad that he would get to say goodbye to her. He was glad she was going.

Her jade eyes turned up to him, she could feel the desire to grab onto him, stop him from going. She was in love with him; she knew she was. It wasn't something that they ever said. Vaguely she wondered why she never said it, but in truth it would probably make things change between them. He didn't need the extra burden of commitment, even though he'd shown her more than he had ever shown anyone else. It was an unspoken agreement, something that had never passed his lips, or hers.

In the quiet of the night, when his long fingers traced her skin and his breath tickled her throat, she could feel that love. He felt it; he wanted it too. He had committed without saying so. She would never question it.

Glancing at the others, Sakura noted that everyone was dressed the same, but Kakashi was the only one wearing the black bandana over his hair. She supposed if the moonlight caught his silver locks, it would be a beacon for anyone nearby. The black outfits were good for night missions. As the evening began to grow dimmer, she could see the occasional glint of silver from the weapons on them, but just a tiny bit.

They moved swiftly towards the outlying area, and Sakura began to feel sick with worry. The border team's job was to move along their side of the border and be available for assistance if needed. They were also to accept the radio transmissions and record findings, freeing the first team for fighting or moving.

She was sure they would never call her team in. Choji was her squad leader and she was comfortable with his skills, but she knew the other team would never endanger them.

No matter what, they would be on their own.

As they arrived at the edge, Kakashi's team prepared to leave. They put their radios on. The neck mics and earpieces were black, and fit around them comfortably. It was the least obstructive type of radio, and most ninja preferred them.

"Ready?" Neji said quietly.

"Yeah," Kakashi responded and turned to Sakura. She was talking with Shan briefly, and he could see the wide pale green eyes, fear instilled in them. She couldn't hide it.

He moved near her, and pulled her into an embrace. Sakura was taken aback by his public display of affection. Everyone in that circle knew they were together, but it was something they didn't advertise openly. It was somewhat unexpected and made her more afraid. In her mind she gathered that he might not have thought he'd be coming back so gave them this last moment.

Her fingers dug into his back, and she fought the urge to ask him again to stay. It was too late, and he'd never say yes anyway.

"Be careful," she whispered as he bent down to her face. The rest of the group had turned away to give them privacy.

"Always." He smiled. He kissed her, deep and tender, stroking his fingers in her hair.

Finally the moment had come and he released her. Pulling up his mask to cover the lower half of his face, he nodded to his three teammates. Everyone was eerily silent and even Anko didn't have anything to say about his goodbye with Sakura.

Thank god for small favors.

Within seconds, they were gone. The occasional quiet whispers on the radio would keep them aware of what was happening.

At least she had that.

* * *

A/N: Thanks for reading. This story is turning out to be a lot longer than I expected.

Thank you to everyone who reviewed the last chapter. Some of you have stuck with me through a number of my stories and I'm very grateful. It's been about a year since I started writing and I owe you a lot for keeping me at it.

Thanks,

Leafy.


	17. Old Aquaintances

Fated

Chapter 17: Old Aquaintances

* * *

The silver moon hung high over the forest bathing everything in its cool ethereal light. The drizzly rain had stopped almost two hours before but the dampness of the wind still made the skin crawl and pimple with goose bumps. But it was tolerable. So many things could be so much worse for them than just cold skin. 

Kakashi stood on a high branch, a sentry for his tired group. He took a moment to look down at the other three in his squad sitting quietly below. The night had been exhaustive; the pace was relentless and everyone was feeling the fatigue. They'd been lucky so far to avoid the enemy, thanks mostly to Kakashi's own tracking senses and Neji's far-reaching byakugan. Truthfully, Kakashi felt having the two women with them was unnecessary. Not because they were a hindrance in any way, but because he and Neji had such unique abilities, nothing else was needed.

Four hours had passed quickly. The adrenaline and rush of danger kept them moving, kept them sharp. Kakashi could admit he'd almost forgotten the thrill of being in imminent danger. At the border, nothing could be more dangerous than treading among the enemy in their own territory. No one was immune to it; no one was safe doing it but still, sometimes it was a rush.

So far the night had gone well. Yes, the enemy's numbers were increasing. Yes, it could be said that they were planning an assault soon, but it wasn't concrete. Perhaps they were just being cautious? In his analytical musings, Kakashi began to reason that keeping your border safe was plausible, expected…necessary. The Fire Country was no different. Treaty negotiations had come and gone, started and stopped. Perhaps this was just life as it were now. Perhaps both countries would maintain this relationship and neither grow out of it or regress from it. Maybe it was the status quo and always would be.

A long sigh emanated from under the dark fabric mask covering his dry lips. He was tired of it all. An end was finally in sight and he was beginning to crave it. Three months left in the drab confines of the border camp. Only Sakura had made it tolerable. Even Genma could not have broken him of his dejection when he first arrived there. But of course, he understood more than clearly that it would never completely be gone from him. In all honesty, he felt that sadness and depression lingering under the surface like something waiting to consume him, should it be given the chance.

His face rose to the thumbnail moon dangling above and his thoughts turned to her as they so often did.

If someone had told him he would be sleeping with her, falling in love with her, before he arrived, he would have laughed at them. Three years apart can change a lot of things about people. But even so, he would look at her sometimes and still see that young girl striving to be strong, striving to protect those she loved.

In three months he was going to return home. The question was would she come too? He believed she would, but it would not be exactly like she would want or expect. She was the last Uchiha. By blood or not, that still had implications and obligations. Could they move in together? Could they share their relationship openly in Konoha? It was uncomplicated in the shelter and distance of the border camp. Hell, he could be sleeping with her, Anko, and Shan at the same time and no one would bat an eye out there. But back in Konoha, everything would change. Society and civility would rein. How could they tell Naruto? How could she tell her family? How would it ever work? Yes, he loved her like he'd never loved anyone, but it wasn't enough. She deserved a husband, a father for the children she would want. He was none of those things. He was a soldier, an elite ninja first and foremost, it was something that would never change.

Leaping back down out of the tree soundlessly, his mind had a second to spin on its indecision. It sounded easy in theory to dismiss a future with her. He'd managed to always dismiss anything relating to a future, it had become just pure habit. But being away from her, not seeing her eyes or the soft curve of her smile could make it easier to ruminate on. When she looked at him, when her soft words made him stop in his tracks, it was more difficult. You could almost say it was impossible, more than almost. He'd never belonged to someone like that before. It wasn't entirely unpleasant.

"Why are you smiling, Hatake? Discover something up in the tree?" Anko said with a flippancy not many could achieve.

Without a word, he turned up to the slip of the moonlight through the canopy above, and understood he would never be whole without her.

* * *

One more hour, she sighed inwardly. Just one more long achingly frustrating hour of listening to the radio slip in and out of silence. She'd barely heard his voice the entire four hours on the mission. 

Of course, it wasn't meant to be a way for her to listen to what he was doing but it seemed like all she could concentrate on. Maybe it was a bad idea coming along. Maybe she was not looking at the big picture because the fear was blinding her to her obligation as part of the team.

Neji had spoken most, soft orders and directives spilled out in his deep muted voice. He sounded like a lover whispering sweet nothings about enemy numbers and locations. Not very romantic.

Neji had a nice voice, almost as smooth and alluring as Kakashi's. The rough deep timbre of man's voice was something Sakura found appealing. Not many men could claim the feat of having a sexy voice, but of the people she knew, Sakura could name about four.

Neji and Kakashi were definitely two of them, and Genma was another. It was nice to listen to the three of them talk, almost like candy for the ears.

"What's so funny?" Choji asked as he looked at her across the struggling fire between them. His face had become a mixture of tired interest and boredom.

"Nothing, nothing," she chuckled. "I'm amusing myself, I guess."

Choji shook his head, mirroring her movement as well, and returned to waiting for the other team to break radio silence. The last hour was dragging, and seemed that it might be the longest. Of course, the last few minutes of a dangerous mission were always truly the longest. It was like something was bound to happen and the time was running low so fate had to hurry up and intervene.

Turning her gaze to the pale moon making it's way across the sky and getting ready to plummet behind the trees before morning, she felt something reminiscent fill her. The last voice of the four, her favorite voice had been Sasuke's honeyed baritone. Even as a young man he had the voice of someone older. It always seemed to be quiet and deep. She used to think if he could touch her with that voice it would feel less like a tickle and more like something that would run inside you, deep and powerful. When he yelled, it seemed abnormal, like he had to growl to make it rise in anger.

As he aged, it deepened somewhat. And those nights, the part she remembered most, even remembered so clearly now, was his voice in her ear. Slipping between their cool sheets during the small hours of the morning, he would wake her with gentle words, his breath across her cheek. Fingers would move her hair, tickling the skin along her neck. A strong warm hand would slide over the tight skin of her waist, eliciting a shiver under its touch.

_I love you…I missed you…I want you…_

The sound of it was so deep and vibrant that even now she could still feel the way it would make her body react. Hot breath on her throat, lips grazing hers, his skin on her skin; all that passion was just a memory now. Almost four years had passed since she had stood at the altar with him, vowing to stay with him forever. It was all just memories. Some painful, some beautiful, but many just faded. It saddened her to think that he was fading away.

But still, on some distant nights when sleep was heavy and she dreamed deeply, she'd awake to think she could hear him come home, and whisper 'I love you' in her ear.

Unexpectedly, the static on the radio flared, and she jumped. Choji looked up when she startled and laughed a little. Radio silence had been lifted for the moment, and everyone perked up to see what had been happening. Sakura felt foolish to be caught daydreaming when they were on such a mission, a careless mistake.

But strangely, the radio just crackled. It was like someone had flipped a mic set on without realizing it. The group sat and waited as patiently as possible without panicking.

_"Team two…ah shit…"_

It was Anko.

"Team two here. Go ahead." Choji began, his face betraying nothing but cool concentration.

_"Six enemy nins are at our forward position. Neji has spotted another squad on our right flank. Engagement seems imminent."_

Sakura bit her lip. Anko sounded breathy like they had been running. Neji was obviously too busy concentrating on his byakugan or plotting, to radio in. At least that's what they were hoping, anyway.

"Team one, what is your position?" Choji asked, maintaining his calm leadership.

"_Three clicks north of checkpoint 3."_

"You're close, team one. We can be there in approximately 8 minutes."

This time it was Neji, and he sounded hushed

_"Negative, team two. Hold your position until we signal. We'll try to get out of this mess on our own if we can first."_

Sakura had sudden visions of them crouched around the foliage and hidden under brush like animals ready to spring. The visual did nothing but elicit more nervousness from her. With a gentle squeeze, she tried to get some feeling back into her tingling fingers.

"Choji," she began.

"Yeah, Uchiha, yeah." He had turned to her, and she could see in his face what she was hoping to. Without a second thought, he called up the other two members of their team hidden under a tree nearby and they prepared to move closer. They would get as close to the enemy side without breaching the agreed upon boundaries…at least until necessary.

* * *

"Everyone, take a second and switch to radio silence. We'll have to split up and engage the groups separately. The first is approaching. I'm guessing they have a tracker with them. They know we're here." Neji said softly. 

"I can sense four in the approaching group, six in the stationary group." Kakashi whispered from beside the Hyuuga.

"Alright, Anko and I will engage one group. Kakashi and Shan take the other," Neji added and the group nodded to him. "When you've dealt with your group, head back to the border. As soon as they see us, we can expect reinforcements within ten to fifteen minutes so there is no time to waste."

"What if reinforcements are already on their way?" Shan asked.

"We'll have to chance it." Neji responded

"That flanking group is between us and our escape route. We don't have a choice. They'll be on us in a couple of minutes. Better for us to engage now before their plan is set and they've nailed our location." Kakashi added. "Their tracker is good. They're damn close."

"Alright, which group do we take?" Shan asked, looking at Kakashi's one exposed eye.

"You up for the six?" he asked calmly.

She put her hand on his shoulder. "Lead the way."

Kakashi stood, then moved swiftly and quietly into the trees above him, Shan on his heels. His black ANBU uniform hid him so well among the shadows that it was simple to move along until they were above the group of six.

He shook his head as he looked down at them. They seemed complacent, comfortable. No one was on sentry that he could see.

"They don't look like they're expecting us," Shan whispered.

"I'm sure they are. Their group is together, no one is standing guard and if there is a tracker following us, we can expect that they've been alerted. It looks like they are forming a scouting plan. This could go bad, fast," he whispered softly.

"Should we make a break for it then?" she asked.

"If we do that, we'll be ducking kunai all the way back. It's probably better to get rid of these groups, and then make our run for it. No matter what, the information has been passed. If we die now, it won't matter."

"I'd like to think it would." Her face held something sorrowful in the moonlight.

"You know what I mean."

"Yeah, sorry. How about we start with an exploding spell and go from there?"

Kakashi lifted his fingers, a kunai with a spell scroll attached already in them. "Cunning minds think alike, I guess. Have you got a big jutsu to start with?" he asked, his feet steadying on the branch in preparation.

"Senbon rain, how 'bout you?"

"Something fire, I suppose. A nice pretty bang or maybe the chidori."

"Alright, see you on the other side, Hatake." Shan slapped his back lightly.

"When Hyuuga does the Kaiten spin, that will be a signal to go."

"How do you know he's going to do it?"

"He always starts with that. It's like a calling card. Quick and gets the job done."

Shan nodded, and with a blur of speed, was gone. Kakashi could sense her on the other side of the ring of trees above the six men in gray Jounin uniforms. Shan was a good ninja. She never bothered to prolonge the inevitable and you could always count on her to watch your back. Most ninja were like that, she was definately no exception.

Finally, slipping some small silver knives from his arm holsters, he prepared to go in.

Almost as if Neji knew Kakashi was ready, they heard the burst of the Kaiten through the forest with the sounds of trees renting and cracking under the pressure. In one swift movement, Kakashi tossed the spell kunai into the fire to produce an enormous rush of explosive power around the small clearing. Enemies leapt away, and only one was caught in the blast. At least there was one less now.

A sudden wash of movement flowed out of the trees at the other side. Senbon flashed and rained down in a steely barrage littering the ground around the enemy. Another one fell, a senbon piercing his eye.

Kakashi flung a number of silver kunai and shuriken at the two remaining nins on his side. He followed them and with a furious speed, performed his first jutsu. Chidori. It burned brightly on his hand, and in a rush of power and white chakra, the copy nin sped through the two nins as Shan dispatched the last remaining on her side.

As the moment passed and they had a second to servey their acomplishment, the pair looked at each other and nodded as if they silently agreed it was time to leave.

Kakashi flipped on his radio to see what the situation was and to his dismay he could hear Neji calling for the second squad. His exposed eye rose to Shan and she gave him a questioning look.

"He's called in the other squad."

"Shit, let's go."

The pair moved quickly towards where the Kaiten had burst through the silent night, and when they came upon the scene, it made Shan gasp.

Neji stood alone, Anko draped over his shoulder with blood dripping from her fingertips.

Five nins stood in front of Neji and crouched to attack. Kakashi could see that Neji was exhausted and at least ten enemy ninja littered the ground. With his keen senses, Kakashi picked up at least five more on the way.

"Shan, get Anko and head toward the other squad. Don't let them come here."

Kakashi walked calmly into the circle of broken trees towards Neji. Shan followed closely and when they came up to Neji, she grabbed Anko from him, hoisting her onto her own shoulder.

"I'm sorry, Neji. I didn't figure they would have reinforcements so soon." Kakashi said quietly.

"I ran the squad, its my fault," he replied quietly.

"More reinforcements are coming," Kakashi mumbled as he watched the tension build between the groups. It almost felt like a standoff. The others could sense Neji's power or they would have attacked by now. Only one in particular seemed to be at ease with the situation.

"Go now, Shan." Neji said and as the others made a move to stop her, the fight began.

* * *

The radio crackled, and they could hear the clang of metal and angry yells amid the battle on the other side. Choji scanned the forest as they moved, looking for Shan with Anko. Luckily Kakashi had left his radio on and they were getting a play by play of what was happening now. At least they hoped it was lucky. 

Sakura was panting, and furiously navigating the brush of the forest. The three others in the team were moving just as swiftly. The intensity of being in enemy territory was almost electric for Sakura, like a current of warning had broken though her body.

"Hold up, someone's approaching," Choji grunted and the group stopped.

It was Shan. She was out of breath and Sakura could see the kunai embedded in her shoulder. It wasn't too serious, but bad enough that blood had spilled down her back and arm in a crimson curtain.

Sakura's teeth clenched, fingers dug into her palms. Even though Shan was hurt, it wasn't she who moved to her first. The other medic lifted Anko off the injured woman's shoulder and started to examine their wounds.

"There's no time for that," Choji growled. "Get to the border."

The medic hoisted Anko onto his own shoulder, and they started to move without being told twice.

"Sakura?" Choji grunted at her now. "Get going with Shan and Anko."

But she couldn't move. Silently she just stood and listened to the tumult booming through the radio in the form of heavy breathing and grunts of pain. It was twisting her insides to think that they might be dying and she would be listening to it all.

"_Hyuuga, there's more coming_," Kakashi yelled.

"_Damn it,"_ Neji responded.

Briefly there was more noise. They were still fighting the first group and more were coming. Without thinking about it, without hearing anything Choji had been repeating about going back, she ran. It was a flurry of legs leaping over branches, stumbling and tripping among the underbrush, but she had to get to them. A thumping in her ears rang like a drum beat and vaguely she knew it was her heart pounding out, loud and frightened.

She could feel Choji on her heels, and the other ANBU of their party. The other medic had taken Shan and Anko back; it was just three of them now.

The radio was quiet except for a voice that was somewhat distant. It wasn't Neji or Kakashi, but the voice was familiar.

A tree was burning just ahead, it was like a beacon of violence and she was scared. Something deep down told her what she found there was going to be shocking. They slowed and approached cautiously and when she looked over the scene, she understood the feeling.

Neji lay in a heap but his uniform was so dark that she couldn't tell if he was bleeding or not. He wasn't moving, if that was any indication. The other sight was more surreal, something unexpected. Kakashi lay on the ground, he appeared to be unconscious and a man was standing over him with a long thin kunai. It was the largest kunai she'd ever seen but it didn't look uncomfortable in his large hands. He seemed to wield it like it was made for him, and probably was. The kunai was raised to deal a deathblow to her lover and she cursed aloud.

The man's face turned to her, and she could see the dark lines of blood along his light gray uniform, but that wasn't what hit her. His face, she knew him. It was Komadori's brother, 'the hawk' as he was known throughout the five countries..

Taking his interest away from Kakashi, the Hawk turned his attention to the new group. He stepped over one of the numerous bodies that lay around the clearing to approach Sakura.

"Well, well. Uchiha. Imagine my surprise?" he said quietly. Deep chocolate eyes ran slowly over her body, invading her visually.

"How do you know my name?" she hissed, suddenly unaware of how he could possibly know it.

"Your dog told me. Don't you remember when you returned my brother after playing with his mind?" His gaze watched hers and she could see the fire reflecting wildly in his dark brown eyes.

The conversation suddenly rushed back to her and she recalled Anko using her last name to address her_. Shit._

Sakura's eyes flicked to Kakashi lying still in the moonlight. He wasn't moving at all and she felt the fear trickle along her spine. The other ANBU in their squad had stepped close to Neji and picked him up. Choji was moving closer to Kakashi but as the Hawk realized what the large Akimichi was doing; he appeared back near Kakashi in a band of blinding speed.

"How badly do you want him back, Uchiha?" he grinned.

"Are you going to give him back or do we have to kill you?" Sakura tried to keep her voice steady. She felt the quick rush of power of the other ANBU leaving with Neji, which just left her and Choji to get Kakashi.

"My brother and I had a long talk when he got back. Seems he was quite taken with you." He continued to grin in a way that Sakura found frightening. "He did mention something very interesting though, Uchiha, can you guess what that was…Uchiha?" Sakura could hear him stretching out her married name and it made it obvious what he was getting at. "I understand you can be quite persuasive, Uchiha."

"Sharingan," she said as calmly as possible. Did Komadori think that she had interrogated him? He must have been confused. Perhaps the hawk had put Kakashi's sharingan together with her name. _He thinks I have it_.

"Yes," he hissed. "Show it to me, and I'll let him live."

"Give him to us first," she said directly. It was a bluff, but she didn't care. She didn't feel any grant duty to be honest in battle. Lying through her teeth seemed an obvious course of action if it would get her hands on Kakashi.

"Show me the sharingan, Uchiha, and I promise you can all leave."

She shook her head slowly. If she was willing to lie, so was he.

"Sakura, more are coming," Choji grunted. "He's just stalling."

He didn't have to tell her, she could sense them in the distance. There was no sharingan to show, but she couldn't let on this was the truth. As long as he believed she had it, there would remain a standoff, even though they were running out of time.

"Last chance," he smirked as he lifted the kunai back up towards Kakashi's body.

"Damn you. I kept Komadori safe, we didn't hurt him," she growled.

In the distance, it seemed that the group was getting louder, closer. The fresh enemy would be upon them in moments and all would be lost.

"We're done talking," Sakura flared, pressing chakra into her fist. She slammed it into the ground in a great torrent of spilt power that tore up the earth under his feet. Her skill was so precise that the disintegrating ground just missed Kakashi, who lay undisturbed.

As the hawk leapt away to escape the rupturing crevice, Choji was upon him in more speed than a man that large should have. They fought briefly and Sakura ran to Kakashi, using chakra to lift him up and dart towards the trees.

Choji managed a lucky blow on the Hawk's chest and knocked him backwards into a tree. He staggered but was on his feet. Although he seemed unable to continue to fight, the reinforcements were almost upon them so it wouldn't matter.

Choji landed by Sakura, scooped the copy nin from her shoulder and they retreated in a blinding flash. Sakura tossed some spell scrolls behind her and waited a few moments to set them off. Releasing chakra after they were out of range, the explosion lit the early morning sky with a rare brilliance. It would be enough to give them the time to get over the border and to safety.

With a quick look, Sakura turned to see Kakashi's limp form hung over the large leader's shoulder. _Don't fall apart yet,_ she told herself_, keep it together_.

* * *

Light flickered onto Kakashi's eyelids, and he opened them slowly. His eye patch was gone, his body sore. The pain radiated from his sharingan and flared into his head. Nausea crawled through him, but he just lay still. 

Turning slightly, he could see Sakura sitting beside him. She half sat on a stool and was leafing through a large book of some sort. The intense focus on her face was not a rare sight, but she'd obviously not seen him wake up.

His eyelids threatened to close again, already they were pressing down over his vision but he wanted to watch her for a moment. Trying to open his mouth, he found he was too tired to even speak so he just watched her as long as he could.

Finally her jade eyes rose from the book and looked at him. Her face was neutral and he wondered if she could see him watching her. Stepping forward, she ran her fingers over his brow with the softest of touches.

"Just rest," she said softly.

His eyes slipped closed again.

* * *

"How's he doing?" Ibiki's deep voice asked in hushed tones. 

Sakura took a deep breath. "The infection seems to be getting better but he's still disoriented. His fever is high and he's hallucinating a little. He thinks I'm Rin. He keeps talking to me like I'm Rin."

"Keep me posted and if you need anything, just name it."

"Thank you, sir," she said quietly. Ibiki strode out, a last look at his lieutenant showed his concern as he slipped out of the hanging canvas door of the med tent and into the afternoon sun. Sakura rubbed her hands up and down her own arms as if she were cold.

Genma sat on a hospital bed next to Kakashi's and looked up at Sakura from across the copy-nin's slack and sweat drenched body. "He'll be fine."

"He doesn't seem to be fighting it. It's like he's given up," she said in tired monotone. "Does he want to die, Genma?"

"No."

"What makes you so sure?" she walked over to Kakashi and ran her fingers through his silver hair. Her fingers slid over his hot cheek and his eyes cracked open just a minute bit.

"Rin? Someone is bleeding, Rin. You need to stop it." His tone came out hushed, gravelly, almost a mumble.

Sakura continued to stroke his hair softly. "I have," she said soothingly. Her eyes flicked to Genma's and he could see the worry in them.

"Sakura," Kakashi mumbled even quieter before his eyes closed again.

* * *

A/N: It seems like a strange place to leave off, but I'm almost done the next so it should be out within the week. I'm planning to finish it tomorrow. I want to lighten the mood a little so the fluff might ensue for a chapter or two. I was thinking about doing a chapter soley on Genma and why he was at the border, but it would be stretching out the number of chapters more than I had planned. I may just make it an accompanyment on my LJ but time will tell. 

Thanks for reading. Thank you to everyone who reviewed the last chapter. Again, I appreciate it very much.


	18. A Taste of Peace

Fated  
Chapter 18: A Taste of Peace

* * *

Pain. Again, pain. He was tired of waking up in pain. 

Gently tensing his body one limb at a time, Kakashi tried to trace the source of the immoderate amount of pain radiating through him. It seemed that there was no beginning, and no end; it was just all encompassing.

Stumbling towards alertness, his mind fixed on the last scrap of memory that returned with consciousness as he tried to remember how he came to be in this state. The last thing he could recall was rushing with Shan to the other group and everything else was lost for the moment. There was something eerie about the drifting particles of memory that refused to return right away. Vainly, he tried to find them as he mentally groped in the half-light of where he lay, closing his pained eyes with the effort. It was futile though; it would just take time.

He opened them again to take in where he was.

It didn't take long to decipher his current location from the hang of the canvas ceiling above as well as the plastic windows set among the khaki walls. It could be said that there was some immediate relief of being safe, but the nagging pull of the missing remnants of his memory prevented it wholly. There was never actually total relief by any means, only brief periods of respite for the copy-nin, but for now it was enough. He slowly exhaled out a strained breath and let the tenseness drain from his taxed muscles.

Unfortunately, any small comfort he could glean with being there in the med tent was ruined by the cold that crept along his aching body. His skin felt wet, soaked with sweat maybe. It was dark, most likely late night. Had he been unconscious a whole day? More missing pieces, more desperation to accumulate the scattered moments filled him. Tensing his fingers, he dug his nails into his palms. _Time, time, it would just take time._

The med tent was softly lit, almost in a dim romantic type atmosphere, should one be in the mood. Only the faint glow of the small table lamp managed to bathe the area with any sort of usable illumination. At least it didn't hurt his eyes.

Every muscle, every part of him seemed to ache; every inch of skin was sore as if he'd been beaten with something rough and coarse along his entire body. Taking a deep breath, then letting it out in a slow deliberate manner, he managed to swallow. It was raw and rough down his throat and his lips were dry. A small fear suddenly ran through him as his body remembered the last time he woke up feeling like this.

Looking for help, looking for anything to ground the small measure of panic rising in him like a tide on the rocks, he saw her. The pink of her hair covered her face like a curtain as her focus remained on the large book teetering over her crossed legs. A small tapping sound resonated from her shoe on the side of the shiny metal stool she perched on, oblivious to his awakened state. The simple ordinary picture of a young woman reading seemed to calm the building tightness in his chest. Well, for the moment anyway.

"S…s…" He couldn't get any words out, but it was enough. Her head shot up and her eyes seemed to register some shock, some outward surprise that he had woken up and was looking back at her. Those eyes looked tired and unfocused as she squinted and rubbed at them.

A small stumble preceded her quick movement to his side, the book dropped heavily to the floor, breaking up the silence. Her fingers immediately went to his forehead to check his temperature as her eyes scrutinized some small machine monitoring him. The clock on the wall ticked by the seconds as she watched it, her fingers pressed into the beating pulse on his wrist. At last, she looked down at him, a soft smile, a gentler concern ran over her attractive face making it impossible to hide her obvious relief.

"Hi," she whispered.

Her hand pressed over his sharingan and he felt the cool chakra slipping into it, not realizing it was in pain until it began to feel better. He supposed all the pain was one large encompassing thing enveloping him and dulling out any particular part. Why would one spot hurt more than another?

"Don't try to speak. I'll get you some water." In a pink blur, Sakura moved away and he could hear water trickling distantly. When she returned, she held a straw to his parched mouth and watched him take in some slowly.

Shifting a little and clearing his dry throat, Kakashi managed to get a word out in a muted whisper. "Others?"

"Do you remember what happened?" she asked carefully.

He clearly mouthed 'no', emanating no discernable sound as his eyes blinked heavily, weighted with fatigue and whatever else might be running through his awakening mind.

"It was an ambush. Neji took a kunai to the stomach. Anko had some lacerations and a concussion. Shan took a hit in the back right shoulder with a kunai, but they're all fine."

She watched Kakashi move his head around to look at the other beds, figuring at least one other of his team must be there. His face turned back to hers, some understanding firing into his narrowing eyes. Without thinking, she moved close to him and touched his face with tenderness that only lovers can give each other. Unfortunately, it did nothing for his countenance and he remained fearfully locked on her gaze.

"I can see what you're going to ask. It's been five days, Kakashi. You developed an infection from the blade that pierced your thigh. You've been in and out of consciousness. You've been…feverish and delirious."

He closed his eyes.

"The fever is just low grade now, and the infection is almost gone but you'll be tired for a while. You're off duty until I clear you."

She wanted to keep speaking, keep his attention, but his face had turned away. That lost look crept across him, that look that told her he was thinking about death or loss, or both. It scared her. The fear that he might slip into his darkness again was always in the pit of her stomach.

"Don't turn away," she began, "everyone is fine. Neji is back out at the ANBU camp and Shan is enjoying having a break from missions."

He didn't look back.

She threaded her slender fingers into his and finally the warm touch made him turn to her.

"I'm alright," he said softly. "Just tired."

"Okay, Kakashi," she whispered, "I'll let you get some sleep and we'll talk tomorrow."

His eyes traced over the canvas above him, almost as if there was something written there for him to understand, and he nodded without looking at her. As her fingers pulled away, his grip tightened on them, holding her at his side.

"Stay."

With great effort, he moved his body over a little in the medical bed. It was narrow, but as she climbed up and lay down next to him, they seemed to mould together perfectly in careful entanglement. Their bodies were used to this intimacy; it was a comfort that no one else could possibly give them.

* * *

"Hey Cyclops," Genma grinned with the deviousness of an academy student with a slingshot. "Trying to get yourself a vacation or just can't keep away from your girlfriend?" 

Kakashi stopped momentarily to look down at the orally fixated Jounin lounging on the bed of grass in front of his tent. Spinning a kunai in his fingers and letting the sun bronze his perfect skin, Genma looked back up at the copy-nin who was shaking his head.

Kakashi slowly walked past to his tent, his body aching, and his mind tired from working his memories back into their rightful places. It was the first time he'd returned to it since the day he'd left on that mission, and today it seemed small, cramped, and uncomfortable. It was just another thing that reiterated how much he desired to leave.

"What? No witty comeback? Hatake Kakashi losing his touch?" Genma plagued him with his tireless prodding and Kakashi did his best to avoid lowering to senseless banter with the man. Really, he was just too worn out.

"Hatake, if you ignore me, I'm just going to get worse." The tall caramel haired Jounin now leaned lightly on the side of the door flap to the copy-nin's tent and fixed a grin that could make any woman swoon.

"Genma, I've been lying in a hospital bed for a week. I'd like to relax."

"I'd like to let you, but Ibiki wanted you to come see him when you got out. I was supposed to come find you but, lucky me, you found me instead."

"What does he want?"

"I don't know. Mission planning or some such shit. Want some company?"

"No."

"Oh, Kakashi, Kakashi, Kakashi. I can tell by your tone that you're just playing hard to get with me." Genma slipped a long senbon between his teeth amid the flirtatious smile.

"What the fuck are you talking about, Shiranui?" Kakashi shook his head, fighting to stay angry. He wanted to be pissed off, wanted to hate the camp and everything in it. Nothing could completely make him comfortable again here, not even Genma. He was sick to death of camp food, the sounds of Genma having sex in the next tent, and Anko's scathing catty remarks. He hated the bustle of the alarm, and the smoke drenched shed with its plastic panels filled with routes, mission directives, and coffee stained maps. He hated all of it more deeply than he thought possible.

Genma was quiet then. Perceptive ninja understand each other and Genma could see the mental upheaval writhing inside the copy-nin. Maybe it was because he knew Kakashi or maybe it was because he'd been there and remembered how it could strip away your core. Let it lie, he told himself as he watched his friend digging angrily around in a box, but the devil in him wasn't so easily swayed when it was having fun.

"I'm talking about you, me, this tent, right now." Genma put on his best bedroom eyes.

Kakashi froze and stared up at him from where he was tugging out fresh clothes with an entirely unnecessary roughness. He fought outright laughter, instead resigning himself to chuckling. "You fucking idiot."

"Actually, I'm a fucking genius. Or was it a genius at fucking?" He tapped his chin in mock consideration as his eyes looked at nothing around the top of the tent. "I'm sure the ladies would say both." The grin remained, and he could see that Kakashi was a beaten man.

"Just give me a minute to get a clean shirt on and we'll go to see Ibiki." He shook his head, his chest still hitching with his friend's comedic relief.

"You want some help?"

"Get the fuck out of here." Kakashi grunted trying desperately not to burst out with laughter. It would only hurt anyway.

* * *

"I don't have a lot of time, Uchiha. Listen, just go get whatever you need and I'll approve it." Ibiki grumbled as he leaned over a map in the smoky haze emanating from his cigarette. It had burned to a long line of grey ash, threatening to drop to the paper documents underneath his fingers, and Sakura was entranced with waiting for it to fall. It was becoming, for lack of a better term, a spectator sport. 

With a flick, Ibiki took her focus off it as he scattered the end in the glass ashtray beside him. The intensity in his stare was almost unnerving and she wished she could back out and forget ever approaching him. Ibiki wasn't really unapproachable by a fault; he was just a busy man who disliked interruptions.

"That's it? Leave and go get the supplies, just like that?" she asked incredulously.

"Uchiha, what part of 'go get it' did you not understand?" He pulled another cigarette out of the pocket of his long leather coat and poised it in his mouth.

"I might be a few days. I think the closest apothecary that has the herbs and anti-toxin ingredients is in the town of Yasuragi near the Kagami River. I think it's at least a day to get there by foot and train."

Shaking his head, Ibiki grunted with frustration. He didn't hate Sakura and didn't mind the interruption but he disliked being plagued with small, unimportant decisions. It took away from the bigger picture. A long sigh breathed out of him, filled with smoke and impatience.

"Sakura, when was the last time you went to Konoha? Probably never?"

As much as she didn't want to admit it, she nodded her head with some embarrassment.

"When was the last time you took a holiday? Let me guess, never?"

A quick roll of her eyes over to the door told him he'd nailed that one too.

"Take a few days, get your anti-bad stuff, and forget about this place for a while. Take a friend, take an enemy, take a fuck-buddy, I don't care. Get what you need, and enjoy a break from here."

Sakura stood stunned with the 'oh so delicate' phrases he'd used to convince her. Thankful for the distraction, she heard the door open behind her and turned to see Genma and Kakashi come through it.

"There," Ibiki growled, "take Genma. He's probably just come to piss me off anyway."

"Right you are, Sir," Genma saluted. "Where is she taking me, and will I enjoy it?"

"Shut-up, Shiranui," he said almost automatically. Another sigh slid from his thin lips as he looked at the two men. "Take Hatake."

Sakura looked from the tall commander to the silver haired Jounin and then back again. She could almost see the small smile tugging at Ibiki's mouth. The man wasn't stupid, and he was definitely not oblivious to things that went on in his camp. If anyone knew something it was Ibiki, so Sakura could imagine he was setting up Kakashi for a break too.

Kakashi gave her a puzzled look, and she just returned it with a genuinely relieved smile. Finally, something was going right.

* * *

The afternoon sun touched her face as Sakura meandered calmly through the shadows of the tall trees. The shift of hot to cool was something she always took a small enjoyment in noticing, as it meant that she had time and freedom to linger in the temperate contrasts. The clothes laden backpack felt heavy, but it was a good feeling, an unburdening weight, if that could be said. Her ponytail flicked as she turned her head back to her travelling companion trudging behind in his lazy way. 

"You know, we'll miss the train if you don't pick up the pace, Hatake."

"Hatake?"

She winked and he smiled under the dark mask.

"I like the view from here, _Uchiha_."

She shook her head in response and took the opportunity to put a little more sway in her hips, purely for his benefit.

Kakashi couldn't help but trace the slender lines of her body as she put on her little show for him. She didn't have to do that, he was already entranced with watching the curve of her leg and the movement of her long hair pulled tight in a hair band. Just the smooth plane of the back of her neck was calling to him.

"You look so different in that outfit," he said with some humour of the red Haruno shirt, black shorts and the old cloth skirt type apron she would wear over it. The first time he had seen her in it was when they regrouped to go rescue her future husband. He had to admit that the boot style leg guards were sexy as hell. Thank God he'd never noticed when she was still a teen.

"Well, we don't really want to stand out that much, do we? I thought about trying not to be a ninja for a few days. This was all I had."

He was suddenly standing in front of her, clasping her forearms in his hands.

"Oh, it's fine, but I think you failed at not standing out," he smirked as a hand went to the zipper at her neck. With deliberate slowness, Kakashi drew it down, inch by inch to reveal her supple skin almost to her bra line. As he did this, her feet began to back up until the backpack crushed against a tree and stopped her movement.

"We don't have time for this," she breathed out with a burgeoning excitement.

He halted his advances and brought up his wrist to look at an imaginary watch. "Ah, you're right. Let's go—_Uchiha_."

He turned and strolled away as if it was nothing, his head tipping back to appreciate the sunshine and peace around them. He didn't see her headshake or hear her low growl of frustration, but he could have imagined it perfectly.

As they finally stood on the platform of the train station amid stares and gawks, Sakura clasped their tickets in her hand tightly. Somewhere in the back of her mind she felt that if she dropped the stubs, they might lose this well-earned time together. Practice makes perfect when expecting the worst, she supposed.

Her eyes moved among the crowd calmly. Young men would smile at her, and people would look twice at the dark fabric covering Kakashi's face. The Konoha headband covering his eye was enough to give evidence of whom there were, but passers by still found them fascinating. Ninja's weren't rare, but they didn't show up in everyday places like the train station often.

The locomotive's whistle blew in the distance and she turned to see Kakashi looking up at the sky again.

"It looks like rain. Glad we aren't walking in this."

"Hopefully, we'll get to the Inn before it starts. It's a two hour walk along the water to Yasuragi." She strained on tiptoes to look over the tall crowd around her for the train, much like a child would.

It finally pulled in and they boarded to find a compartment with a sliding glass door and small curtains for privacy. The seats were large and plush, and Sakura tossed her backpack on the one across as she practically fell into the comfort of the other. The copy-nin took a place between her and the window, and let his head fall back on the red velvet seat back.

"Alone at last," she sighed contentedly. Turning to her companion, she grinned with anticipation of finally having some time to just be with him. No missions, no danger, no camp, and no Genma.

"What's got you looking like that?" he asked with some curiosity as he drew down the black mask and unzipped his green vest.

"I just realized that there is no chance of either of us dying in the next four days. It's sort of liberating. I suddenly feel like I can breathe again."

He smirked and she watched his mouth. Her own lips parted a little.

"I can't wait to get you to the Inn," she whispered as her face turned more sultry than happy.

Kakashi couldn't help but grin wider when she said that. He relished the feel of her fingers wrapping around his arm now, pulling herself closer to him until her mouth was an inch away from his. He wouldn't call her insatiable, but she was pretty damn close. Not that he was complaining.

"I can see you're thinking of something. Tell me," she whispered onto his lips.

"I was just thinking about how—compatible we are." His lips touched hers and her eyes closed.

"Compatible, huh? Let's test that. I want to know how much you really think you know me."

As she pulled back from him, he could see she was feeling relaxed and perhaps playful. They didn't get a lot of time to just talk normally. Most of their time together was spent sprawled on each other between the sheets when they could manage a few moments alone. This would be a good thing to do together. She needed to know it ran deeper than lust. He grinned his agreement.

"Alright, what's my favourite colour?" she began.

"Blue."

"Too easy. Tell me something you find interesting or unique about me," she said.

"Sakura, everything is unique about you; your hair, your perfect chakra, your abilities. I'm not sure what you want me to say." Kakashi gave her a look that showed his discomfort at being given such a vague question.

"Maybe that was too broad a question." She sat back against the seat, moving her body away from his slightly as her gaze drifted to the blurred landscape rushing by the window. He waited for the next question but nothing came so he decided to try on his own.

"Well, your eyebrow twitches when you get really angry. When something tastes bad, you scrape your tongue on the roof of your mouth. And when you are aroused, you make these deep, breathy moans." He grinned.

Sakura laughed a little, again looping her arm in his as she laid her head on his shoulder.

"When you get dressed, it's methodical; panties, bra, wrappings, pants, shirt, headband, shoes. The order never changes. When you want to interrupt a conversation but your politeness won't let you, you twist your shirt hem in your fingers."

Her eyebrows rose, showing her small amazement of how much he'd actually noticed. Some things _she_ hadn't even noticed.

"When you put on lip balm, it's slow, almost achingly slow like you might miss a millimetre if you went too fast. You don't like the feel of your hair over your neck when you sleep, like it's strangling you. And when you dream, you talk in your sleep."

"I—I didn't think you noticed so much about me."

He pulled her closer and bent to kiss her neck. "I can go on."

"You've proven your point."

"Your turn then," he said to the skin of her throat.

Sakura thought for a moment about it. He deserved the same sort of response and she gathered all the little pieces of him that she found fascinating. There were many things, but to put it all into words would take a moment.

"You, Hatake Kakashi, have a penchant for expensive shampoo. You clip your nails with a diligence I've never seen and you are meticulous about being clean. Actually, I'd say it almost borders on obsessive." She watched him try not to laugh, knowing it was very close to the truth.

"You like music, but hate singing. You like sake, but hate getting drunk. You kiss better than anyone on the planet and your noises aren't so bad either."

She crawled up on his lap, straddling him and nearing his lips with hers. Her fingers traveled lightly over his shoulders and down his arms as her soft voice continued to keep his attention.

"When you shower, you like to feel the water pulsing on the back of your neck, and having it rinse down your body. And yes, I've been peeking in the shower tent. When you eat, you don't like your food to mix. Everything is neat and orderly on your plate. You don't use sauces or garnishes. You just like it simple."

His fingers traced her spine under her shirt as she continued, but now her face became a little bit more serious. He had a suspicion of what was coming next.

"When it rains, you dwell on your friends that have gone on. When someone else is hurt, you feel guilty that it isn't you instead. And when you dream about them, you also talk in your sleep."

Their gazes locked, and the stillness between them was almost tangible.

"And when you're in bed with me; your body curled up against mine all night sharing your warmth, I'm at peace. When you kiss me, or yell at me, or tease me or make love to me, I know everything is right. All I know is I want you, all the time. The good, and the bad."

"Sakura." He pulled her down to kiss her deeply, feeling the surge of her desire with the words she just spoke. Kakashi wouldn't say he was a romantic, passionate maybe, but not one for flowered phrases and meaningful stares. But the moment was upon them, and he felt their bond was so close to perfection at that moment.

* * *

As Kakashi stepped down from the platform onto the path into the forest, carrying both backpacks, he watched Sakura straighten her leg guards. The sky was threatening them with a downpour and he imagined by the time they reached the Inn, two hours away, they'd be soaked. He leaned back and cracked his spine, thinking of how uncomfortable their compartment had been. It almost prevented them from messing around. Almost. 

"We'd better get moving," he grunted while watching the rolling grey-green clouds descending on them

"I don't think it's going to matter," she responded while searching the dark sky as well.

"Two hours?" he asked, remembering what she said about the distance to the city edge.

"Yeah, with just a straight walk. But if we use our chakra and move at our highest speed, we could probably cut it down to half an hour." She watched the droplets begin to fall on the stones around their feet as she took her pack from him.

"I don't feel like hurrying." He shifted his shoulder to get another snap out of a joint.

"Not even to take me to a big, warm, clean bed at an Inn?" Her eyebrows rose in question, waiting to hear his response.

"We'll get there eventually," he teased back.

"Well, I'm going to use my chakra, and if you can't catch me before I get there, I'll start without you."

"What?"

"Bye," she laughed, just before she disappeared in a blur.

"Damn it." He shook his head. He was sure she knew that he wasn't up to rushing and she wanted to play this game. Sighing deeply, he tightened his pack onto his body, and drew chakra to his feet. Catching her would be the easiest way. Maybe they could find a restaurant or shop on the way to duck into. There was no way he wanted to get soaked, but it seemed inevitable.

Racing through the trees and over the mossy ground with near light speed, he only caught sight of her two or three times. He almost caught her the first time, but the second time she stood on a branch and taunted 'the old man' and his 'tired slowness.'

By the time the rain was pounding in endless misty curtains, and had soaked its way through everything Kakashi had on him at that moment, he was almost to Yasuragi. The trek had taken him forty minutes, though he had used chakra the entire time.

As he neared the Inn and pushed through the double doors, somewhat impressed with how nice it was, a clerk looked at him with a knowing smirk. Kakashi approached while dripping water over the exceptionally shiny wooden floors making them slippery under his feet.

"I need to check in. I'm Hata…"

"Yes, Sir. Your wife has already checked in and has gone to your room. She mentioned that you would be following shortly after. It's room 318. Just up the stairs." The short man grinned in a way that made Kakashi think he should tip him, but decided against it for the smirk a moment ago.

_Wife?_

"Thanks."

As he trekked up the stairs, rubbing his gloved hand in his wet hair and splashing the cream coloured walls with the stray droplets, he approached the door. There was some movement inside, and his fingers tested the knob. Unlocked.

Slipping the backpack from his shoulders, he held it in his hand and in lightning fast speed, darted into the room, dropping the bag by the door.

Sakura startled a little as the blur rode into the room like a silver shot. She was soaked through, still in her clothes on the other side of their lodgings. Their eyes met for a moment.

"Um, did you want to take a shower or something? I'm sort of cold," she said while backing away a little.

"You said I had to catch you or you'd start without me. It doesn't look like you've started." He stood up straight, but she could see his feet ready to move. Slowly he began to take a step forward and Sakura reacted to it.

Kakashi stopped, then took a fake lunge in her direction making her flinch. The game was still on.

Crossing her leg over the other, she began to move around the room while he followed her as if he was stalking his prey. Actually, Sakura felt that was very much the case, and so she decided to make it a little more fun. Ever so slowly, she slid her zipper down her front revealing the skin he peeked at earlier. She enjoyed the way his eye followed the movement like he couldn't look away.

In the same token, Kakashi stripped off his vest, still moving slowly around the room in a strange dance of excitement. His shirt, mask, and headband followed soon after.

Another lunging step, and Sakura darted to the opposite side of the room, trying not to scream or laugh out too loudly. The clips of her skirt were undone just before it fell away.

Kakashi slipped out of his shoes.

His eyes took in the sight of her in her black bra and black shorts, finished beautifully by her leg guards.

"Well, if I try to take off the guards, you'll catch me," she laughed.

"Leave them on," he smirked.

Making a last dart towards the bathroom, she was caught around the waist and tossed onto the large bed, their bodies bouncing on the mattress together. She laughed loudly as they hit, and his arms pinned hers down.

"So you've caught me, slowpoke. What are planning to do now?"

The cocky half grin spread across his face. "Well, I haven't made any sort of strategic plan, but I was thinking about starting at your throat, maybe your mouth and working my way down. Now possibly I could begin at your stomach as I enjoy the way it shivers immensely. But then again, when I start there, you tend to want to rush things. I could just begin at your ear, I recall last time it did wonders for kick-starting things."

Her eyes were wide with amusement. "Oh God, Kakashi, just start anywhere, I can't wait anymore."

"Alright." He pulled her hand up to his mouth and put one finger between his lips. Sakura watched him, but let out a small noise of protest as he bit her lightly. His self-made entertainment could not be hidden as wry smile formed. "You said start anywhere."

"I didn't say bite me, you ass." She began to laugh and squirm a little under his grasp.

"Sorry, I'll try something a little bit gentler." His smirking mouth neared her jaw line as he began his delicate ministrations on her skin. His warm breath tickled her until she felt the movement of his lips and his tongue in such a persuasive manner, that she stopped resisting.

Laughter turned to heated sighs as his fingers caressed her, claiming her body as his. Their rain drenched skin slid together and she loved how feverishly hot he felt against her. His weight, his warmth, his gentle fingers and talented mouth all served to make her give herself over to it completely in just a moment of his attention.

"Kakashi, help me take off the leg guards," she whispered.

He looked at her for a moment, still with a schoolboy grin, "Leave them on."

* * *

A/N: Thanks to Roark28 for finding all my mistakes, you did a fantastic job. Thanks to wicked innuendo for making sure I didn't go in the wrong direction. I'm still on the straight and narrow, thanks to you. 

Thank you to my reviewers, you guy are the best.


	19. A Short Respite

Fated

Chapter 19: A Short Respite

* * *

It's early, too early to be waking up already, Sakura thought groggily. Why didn't she think to close the curtains last night? Oh yeah, she was sort of busy.

Moving slightly, she pressed herself closer to the long line of Kakashi's body. He was warm and they both lay together tucked under the heavy duvet. The curve of his lips met her forehead just after her slight movements. The small indication she was awake made his fingers lightly trace over her arm in gentle lines, causing her to press even closer into him.

"Morning," he whispered.

"Let's pretend it isn't," she sighed, half yawning. Really, they hadn't had much sleep. Just the excitement of having a big soft bed alone was reason enough to stay up most of the night.

"Fine with me," he replied, and she swore she felt his lips curve to a smile against her skin. "But we'll have to eat soon. I'm hungry."

"Yeah, actually I am too." She rolled over slightly and looked at the clock. "Seven thirty. Uh, too early."

Kakashi twisted smoothly out of their entanglement and sat up on the edge of the bed. The small noises of protest as he left her side made him smile. His fingers swept through his hair, rubbing slightly as he let a yawn escape his lips.

Taking in the room now, as he hadn't paid much attention to it last night, he admired the cleanliness and distinct comfort for a moment. Really, it was the first time he'd stayed somewhere so distinguished looking. He'd checked into some fleabags over the course of missions, but he supposed if he had to take a rest, this was as good a place as any. Well, actually better than most. Every room had candles, unlit for the moment. It seemed the sort of place for getaways. It was secluded and romantic, typically the kind of Inn for lovers or honeymoons.

"Why are you getting out of this bed, Kakashi?" Sakura growled a little.

"Bathtub." He yawned again. "I haven't had a bath in nine months. I've been showering in a tent with other people, on a wooden floor, and usually the water is cold."

"I see your point." She tugged the blankets over her head.

"Stay in bed. I'm going to get cleaned up and I'll get us some breakfast after." He got up and walked slowly to the bathroom door, smiling at the lump of kunoichi buried under the blankets.

* * *

"You know, Kakashi, this place is beautiful," Sakura marveled while gazing around the street they were on as they emerged from the Inn. The buildings were mostly white, and their quaint lodgings sat on a stretch of water adjoining the lake they followed to the town. They'd been lucky enough to get a balcony room overlooking the water. People moved around the shops and walkways smiling and greeting each other happily.

"It's peaceful," he added, taking in the sights as well.

"Well, why don't we go to the apothecary and get the supplies first. With that out of the way we can just enjoy the rest of our visit here." Sakura began to walk down the street and Kakashi followed her, still taking in the calmness of the morning in Yasuragi. It seemed like the impending war and border protection were a lifetime away from a place like this.

Men were playing _mah-jong_ and _Go_ on stone tables along a park on one side and they could smell the aroma of fresh bread baking in a bakery nearby. Children played in the park as well, running, yelling and swinging on the swings. Sakura couldn't remember the last time she heard a child laugh. Had it been years since she'd seen a child besides pictures of Naruto's Sasuke?

Her feet stopped moving as she stared at them playing and giggling with their innocent joy.

"What's wrong?" Kakashi asked her.

"It's been years since I've seen a child. It's been years since I've felt like this."

"Like what?" he asked, feeling he already knew the answer.

"Like I missed out on something."

"You've got a lot of time for things like that. You're still young." He smiled at her and then turned to watch the children as well, his arms crossed casually across his chest. "Hiding at that camp, you've _chosen_ to miss out."

"I didn't choose to have my husband die, Kakashi," she said softly, no anger in her voice, just sad acceptance.

"You chose to shut yourself off from other opportunities."

She took a deep breath. It was true. Running to the border and becoming a shell of who she was had closed off the opportunities to go on with life. Getting married again was something that never really crossed her mind. Seeing the children playing though, she wondered if she had run away from reminders of what she missed when Sasuke died.

But in choosing Kakashi, hadn't she also missed out on her chance for a normal life? Hell, he wasn't the fatherly kind, not even the marrying kind. From the first moment, she hadn't expected that sort of future with him. It wasn't very clear what sort of future they actually had. He'd be leaving soon, so what would happen back in Konoha? People who left the border usually left their border lives behind. That always included stories, dark events and, of course, lovers. In reality, she believed Kakashi and her relationship to be a unique one. Not many people felt compelled to stay monogamous out at the outlying post.

She cast a long gaze at his masked face. Sometimes you give up things you want for the things you love, she thought darkly, isn't that a ninja's fate? Isn't that a ninja's burden? How much easier would life have been had she taken a job at the flower shop years ago? Well, she probably would have never married Sasuke and ended up missing a short but vast and encompassing love with him. She certainly never would have been here with Kakashi, finding passion and companionship with the most unlikely person.

Yes, she could be happy with it…for now. Those things would nag at times, but not now, not while she could be near him.

"I can see the wheels turning. What's going on?" he asked calmly, but with a little suspicion.

Taking a long sigh, she managed a smile. "I'm trying not to dwell on things that are beyond my reach. It's just once in a while I'm reminded of things I wanted at the most unexpected times. I apologize. I didn't mean to put a pause in our relaxation."

"Don't apologize for things you want." He turned his head a little to let his dark eye look at her fully.

"Maybe I'm apologizing to myself." She shook her head feeling she was making no sense at all. "Come on, let's find that apothecary."

* * *

Happily pushing out of the apothecary, Sakura walked across the cobblestone street to where Kakashi sat under a cherry tree, reading. The heavy bag of supplies dangled from her wrist as she took in the sight of him leaning comfortably and looking more peaceful than he had in months.

"Well, business is taken care of. I saw a grassy bank back there by the Inn. Do you want to grab something to eat and go lounge by the water?" She bent down to peek at him from behind his orange covered book.

He smiled behind his dark mask and pushed himself up from the ground to accompany her along the walkways amid the other people enjoying the warm sunshine.

"Excuse me."

Sakura stopped quickly when she heard a voice call out to her. Taking a look at Kakashi then to the source, she found a woman in her mid fifties holding a camera and dressed in a white kimono. Her hair was up in a gray bun and her dark eyes seemed warm and friendly.

"I'm sorry. Did you mean us?" Sakura pointed to Kakashi then at herself.

"Would you like me to take your picture?" She smiled in the way a grandmother might while looking at her children's children. It made Sakura smile.

The medic turned to look at Kakashi who pulled down his mask before she could even ask. Unspoken agreement was on his exposed face. The last picture they had together was of team seven at her wedding and even then his mask was up. Perhaps it was time for another one.

"Stand by the water. It would make a nice background," the elder woman urged.

Sakura moved near to Kakashi's side and felt his hand slide around her waist so they were pulled tightly together. He'd slipped off his headband as well and she found herself looking up at him for a moment, captured in his gaze.

The snap of the camera shutter made her come back to herself and she looked at the woman. "I'm sorry, we weren't ready."

"Of course," she smiled, "I'll take another."

Taking a tight pose beside Kakashi, she smiled calmly as did he, and the picture was taken. The woman gave them instructions where to pick it up and left with a smile.

"Thanks for that," Sakura said quietly as she leaned on his side a little and let his arm slide around her back. "I never thought you'd have a picture taken without the mask."

"I'm doing a lot of things lately that I never thought I'd do."

Sakura didn't ask him to elaborate, instead she just enjoyed being close with him as they started on their way back towards the Inn. This time she didn't dwell on what she couldn't have, but thought appreciatively on what she could.

After stopping for some bread and fruit, they made their way towards the trees beside the water near their Inn. Sakura found a comfortable spot on the grass and sat down to watch the swans cutting silken ripples through the calm glassy surface.

Kakashi took a place on the sloped bank next to her, lying back and closing his eyes. The kunoichi sidled up beside him and laid half on him, head on his shoulder, her leg slung over his. With a lover's comfort, Sakura let her fingers run over his chest, traveling along his muscular pectoral and finding the jagged scar that lay hidden under the well-worn fabric. Her fingertips traced the edges and followed the dented and healed over skin, memorizing it.

"Will you tell me about it?" she whispered finally while turning her face to his. She found him looking at her with an unreadable expression, almost like he was expecting something but wasn't sure what.

"If you want me to," he answered calmly. It was obvious by her eyes that she did.

This moment wasn't completely unexpected. What joined them all together was something compiled of love and old obligation, kinship and revenge. As much as he didn't want to tell her about the dark business he undertook to kill her husband's murderer, he felt she deserved it. Even thought it might ruin their peace, he would tell her.

A long silent breath came out as he prepared to relive those months in a few carefully chosen sentences.

"Well, you know it was late when I heard of his death. Naruto had sent me the letter about Sasuke and what happened with Kabuto. I found out probably two months after it happened, and when I got back a month later, you were gone.

His fingers swept through her hair in a comforting motion. Sakura felt he was trying to keep her calm, trying to control the situation as Kakashi always had. How hard it must be for him to speak of it to her. She hated to force the issue but stopping him was not an option now.

"Naruto met me at the train station and we spent the night drinking and talking about it. The next day we sat at the memorial for hours without saying anything to each other."

"Why?"

"We're a team, Sakura. Had you been in Konoha, you would have been there too." He smiled at her. She understood.

"I'm sorry, please go on."

"I got the impression Naruto was planning to go after Kabuto. Naruto was emotional and he usually lets that intertwine with his fighting. I don't think anything could impact Naruto as much as Sasuke's death did. I worried that he'd be killed as well."

"So you went instead," she added.

"So I went instead. But, first I made sure Tsunade found something for Naruto to do to occupy his time. He wasn't happy, but the kids at the academy enjoyed having him for an instructor."

A small smile crept over Sakura's face. The mental picture of Naruto arguing with academy kids over technique implementation was something almost riotous.

"He was busy, so I left. I tracked through a number of towns and out of the Fire Country. Kabuto was smart. He knew I was following him. I won't bore you with the details of the track but I caught up with him in the Mist Country. I know that country well so it was easy for me to find him. By then I was three months missing."

"Naruto would send me letters, you know. I'll let you read them when we get back. We were so worried about you. No one knew where you were," Sakura said quietly.

"I know. I'm sorry that I made everyone worry."

Sakura just stayed silent. Her eyes urged his story on while her fingers continued their caress of his permanent reminder.

"I finally cornered him in a forest near the border in that area, and we fought. He was strong, but since the first time he surprised me, I'd never underestimated him again. There was something wild about him. He seemed lost and dangerous, like a scared animal. Our fight lasted an hour. By the end of it, I thought I might die from the strain it put on my chakra as well as the tear he managed to rip down my chest. If it weren't for the sharingan, I would have been dead. Bending over me to gloat, he'd made a mistake and looked in my eye. Well, I thought it was a mistake at the time. But he spent so much time with Sasuke those couple of years that he must have known better. I think he wanted to die, and I obliged him."

Sakura's fingers now traced his strong jaw line and she pressed her forehead to his shoulder. "Thank you."

"That was the first time the sharingan was in so much pain that I passed out. I tried not to use it after that." His voice was quieter as his gaze drifted out onto the water. "An ANBU squad returning from a mission in the Mist Country just happened to stumble onto me. It was lucky, I guess."

"You don't sound like you believe that."

He looked down at her tenderly, "I believe it."

Returning his look, she felt suddenly overcome. Tears began in the corners of her eyes and she made no attempt to hide them from him.

"Sakura…"

"I'm not upset. You did something that I wanted so badly to do, myself. I wanted to kill Kabuto. I wanted to be there to watch him die."

"I understand, but revenge is not something for someone like you. Revenge will damage you more than it will help. If you killed Kabuto, it wouldn't have changed things, just made them worse. It wouldn't offer you closure, Sakura. You had to find that on your own. Death cannot bring peace, it only adds to the chain of horrors that transpire from that one event. Somewhere along the line it has to stop."

Her head was nodding, but no sounds emerged. He was right; she knew that, but bringing it all back up rehashed some old feelings. Feelings she'd put away or maybe disposed of.

"Why don't we go back to our room? We'll relax for a while, and then we can go out to one of the restaurants we passed for dinner." He smiled that eye-creasing smile that seemed sincere but not quite happy. She'd seen that smile many times over the years.

"Kakashi, I'm happy we're here. I want to come here again when we leave the border."

"Does this mean you'll leave with me when I go?"

"If you want me to." She rolled up on her elbows beside him and gazed at his exposed eye.

"What about everyone at home? I don't know how they'll take this relationship. We've had a lot of history people may not understand. Your parents, your friends, Naruto?" Kakashi watched for some reaction, but all he got was a little shrug of indifference.

"I don't care about any of that. I'm happy for the first time in a long time. I would think that they'd want that for me. I don't think it's that strange. You were just my teacher for a little while when I was twelve. I'm twenty-four now and I really don't care what anyone thinks." She shook her head a little to accentuate her feelings. "Are you making excuses for this to end?"

"I want to give you the opportunity to back out before it gets messy. But, no, I don't want it to end. I want you to come back to Konoha with me and we'll deal with anything that comes up together." This time his smile was genuine.

"Alright," she laughed lightly and wiped the tears out of her eyes. "Alright."

"Write a letter to Naruto if you're comfortable enough, and we'll mail it from here. It'll get there faster." Kakashi stood up effortlessly and gave her a hand to help her up as well.

Sakura smiled and nodded. Suddenly everything felt stronger, more concrete. She wanted so badly to tell him that she loved him, but for some reason the words would never come out. Afraid of scaring him, or too afraid to say it to another man, she held it inside. _He must know_, she said to herself, _he surely knows_.

* * *

_My Dear Friend, _

_How are you Naruto? It's been a while since my last letter and I'm actually writing from Yasuragi this time. Kakashi is here also and we're taking a few days off to relax. Yasuragi is beautiful and so peaceful. I think living here would be heaven. You and Hinata should come here some day._

_This letter is more than just a quick hello. I have some news for you. Kakashi is here with me, and we are together now. About three months after he came to the border, I found that I had developed feelings for him and he for me. I know this is probably a shock for you and I'm sorry I have not written sooner about it. I apologize that I couldn't tell you in person but we thought you should know first._

_We've been together almost seven months now and things are wonderful. I hope you can be happy for us, Naruto. You mean so much to us that it would crush me to think you didn't approve._

_I have one more piece of news. Kakashi's year is up in about two and a half months and when he leaves, I'll be coming back as well. As a favor, I wondered if you would go check out the complex for me. I don't know if I'll be living there again but I wondered if you'd let me know what sort of shape it's in. I miss you very much, Naruto. I'm getting excited at the thought of seeing you again. Please tell Tsunade that I'm returning, but please keep my other news to yourself. I think it's something I should explain to her in person._

_Hug Sasuke for me. Tell him I'll see him soon._

_Love Sakura._

_

* * *

_

The bathwater trickled a little from the faucet after Sakura turned it off with her toe. It was an old cast iron tub, but large and perfect for reclining in deep hot water. An unmistakable sigh of contentment slid from her lips as she sat steeped in liquid relaxation.

The days in Yasuragi had flown by, and sadly, only one night was left. Indulging in a hot bath, Kakashi slipped out to pick up some food and simple supplies for the trip back to the border in the morning. How hard it was to be leaving such a place. The temptation to stay, to run away from medic work and Konoha obligation was tickling her mind. But of course, it would never happen. Maybe one day they could come back? The promise of enjoying life with him made the last four days even sweeter.

Four days of sleeping in, eating out, making love constantly between short sightseeing jaunts was so relaxing. She'd learned more about Kakashi in the last few days than she had in years, and for some reason they felt like sharing things they would normally hide. Kakashi talked of his father, his family, and his years on the ANBU squads as a teen. He even told her what he thought of her when he'd first met her as a young genin.

"Typical teen girl," he'd said, "big eyes, big heart, and no usable skills." He laughed as he admitted how wrong his first impression of her had been. She laughed and remembered how lazy, strange and useless she first thought he was. How impressions had changed after their first real mission.

Sakura now closed her eyes to block out the orange pink glow of the coming sunset streaming its light in the window behind the bath. Her mind began to relax and she put all her cares on a shelf for the time being. Nothing would ruin tonight.

"Falling asleep?" the deep voice asked from the bathroom doorway.

"I didn't hear you come in," she laughed a little as she opened her eyes to see the darkening room, and small strips of light across his black shirt.

"Getting out soon?" he smiled.

"Nope. Getting in?" she smiled back playfully.

Without any compulsion to answer, Kakashi began to slowly strip away his shirt, followed by his headband, mask, shoes, wrappings and pants. Slipping into the tub, he hissed with how hot the water was.

"Sorry, I like it hot."

He just smiled as he sank into the water at the opposite end. Reactively, Sakura shifted to give him space and let her feet settle on the back of the tub at his sides.

"You'll get all pruny. I know you hate that," she teased.

"I'll risk it for a little while." His hand sank in the water and lifted her foot out. Adept fingers began to massage from her ankle to her toes and Sakura sank down a little more with how good it felt.

"Is there anything you can't do?" she sighed in complete surrender.

Kakashi just laughed.

"Your wounds look better now. I haven't been treating them and they've still healed fast. You know that fever you had was pretty bad, Kakashi. I was worried about you for a few days." Leaning on her hand, elbow perched on the side of the tub, she let him switch to her other foot.

His fingers still continued their ministrations as he looked up at her calmly. "I've had a fever like that once before. I got injured during the fight to stop the demon fox. My sensei was killed, and my teammate was injured. The demon fox scratched my leg with a claw. The infection almost killed me."

"Oh, Kakashi. I had no idea. Who was your teammate?" Her jade eyes widened with his admission. She knew Naruto still carried the demon fox and that the fourth had sealed it within him, but for Kakashi to be there at the time had never crossed her mind.

"Rin."

"Rin," she repeated. "When you were sick you kept calling me Rin. You wanted me to stop someone bleeding. You also told me you were sorry and that you wanted to go back and change things with Obito."

This conversation was not really something that she intended to start on their last night at the Inn, but the curiosity got the better of her. Actually, she meant to ask him on the train ride up, but sometimes their desire would push other things aside, like curiosity.

"Obito." Kakashi smiled with sad reminiscence. "You know that he, Rin and I made up a team. You know that this eye is Obito's. Rin was the one who transferred it. Rin was our medic." He stopped rubbing her feet and rose up to crawl to her side of the tub, leaning over her. Fingers touched her face softly, and ran over her bare shoulder as his lips neared her ear and neck.

"Rin was in love with me. I promised Obito that I would protect her with my life. I promised myself that I would never let her die, but she did. I left and she died. I'll always be sorry that she died before I did. I'll always be sorry that she had to take out the eye of someone who loved her, to give it to someone that she loved, someone who never could love her back. If I could go back to the day Obito was killed, I'd let him live, and I'd die under the boulder that crushed him. I know you hate to hear it, but it's something that I live with. It's something I've learned to live with."

"I do hate to hear it, but I understand, Kakashi," she sighed. Her fingers traced his shoulders too, trickling water on his skin.

"I'll let you finish your bath in peace. I have some food in the other room if you're hungry." With those words Kakashi hoisted himself from the tub and dried off. He pulled his pants back on and gave her a quick smile before slipping back out into the main room.

Sakura sighed. Maybe she should stop with the questions now. There was lots of time for finding out more about each other, but there may not be many opportunities to be alone in a place like this for quite a while. That was it; she'd upset him enough for a lifetime. The resolve to go and make it up to him was everything in that space of a moment.

As she climbed out of the tub and slid the plush white complimentary bathrobe around her damp body, she pulled her hair up and twisted it into a mess of wet tangles on top of her head. When she pushed through the steamy bathroom to the outer area, she could see him near the French balcony doors at the other side of the room.

It was dark outside. The last vestiges of sunset had dipped below the horizon, save for a minute red hue along the water. Kakashi's forearm was up on the doorframe, as he half leaned on it, watching the dying daylight. He'd lit a few candles in the room, and there was food on the table, but he seemed uninterested in anything within those walls for the moment.

Sakura took in his wiry frame, dressed only in his dark pants. His other hand held a glass of ice water and the cubes clinked on the glass as he took a sip. He didn't turn around to see her as her feet crossed the white carpet.

"I'm ruining tonight, aren't I?" she whispered as she got close enough to touch him. Slowly she slid her hands around his waist from behind and kissed the crease of his spine between his shoulder blades.

"No, not at all." He took another sip of water. "It's right that we should be comfortable enough to talk about our pasts."

"I'm sad that it's our last night. I've enjoyed being here with you, Kakashi." She ran her fingers up his arms and traced light lines over his skin, continuing to kiss along his shoulders and the back of his neck.

"I've enjoyed it too," he said as he placed the glass on the small table near them. Turning completely to her, he smiled a little, while letting his gaze travel down the bathrobe covering her clearly unclothed and damp body. "We'll just have to make the best of tonight."

"It's a long journey tomorrow," she teased, "don't you want to get some sleep?"

"We'll sleep on the train."

* * *

A/N: I am sorry that this chapter took so long. Truthfully, it was the hardest one to write. I've written a little lemony chapter of what they did next and yes, there is some sharingan smex in there. It is NC-17 and I'll even say it's a little dirtier, yet tamer than my others. I don't know how to explain that, but well, it is what it is. If you don't like that type of chapter, feel very free to skip it. There is nothing that happens there that impacts the story.

If the link isn't on the profile, it will be soon. Thanks for reading. Not much left.

Leafy.


	20. Can't Win for Losing

Fated

Chapter 20: Can't Win for Losing.

_For Pausedsilence _

* * *

Pulling back the painted handle on the post box, Sakura dropped the lovingly written letter into the mailbox. It was gone, out of her hand, and she felt like something started that she'd been waiting for, for a long time. 

"Well, it's off," she grinned at her companion.

"Yes, it is," Kakashi agreed with a smile.

"Fifty minutes til the train gets to the station, we'd better go." She smiled softly, taking a last look at the Inn and the lake glimmering behind it. It had been like a honeymoon, the four glorious days within those walls. Perhaps they'd return someday to stay longer.

The two pictures that were taken of them were carefully packed among the things in her backpack. The woman had framed both for them and Sakura almost cried at how tender their gazes were at one another in the unexpected first pose.

After drawing chakra to their feet, they skimmed along the trees towards the train station in the small town miles away from their left-behind paradise. They were silent most of the journey, enjoying the sway of the trees and the breeze softly whispering through the leaves.

They arrived at their destination forty minutes later and stood on the platform awaiting the train. Many people moved around the wooden deck, trying to vie for best spot to get on the train first or get the best compartments. But the two ninja didn't care in the least. They seemed to be the only still things there.

The whistle blew from not too far away, and Sakura looked to see if she could see the incoming train. Turning back to Kakashi, she smiled. "Right on time." But something in his single eyed gaze caught her attention and she couldn't turn away.

Slowly and gradually, he reached up to his mask and drew it down his face.

_There isn't anytime left,_ he thought. She washed away his doubt and pride. There was nothing else in the universe for him at that moment than the woman standing in front of him. Never did he think he would be this betrayed by his own usually suppressed emotions, but somehow it was okay. Somehow being in this small space of time with her was perfection.

His fingers caressed her cheek and she turned into them, enjoying his touch. His other hand drew into her hair, and to her surprise, in front of everyone there, he kissed her.

It was tender, deep, and desperate, as if it would be the last time he would ever kiss her. Her mind reeled with all the emotions and thoughts running through her head _In front of all these people, in front of everyone, he's kissing me_. How could he have taken this step and she not realize it? This was more than words, more than empty gestures and covered up emotion. This was outward feeling and desire to show the world how he felt. She never imagined this sort of moment would be allowed, but he was allowing it… orchestrating it.

He kissed her. And he let everything pour through his lips, desiring to get a moment of perfect entanglement. Yes, he was tangled, and he didn't care, didn't mind, simply loved it.

And he kissed her, and kissed her, and kissed her. Sakura's knees felt weak while she drowned in him, felt herself rise off the ground with him. His arms held her tightly against him. Her feet lifted off the wooden planks. They were wrapped up in perfection.

And he kissed her, and she never wanted it to end.

The train whistle blew loudly where the train came to a slow stop, and Sakura hadn't noticed its arrival. Kakashi's arms were still tight around her body. She slumped against him, washed over with his tenderness.

His mouth neared her ear as people began to get on the train.

"I've never been in love with anyone, Sakura, and I love you."

Her body trembled in his arms and he held her tighter.

"I've wanted to hear it, wanted to say it, but I was scared of what you'd think. I love you too. I've loved you since that first night in the med tent. I've loved you since I was a child and it's grown and changed, and now I love you as a woman. I never want to love anyone else."

Kakashi smiled as he buried his face in her hair, nuzzling up to the skin below her ear. "We'd better get on the train." His arms began to release her.

"Please, just a little longer."

He smiled again and wrapped his arms back around her, allowing her to shed her tears onto his vest.

* * *

The train ride was short since they slept the entire journey, and the walk back to the camp was long. The sun was high and warm, perfect for a stroll in the woods. Kakashi sighed as they finally got within sight of the numerous tents with ninja mulling around them. 

"It seemed short, didn't it?" Sakura sighed as well.

"Hm," Kakashi agreed.

They moved towards Kakashi's tent amid people sitting quietly or training so he could drop off his belongings. The ninja were less chatty today, more pensive. They appeared to be alert none the less, perhaps expecting something. As they reached his small canvas abode, Kakashi looked at Genma who was lounging outside the open flap of his own tent. His eyes were closed and the Copy-nin thought he might even be sleeping.

"Is Genma sleeping?" Sakura asked quietly, echoing Kakashi's thoughts.

As soon as he heard his name, Genma's eyes shot open and a large grin lit his handsome face. He stood up quickly and walked over to the couple watching him with mild interest.

"I missed you so much," he fake sobbed as he grabbed Sakura and rested his head on her chest. Sakura's hands went up in surrender as Genma groped her.

"Eh, Genma, get off," Sakura growled.

"Genmaaaa," Kakashi warned, while trying not to laugh at the grumbling medic.

Genma lifted his head off her chest, but continued to hold her around the waist. Taking the opportunity to have fun as only Genma does, he dipped her as if they were dancing.

"Run away with me, Sakura. I promise to make you happy, over and over and over…" He nuzzled her neck until he felt a hand close around his throat.

"Ok, that _is_ enough," Kakashi said with mock anger.

"Eh-heh, just kidding, Hatake. Sorry Sakura, I was just overcome with seeing you two again." Genma released her and ran his hands through his hair in false discomfort. The grin on his face made it impossible for him to seem sincere. Composing himself to try and give off a little air of seriousness, he slipped a senbon between his lips. "So? How was the trip?"

Sakura looked at Kakashi and smiled tellingly. "It was great."

"I expected so." Genma hitched with silent amusement.

"What's happening around here?" Kakashi asked as he scanned the area, noticing some tenseness in the air.

"There has been an increase in offensives by the enemy in the last two nights. Ibiki feels it's escalating." Genma said, his tone unusually serious. "You should check in at the shed soon, Hatake. And Uchiha here should go see Yumi. She's been pretty damn busy."

"Alright." Sakura felt the relaxation disappear as she and Kakashi exchanged glances. "I'll go now and meet you later."

Kakashi nodded and watched her slip into his tent for a moment and then wave to them as she walked away. His gaze remained on her with a smile until she vanished along the tent rows.

Genma leaned forward to look into Kakashi's tent. Immediately, the picture on the small table of them gazing at each other by a placid lake caught his eye. He looked back at the Copy-nin. "Not much time left here, eh?"

"No, not much. She's leaving then too." Kakashi said quietly.

"It's just as well. I'm thinking of getting out of this hole, myself," Genma sighed. "Get your things and I'll walk you to the shed for updates."

* * *

_Dearest Sakura,_

_Well, I got your letter and honestly, I wasn't completely surprised by it. You've mentioned Kakashi in your previous letters more than a little. People who have come home have never said anything, but when I ask about you, they just tell me you are with Kakashi most of the time._

_I'm happy for you. I want you to be happy and I'm thrilled that you are both coming home. I haven't passed on the word to anyone about your relationship but I did tell Tsunade that you are returning. The old woman practically cried. She's missed you more than you know. Shizune was pretty thrilled as well._

_When you arrive back, we'll all have a long dinner together and get caught up. I'm anticipating it more than I can tell you._

_I went to the complex and checked on everything. It's dusty and the fact that it has been unlived in shows. The roses in the garden by the main house are overgrown and wild. Hinata wanted to clip them for you, but I remembered how much you liked to do it so I asked her to wait until I hear from you._

_We've hired someone to go clean and dust, as well as wash the linens. Even if you don't live there, it's ready in case you want to._

_Okay, Sakura. I'm awaiting your letter to tell me the date of your return. Tell Kakashi that we are looking forward to seeing him too. Tell him I owe him a sake._

_See you soon,_

_Love Naruto_

_

* * *

_

Sakura folded the letter and set it beside her futon. She rolled back into Kakashi's warmth and he laughed a little at what she had read to him. They snuggled close under the coming evening's waning light, hiding away in the med tent.

"Well, I'm glad he doesn't seem to be uncomfortable with it." Kakashi spoke, his warm lips brushed her throat.

"He says he isn't, but we'll see in a month when we get back. Have you got any duties today?" she asked as she stretched a little, tugging the blanket gently over them both.

"I've got a three day mission around the outlying camps. In the last month, since that vacation we had, there have been constant assaults along there. I believe they're testing our strength in that area, so I'm moving additional forces through tonight. Genma and I will be getting the squads reinforced and dug in, just in case. I think something is going to happen soon."

"Yeah. Everyone seems to be getting ready for it. I'm tired of this place," she sighed. "When do you have to leave?"

He closed his eyes, pulling her tighter to him. "An hour."

"Take a nap?" she asked, grinning.

Kakashi sighed. "Well, it doesn't leave much time for anything else."

"Says who?" she teased, running her fingers along his bare chest.

They looked at each other for a moment, contemplating their options when the shrieking blast of the alarm made Sakura tense in Kakashi's arms. They both scrambled to get out of the covers and pulled clothes on.

"I'll have to run to the shed. Sounds like I'll be leaving right after." Kakashi yanked his shirt over his head. "I'll meet you there."

"Okay. Be careful," she warned as she pulled on her sandals and watched him dart to the door. But he stopped momentarily and returned to kiss her before retracing his steps and leaving.

* * *

"I'd term it as a major offensive at the outlying areas. Medics are to only fight if necessary. I want them out there to take care of the wounded, not end up hurt themselves. Does everyone know where they are going?" Ibiki growled at the front of the shed. 

Collectively, people began mulling about, gathering up their weapons and moving out to their squads to leave. Sakura looked at Kakashi, decked in his ANBU uniform as was she, and getting ready to leave with the large force to back up the outlying ANBU.

'I love you,' she mouthed, her face a picture of concern. Kakashi nodded as he pulled up his mask and darted through the doorway, out into the night.

"Sakura, are you ready?" Shan asked quietly amid the shuffle of hurried feet making their way out of the shed.

"Yeah," she replied with some confidence. She would do whatever it took to keep people safe.

Accompanying the dark haired elite squad leader and six other ANBU, Sakura trailed along at a hurried pace to the designated point where her team was stationed. It took half an hour to get there, and she found it difficult to listen to the radio on the way with all the chatter. Too many squads had engaged enemies along the border, and she began to get concerned with how busy they would be.

She had heard Kakashi's voice a few times reporting in, and so far they had been holding their own with the onslaught of attacks. Keeping the enemy at bay was imperative.

Shan gave the signal to stop, and everyone crouched in the foliage in wait for any enemy that might come that way. Sakura was right beside the elite and they watched their breath creep out in silver wisps. The dark night helped to conceal them, but unfortunately, it aided the enemy as well.

"Sakura, how is your chakra?" Shan asked quietly, some urgency to her voice.

"I used some during the sprint here but I'm good. Why?"

"I sense a number of nins coming this way," Shan whispered. "I think we'll need your help."

The trees nearby began to rustle with enemy movement as gray uniforms began to surround them. Sakura clenched her fists, thankful that she had ANBU gloves on. Drawing chakra to her hands, she prepared to engage the nins and protect her comrades.

The fight ensued as the ninja leapt at each other. Sakura took one out immediately as a hard chakra-laden hit slammed into his chest, propelling him through a tree trunk. The remains of the tree fell noisily into some others, toppling them as well.

The next nin had grabbed her around the throat, trying to dig a kunai into her chest. But Sakura managed to counter cleanly with a genjustu, trapping the nin's mind and making him stumble enough for her to kick him down. As much as she hated to do it, she killed him quickly. Two more came at her together, and taking a deep breath, she drew chakra to her hands for the next hard hit.

"Come on," she spat as she moved towards them.

* * *

Kakashi wiped the sweat from his brow before he replaced his headband, covering the aching sharingan. Genma was aiding the medic in their squads with bandaging the wounded and doing some minor healing. 

The fights had gone on for hours. It seemed that most of the enemy squads had been repelled. Kakashi shook his head. It was war, plain and simple. Their foe had run over their country and tried to tear apart the Leaf ranks. The idea of a hostile takeover of the Fire Country was a real possibility.

The rundown of squad activity began as base camp asked for leaders to check in by squad numbers. Kakashi's squad was number eight. He confirmed that they had lost two men, but everyone else had sustained only minor damage. As the roll call continued over the radio, Kakashi listened patiently.

When squad eighteen was called, the answer was hurried and harrowed. Kakashi watched Genma's face rise to his with the most fearful look he'd ever seen on the tall Jounin. It was Shan's voice that returned the call.

_"Enemies still engaging. Three nins lost. Two more wounded, and more enemies approaching. Need reinforcements_."

Genma stood and wandered over to Kakashi, who returned his look of concern. The two men held their earpieces in to be sure to hear everything. The base camp answered finally.

_"Squad eighteen, what is your location?"_

_"Three miles west of checkpoint six. The trees are on fire. We won't be hard to find."_

"_Squad leader, request enemy nu…"_

_"Damn it,_" Shan yelled,"_Get me some fucking reinforcements now! Fifteen enemies engaging! Watch the north side…two flanking…"_

Kakashi could tell she was yelling to her squad and not at base camp anymore as her voice trailed off. She hadn't turned off her mic so they could hear what was happening. Leaping up to the nearest tree, Kakashi looked out over the blanket of swaying branches and could see the orange glow of the burning trees. They were about two miles from where Kakashi was standing.

"Squad leader eight to base,"Kakashi began

_"Go ahead squad leader."_

"Eight has visual on Eighteen's location. We'll proceed to that area."

_"Affirmative, Eight. Reinforcements are advancing from the north as well. Use caution."_

"Genma, let's go." Kakashi called as he leapt from the tree to the mossy ground. The small intensity lit Kakashi's voice, but he couldn't hide his concern. Shan was important to Genma, no matter how Genma looked at it. Even though they were no longer together, Kakashi could see the fear in Genma's face. Seeing his friend in such unusual distress gave Kakashi a dark foreboding.

Rain droplets began to fall around them as they crossed branch over branch on their way to the fight. In their swift flight, Kakashi cursed the blanket of mist beginning to put out the trees in the distance.

* * *

Sakura panted from exhaustion as she stood her ground between three enemies and the only other person that remained of her squad. Shan held her side, trying to quell the bleeding that refused to slow. The disorientation and blood loss made her too weak to continue. 

Unfortunately, it had come down to a bluff. Sakura's chakra was drained to where she would have none left if she tried even one more big jutsu. Sadly, it would not be enough to stop three enemies.

"Well, I just keep running into you. I guess it's Fate," a vaguely familiar voice came from behind the three enemies. Another figure emerged from the shadows to come toward the fatigued and angry medic. "Uchiha."

"Yes, it does seem like we are becoming friends, Hawk. Why don't you take your men and get out of here? There is nothing you can accomplish now. Your forces have been repelled," she said as calmly as possible, hoping not to escalate the situation. Her eyes flicked to the tall, dark-haired enemy who resembled his younger brother so much.

"Yes, we are going to leave but I made a point to track you, Uchiha. I'm very interested in your eyes. And besides that, I have a score to settle for Komadori." He grinned in a way that Sakura didn't like.

Steam began to rise around them as the rain started quelling the fires on the trees. The heat was making Sakura lightheaded, and the smoke made it hard to breathe.

"Sakura, get out of here," Shan urged from behind her, where she lay in the wet grass.

"I won't let them touch you," Sakura said with conviction. They'd have to go through her first.

"I have no concern over your friend, Uchiha. I've found what I was looking for." The Hawk began to walk forward as the other three advanced on the weak medic.

* * *

"Seven minutes, damn. I didn't think it would take so long to get here," Genma growled angrily as he came upon the steaming, rain-drenched trees. He rushed over to the splayed dark-haired elite lying prone and covered in blood in the smoke filled area. 

Kakashi was on his heels as he checked the vicinity for any other survivors of the doomed squad eighteen. Shan appeared to be the only one alive.

"Shan, look at me," Genma urged as he leaned her against his knee and raised her face with his fingers. "Can you talk?"

"Genma?" She tried to grab his vest but couldn't.

"Are you all that's left?" Genma asked quietly.

"Sakura, where's Sakura?" Shan sounded panicked in her raspy, smoke-dulled voice. Some realization was dawning on her.

"What?" Genma's eyes widened as he leaned closer and pulled Shan into his arms, bringing her mouth near his ear.

"Sakura was in my squad. I passed out and she was left fighting three enemies. The Hawk was here. He said he had a score to settle." Shan whispered hurriedly in Genma's ear.

Kakashi stood near and listened. It was faint, but he heard it all. He rubbed his fingers into his exposed eye and felt all the times he couldn't save someone he cared about race through his being. Why her, why now? The questions began to plague him and he felt like Fate's puppet, a plaything for the universe.

Genma looked up at Kakashi as Shan coughed deep and raspy into her trembling hand. Their gazes met and Kakashi shook his head. He was low on chakra, but there was a little left. Molding the blue energies in his body, the Copy-nin bent to the ground and summoned five dogs.

They sat and looked at him obediently, waiting for instructions. "Find Uchiha Sakura's trail. Follow it as far as you can."

"Kakashi…" Genma began, but the Copy-nin only held a hand up to halt his arguments.

As Kakashi stood waiting, he could hear another group coming towards them. Grabbing the katana strapped to his back, Kakashi slid the glinting weapon from its sheath. In his anger, he was determined he would cut down anyone who stepped through the ring of trees surrounding them.

But instead, his earpiece fired to life.

"_Squad two approaching eighteen's location_." It was Hyuuga Neji's voice.

Within a moment, the tall, white-eyed ANBU was standing in front of Kakashi. Two others of his squad flanked him.

"What's happened?" Neji looked at Kakashi who now seemed to be disinterested in Shan, Genma or the approaching squad.

"Uchiha is missing," Genma said quietly.

"What?" Neji flared, some controlled anger brimming underneath his calm exterior. He turned to look at Kakashi, but the Copy-nin offered nothing.

Finally a dog returned and Genma watched Kakashi receive some sort of information. Kakashi looked weary suddenly as he turned and came back to where the rest of the nins were.

"I have to go. Genma, take Shan back to base for treatment." Kakashi's voice was quiet. It was less like an order and more like an offhanded dismissal.

Genma had gotten good at reading Kakashi over the years. He never perfected it, as Kakashi was a master of façades, but he knew something was happening.

"Hyuuga, can you take Shan back to base?" Genma lifted the near unconscious elite and deposited her in Neji's arms. Giving Neji the same dismissive attitude Kakashi had modeled a moment ago, the tall Jounin nodded as if he didn't expect the Hyuuga to disagree.

Neji only nodded in return. Now was not the time for posturing.

Genma moved near to Kakashi and stood facing the trees in the direction of the border alongside him.

"I can't ask you to do this with me. They've taken her over the border." Kakashi said so quietly that only Genma heard.

"Sorry, Hatake, but I can't let you do it without me," he responded.

"Genma, if it costs me my life, I still have to go. You don't. You should take Shan back." Kakashi began to draw chakra to his feet, what minute amount he had left. But Genma grabbed his arm before he could go.

"I'll go with you, my friend, even if the cost is both our lives."

Kakashi looked at Genma for a long moment. He was a good friend, the kind of friend that was there for you through thick and thin. To women, Genma was an escape, a companion for a short while, and something untamable. But to his friends, Genma was the rock that kept them grounded. To cost his friend his life would kill Kakashi, but to refuse a Leaf Jounin the opportunity to help a comrade in danger was unforgivable.

"Alright." Kakashi managed a small but unhappy smile underneath the dark mask. It didn't reach his eyes, though.

Without another word to Neji or Shan, Genma and Kakashi darted away into the trees. For Genma, saying goodbye to her would mean that he wasn't coming back. This wasn't something he would acknowledge. Genma always believed there was a way out of everything if you had enough time to figure it out.

Flying swiftly, with unmatched speed through the branches of the Konoha trees, the two friends finally found the border. There were rows of barbed wire along the long clearing that spanned between the two countries. Holes had been cut through the lines, but what was barbed wire to ninja? This divider had been left from many years before the ninja countries took over, and was just a way to indicate where one country ended and another began.

They stood and looked at the fires burning on the other side. Ninja squads were right there, protecting their borders and waiting for intruders. Kakashi would not disappoint them.

"Genma, you can still go back. I'll never think any less of you," Kakashi said honestly.

"Shut the fuck up, Hatake, or I'll have Sakura punch you through a tree when we get her back," he grumbled in an attempt to give them some confidence.

"Alright," Kakashi whispered, "Alright."

Another few seconds went by and Genma looked at Kakashi to see him raise his headband up to reveal his crimson sharingan. The tall Jounin seemed to wait for something from Kakashi, some indication of why it was happening like this. At times, he could really believe that Kakashi was cursed, and that this sort of bad luck followed him.

"What is it?" Genma finally asked.

"Nothing, it's just…" Kakashi couldn't find the words he wanted to say. "I can't win for losing."

Genma understood.

* * *

A/N: Thank you roark28 and wicked innuendo for your greatly appreciated betaing skills. 


	21. Fated

Fated  
Chapter 21: _Fated_

And there'll be no light tonight, if I'm fated.  
(Fated – Matt Good)

* * *

The jarring crash of her body on the hard ground woke Sakura from her injury-induced unconsciousness. Fear claimed her little by little as she looked around at the faces staring down at her where she lay in the patchy wet grass of an enemy camp. Gone were all thoughts of escape and how she could possibly live another moment. 

"You've woken up," the Hawk chided as he crouched beside her. "I've brought you an audience. Show us your special eyes, Uchiha, and maybe we'll let you live."

Sakura laughed then, and it sounded like something between a chuckle and a sob as she began to understand the situation perfectly.

"You said you had a score to settle, Hawk. You might as well do it now. I have no sharingan."

Pulling lightly on the restraints on her wrists, she found being bound behind her back when she landed on the hard ground had dislocated her shoulder. The pain was beginning to win over the adrenaline and it shot through her like a freight train. Grunting slightly, she pressed her forehead to the ground.

"You are the last Uchiha, are you not?" the Hawk grinned.

"No…no…I'm not," she whispered into the grass, "I'm the widow of the last Uchiha. His name was Sasuke."

A pause ensued as the Hawk began to calculate if she was telling the truth. He stood with arms crossed and looked at her for a moment as she continued to fight the pain with heavy breaths and concentration.

"What shall we do with you then, medic? I figured we'd get a chance to use your eyes but apparently you are of no use at all," he said nonchalantly, tapping his chin in mock consideration.

"Let me go, then. I serve no purpose to you except to enflame the already approaching war," she spoke with her eyes closed, waiting for the deathblow.

"It's already war, Uchiha. But maybe you'll be important enough to bargain for, eh?" he laughed as others laughed around him.

Clenching her teeth and trying not to give in to the pain she answered, "Like your brother?"

The Hawk's amusement ceased and he kicked Sakura onto her back, wrenching her already pained shoulder. A shriek emanated before she felt the dizziness swirling behind her eyes.

"Maybe I'll just kill you, and send you back in pieces."

Sakura felt sick. The need to regurgitate was firing a burning pain in her stomach, but she resisted. Somewhere nearby she could hear some noise, shouts, and calls, but her mind was having trouble processing it all amid the ache and nausea. For now, she couldn't even rebuke his last comment.

The Hawk stood beside her, an angry look on his face. He wasn't looking down now, but off towards the way they had entered the small camp. Some commotion was happening and he seemed to feel the need to finally address it. "What the hell is going on over there?" he shouted.

Almost as soon as he said it, Sakura heard shouts and the clang of metal in the distance. A warmth, or heaviness was above her along with what sounded like deep breathing. Forcing her eyes opened, she looked up to see a large, bulky, menacing looking dog standing over her. Its stance was protective, and it looked down at her after she made a noise of surprise. The gleam of its Konoha headband, tied around its neck, caught her pained eyes.

"No," she whispered as she began to understand the implications of what the dog's presence meant. "Oh God, no. Don't bring him here. Please don't lead him here. Please leave…" Her soft pleading continued as another dog emerged into the crowd of ninja around her. Everyone seemed to be hesitant to attack it.

The melee continued until she finally saw two ANBU standing on either side of her. One bore a backwards headband, and the other, silver hair. They both had blood spatter on them, but seemed uninjured in spite of it.

"No, no…" she continued.

The group was surrounded now, the two dogs, the ANBU, and the pained medic. Kakashi turned to look at her briefly to make sure she was alive and in one piece. His headband was still down over his Sharingan, but his dark eye gave off so much concern and fear for her that she had to look away.

"Well, well. I thought I killed you, ANBU," the Hawk grinned as he approached the crouching Copy-nin.

"Looks like you failed," Kakashi shot back, still keeping an eye on Sakura and the crowd gathered around them. He turned to Genma and growled low, "How long?"

Genma looked at Kakashi for a moment, and then realized what he wanted. "Twenty minutes." At this, Kakashi nodded, making up his mind. Genma's eyebrows dipped with the dark understanding of what Kakashi meant to do.

"How will you get out of here?" the Hawk asked. "We've got forty men, and you have a tired companion and a broken medic. I guess my chance to finish you off has come."

"Why is she important enough to steal away from the Fire Country? It's the sharingan you want, isn't it?" Kakashi asked.

"No," Genma growled.

"Well, as a matter of fact, I'm very interested in that, and yes that is exactly the reason. But it seems she doesn't have it so I see no reason to keep her alive." The Hawk shrugged matter of factly.

"I'll offer you a deal, Hawk." Kakashi said.

"No, we'll fight this out." Genma growled again, trying to stop the words coming from his friend's mouth.

Sakura suddenly knew what was happening, and without warning, the dog above her disappeared. Turning to look at Kakashi, now standing up straight, she could see the reaction of his body to the tired breaths he took. He was drained of strength and chakra, but still he had come for her. The futility mixed with emotion and she felt her throat burn.

"Don't, please," she pleaded quietly to him. He turned and quickly swept her up to put her on her feet beside him. Her restraints fell off her wrists with a tug in the right place. His arm held her around the waist so that her front was pressing into his side; her head lay on his shoulder. His hand slid into her hair and he carefully held her against him.

"My chakra is gone. Genma is worn out and you're empty and injured as well. It's the only way," he whispered to her, although he didn't seem to care if anyone else heard. It wasn't a secret that they were drained and powerless. There was only one piece of leverage left.

"Tell me your deal, ANBU, or I'll kill you all now." The Hawk grew impatient.

Releasing Sakura a little and holding her with just one arm, Kakashi slid a kunai from his pouch. While still holding the weapon, he used his thumb to push his headband away from his special eye. The tiny amount of chakra he had left flooded immediately to it and Sakura felt his body tense with the pain.

"No…no…we'll fight, don't do this. I'm begging you, Kakashi, don't do this," Sakura's words fell to sobs, understanding that he meant to bargain his own life for hers and Genma's. She continued to plead through her tears while his arm tightened around her, pulling her as close to him as he could get her.

The Hawk, on the other hand, seemed too pleased for words. When he finally said something, it was barely heard. So many of the other nins were nodding and laughing about the prize that had wandered into their midst.

Kakashi lifted the kunai and held it against his cheek just below his crimson eye. "Let them go back across the border, and I'll give you what you want."

"Copy-nin Kakashi. How foolish of me not to realize it during our first encounter. Son of the Konoha White Fang, Sharingan user, and elite ANBU assassin, today is my lucky day. I don't doubt that you would put that kunai through your eye in a heartbeat. What are your terms? I believe you to be an honorable man, so we may be able to strike a deal."

"No, Kakashi. This won't happen like this," Genma's voice sounded uncharacteristically angry towards his friend. "We fight together, and die together. If I knew this was what you had planned, I wouldn't have let you come."

Ignoring Genma, Kakashi nodded to the Hawk. "Let them keep their radios on, and they can tell me when they cross the border. Once they're there, I'll put down this weapon and give the sharingan to you."

The Hawk looked at some other man, possibly a lieutenant, and seemed to have some silent agreement with him. Turning back to the weak Copy-nin still holding Sakura against him, he nodded sharply. "Deal."

Sakura's hand clenched Kakashi's vest. "NO!" She grew angry, "I won't let you die to save me. I won't." Her voice changed to desperate pleading, "Kakashi please, I love you. You can't do this. I'd rather die than let you do this."

"I know," he said softly. "But, this is how it has to be."

Genma was lost for words. He reasoned that Kakashi was right, but it was hard to accept. If they fought, they'd all be dead in a matter of minutes. This way was the only way; two would live instead of three dying. Even though the numbers were better, it was the hardest thing Genma had ever had to swallow. He looked over at Kakashi, unable to hide the pain in his face.

Kakashi only nodded at him while still holding the sobbing kunoichi to his chest.

"I'll allow you to walk them to the edge of camp and they'll leave alone from there," the Hawk added as men approached him to pull Sakura away.

She began to fight, but Genma was there, pushing their hands off her arms. Kakashi allowed them to hold a kunai at his back, but didn't relinquish the weapon he had near his eye.

They walked amid a small group of enemies towards the edge of the camp. Darkness began to swell around them as they came close to the tree line around the clearing.

The Hawk turned away as if he didn't want to witness any exchange the trio might make. It wouldn't change his mind, but sometimes he would pretend that the dirty business of war didn't affect him. Especially when he was the cause. So often, he was the cause.

They stopped, and Sakura wrapped her good arm around Kakashi's waist. "It's not too late. Let's run. Let's try. I won't leave you here. I won't let you go," she sobbed softly into his vest. "We've only just started our life together. It's not fair to end it now. I've already lost this chance once, I can't lose you too." She continued to try to find the right words that would stop it all. She tried desperately to find the right phrase that would change everyone's mind and make it end. But the words didn't exist.

She tried to stare through him, into him, with her desperate gaze. If it were possible, she wanted to will him to listen, will him to understand that to lose him would kill her anyway.

"Sakura," he said gently as he pulled down his mask, "We can't stop this now. I'm content. It's horrible to say it, but I'm content."

Her wide eyes filled with disbelief. "Don't say that," she whispered.

"I'm not afraid to die. My worst fear is that I couldn't save you. I'm glad that I have this eye and that because of it, you'll live." He smiled at her. "When I first came here, I couldn't think of anything but death. You've given me so much to live for. I'm only sorry that I couldn't give you something to live for in return."

She sobbed. "I can't live without you."

"You can," he said gently. "You can live. Don't give up. Do this for me." He looked up at Genma, who still seemed resigned to anger, and nodded. Genma understood and approached the couple.

"I won't let you go. I won't agree to this. Genma and I won't agree to this!" Sakura continued to get angry, frustrated, and scared. There had to be some way to make him listen.

"Sakura," he said a little harshly, finally ending her pleads. Her wide eyes looked into his as the silent moment passed between them. His fingers held up her chin. "Don't waste this moment."

Relinquishing his weapon positioning for just a moment, Kakashi kissed Sakura. He could taste her tears on her lips, and feel her fingers twisting, trying to grip him so he couldn't get away from her. But prolonging it would only be harder. He kissed her deeply, and tried to stretch the moment because he knew it would be their last.

Genma had to turn away. The pain in their faces was too much to watch.

As they parted slowly, Kakashi smiled at her. "It's not the end. Don't you believe we'll see each other again? But when I see you next, I want your hair to be gray, and your face to have lines from a lifetime of laughing."

Sakura nodded against his chest as she felt Genma's hands clamp onto her shoulders. She winced in pain as Kakashi pulled out of her grip and stepped back. His fingers reached up to her neck and tugged her radio mic off, breaking it in the process.

"Take care of her for me, Genma," he said softly as he took another step back.

"Kakashi," she pleaded in a whisper as her hand held out to him. But he didn't return to it.

"I love you," he said to her, then slowly turned and walked back through the small crowd of men.

Sakura trembled in Genma's grip. This wasn't happening, it couldn't be. She couldn't lose him now. "No…" she began, shaking her head. "Kakashi," she called out as more of the enemy began to turn away from them. "Kakashi," she called louder trying to see him through the crowd of bodies that blocked him from view.

The Hawk looked at Genma, just before he turned. "Get going, before I change my mind," he smirked, and then walked away as well.

Genma held Sakura as she began to fight his grip with her usable limb. "Kakashi!" she screamed, "Kakashi, don't go. Don't go!" She continued to scream and fight against Genma's strong hold as he struggled to get a good grip on her. "Kakashi, please, please. Kakashi! Don't leave me!"

"Sakura, we have to go." Genma growled, not liking it anymore than she, but understanding what Kakashi had just given up for them.

"I can't leave him! I can't leave him! He can't give them his eye. I won't let him. Kakashi!" she screamed for him in gut wrenching sobs as her leg gave out and she fell to the ground, still struggling to get out of Genma's restrain. "Let me go, Genma! Damn you, let me go… Kakashi!"

Genma tugged her up against him, making her shriek in pain. He held her so that her face was close to his. Her eyes were drowning in tears, the fear so clear in them. "He won't, Sakura."

Her stunned gaze focused on his for a moment. His voice was a desperate growl.

"He won't give up Obito's gift… to anyone. We can't waste the chance he's given us. We have to go."

Sakura had a moment to digest what Genma had just said as he picked her up and ran headlong through the trees. She dangled over his shoulder, the pain searing through her own shoulder, making her sick as she fought against slipping into unconsciousness.

But still she screamed for him as the camp disappeared in the darkness.

"Kakashi!"

* * *

Kakashi stood among a few men in the center of the camp. He was silent and calm, but still held the kunai up. 

Listening to her scream for him had been the hardest moment of his life. It took all he had not to turn and go back to her. The pain in her voice stabbed him deeply and made him a believer of the cruelty of the life of a ninja. But soon, it wouldn't matter. He'd give his life for her; in this he was completely sure.

She'd been something he'd never had before. Finally, he belonged somewhere, and felt contented to have some happiness. Denying it from himself for so long had made it almost impossible to see happiness until it was upon him. She loved him, and he loved her.

_If only we had more time, Sakura…_

"You can lower your hand. I'm not going to stop them from leaving. I think I got the better deal of this bargain. I'll ask that we put you in restraints now, though. It's been fifteen minutes. I'm sure your friends will be at the border soon," The Hawk said from right beside Kakashi as he pulled a cigarette out of his pocket.

Kakashi looked up at the drizzly rain blanketing the air in curtains of mist around them. It seemed right. He lowered his hands down and they were immediately clasped in front of him in leather restraints.

"Can you spare one?" Kakashi asked calmly, looking at the lit cigarette.

The Hawk pulled one out and handed it to the Copy-nin, who raised it to his lips with his bound hands. The Hawk flicked his lighter, but Kakashi shook his head. "Could you get me the one out of my pack?" he asked.

The Hawk nodded. Reaching into the pack on Kakashi's waist, the Hawk pulled out the silver Zippo lighter with the engraved initials on it. Turning it in the campfire light, he admired the sleek, expensive casing.

"S.A," he said as he handed it to Kakashi.

"Sarutobi Asuma," Kakashi said quietly as he flicked it open and lit the cigarette. Taking a long inhalation, he let the numbness of the nicotine fill his lungs and relax him minutely.

It must be four in the morning, he reasoned quietly as he scanned the cloud filled sky for a look at the stars. But he was sorely disappointed. For now, all could he do to stay focused was think of her.

How many mornings had he slept along her warmth under the canvas hull of the med tent? Never did he regret even a second. All their time together, the passion and companionship was something they deserved, needed, and felt wrapped in. Knowing that he would never feel her against him like that was almost enough to make him break down.

_But not yet._

There was more to do before he let them take him from this world, just a little more to do.

* * *

On the way back to the border, Sakura had fallen into darkness. The pain, the anguish and the fear had made her heartbeat fast, her mind spin, and her consciousness fade. 

Genma laid her on a grassy area next to a clearing frequented by ANBU on maneuvers along the border. They had finally made it safely, and Genma felt sick.

"Sakura?" he whispered. "Are you all right?"

She didn't respond, and he was glad for it. She was going to go through hell when she woke up, and right now he didn't have time for it. For now, there was only one thing on his mind.

"Shiranui Genma to base," he said after he flicked on his mic and tuned to the channel for priority contact with the base camp.

"_Base, go ahead_."

"Hatake Kakashi has been taken prisoner in an enemy encampment. Requesting a team to retrieve him."

A slight paused ensued as Genma watched Sakura's still form among the shadows.

"_Negative. Two teams are on route. Please give your location. Base will begin negotiation."_

"Damn it, they aren't going to negotiate for him. They want his eye. I'm requesting a squad to retrieve him. He won't be there for long." Genma was shouting now.

"_Lieutenant!"_ Ibiki's voice boomed through the earpiece. _"You know I can't approve that."_

"Fuck, fuck, fuck!" Genma yelled. "God damn it, Ibiki. I'm going back in and I don't give a shit if you kill me when I get back. I need a squad for backup; Sakura is injured and needs to be taken to base!"

"I'll go, Genma," a voice said from nearby.

Genma's head snapped up to see Anko and Neji, as well as Kiba and three other ANBU standing there. Kiba's full grown dog, Akamaru, stood beside him, white and stark against the dark night.

"Anko," Genma said quietly. "Thank you."

"Neji," Kiba began, "Take Sakura back. I'll go with Genma." It wasn't an order, per se, as Neji outranked him; it was just a group of companions who knew that now was not the time to quibble over rank.

Neji pulled his earpiece out to stop Ibiki from yelling in his ear, and looked at the medic crumpled on the ground.

"Her right shoulder is dislocated and she's just been through the fucking ringer watching Kakashi give up his life for her. Be gentle with her, Neji." Genma said with more passion than the Jounin had ever shown in his life. He was feeling the anguish deeper than he wanted to again.

"I will," Neji said quietly. As much as he wanted to go in with them and help to find the Copy-nin, he felt that Sakura needed him right now as well.

"Shit," Genma grumbled as he turned back his channel to the same one Kakashi was on. He could hear his friend's voice hailing him among the static. "Go ahead, Kakashi." All eyes turned to Genma.

"_Genma, what is your status?"_ Kakashi's voice asked calmly.

"We're safe, my friend. We're coming back for you." Genma found he couldn't sound normal if he tried.

"_Thank you, but that won't be necessary. Take care of Sakura for me, Genma. Don't let her suffer,"_ Kakashi requested.

"I will, Kakashi." Genma said earnestly. His teeth clenched in anger and frustration. "Don't you die on me!"

"_I'll see you around sometime, Genma_."

"Kakashi!" Genma growled as he heard was static in his ear now. "DAMN IT!" he yelled into the night.

"Let's go!" Anko spat out with impatience and panic. Genma didn't have to be told twice.

* * *

Kakashi eyed the broken radio on the ground and the smirk across the Hawk's face. 

"You seem very pleased with yourself," Kakashi said calmly.

"I've just gotten a new prize for my trouble today. I can't wait to try it out," he responded with a wide grin; his eyes were fixed on the sharingan. "But, what good is a prize that's just handed to you, hm?" Understanding crept between them, "I'm tired of waiting."

Kakashi smirked at him.

"Before we start, Copy-nin, I wanted to know how you came to acquire such a treasure?" the Hawk asked as he flicked his cigarette into the wet grass.

"It was a gift. I've held it above everything else in my life, save one thing." Kakashi tossed his half finished cigarette away as well while blowing out some smoke into the drizzly air.

"Well then. I guess we should get started," the Hawk chided. He looked down briefly to see Kakashi's restraints drop to the ground, another kunai already in his fingers. "I expected nothing less from the son of the Konoha White Fang."

Kakashi raised his kunai.

* * *

Genma, Anko, and Kiba darted along, following Akamaru's amazing sense of smell while managing to avoid the enemy so far. They moved through the trees, but Anko grew impatient with Genma's slow, chakraless speed. 

"Is the camp this way?" Anko hissed.

"I don't think we'll find him there. If we do, he'll be dead," Genma said half-heartedly.

"You know, if we get caught on this side of the border, we'll be killed," Anko said.

"Yeah." Genma replied as if he wasn't listening, or didn't care in the least.

"What do you think he'll do?"

"I think he'll fight, and I think he'll die," Genma whispered.

Anko just looked at Genma's stern look of concentration. The spike of fear rode through her stomach as she realized the impact of Genma's words. _The Copy-nin dead?_ Never in her wildest imagination could she fathom that happening.

"Come on Genma, get moving," she pressed.

* * *

Neji made it through the forest with breakneck speed to land at the outskirts of the clearing at base camp. He crouched down and sat the slowly awakening Sakura on the wet grass. "Sakura, can you hear me?" 

Her eyes turned up to him, her shaking fingers pushed her wet hair out of her eyes. It began to dawn on her that she was at base camp. _How much time has passed?_

"Neji," she sobbed.

"We need to get you to the med tent, now. Your shoulder is dislocated and you've got a concussion. I don't want you to pass out again." Neji helped support her.

"No. I want to go back," she wept softly.

"Anko, Kiba and a group of ANBU have gone to get him. You should tend to yourself, Sakura."

Neji pulled her up to stand as he clicked his mic back to the base emergency channel. So much was happening now that he could barely hear himself think. Ibiki was yelling over the radio, directing traffic to the border in case the group who crossed needed reinforcements. Seemed he knew they had gone and prepared for their return. Medics and ANBU were charging there as he spoke.

"I'm going to go back, Sakura, but I need to get you some medical attention first." Neji looked at the trees. He was already chomping at the bit to return to help Kakashi and he was becoming angry that she was being obstructive.

"Leave me here," she said low, and monotone.

Neji looked at her for a moment, recalling how horrible it was to lose Tenten and how no one could get through to him. Sakura looked like she was struggling so deeply that he knew she couldn't be dissuaded from staying in that spot she was in now.

"Alright, Sakura. I'm going to radio for a medic to come help you."

"Thank you," she whispered. She sunk down to the wet grass with her legs bent at her sides. Her face turned up to the trees as if she expected Kakashi to step through them any moment. It was heartbreaking to watch.

The drizzly rain slid down her hair and fell in large droplets from the ends.

"Okay, I'm going to go back," he said again, but his voice sounded so unsure.

"Bring him back, Neji…please."

* * *

Kakashi ran hard, panting with pain and fatigue as his breath came out in wisps of silver amid the drizzle. Shouts rang out from everywhere as they tried to close in on him. 

The Hawk knew what he was planning, and their fight had been a good one. The enemy Jounin wanted the sharingan, and it was exactly what Kakashi gave him in the end. Perhaps it just wasn't what the Hawk had planned on though. That small amount of chakra was enough to cloud his mind long enough to put that kunai through his throat. Disbelief flooded the Hawks' brown eyes as his last breath came from his open mouth.

Even Kakashi had surprised himself with his quickness and stealth, being so drained of energy. But the eye was something he could never give up. Not to someone like the Hawk, not to anyone. He'd die first.

The larger battle ensued as Kakashi tried to make his escape, but he was pelted with kunai and shuriken. Even now there were some imbedded in his side, stomach and legs as he struggled to remain standing.

The blood was coursing from him in streams. It was more than enough for them to track him, and made it impossible to get away. There were no choices left. Finding some low brush, Kakashi finally fell down and crawled under it to try to hide. He didn't need long; it was all ending anyway.

As he lay still, hoping for a glimpse of the moon through the leaves above, and the clouds above those, it became impossible to get back up. His body was cold and weak but strangely enough, the pain was going away. All that was left was how tired he felt.

_So tired…_

Slowly, he raised his arm above his head, holding the kunai above the sharingan with his last ounces of strength.

_Obito…I'll never let them have it. _

As his hand shook, he found it difficult to grasp the heavy kunai for much longer. The silver weapon teetered above his eye ominously; the sharp point calling for him to end his life the way it should have ended long ago.

Without realizing, Kakashi laughed a little, just a slight breath of sound.

_For so long, I've wanted to die. And now, at the end… I want to live_, he thought darkly.

_Sakura…I want to stay with you. I would have given you everything you ever asked of me. Forgive me for making promises to you that I couldn't keep. I wanted to keep them so badly. I wanted to spend my life making you happy._

_In the end, I've caused you more pain._

_I have never loved any woman, and I love you._

_Forgive me._

_Sakura…_

_Sakura…_

The kunai swung in his unsure fingers as the coolness of his body and the fatigue made his eyes close. His hand fell, unceremoniously, to the ground, the kunai still wrapped in his fingers.

Shallow breaths came from his slightly parted lips. It was coming fast.

Strangely, a scent filled his nose, and he could place it right away. It almost brought tears to his eyes. Konoha leaf tobacco mingled with the delicate scent of sweet perfume enveloped him in warm familiarity. Rin's perfume. He tried to smile, but he was too tired.

Finally, a faint sound reached his ears, a laugh, a young man's laugh.

_Obito…_

* * *

_A/N: Thank you to roark28, and wicked innuendo. Thank you both so much for all your help with betaing. I apologize that this chapter took so long. It was hard to write._

_Leafy_


	22. Running for Home

Fated

Chapter 22: Running for Home

* * *

Genma's breath was coming out in deep, raspy pants. He was fatigued beyond reason and the burn in his chest insisted that he stop. Too bad he'd have to ignore it a little while longer.

Akamaru slipped easily along the foliage of the enemy side of the border, and Kiba followed him just as smoothly. The pair was in perfect sync and Genma had to admire how efficiently their search was going. Unfortunately, it had been at least an hour since they crossed over those barbed wire lines between the countries, and fear was breathing down everyone's necks.

Finally, Akamaru stopped and began to sniff around the dead leaves and shrubs in a half cleared area. Genma began to shake. He couldn't remember trembling like this since he was just a child, but his body was taking matters into its own hands. The rise of his chest held back a heart that fluttered like a trapped thing in a cage, begging to be set loose. In a moment of sheer panic, Genma looked around to see if anyone else could hear the pounding sound that seemed to fill him. Why did it feel like it was right between his ears?

"Kiba," he growled with restlessness, unable to display any more patience.

"I think Akamaru has his scent, Genma. We're close," Kiba responded quietly. He could sense Genma's desperation.

Anko began to move away from the others a little, beginning her own search. If they were close, it was just natural that they should expand the area.

Taking a few steps, looking for a footprint, blood drop, anything, Anko watched the first morning rays breaking through the high trees to leave shadows of the swaying leaves on everything. It was then that a small glint caught her eye, and she moved stealthily closer to see what the object was.

Three steps, just three and she saw it.

A kunai, clean, gleaming brightly in the morning light, was lying in the dense leaves. The second thing that caught her eye was what stopped her in her tracks. She could go no further, only stare at what she had found.

As the understanding dawned on her of what she was seeing, her knees gave out. "Genma," she whispered. "Genma…Genma…Genma…Gen." It would come out no louder as she bit down on her lower lip. Hot tears began to spill from her eyes, her palms pressed onto the rough bark of a tree next to her. Letting her forehead lean on the trunk as well, the sobs finally came in a soft, high voice, so terribly unlike Anko.

Genma's head snapped up when he heard the soft sobbing coming from his right. Without hesitation, he darted over to Anko and stood behind her to crouch near enough to speak in her ear. "What is it?" His voice was tremulous, discomposed.

Anko couldn't answer. Her sobs continued as she bowed lower, blood seeping out of her lip.

Genma looked to the other side of her to see the glinting metal weapon reflect the first rays of sunshine. The rain had stopped some time before, and now everything was wet, but warm. Genma stood up and moved slowly closer to that forgotten weapon. He cursed his feet as they dragged weakly towards what lay ahead of him; his heart wished to stop.

Bending down, and finally crouching, Genma's shaking hand grasped the kunai, lifting it from the gloved fingers that still held it loosely. His gaze rose over the pale skin, bloodstained body, and lifeless face of his best friend lying there among the dirt and leaves.

The morning seemed so silent, save for the unusual whimpering sounds of the kunoichi nearby. Genma sat down on the grass next to the unmoving form of Hatake Kakashi, and let his face rise to the cloudless sky.

"Seems like everything is ending, doesn't it," he said softly to no one in particular. He fought the breakdown that loomed behind his tired eyes and the throbbing pain in his head. But the burn in his throat was unforgiving.

Anko looked up, broken mentally more than Genma had ever seen her.

Sitting up finally, and leaning near Kakashi's face, Genma turned him a little towards himself. The colour of his skin was unusually pale, and Genma understood immediately that it was too late. He was gone, and no one in this world could bring him back. Carefully reaching over, he gently lifted Kakashi's left eyelid. The sharingan was gone; in its place was the dark, lifeless eye of Uchiha Obito.

Kiba and Akamaru stood on the other side of Anko, both somber and quiet. No one seemed to be able to accept that they had stumbled on the Copy-nin's body. No one wanted to believe it was possible for him to die.

"How do I tell her, Kakashi? You both deserved better than this," Genma said painfully.

"Genma, we should take him back," Kiba said quietly, feeling that standing in the middle of enemy territory was a bad idea.

Genma nodded, still unable to take his eyes off of Kakashi.

"You go on ahead. Go back and talk to Sakura. This is going to kill her," Kiba added, trying to bring Genma out of his stupor.

Again, Genma nodded slowly. Unfortunately, Kiba was right. Kakashi was gone, and risking their group was not going to bring him back.

"No radio contact until we get back in the Fire Country. I need to be the one to tell her," Genma said softly.

"Of course," Kiba answered as he neared Genma and placed a consoling hand on his shoulder. "I'm sorry, Genma."

* * *

Sakura sat crouched in that same position Neji left her in. Yumi had come by an hour before and worked on her shoulder, taking the pain away in a jarring pull of her arm. In the cracking correction of her dislocation, Sakura made no sound at all. Now she sat among the damp grass, her head bowed down as the ends of her hair still dripped with the previous hour's rain.

The sun was warming everything, drying it out and bringing the day into focus. It was perhaps 5:30 in the morning and the camp was continuing to organize for war as they had all through the long night. But for now, Sakura was oblivious to everything except the thought that continued to run through her mind.

_He's gone…_

Maybe she was trying to prepare herself for the worst, or maybe it was something inside her that told her she was alone in the world again, but something was causing it. Even when Genma emerged from the ring of trees surrounding the camp clearing, Sakura didn't need to look up to know what he was going to say.

He approached her slowly, his steps even more timid than when he'd found Kakashi. He watched her sit there, slumped over, head hung down. On the long trip back, he had gone over how to tell her, but right now nothing would be consoling or comforting.

_Don't let her suffer_, he heard Kakashi's voice in his head again. How could she possibly not suffer, he wondered? How could he make this easy, make it better? There was no fathomable way. In a minute, he would be the messenger that destroyed any semblance of happiness she thought she had grasped.

Crouching beside her now, the curtain of pink locks hid her face from his view.

"S…Sakura," he began, "Sakura…I…have to tell you…"

"Why is the sun shining?" she interrupted in a raspy, tired voice without raising her head. Genma just looked at her, unable to hide the encompassing pain in his face.

"It should be raining. It would more appropriate if it rained," she whispered as she bent forward a little.

"Sakura…" A choking tightening interrupted Genma's words.

She sat back up, and turned her tear-streaked face to the sunshine. "You don't have to say it, Genma. I won't make you say it," she managed. "I know it would hurt you to say it….so….don't."

He didn't know if it was relief or just exhaustion that halted all his words, but he couldn't say anything else to her. As she struggled to stand, her body teetering and off-balanced, he made no move to help her. He just watched her rise, then turn to walk towards the med tent nearby.

Almost as if a string of grief attached them, Genma rose as well and followed her slow, unsure steps. She moved up into the med tent and slipped back into her private area. Being a few steps behind, Genma could see all the faces turning to her. Undoubtedly, everyone knew what was happening and even though no one was told, they could see in her face that it was over.

Genma slipped back through the hanging canvas door separating her quarters from the main area to find her leaning over her desk. Both hands were palms down on some strewn papers and files, her head hung in sorrow. It was like standing in a field of pins, and waiting for something to throw him off balance into the first painful step. Without realizing, Genma gritted his teeth, silently watching her from the doorway.

Then her fingers began to move. Shaking. Tightening.

Within seconds, she gripped onto the papers on the desk, squeezing them roughly and mashing them into crumpled messes under her hands.

Then she screamed.

It flew from her mouth in anguished sobs as she heaved everything over the desk and onto the floor in a flurry of papers. The file cabinet toppled over noisily after she jammed her hands into it, then she grabbed the chair to throw it. Before she could toss it across the room though, Genma had flown forward and grabbed her from behind, gripping her wrists to stop her destruction.

"Let me go, Genma," she screamed, "Get out, get out!"

"Sakura," he growled, "stop this."

"Get your hands off me. Get out!" she wrenched at his grasp, freeing a hand and tearing into his wrist with her nails.

"Sakura, stop. Stop it," Genma hissed.

"Get the fuck out! Get out of here, Genma! Get out!" she screamed again, only this time the words trailed off to sobs of exhaustion and pain as her legs gave out.

Genma held her in his strong grip as she continued to fight feebly against his hold. Dragging her to her futon, he let their bodies fall on the firm mattress, still holding her in his arms. With wretched sobs making her body hitch, she succumbed to her sadness and ended the fight. Pressing her face into her hands, Sakura finally allowed Genma to hold her against him.

"Kakashi," she cried, muffled by her hands, "Kakashi."

Genma closed his eyes, knowing there was nothing he could do but hold her and share her pain. For a moment, he wished he were anywhere else.

He couldn't say how long they lay there, wrapped in their pain, but when Kiba entered the back of the tent, Sakura didn't acknowledge him. Genma looked at her to witness the glazed over look of someone in deep despair. Tears still streamed from her eyes.

"Genma, we're back." Kiba said gently.

Genma nodded awkwardly from his prostrate position, and watched Kiba walk back out.

"Sakura," he whispered. She didn't look up or even flinch.

"Sakura, they've returned. If you don't want to go out there, you don't have to," he said in a quiet, raspy tone.

She blinked slowly, shedding more tears onto the pillow they shared. After a drawn out moment, she rose up to sit on the edge of the futon. Genma watched her bend forward, placing her face on her knees.

"Yes, I do," she replied. Slowly she stood and moved to the canvas doorway, the tired jounin on her heels.

Emerging, she could see him lying on the hospital bed in the corner. Thankfully, everyone had been moved from the tent to give her some time alone. Only Kiba stood in the doorway to the outside now. His canine eyes found Genma's and they shared a moment tempered minutely with panic and frustration. But Genma nodded for him to leave, and Kiba complied immediately.

Sakura's unsure feet slipped heavily along the floor until she stood over Kakashi. Genma could hear her breaths coming heavy and fast, bordering on the tearful sobs he held her through earlier.

"Genma," she asked, "could you leave us for a moment?"

Unable to reply, Genma slipped out of the doorway behind Kiba.

For the longest time, Sakura just stood next to Kakashi, staring at him.

Then reaching out slowly, she allowed her shaking hand to caress Kakashi's silver hair, now devoid of his headband. Her fingers ran through the fine, soft strands as tears fell on his bloodstained and ripped ANBU vest. They were so soft to the touch, and she rubbed them between her fingers, memorizing the texture of it. His skin was cold, and the stillness of his body frightened her. Death was not something new to the medic, but this death, his death, felt like her own.

Lightly, her finger touched his scarred eyelid, tracing along the imperfect skin with tenderness. She felt his eyelashes, then slowly raised his eyelid up to gaze on the dark Uchiha eye, so similar to the ones she used to look into so often. Gently drawing chakra, what small amount she had, she pressed some into that eye as she had so many times. A tinge of red flooded it, but then receded quickly as the chakra died away.

"Kakashi," she whispered, finding it so hard to utter any words from her tight throat. Her head fell lightly on his chest; her fingers gripped the mask pooled around his chin. "I'll never regret you…never." Her sobs grew and she bit her lip to try to control it.

Rising from him, she leaned over and touched her lips to his.

"Thank you for loving me."

* * *

_Dearest Naruto,_

_Risking his life, and saving his comrades two days ago, Kakashi was killed by enemy hands. I can think of no gentle way to say it, Naruto. I feel like there is nothing left in this world that is gentle. Please understand._

_My train will arrive at 2:00 on Monday the 21st. _

_I'm coming home._

_Sakura._

Naruto sat silently in the large leather chair in his study, gripping the letter tightly in his trembling fingers. The baby was crying, his newborn daughter. Hinata was singing gently as she rocked her in the next room.

Young Sasuke was playing in the backyard with some of his Hyuuga cousins, giggling and clacking light bamboo swords together in mock battles.

Birds sang in the sakura tree outside as petals fell to the ground.

He felt so grateful to have them. He felt thankful even as he fought the tears.

* * *

Genma sat on a stump outside the med tent. Two weeks had passed since that horrible night, and worse morning, and still the hollow feeling sat in the pit of his stomach. He looked up from his lazy lean to see Shan chatting with Kiba, the occasional glance tossed his way. They were distant now, cold, and unable to relate. Maybe it was himself; maybe it was that she didn't know what to say to him after everything? Regardless, it was over.

He sighed and hitched at his tight black collar.

Standing finally, he strode through the camp, avoiding his tent and the empty one beside it in favor of going to the med tent. It was a daily thing to persist in trying to make her feel better. Honoring his friend's last request, he would go there.

The camp seemed so different now. The place he had called home for so long was foreign to him. He felt estranged from it all. Anko was back to herself, but she never made any of her stock comments to him after that day. He'd watched her unravel as he never had before, but he could understand it. They all felt like that in that moment.

As he pushed through the med tent door flap, he figured he would see Sakura stocking shelves to occupy her heavy mind. She barely spoke anymore, but she was handling it much better than he thought she would. Although, he figured he would never see her smile again.

Today, she was not where he expected her to be.

"Hey, Uchiha, want to get some lunch?" he said as congenially as he could manage to the empty area.

"Genma?" she said quietly from her own side of the tent.

"Yeah." He slipped back into the living area and looked at Sakura, still sprawled in bed, curled in a fetal position. "Hey, having an easy day?" He tried hard to lighten the situation, as impossible as it seemed.

"Genma," she started, her face looking dark and tired. "I…I want to ask you something."

"Sure." He moved closer to her, and sat down on the edge of her futon. Expecting her to sit up, he was surprised when she moved over and patted the bed next to her. Obligingly, he lay down, and stretched out with his hands behind his head to gaze at the ceiling in mock comfort.

"Alright," he said quietly.

"I'm leaving on the 21st. I'm going back to Konoha. I haven't been there for four years, Genma. I don't want to go alone," she closed her eyes for a moment, enjoying how close she felt to blissful sleep.

"You don't have to ask. I'll go with you," he said quietly. A considerate silence stretched between them until she pulled the courage up to speak again.

"Genma. I'm going to have a child," she said quietly.

"What?" His eyes flew open as he turned to look at her closed ones.

"I didn't know… he didn't know. That trip to Yasuragi…I didn't know," she began to cry.

"Sakura…" Genma was in disbelief. Cruelty or a blessing, he couldn't decide what her news was at that moment. She was going to have his child, and he would never know.

What could he say to that?

"How strange the world seems, when it looks like all is lost. I'm happy for you. I'm truly happy for you." He smiled, still finding the news difficult to absorb.

"It's so hard to understand. I'd always believed that if I was a good person, my life would be worth living, would be easy. I've had some of the most amazing moments in over the course of it, and some of the cruelest." Her voice was quiet; a gentle lulling whisper as she found the ability to stop her tears. "From the time I was born, maybe I was fated to live like this. Can it be that it's balanced between good and bad? That for every horrible thing that happens to me, something wonderful will come next?"

"I don't believe in Fate. We make our own lives, and sometimes things go our way. I can't believe that our choices and paths are already set." He pulled out a senbon from his pocket and slipped it between his lips. "I'll take you back to Konoha, Sakura. I'm tired of being away from home as well."

"Thank you, Genma," she said quietly as she started drifting off to sleep. Maybe she'd sleep long enough to have that dream again about laying on the riverbank at Yasuragi in Kakashi's arms. It was her favorite.

* * *

The train whistle blew, and Sakura thought back to that kiss Kakashi gave her right before he told her he loved her. In her mind, it was one of the fondest memories she would ever have. Neji stood beside her on the platform, dressed in ANBU gear, as was she. He had accompanied her and Genma there, carrying her belongings all the way from the base camp for her.

"Take care, Sakura. Could you give this letter to Hinata?" he asked in his smooth, controlled way.

"Of course." Sakura managed a smile as she grasped the paper in his hand. But he didn't relinquish it right away. Instead, he slid his hand over hers. "Good luck with everything."

"Are you sure you won't come back to Konoha?" she added, her brow stitched with emotion.

"It's not a place for me anymore. I don't fit in the puzzle there like I used to," he smiled a little. "This is my home now. I'll come back from time to time to see you though."

"Take care, Neji. I hope you find everything you are looking for," she smiled more genuinely.

"I hope you do too," he returned her warmth and they took a last moment to hold each other's gazes.

"You ready?" Genma called over, fully dressed in ANBU gear and heaving a bag over his shoulder. The large train engine puffed smoke behind him, and the man on the platform called for everyone to board.

Neji leaned forward and embraced Sakura quickly, leaving a kiss on her forehead. She smiled as they broke apart, and waved as she moved over near Genma. They stepped up into the train car and found a seating compartment to themselves.

As the train moved slowly out of the station, Neji waved again then disappeared, leaving just the green of the deep Fire Country as the only scenery.

The journey was long, six hours on the train to finish off with a two-hour walk to Konoha. They sat silently as the locomotive swayed on the tracks, lulling them to sleep. Sakura leaned on Genma a little until his arm swung over her and cradled her against him. Within moments, her heavy breaths told him she was sleeping.

Genma sighed and thought of his lost friend. This train ride was supposed to be Kakashi's, not his. Silently he vowed that he would take care of Sakura, and her child.

_Take care of her for me, Genma._

"I will, my friend. I will."

* * *

Naruto stood on the platform as the train pulled into the station. Swaying from side to side anxiously, he ran his hand through his golden hair. His gaze swung back and forth over the crowd until he finally caught sight of Genma's head moving slightly above the rest of the crowd. He laughed when he saw it. But the sight of pink beside him made his breath hitch a little.

He was overjoyed to see her, bittersweet as it was.

As soon as she saw him, she ran and clung to him as tightly as possible.

"Naruto, I've missed you so much," she cried, and found it impossible to stop the tears of happiness.

He held her for a long time. Most of the crowd was gone before they managed to get enough composure to let go.

The two-hour walk didn't seem too long, as Naruto talked most of the way. His new pride and joy, his young daughter, was half the topic of discussion. The other half was filled with animated tales of the budding young ninja, Uzumaki Sasuke.

Sakura couldn't help but smile.

As they passed through the gates of Konoha, Sakura reached out and touched the wooden door lovingly. The sentiment and nostalgia gripped her, and her chest swelled with emotion.

It wasn't until she stood in the large foyer of the Uchiha household that everything seemed to become real to her. Her sandals squeaked on the shining wooden floor, and even her light steps echoed in the expansive hallway. It smelled of bleach, pine, and a hint of all the Uchihas who used to be there. Even now, four years later, it still smelled of them.

Genma and Naruto stood a little behind her, both staring at the sunlight drenched floor and the extensive winding stairs made of oak. They felt small and insignificant in such a place. It was too much like a museum to imagine living in it.

"I…don't want to be here," she whispered as her wide eyes took in her former home. "It's so empty and cold." She shook her head. In that moment, she understood that she had left the Uchiha part of her behind and all she carried now was the name of her deceased husband. There was no duty to them, no obligation to the ghost that haunted her memory.

"Sakura, why don't you come stay with Hinata and I," Naruto offered quickly.

Sakura turned and smiled at him. "That's generous, Naruto. I don't want to burden your family. I want to be on my own for a while."

"We've got plenty of room. I promise. No one will disturb you if you need privacy."

"I can stay here for a little while until I find a place," she said softly, hating the way her voice bounced off of the high walls and ceiling.

"I have a better idea," Genma interjected.

* * *

Fumbling around for a key among the rocks in a poorly thrown together garden, Genma stood up and heaved with success as he held the small metal piece in his fingers. Striding over to the apartment in the same building he lived in, he unlocked the door.

Sakura moved behind him timidly to enter the tiny, two-bedroom apartment, which smelled of dust and something warmly familiar. Naruto entered as well and the trio stood on the threshold for a moment.

Finally willing her feet to move, Sakura walked around gazing at things that stirred up memories from her past. Pictures sat on a shelf, collecting dust but still showing the bright twelve-year old smile she gave amid team seven. Another with an Uchiha, a young medic and a silver haired boy was next to it. A row of orange covered books sat on a bookshelf near the couch, and a number of scrolls and papers lay almost neatly on a dusty desk. She slid her finger into the empty space where volume seven would have sat, knowing he had taken it to the border with him.

Continuing to take a self-guided tour of the apartment, Sakura entered the first bedroom, which had a large bed in it, assuming it was Kakashi's. As she opened the closet, a neat row of shirts hung untouched for a year. She let her hand glide along the line of sleeves, making the hangers clink together softly.

She felt surrounded by him. Every corner, every item was Kakashi. From the robe lying at the end of the bed to the overturned copy of a classic novel on the nightstand, all managed to comfort her.

After a few moments of drowning in memories, she emerged from the bedroom teary-eyed but smiling.

"I feel like he's here. I can feel him in everything. I don't know if I love it or hate it," she sighed. "But it feels right. I want to be here."

Genma and Naruto smiled at her.

"I'll make the coffee," Naruto finally moved to the kitchen area. "I want to hear about everything."

* * *

A/N: Thank you to roark28 for her wonderful betaing skills. Thank you to everyone who reviewed the last chapter. Another hard one to write. There is just one more, and it is finished. I'll be posting it in a few days. Thanks again to everyone who has followed this story and given me such amazing encouragement. 


	23. A Light in the Dark

Fated  
Chapter 23 : Light in the Dark

* * *

Days and weeks passed slowly into months, as Sakura watched her girth increase over time. The impending birth was exciting, in a small way, but did not seem to diminish the fact that her child would grow up fatherless. 

The yellow sunlight fought against the back of the heavy blinds that shrouded her world from the outside. The softness of the pillow and his presence around the room, in every corner, every item, comforted her…almost.

The dust floated in the streams of sunlight, making its way under those dark coverings on the windows, but she didn't care.

Tears silently slipped from her eyes to drop onto the pillow and she squeezed on the blanket wrapped tightly around her, his blanket, his home; the home they might have shared if fate had been more kind.

She could smell him in the clothes, feel his warmth in the old shirts that she wore, which had been left in his closet, soft from years of wear, and comfortable with familiarity. If only his arms could hold her again.

Rolling over onto her back, the discomfort of her growing stomach had made her need to get up and move for a moment. Trudging slowly, she stopped at the shelf over the small fireplace and stared at the pictures: team seven, Kakashi and his father, his old team, and that picture from that perfect day….

A knock at the door made her jump slightly.

"Come back later."

But the words were half-hearted and sounded so soft from her lips. She lay back down, devoid of all energy and tugged the blankets, which smelled of him, over her soft hair. The click of the lock, and creak of the door hinges told her that her visitor had ignored her request.

"Sakura?"

_Naruto._

He approached the bed slowly and sat down beside her body curled under the dark blankets. "Sakura," he whispered, "wake up."

She didn't move.

Tugging gently, he pulled the blanket from over her head revealing a tangled mess of pink hair and deep circles under closed eyes.

"Come on, get up." She could hear the smile in his voice as he got up off the bed. A second later she could hear the shower running before he returned beside her.

"Naruto, please leave," she whispered, "let me have this, I need to be like this."

"Sorry, Sakura, it's time to get going. I was told to get you out in the sun and no offense but you smell."

He reached over and brushed the hair away from her face, "Come on, just for a little while. Come take a walk with me."

Her eyes finally opened to see him let up the blinds, allowing the invading light to cast its warmth on the items she had coveted and hidden to herself. Now they were exposed and she'd have to look at it all for what it was.

Naruto moved in front of her and she looked up to see a strange grin on his face. He was looking at her stomach. She looked down also and put her hands on it; how strange that she hadn't realized how big she was getting.

"You look amazing," he smiled. "Come on, get cleaned up." He pulled her to stand and led her to the bathroom, pushing a plush dark towel into her hands and shutting the door behind her.

It took half an hour for Sakura to shower; the heat of the water and the encompassing memories overwhelmed her. She stood and cried amid the temperate droplets, ignoring her well-meaning guest outside.

If Naruto was impatient, he never mentioned it. His soft smile was there when she emerged, draped in Kakashi's long maroon colored bathrobe.

"Hinata sent over this dress." He held up a light yellow garment. "It should fit."

* * *

Strolling along the streets, they met up with a number of people Sakura knew, all curious about the baby. Hinata's maternity dress did fit, although Sakura felt it was a little too big in the chest area. No one seemed to ask about marriage, or a father for the child, so she assumed that everyone had been informed in some way or another. 

She laughed at how little being a scandal or taboo subject bothered her. Naruto laughed too. He was so pleased to see her finding a little normalcy outside of her apartment cave.

"Where are we going?" she asked as she admired the cherry trees in bloom.

"I thought we'd go to the memorial together, if you want." Naruto watched her timidly. He knew she hadn't been there since they honored Kakashi, and he supposed it was reasonable to assume why.

The sky had been overcast and dark, but all of Konoha had turned up for it. Sakura stood quietly, respectfully, through the whole thing and he was in awe of her personal strength that day. But when they returned to her apartment, she fell apart. Genma and Ino had come to help, but there was no consoling her.

Now, on this sunny afternoon, Sakura's feet stopped at the mention of it. "I'm sorry, Naruto. I don't want to."

"I think it might be…therapeutic. You should come and tell Kakashi about his child."

Sakura took a deep breath, and sighed. "You have to let me do this in my own time. Pick any other destination and we'll go."

Naruto regarded her calm look, thankful for the moment that he had not set her to tears. Nodding slowly, he looked at the blue, cloudless sky above. "How about my place? Sasuke has been wanting to show his Auntie Sakura his kaiten spin."

"That sounds perfect." Sakura managed a relieved smile.

* * *

The day was enjoyable, more than she expected it to be when she woke up this morning. Despite her hollow emptiness, she was coming out of her shell slowly. At the end of everything, Kakashi had given her something precious. Those last moments, when he said he wished he had given her something to live for in return, it hurt her to know he had, without his knowledge. 

Sakura slowly ran her hands down the front of the yellow cotton dress and tilted her head, admiring the soft pattern of the pretty frock. It wasn't bad. When she had left the Hyuuga main house earlier in the day, Hinata had forced a large bag full of maternity clothes on her. The bag still sat by the door where Naruto had dropped it after heaving it through most of Konoha. By that time, the sun was waning.

Now even the open blinds yielded no light. Night had fallen upon the Fire Country, and a soft patter of misty rain blanketed the streets with a delicate calming effect.

Sakura closed her eyes, and let the images come.

Kakashi stood there, ANBU gear crisp against the dark night. His mask was up, giving him that mystery that she had known for so long before he finally revealed himself to her in the most unlikely of moments. Never would she forget the day he had walked into the medical tent and changed her life forever.

But nights like these were not entirely just for Kakashi, although her body, her mind, and her soul missed him more than she could ever articulate. Even though it had been over four years since he held her, she could never entirely banish her husband from her mind. She never wanted to.

On these rainy nights, Sasuke would climb into her reverie, walking softly and saying those whispered words of young love to her. That would never change, but now he would accompany Kakashi along rain-drenched paths in her memories.

_My life is a tragedy_, she sighed inwardly.

But that was wrong. She knew it as soon as she thought it. Sasuke's life had been a tragedy, as had Kakashi's, but the way they had touched hers had made hers better. How many women would ever have such passionate, encompassing love twice in their lives?

After a cup of green tea and a quick change into a long white nightgown Hinata had graciously given her, Sakura lay down on the soft bed.

She left the blinds open so that she could watch the rain streaming on the windows, illuminated in long, winding patterns by the streetlamp outside. The sound was so soothing, and she had to admit, enticing.

How long she had lay there, she couldn't say. An hour? Maybe two?

The rain continued to call her out. The desire became so strong that she moved to her doorway, and felt the first drops on her face. It was refreshing, and for the first time in a long time, made her happy.

Taking care not to be seen, she rushed slowly through the streets like a pale ghost with delicate roseate locks hanging against the stark garment. Mud splashed a little on the bottom of her nightgown, but it wouldn't be until the morning that she noticed. Avoiding overhangs, and street awnings, Sakura let her body enjoy the cool drops that made the fabric stick to her skin.

Finally, as she stepped into the grassy clearing surrounded by trees, nestled near a small stream, she sighed. She stared at the memorial, which was illuminated by the dim floodlights above. To her surprise, another person sat there, letting the rain drench him as well.

Genma bowed his head, looking lost and tired. He didn't lift it until he sensed the presence of someone standing beside him.

At first glance, he thought she was a ghost, but as his gaze traveled up to her hair, he understood.

"Sakura," he whispered to her figure beside him, her eyes locked on the carved marble stone reflecting among the watery beads. "You shouldn't be out here."

"Why are you here, Genma?" she asked in a very emotionless voice.

Genma turned his face back to the memorial, the words hesitating for a second.

"I come here every day," he replied softly.

"I haven't come since the service," she said with a tinge of guilt. "I've avoided it, actually."

"It's alright, Sakura. It's understandable."

"He gave his life for me, and I can't even come here to mourn for him," she said in that same emotionless tone.

"You're here now," Genma added quietly.

Sakura looked down at him for a moment, and then moving slowly, stepped in between his bent legs and sat, leaning against him. "I'm glad you're here. I thought I wanted to be alone right now, but I don't."

Genma's arms hung over his knees, creating a small cocoon around her body as she let her head fall back on his shoulder. The sake on his breath didn't seem to bother her, so he made no pretences about his state of sobriety, or non-sobriety, as it were.

They sat for a long time in silence, keeping vigil over the stone that held so many names. The sound of the rain hitting the stream and tree leaves made her feel sleepy, so she sat up a little. Her eyes scanned the carved name of Uchiha Sasuke, and then rested on Hatake Kakashi.

For so long, he had led such a hard life, she thought. So many had died around him, people he loved and cared for. Now he was there, among them, and although it made her sad, she understood that it was what was meant to be. He always thought he cheated death, and the guilt would tear at him. But in the end, he was there to save her. In the end, he loved her like she needed, and she loved him like he deserved.

She thought back to the talk she and Genma had before they came home. _I don't believe in fate_, Genma had said.

_I believe,_ Sakura thought now with certainty, and it made her smile.

* * *

Seven years had passed in a blink of an eye, and Sakura found herself sitting in front of the memorial again. This time, she was smiling as she spoke to Sasuke and Kakashi tenderly, knowing that somewhere they could hear her. 

She found herself there often, discovering the fond memories became clearer when she sat in that soft grassy area, reading the names that were precious to her.

It was strange how things had worked out for her after that night at the memorial. In a few months, she gave birth to a healthy son, and because he deserved nothing less, she named him Hatake Kakashi. His dark eyes were so familiar and for the first day, she could do nothing but hold him and kiss his silver eyebrow tenderly.

Genma had become a surrogate father, although Sakura wondered at times what he was actually teaching her son. The day Kakashi came home with a senbon between his lips, Sakura couldn't stop the eye roll, or the laugh that followed.

Her next trip to the memorial, she told Kakashi all about it. Now, her young six-year old son wanted to take the chuunin exam. The thought tore at her chest knowing that he could full well follow in his father's footsteps. At least Genma could be serious about that sort of thing when they discussed it.

Genma was still a free spirit, but at some quiet serious times when he would stay for a drink after they put Kakashi to bed, he would give her that look. He'd hint at how much being a family together with her and Kakashi would make him happy, but Sakura couldn't tell if he was sincere. There was no hurry for things like that. So far, her renewed life in Konoha was fulfilling. _Maybe some lonely night_, she would think to herself_, I might give in to his warm advances_.

Naruto had become Hokage, as was expected. Konoha was led into peace and had enjoyed it for many years after the war. The death of Hatake Kakashi and so many other Konoha ninja that day sparked the biggest assault Konoha had led on another country. Tsunade had found she was at the end of her patience, and would have no more enemies thinking they could walk all over the Fire Country. Sakura would be surprised if anyone ever dared lift a finger in their direction after that.

Hyuuga Neji was still running around on ANBU missions, and finding his life of excitement perfect for the good of Konoha. Anko also remained in ANBU, but they rarely heard about her anymore. Neji returned from time to time to see his young niece and nephew, and to visit with his favorite medic, but he would be gone as quickly as he came.

Shan married Kiba, and they had a child of their own. Genma seemed happy for them, but Sakura knew that somewhere underneath he would always wonder if he made the right choices throughout his days at the border.

For now, he was content to be a father to Kakashi and a good friend to Sakura, even though more was on his mind sometimes.

"Mom?" Kakashi called out from near the stream where he had been sparring with Genma. He jogged over, wearing the same black and white shirt and mask that his father had worn as a young jounin. They had found it in a trunk and she couldn't deny the young boy a chance to have something of his father's.

"Genma said if I beat him, he'll treat us to lunch," he said happily.

Sakura smiled widely at him, "He always treats, Kakashi."

"It's just an excuse to spar," Kakashi laughed.

"Come sit with me for a minute," she asked patiently.

Rolling his eyes in mock embarrassment, he took a place next to her on the grass, facing the memorial but leaning on her shoulder a little.

"Don't you get tired of coming here?" he asked calmly. It was a question he'd asked many times, and she had her regular answer prepared.

"Never. Don't you get tired of wearing that mask?" She tried not to laugh.

"Hm, sometimes," he considered.

"Take it off today, and let me fix this for you." She reached over and rubbed her fingers through his hair, making it messier than the fairly neat way he liked to keep it. "That's better."

Young Kakashi groaned and tried to flatten it down again. He sat quietly for a moment, then looked sideways at her. "Can I ask you something?"

"Of course," Sakura answered.

"Why didn't you name me Uchiha Kakashi? Why are you Uchiha, and I'm Hatake?" he scanned the names on the memorial.

Sakura sighed. "Well, you are your father's son, and like him, you should bear his name. You look so much like him, Kakashi. And also, it's because I love you so much that I'd never burden you with such a heavy name. Uchiha will die with me."

Kakashi's eyes went to his sandals as he picked at a stray thread on his pants. "Heavy name?"

"For as long as I knew Uchiha Sasuke, nothing but hardship befell that family. I wouldn't want to use the word cursed, but everyone that the name Uchiha touched had tragedy woven into their lives. I would never give that to you."

Kakashi seemed to think on it for a moment, but pursued it no further. Instead he looked over at Genma who was grinning with a senbon bouncing between his teeth.

"Come on, Hatake. I haven't got all day!" Genma yelled.

Kakashi got up and trotted over happily, after quickly kissing his mother's cheek.

Sakura couldn't help but smile. Genma got his best friend back, the name Hatake would continue to grace Konoha, and she had something to live for.

Standing up and moving to the shiny marble stone, Sakura placed her hands on the two names carved smoothly into the stone. Her fingers ran over them as usual, while she smiled in contentment.

"When I see you again, my hair will be gray, and my face will have lines from a lifetime of laughter."

* * *

**A/N: **Another one finally finished. First I have to thank my three beta readers who contributed greatly to this story in all different ways. Thank you wicked innuendo, dragonflyelj and roark28. This story is so much better because of you. 

This story was born from a long 4-hour drive home from work on a rainy night listening to Matt Good. If you have heard the song Fated, you'll see where I get Kakashi's state of mind from. It was hard for me to kill him. I'd been dreading it. He's my favorite character and so it was more difficult than writing anything else. I'm glad that, even though it was not the happy ending I usually like to write, you all gave me such great feedback and made me feel better for doing it. My next story will just be fun, I think. Mindless, ninja fun!

I will be rereading Tempest in the next few days, so for anyone reading it, **_I promise_**, no more Kakasaku until Tempest is complete.

My livejournal link is on my profile, so if you had any questions you wanted to ask me, click there and ask away, or you can email me as well. I'll answer you within a few hours.

For the people who did such beautiful artwork for this story, I thank you as well. It inspired me so much and your talent amazes me.

Lastly, for everyone who reviewed over the course of this story, my deepest appreciation for your support. It was dark, and not very lighthearted at all, so thank you for sticking with it.

Love Leafy. XO


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